spooky48 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I see so many threads asking about how to approach "girls" and I have to say that I don't get why men complicate it so much. -It isn't rocket science, see someone you want to get to know? Talk to them. -They act like they don't want to talk to you? Take the rejection and move on to the next one. -She keeps talking? Ask her for her number. -She doesn't give you her number? Move on. I like to think it is best to use what you got. We can tell when you are forcing it or trying to be something you aren't. We will let you know if we are interested. You may all jump on me now and go on about how easy it is being a woman and blah blah blah... but truth is I get rejected too, the key is to not care so damn much! One of the best pieces of advice I've received regarding approachability: "If someone is that interested they'll approach & care to get to know you but, if that person rejects, consider it a real blessing in disguise b/c why would you want to invest in a person intimately who couldn't give you the time of day initially....there's someone else out there who's just waiting for you." 1
Shaun-Dro Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Or if you read one of my above posts... I win them over with my charming personality. As I said... don't focus on what you don't have going for you, and focus on what you DO. I may not always look my best, but I am great at making good conversation and am giggly, I use that to my advantage and show my confidence and it makes me FAR more attractive. I firmly believe you're downplaying your level of physical attractivness just to lift guy's out of the muck. Men just don't go for overweight women with no makeup on regardless of how bubbly they are, unless they're desperate as can be. We're wired to want visual beauty, period.
Rosie88 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 On some level, I have to agree with the OP. Before I elaborate, I feel I need to be 100% honest and say that, up until now, I've never taken a cold approach seriously. The reason being that whenever I've had a guy "cold approach" me, he's come off as a player who'd probably hit on any woman who gave him the time of day. But after reading some of the guys' posts on here, I think I need to reconsider my stance on cold approaches and be a little more open-minded about them. Although cold approaches haven't worked on me, I have seen them work for other people on several instances. Last year I was interning at Disney World and while working outside one day, 2 average-looking but very well-dressed girls sat on a bench next to where I was working. A little while later 3 very, very attractive guys who were also well-dressed came and sat next to them because all the other benches in the surrounding area were taken. The guys struck up a conversation with the girls and they stayed there talking for a really long time and by the end of it they had exchanged numbers, planned on meeting up at a bar that night, a trip together to Universal the next day, and who knows what else. Another example: last week, while on a subway train in NYC, there was a very beautiful girl sitting across from me (pretty face, long hair, great body, well-dressed, manicured nails - the whole package I guess you could say). There was a very plain-looking guy standing close-by and when he noticed the girl he walked up to her and showered her with compliments about how beautiful she was. She seemed very flattered (though I'm sure she gets those kinds of compliments all the time) and when the guy asked her for her number I was very surprised when she gave it to him. Not only that, but she also asked him for his digits... So yes, if a guy presents himself well, regardless of his looks or attractiveness level, there's a good chance that he won't be turned down right off the bat. I guess what I'm trying to say is that every woman is different and you'll never know what kind of reaction/response you'll get unless you approach her. My suggestion is to take every failure as a learning opportunity that'll help you polish your strategy for the next time you approach a woman. Eventually, over time you'll have learned enough to succeed 3
Shaun-Dro Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 On some level, I have to agree with the OP. Before I elaborate, I feel I need to be 100% honest and say that, up until now, I've never taken a cold approach seriously. The reason being that whenever I've had a guy "cold approach" me, he's come off as a player who'd probably hit on any woman who gave him the time of day. But after reading some of the guys' posts on here, I think I need to reconsider my stance on cold approaches and be a little more open-minded about them. Although cold approaches haven't worked on me, I have seen them work for other people on several instances. Last year I was interning at Disney World and while working outside one day, 2 average-looking but very well-dressed girls sat on a bench next to where I was working. A little while later 3 very, very attractive guys who were also well-dressed came and sat next to them because all the other benches in the surrounding area were taken. The guys struck up a conversation with the girls and they stayed there talking for a really long time and by the end of it they had exchanged numbers, planned on meeting up at a bar that night, a trip together to Universal the next day, and who knows what else. Another example: last week, while on a subway train in NYC, there was a very beautiful girl sitting across from me (pretty face, long hair, great body, well-dressed, manicured nails - the whole package I guess you could say). There was a very plain-looking guy standing close-by and when he noticed the girl he walked up to her and showered her with compliments about how beautiful she was. She seemed very flattered (though I'm sure she gets those kinds of compliments all the time) and when the guy asked her for her number I was very surprised when she gave it to him. Not only that, but she also asked him for his digits... So yes, if a guy presents himself well, regardless of his looks or attractiveness level, there's a good chance that he won't be turned down right off the bat. I guess what I'm trying to say is that every woman is different and you'll never know what kind of reaction/response you'll get unless you approach her. My suggestion is to take every failure as a learning opportunity that'll help you polish your strategy for the next time you approach a woman. Eventually, over time you'll have learned enough to succeed The guy just poured it on and the girl drank it up, and bam, he received her number in return? I doubt it'll work out but it's a start I suppose. I'm also figuring they both were white, perhaps? I'm still wondering if you, Rosie, are going to try a cold approach on a man. I rarely ever see it. I'm going to go with never, as a matter of fact. The most I see from a woman is looking at a guy she's interested in that's about it. She might make a move if they share the same class together or see each other regularly, but it just doesn't happen in a one-shot instance or encounter. But you can make a shining example, Rosie. Are you up for the challenge?
Rosie88 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 The guy just poured it on and the girl drank it up, and bam, he received her number in return? I doubt it'll work out but it's a start I suppose. I'm also figuring they both were white, perhaps? I'm still wondering if you, Rosie, are going to try a cold approach on a man. I rarely ever see it. I'm going to go with never, as a matter of fact. The most I see from a woman is looking at a guy she's interested in that's about it. She might make a move if they share the same class together or see each other regularly, but it just doesn't happen in a one-shot instance or encounter. But you can make a shining example, Rosie. Are you up for the challenge? Yup, he just approached her and poured it on thickly, I might add, and she drank it up indeed. In the first example, the girls were Asian and the guys were white. In the second example, the guy was white and the girl was (at first glance) black, but I heard her tell the guy that she's Dominican. LOL I've never approached a man, cold or otherwise. I'm a confident person, but I was always very shy growing up. I'm not as shy anymore, but I'm reserved with people I don't know. If I'm being honest with myself, fear of rejection is what keeps me from making the first move. In addition to that, although I'm not traditional in any other sense of the word when it comes to dating, I've always thought it better if the guy makes the first move... I'm tempted to say "challenge accepted" but if I know myself well enough, it'll probably be a really long while before I even consider giving it a try
2.50 a gallon Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 The fear of rejection! That is the difference between the guys in this forum who repeatedly rant about women being too picky, only going out with the good looking rich dream boats, bad boy players and never short guys. You keep judging women from a man's point of view, in which you base it all on looks or attraction. I know you are tired of hearing it, but the truth is most women, while they are attracted to a man's looks, are also attracted to his manliness. His confidence, his ability to listen and have fun, his positive outlook on life, and yes his dreams of tomorrow. I repeat, I was a short skinny guy, with a decent job, but never a lot of excess funds. And yet I dated in the triple digits, and they were all 8 or better. One of the gals I dated ended up on the cover of Mr. Hefner's magazine, and two of them had their photos, on the inside. The gal that I married was definite fold-out material. My Ex-fiance looked like a young Sofia Loren. I dated nurses, bank tellers, stewardesses, career business women, computer programers, and a multi-millionaries daughter. And most of them knew it was just to have a good time and sex. They actually came knocking on my door And the reason being, that I had the balls to walk up to a attractive woman and find away to get a date with her about half the time. Yes, I struck out more than I got a hit, but I never let that bother me. In fact, my Ex-fiance once told me that there was no chance that we would ever go out, as she was not the least attracted to me. In fact, on Wednesday, the day she said yes to going fishing with me the next day, she reminded me not to get any ideas, as she would never be my girl friend. The woman that I am in love with and living with said no to me for over two years. And then only chose me to be the first guy she went out with after she separated from her long time live in boyriend, because I was short and skinny, and wouldn't crush her when we made love. She is taller than me, and she is most attracted to 6-footers. And our relationship was supposed to only be a temporary F-W-B's as she planned on reuniting with her former BF once he go clean from drugs. And to make matter worse, her favorite actor is tuff guy Steven Segal. So it was not an accident that her former BF was a semi-pro boxer who just so happened to look like SS. In short I took her away from a Steven Segal look alike 2
brahmabull117 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 The fear of rejection! That is the difference between the guys in this forum who repeatedly rant about women being too picky, only going out with the good looking rich dream boats, bad boy players and never short guys. You keep judging women from a man's point of view, in which you base it all on looks or attraction. I know you are tired of hearing it, but the truth is most women, while they are attracted to a man's looks, are also attracted to his manliness. His confidence, his ability to listen and have fun, his positive outlook on life, and yes his dreams of tomorrow. I repeat, I was a short skinny guy, with a decent job, but never a lot of excess funds. And yet I dated in the triple digits, and they were all 8 or better. One of the gals I dated ended up on the cover of Mr. Hefner's magazine, and two of them had their photos, on the inside. The gal that I married was definite fold-out material. My Ex-fiance looked like a young Sofia Loren. I dated nurses, bank tellers, stewardesses, career business women, computer programers, and a multi-millionaries daughter. And most of them knew it was just to have a good time and sex. They actually came knocking on my door And the reason being, that I had the balls to walk up to a attractive woman and find away to get a date with her about half the time. Yes, I struck out more than I got a hit, but I never let that bother me. In fact, my Ex-fiance once told me that there was no chance that we would ever go out, as she was not the least attracted to me. In fact, on Wednesday, the day she said yes to going fishing with me the next day, she reminded me not to get any ideas, as she would never be my girl friend. The woman that I am in love with and living with said no to me for over two years. And then only chose me to be the first guy she went out with after she separated from her long time live in boyriend, because I was short and skinny, and wouldn't crush her when we made love. She is taller than me, and she is most attracted to 6-footers. And our relationship was supposed to only be a temporary F-W-B's as she planned on reuniting with her former BF once he go clean from drugs. And to make matter worse, her favorite actor is tuff guy Steven Segal. So it was not an accident that her former BF was a semi-pro boxer who just so happened to look like SS. In short I took her away from a Steven Segal look alike Another good solution to the whole "rejection" issue is just talk to girls to have a good time. If you feel a good connection and you guys clearly like each other, then you can ask her out (in which case, your chance of rejection is very very low) Most people think of an approach as a win or lose situation but it's not always like that. Sometimes you talk to a girl and she's awkward and not fun to talk to. It's a 2 way street, you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you 4
ThaWholigan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Another good solution to the whole "rejection" issue is just talk to girls to have a good time. If you feel a good connection and you guys clearly like each other, then you can ask her out (in which case, your chance of rejection is very very low) Most people think of an approach as a win or lose situation but it's not always like that. Sometimes you talk to a girl and she's awkward and not fun to talk to. It's a 2 way street, you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you ^^^ ding ding ding. We have a winner.
Rosie88 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Another good solution to the whole "rejection" issue is just talk to girls to have a good time. If you feel a good connection and you guys clearly like each other, then you can ask her out (in which case, your chance of rejection is very very low) Most people think of an approach as a win or lose situation but it's not always like that. Sometimes you talk to a girl and she's awkward and not fun to talk to. It's a 2 way street, you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you I couldn't agree more!! I'm more likely to respond positively to a guy approaching me if he's just being friendly and trying to gauge whether we would click and go from there rather than someone who's aggressively hitting on me right off the bat before knowing the first thing about me.
brahmabull117 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I couldn't agree more!! I'm more likely to respond positively to a guy approaching me if he's just being friendly and trying to gauge whether we would click and go from there rather than someone who's aggressively hitting on me right off the bat before knowing the first thing about me. Most guys try way way too hard. Being friendly and kind and letting the woman warm up to you is the best way to talk to a woman 1
2.50 a gallon Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 bb117 That is the idea. Just start talking to them. This is a skill you can learn. I started out by just talking to the gals who were running the cash registers. When they ask you how your days been, reply with something positive. Mine, is "Hey, I woke up, and that is enough" If they don't get it tell them, thing about how many did not wake up this morning and now would gladly change places with you, no matter how bad your day is. It does not take long before they look forward to you getting in their line. Now you can start a little bit of a relationship, do they have kids, cats, what sports to they follow, baseball, football, etc. After a storm, you ask them if they had any damage last night, yesterday. I am not a comedian, but I am always looking for something funny to say, If you can make them laugh, they will remember and think of you in a nice way. Look them in the eye, not their boobs. Yeah every once in awhile, if you can sense it you can be brave and come out with "Anybody ever tell you you have a number 10 butt. But for the most part, keep your compliments to their smile, or their eyes. Keep practising, and after awhile, it just becomes a natural part of your life. Without thinking I am still doing it. And guess what, even though I am retired, and there has been a no vacancy sign on my heart for the past 17 years, I am still getting hit on by women. As for the looks departmen, my beard has turned white, and I have gained a few pounds, all you have to do is paint me blue and I would look like a smurf 2
brahmabull117 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) With conversations, you just gotta make it more and more personal as time goes on First you talk about daily/situational things (IE how's her day going) Then you talk about where she's from/her school/her work then you talk about what she does for fun Just make it more and more personal. It's just gotta be a smooth and natural process Edited July 30, 2012 by brahmabull117 1
veggirl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I firmly believe you're downplaying your level of physical attractivness just to lift guy's out of the muck. Men just don't go for overweight women with no makeup on regardless of how bubbly they are, unless they're desperate as can be. We're wired to want visual beauty, period. Well if OP posted a pic that wasn't lightened/brightened/Instagrammed/Myspace angled...we would know if it's her looks or not eh I can't blame guys for being apprehensive about approaching girls, esp if they are young guys approaching young girls. I've always been grateful I don't *have* to do the approaching, and knowing that I don't have to is probably what makes me feel more comfortable actually doing it.
brahmabull117 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I've always been grateful I don't *have* to do the approaching. I'm glad you're at least grateful because that is a huge luxury. Lots and lots of women don't understand how hard approaching can be, especially if somebody is there with all her/his friends
2.50 a gallon Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) If you listen to a woman, she will tell you how to seduce her. Listen for your openings What kind of movies does she like? Does she like scary ones? Do you own a blender? Then find out what is her favorite drink. Margarita, Daiquiri, Pina Colada? What is her favorite food? Italian, Mexican, Chinese? Have you ever tried the food at ? ? ? ?. Have you ever tried, Indian, Peruvian? Or the ribs at ? ? ? What is her favorite music, C&W, Old time R&R, Jazz. A good friend of mine. married a hot looking attorney. It started when he found out she liked Jazz and he asked her if she had ever heard so and so at the blues room? Is she a sports fan? Football, Baseball, Basketball? What is her favorite team? Has she ever been to the local races? Drag, Stock, midgets, motocross. Even a tractor pull. Have you seen the wild flowers at ? ? ? Picnic time. Don't forget the wine. Or how about a night to go and look at the stars, you can get telescopes cheap at Goodwill on half price Saturday Cat or dog person? What is the name of her cat dog. I had one hottie always had to tell me about the latest adventure of her cat Banzai Learn to dance, one of the best all time pick up lines is "Would you like do Dance?" Edited July 30, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 If you listen to a woman, she will tell you how to seduce her. Listen for your openings What kind of movies does she like? Does she like scary ones? Do you own a blender? Then find out what is her favorite drink. Margarita, Daiquiri, Pina Colada? What is her favorite food? Italian, Mexican, Chinese? Have you ever tried the food at ? ? ? ?. Have you ever tried, Indian, Peruvian? Or the ribs at ? ? ? What is her favorite music, C&W, Old time R&R, Jazz. A good friend of mine. married a hot looking attorney. It started when he found out she liked Jazz and he asked her if she had ever heard so and so at the blues room? Is she a sports fan? Football, Baseball, Basketball? What is her favorite team? Has she ever been to the local races? Drag, Stock, midgets, motocross. Even a tractor pull. Have you seen the wild flowers at ? ? ? Picnic time. Don't forget the wine. Or how about a night to go and look at the stars, you can get telescopes cheap at Goodwill on half price Saturday Cat or dog person? What is the name of her cat dog. I had one hottie always had to tell me about the latest adventure of her cat Banzai Learn to dance, one of the best all time pick up lines is "Would you like do Dance?" Your advice is fantastic, the issue is that most of the guys here have such an incredibly negative defeatist attitude where they don't even give themselves a chance (myself included there) 1
Shaun-Dro Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I couldn't agree more!! I'm more likely to respond positively to a guy approaching me if he's just being friendly and trying to gauge whether we would click and go from there rather than someone who's aggressively hitting on me right off the bat before knowing the first thing about me. I'll admit, sometimes I do that. I'll just pass a sexy remark at a woman to gauge her reaction. Rarely they'll reply. I'm not that often serious about it, which is why I do it. I'm just having fun, not expecting anything. But of course, if the woman throws jabs back at me, then it's on then, but most of the time, women act too chicken to try. I'd like to see one throw it right back in my face. It's been years since it's happened. I forgot what it even feels like. Most of the women I managed to nail I had to brave my way through their exterior. I'm just not interested in doing that anymore. As for you, Rosie, I think you'll do fine in a first approach. Just don't make it look so obvious. A good way to start is ask for the time and say your cell phone's clock keeps flipping back to the previous hour so you need his help. That's a way to get it going and if the guy's interested, he'll chuckle at that easily and move things along from there. You've already broke the ice. You've taken the edge off. We realize that you're not going to act all guarded, like most, so we instantly respect that. The thing is, you dont want to keep waiting for the right one to come. He may never get there. He may never find you. Since you have the power to make things happen, you need to take that plunge. But do it in a way like I said above so you can have an out because I know rejection is just too much for most women to handle. Oh, their fragile self-esteem.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Give a recap of the last 5 men you approached including the outcome. Better yet, lets make her give a full summation of the dating profiles, income levels, virility and physical appearances of the last five men she approached. From that we can maybe establish her norm, as further evidence that what she offers just doesn't apply in the rest of the world.
Rosie88 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I'll admit, sometimes I do that. I'll just pass a sexy remark at a woman to gauge her reaction. Rarely they'll reply. I'm not that often serious about it, which is why I do it. I'm just having fun, not expecting anything. But of course, if the woman throws jabs back at me, then it's on then, but most of the time, women act too chicken to try. I'd like to see one throw it right back in my face. It's been years since it's happened. I forgot what it even feels like. Most of the women I managed to nail I had to brave my way through their exterior. I'm just not interested in doing that anymore. As for you, Rosie, I think you'll do fine in a first approach. Just don't make it look so obvious. A good way to start is ask for the time and say your cell phone's clock keeps flipping back to the previous hour so you need his help. That's a way to get it going and if the guy's interested, he'll chuckle at that easily and move things along from there. You've already broke the ice. You've taken the edge off. We realize that you're not going to act all guarded, like most, so we instantly respect that. The thing is, you dont want to keep waiting for the right one to come. He may never get there. He may never find you. Since you have the power to make things happen, you need to take that plunge. But do it in a way like I said above so you can have an out because I know rejection is just too much for most women to handle. Oh, their fragile self-esteem. Thanks for the advice, sounds like a good way to start Hah!! Fragile self-esteem! I know this will sound contradicting after having said that I don't approach men due to my fear of rejection, but I don't have a self-esteem problem, it's more of a defense mechanism
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Another good solution to the whole "rejection" issue is just talk to girls to have a good time. If you feel a good connection and you guys clearly like each other, then you can ask her out (in which case, your chance of rejection is very very low) Most people think of an approach as a win or lose situation but it's not always like that. Sometimes you talk to a girl and she's awkward and not fun to talk to. It's a 2 way street, you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you But you've made it adamantly clear before that you only talk to women to get in their pants. You clearly stated before that talking to women pains you because they aren't on the same "intelligence level" as you on many topics that you enjoy...you don't speak with them to have a good time, you only speak with them to get a number or get a date. Hell, you find it a complete waste of time to speak to a woman who isn't single, and you even go as far as to say that they shouldn't be allowed in bars... You make me giggle sometimes...
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 But you've made it adamantly clear before that you only talk to women to get in their pants. You clearly stated before that talking to women pains you because they aren't on the same "intelligence level" as you on many topics that you enjoy...you don't speak with them to have a good time, you only speak with them to get a number or get a date. Hell, you find it a complete waste of time to speak to a woman who isn't single, and you even go as far as to say that they shouldn't be allowed in bars... You're twisting my words around. I never said that talking to women isn't fun. I said it's not as fun as talking to men, which is absolutely true for me. I think that's a pretty common thing, I've never met a man who would rather just talk to a woman instead of talk to a man. I have friends who are into all the same things as me - bodybuilding, sports (on a serious level too, not just going to get drunk at the games as 90% of female sports fans do), comic books, action movies, videogames (on a serious level, not just playing WI once a week and calling yourself a gamer), heavy metal and trance music, etc... I'll never find a woman who has all those interests and certainly never find a woman who can discuss those topics the way my male friends do Still, it can be plenty fun, especially when you have the possibility of a romantic connection 1
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 You're twisting my words around. I never said that talking to women isn't fun. I said it's not as fun as talking to men, which is absolutely true for me. I think that's a pretty common thing, I've never met a man who would rather just talk to a woman instead of talk to a man. I have friends who are into all the same things as me - bodybuilding, sports (on a serious level too, not just going to get drunk at the games as 90% of female sports fans do), comic books, action movies, videogames (on a serious level, not just playing WI once a week and calling yourself a gamer), heavy metal and trance music, etc... I'll never find a woman who has all those interests and certainly never find a woman who can discuss those topics the way my male friends do Still, it can be plenty fun, especially when you have the possibility of a romantic connection "Twisting your words around"...? Come on, you've got to do better than that. You must have had some change of heart in the past few days if the bolded is your new stance on things...
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) "Twisting your words around"...? Come on, you've got to do better than that. You must have had some change of heart in the past few days if the bolded is your new stance on things... Not really. I even told you before my best friend's cousin is one of my good friends (she's a girl - although she's kind of a tomboy) and I have all sisters and female cousins and nieces in my family I'm the only male under the age of 40 in my whole extended family Edited July 31, 2012 by brahmabull117
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 jaclyn doesnt realize what men have to go through. how many women say they want a nice guy but sleep with jerks? all of them. never ever ask a woman for advice. women say one thing and do another. 80% women are sleeping with 20% men. they want brad pitt in looks with steve jobs money or channing tatum in looks and steve jobs money. women can use boring lines like hi, how are u, blah blah blah and still get laid or end up getting series of dates. men settle, women dont. men have to be attractive, confident, charismatic, different, not give in too easy, push pull, keep her on her toes at the same time sweep her in a couple of minutes, otherwise she shuts the window. women dont need to flirt or anything. how many times have u heard women say i cant find any man or no one hits on me? all of sudden she says some guys approached her but that doesnt count because he was asian or indian, not rich, not attractive, not what is desirable by hollywood. wilt chamberlin slept with 15000 white women. you think all those white women had an amazing personality to win wilt chamberlin over? no. men are easy This is true. I go real stupid and overlook all kinds of crazy ***** when pussy is involved.
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