jobaba Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I still have yet, at 24, to hear of any one of my friends meeting a girl through a cold approach. Unless you count bars and clubs, where socializing is encouraged. But I'm talking about walking up to a woman on the street and getting her number. None of my successful friends have done this. Not a single one. I have a few friends that were able to pull this off one or a couple of times, but they still strongly played probability. For instance, my best bud is a good looking Asian guy. He approached this Japanese gal he thought was checking him out on the subway, got her number and they dated for a while. But he wasn't going to waltz up to some random hot blonde girl that had her ipod on and was reading a book. Poor probability. Most guys, whether they are in a bar or doing cold approach, calculate probability of success in their head. I know we used to. I can't imagine other guys are too different.
utterer of lies Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 blah blah blah... I was interested your advice, but then I noticed you are a heterosexual woman and have no experience in approaching girls.
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I was interested your advice, but then I noticed you are a heterosexual woman and have no experience in approaching girls. Let's make her homework to turn hetero women lez for her. Maybe then she can start to appreciate true difficulty.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I do emphatize with men here. Rejection is very tough. I can't imagine what it's like when you attempt to approach/get number/whatever and get rejected 9/10 times. I would probably give up. I also beleive that bar/club etc approaches only really work for top 5-10% of men (looks wise) and are a failure for others. 2
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I do emphatize with men here. Rejection is very tough. I can't imagine what it's like when you attempt to approach/get number/whatever and get rejected 9/10 times. I would probably give up. I also beleive that bar/club etc approaches only really work for top 5-10% of men (looks wise) and are a failure for others. I doubt bar/clubs in the end really work for anyone except for quickies in the toilet stalls.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Best way to approach is with liquid courage.
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Best way to approach is with liquid courage. Like drano?
haribogumsnickers Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Like drano? Only if you have a hairball. Otherwise, nah...that stuff perms chest hairs.
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Only if you have a hairball. Otherwise, nah...that stuff perms chest hairs. Women are a lot like cats even down to eating their own hair.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Eating hair is more efficient than waxing. So I heard.
Titanwolf Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) Though I don't have a problem approaching women, it's very easy to sit behind a computer screen and say "lul aprochin wimmenz iz ez", but when you're faced with rejection, it can leave a harrowing pain in your chest leaving you feeling demoralized and for some it takes a while to recover from that (some never do). What people need to understand is that no 2 people are the same, there will always be someone with a fragile heart or a bad childhood that are literally crippled by rejection. It's easy to assume that everyone can and should be able to deal with rejection, but for those who have justified reasons for not approaching the opposite sex, their fear is warranted. I have a friend like this who keeps complaining on facebook about his recent rejections. I wouldn't insult him by saying "Approaching women is easy" because it's not. Him and I are 2 different people, women will never respond to him the same way they respond to me and that's a sad fact. Every woman is different and he seems to have a bad habit of finding the one's who couldn't care less if they shattered the remnants of his self-worth as a man or not. My $0.02 Edited July 30, 2012 by Titanwolf 2
irc333 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Must be my location, but most women don't being approached by strangers in public....be it at a bookstore, grocery stores, etc. (which used be the 1980's and earlier ways of dating) Most women out and about have a boyfriend they're meeting or around the corner. But simply, most women don't like to be approached unless there's good reason. Like her being friend of the host of the party the GUY is the same friend of. You have to have some sort of an assocaition between social networks of friends. "Hey, my name is Bill, so how do you know Sue who is the homeowner?" Her: "Oh, me and her work together, and how do you know Sue?" Him: "I work on her computer issues and fixed her plumbing" And you can go from there, that's pretty much the only reason you can approach a woman without it being a problem/awkward for the woman. I see so many threads asking about how to approach "girls" and I have to say that I don't get why men complicate it so much. -It isn't rocket science, see someone you want to get to know? Talk to them. -They act like they don't want to talk to you? Take the rejection and move on to the next one. -She keeps talking? Ask her for her number. -She doesn't give you her number? Move on. I like to think it is best to use what you got. We can tell when you are forcing it or trying to be something you aren't. We will let you know if we are interested. You may all jump on me now and go on about how easy it is being a woman and blah blah blah... but truth is I get rejected too, the key is to not care so damn much!
ThaWholigan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I was scared of rejection for so many years, then when I finally got rejected for the 1st time, I was like........"rah, this is easier than I thought, why was I so f*cking scared?". Over time, it's still taken a long time to completely get over the irrationality of it all. I don't do cold approach all the time, but I make myself do it for practice, even if there is no aim for it. Don't get me wrong, I've been rejected HARSHLY before. I was told I couldn't get "a girl like me with those shoes", been told I was so ugly I "needed to be taxed to leave my house" and just been straight ignored before. I told myself it was no biggie and carried on. (Later that same girl apologized to me, and commented on how well I took it ). I still get rejected, but I get good responses too. I've even been approached myself on quite a few occasions. Perseverance is key.
Emilia Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Question for the panel: Do women that go to bars alone have more success than those that go to bars with company? It's about the same. I only went to bars alone when I was travelling and my accommodation had a bar attached to it. I'd go over and talk to people I shared my accommodation with but obviously there were times when I was on my own as I stayed in the place longer and others tended to move on quicker. I would talk to strangers then and they would sometime hit on me, sometimes would be just up for a chat. It wasn't a meatmarket kind of place. Here in London I only go in groups but when there is dancing I can 'lose' my friends when I find someone cute. Dancing is the best way to find someone. So I'd say you don't need to go alone but you need to find the sort of place where you can get away from cockblocking or drunk friends. Hanging out in a large group wouldn't work so well
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Question for the panel: Do women that go to bars alone have more success than those that go to bars with company? If they still seem unapproachable it won't help. If they bring a laptop or a book it acts like a deterrent to human contact and gives others the impression they want to be left alone. If they constantly find a way to be with someone at the bar that too will stop many from approaching. That isn't truly being alone.
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I was told I couldn't get "a girl like me with those shoes", been told I was so ugly I "needed to be taxed to leave my house" I would have laughed straight in their face and made a comment like "There really are people like you"
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 LittlePrince and me like the same post. Hush my sweet child. I'm trying to downplay our similarities with extravagant posting. 1
jcrew11 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I think what she is trying to say is just be confident, smooth, and direct; instead of being insecure, awkward, and nervous. Easier said than done, lol! The reason some unconfident guys don't just go up to women is that because men are not as good at speaking and flirting. Women are more expressive, emotional, and talkative. Men want to sound confident, and don't want to say the wrong things or embarrass themselves. Plus, men get rejected all the time, so they want to improve the game plan for success. 1
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Women aren't that good at flirting or speaking once you distance yourself from your own physical attraction to them. All of their expressiveness amounts to prattle and nothing more. Sometimes I have been close to asking "Am I getting paid for this?"
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) I see so many threads asking about how to approach "girls" and I have to say that I don't get why men complicate it so much. -It isn't rocket science, see someone you want to get to know? Talk to them. -They act like they don't want to talk to you? Take the rejection and move on to the next one. -She keeps talking? Ask her for her number. -She doesn't give you her number? Move on. I like to think it is best to use what you got. We can tell when you are forcing it or trying to be something you aren't. We will let you know if we are interested. You may all jump on me now and go on about how easy it is being a woman and blah blah blah... but truth is I get rejected too, the key is to not care so damn much! First of all, being a human being is hard. Male or female. Certainly it's easier than being say, an ant or a rabbit or something, but still. That being said, talking to women is hard. Especially when you've had zero success. Every time I talk to a woman she gets annoyed. So I've just concluded it's a lost cause. So approaching women is hard, in that it's hard to be successful. Having a million unsuccessful conversations with women doesn't make approaching easy, any more than dying on the climb up makes getting to the top of Everest "easy". Edited July 30, 2012 by fortyninethousand322
josation218 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Nice! A baseball analogy! I love it What happen to the word "VAGINA"!!!
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I have to say you are quite desperate. I am desperate because... I go to bars alone?
NYC-BigKat Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 That is the thing though, I have to do the same thing. As a matter of fact, I do it a LOT. I go to bars alone all the time, and I have gotten to be on both ends. The one approaching and the ones being approached. There isn't a right or wrong way to do it, the first step is confidence in yourself so that even if they reject you, you know that it is their loss to begin with. Some guys ask to buy me a drink when at the bar, guys who hit on me at work have done everything from asking me for help, to just walking up and telling me that they couldn't help but come over and talk to me. It is the WAY the person says it, and each person has their own comfort level for approaching... what works for one guy may come out awkward for another. I just don't see why so many men on here over think and "plan" it out. I dont see girls approaching guys anywhere. Maybe in NYC girls dont do it but can u please tell me how u do it? I wanna see examples 'cause I'm the one always approaching & it took almost 100 of them to get 1 girl to give me a chance which sucks really u know.
brahmabull117 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I am desperate because... I go to bars alone? Is there a way to clone you? Seriously, please go clone yourself and create about 300 versions of you and send them all to Chicago A pretty girl who goes to bars alone and actually hits on guys? F*ck that's beyond awesome. I've never seen that before 1
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