Recent breakup (long)

[Kaz32]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here, and it's been a whirlwind of a month, but hopefully I can find some answers here. This will be a long post.

 

To start, I was with my girlfriend for about 4 months (I know, not very long at all), and everything was going great. By her own words, I was her best friend, her one true love, biggest supporter, and the only man she's ever been with that wasn't mentally abusive, condescending, or insulting to her (I believe this comes into play later, in the 2nd paragraph). On the 3rd of this month, she said she wasn't feeling well and left my place, kissing me goodbye and telling me she loved me. About 20 minutes later, she texts me saying that she's sorry and that she just doesn't feel that way about me anymore. This was completely out of the blue. There were no signs, no arguments leading into it, nothing. My first impulse was another man, but I found that extremely unlikely as she was in the middle of working 10 hr days for nearly 2 weeks straight. I was completely taken aback and was wondering what I had done to provoke this. According to her, we stopped having good conversations, and even now, 3 1/2 weeks later, I can tell you that wasn't the case. If we weren't together, we would literally text each other 200 times a day, not even an exaggeration, talking about anything and everything. A day or two later, she said "I just can't see you". She would also say that she would want to be friends. This is where I started to think that she's confused. She can't see me but wants to remain friends? How does that work? She later relented and said she just needed time away to figure things out, and that she had gotten scared about how fast our relationship was progressing, claiming she had never fallen in love with anyone like that before, or that quickly. I told her I understood, and that I'd stay away for as long as she needed me to. I would respond to her texts if she messaged me, but I wouldn't bring up our relationship, thinking that would be detrimental. About 2 weeks after this, she claimed she was feeling better and that she was "slowly getting there". Being cautious, I told her I was glad she was feeling better, and nothing else.

 

Shortly after, she told me she was spending a week out of town just to get away from the city and clear her head. We had absolutely no contact during this time, which ended up being 8 days. There were no texts, no phone calls, nothing, as I felt it best to leave her to think about things. When she got back to town, I texted her (which I probably shouldn't have done, looking back) while I was browsing Facebook and simply mentioned that I hope her time away went well. About 5 minutes later, I noticed that she had suddenly defriended me on Facebook. She claims her daughter was messing around with her laptop and "accidentally" did it, which ended up being a lie, so I asked her what was going on. She said that while away, she thought about things and felt it best if we don't talk at all because she has no feelings for me AT ALL. In between feeling confused and hurt, I kept my cool and called her, asking what brought that on. She just repeated her words, but then 4 minutes later, she claimed that she loves being single (okay, fine) but still wants to be friends. Okay, now I'm stumped. She doesn't want us to talk now, and STILL remain friends? That makes even less sense. She then said that it was weird on the phone because she didn't have much to say. Okay, that just convinces me that she's very confused even more so, since one of her reasons for us breaking up was that she wanted good conversations, so now SHE'S the one that can't find anything to talk about? She also reiterated that she still can't see me. This is where I'm starting to make sense of it all, at least in my own mind. She claims she can't see me, says we shouldn't talk and then says we should still be friends 4 minutes later. I thought back to when she claimed she got scared about how fast she was feeling things for me. After thinking about it logically, I came to one conclusion, that she's scared if she sees me for any length of time, i.e. go out and do things together, those feelings will re-surface and she simply won't know how to deal with it, going back to when she said I was the only man she's ever been with that wasn't a condescending jerk. I then pointed this out to her (not sure if it was a good move or not), and she was caught, responding with "whatever" and stuff like that. I told her that I'm able to read between the lines, after she started slipping up. She then said "sometimes I just think it's better for us not to be friends but then I don't know, I'm not sure what I want right now anyways". She also said that I know her as well as anybody. I said to her "I think I do too, and I think you're still confused, as well as scared to see me, but that's fine. If you can admit that I know you that well, then take what I said to heart. Whether you decide it's true or you think I'm just looking out for my own self interests, it's up to you". She thanked me and that was pretty much the end of it.

 

So that's it. Thanks in advance if you took the time to read the entire thing. It's just been a very confusing time for me, and from what I can tell, for her as well. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

[yogamobb]

Loss of interest which is usually gradual and has no signs and cant be prevented. Nc.

[salmagundi]

My guess is you guys just went way too fast and she got freaked out. I mean, honestly...texting 200 times a day? That's a little over the top...Relationships need air to breathe and grow man. People always want to dive in and go for it early on and sure it feels great but how can you guys build and maintain interest when you never leave each other alone?

 

just saying...

[todreaminblue]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here, and it's been a whirlwind of a month, but hopefully I can find some answers here. This will be a long post.

 

To start, I was with my girlfriend for about 4 months (I know, not very long at all), and everything was going great. By her own words, I was her best friend, her one true love, biggest supporter, and the only man she's ever been with that wasn't mentally abusive, condescending, or insulting to her (I believe this comes into play later, in the 2nd paragraph). On the 3rd of this month, she said she wasn't feeling well and left my place, kissing me goodbye and telling me she loved me. About 20 minutes later, she texts me saying that she's sorry and that she just doesn't feel that way about me anymore. This was completely out of the blue. There were no signs, no arguments leading into it, nothing. My first impulse was another man, but I found that extremely unlikely as she was in the middle of working 10 hr days for nearly 2 weeks straight. I was completely taken aback and was wondering what I had done to provoke this. According to her, we stopped having good conversations, and even now, 3 1/2 weeks later, I can tell you that wasn't the case. If we weren't together, we would literally text each other 200 times a day, not even an exaggeration, talking about anything and everything. A day or two later, she said "I just can't see you". She would also say that she would want to be friends. This is where I started to think that she's confused. She can't see me but wants to remain friends? How does that work? She later relented and said she just needed time away to figure things out, and that she had gotten scared about how fast our relationship was progressing, claiming she had never fallen in love with anyone like that before, or that quickly. I told her I understood, and that I'd stay away for as long as she needed me to. I would respond to her texts if she messaged me, but I wouldn't bring up our relationship, thinking that would be detrimental. About 2 weeks after this, she claimed she was feeling better and that she was "slowly getting there". Being cautious, I told her I was glad she was feeling better, and nothing else.

 

Shortly after, she told me she was spending a week out of town just to get away from the city and clear her head. We had absolutely no contact during this time, which ended up being 8 days. There were no texts, no phone calls, nothing, as I felt it best to leave her to think about things. When she got back to town, I texted her (which I probably shouldn't have done, looking back) while I was browsing Facebook and simply mentioned that I hope her time away went well. About 5 minutes later, I noticed that she had suddenly defriended me on Facebook. She claims her daughter was messing around with her laptop and "accidentally" did it, which ended up being a lie, so I asked her what was going on. She said that while away, she thought about things and felt it best if we don't talk at all because she has no feelings for me AT ALL. In between feeling confused and hurt, I kept my cool and called her, asking what brought that on. She just repeated her words, but then 4 minutes later, she claimed that she loves being single (okay, fine) but still wants to be friends. Okay, now I'm stumped. She doesn't want us to talk now, and STILL remain friends? That makes even less sense. She then said that it was weird on the phone because she didn't have much to say. Okay, that just convinces me that she's very confused even more so, since one of her reasons for us breaking up was that she wanted good conversations, so now SHE'S the one that can't find anything to talk about? She also reiterated that she still can't see me. This is where I'm starting to make sense of it all, at least in my own mind. She claims she can't see me, says we shouldn't talk and then says we should still be friends 4 minutes later. I thought back to when she claimed she got scared about how fast she was feeling things for me. After thinking about it logically, I came to one conclusion, that she's scared if she sees me for any length of time, i.e. go out and do things together, those feelings will re-surface and she simply won't know how to deal with it, going back to when she said I was the only man she's ever been with that wasn't a condescending jerk. I then pointed this out to her (not sure if it was a good move or not), and she was caught, responding with "whatever" and stuff like that. I told her that I'm able to read between the lines, after she started slipping up. She then said "sometimes I just think it's better for us not to be friends but then I don't know, I'm not sure what I want right now anyways". She also said that I know her as well as anybody. I said to her "I think I do too, and I think you're still confused, as well as scared to see me, but that's fine. If you can admit that I know you that well, then take what I said to heart. Whether you decide it's true or you think I'm just looking out for my own self interests, it's up to you". She thanked me and that was pretty much the end of it.

 

So that's it. Thanks in advance if you took the time to read the entire thing. It's just been a very confusing time for me, and from what I can tell, for her as well. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

 

 

When you invest so much of yourself, its like pulling in a runaway train, adn when there are mixed signals from both side of the tracks.....DERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAILED....I know that feeling, with me, I have made a decision what I am going to do now I feel calm.This choice is not one for everyone that is right for me.

 

In your case in my opinion I too believe you should try no contact, notice I said try not GO.That allows you room to breathe at least, no pressure on yourself, just take it nice and slow.

 

Build up resistance and when you are feeling strong make a promise to yourself, a verse why you should keep trying, write it in a poem and keep it.Everytime you feel like calling, look at that piece of paper.

 

Life is cryptic some people just never work out what or why or how they ended up at the place they are.Those people have little option.You have an option and with this option I give you a hug to take with you, just try, and with you i send hope to fly.....hugs....debxoxo

[Kaz32]

Thanks everyone. So I should just stop talking to her cold turkey?

 

Also, is it possible that she is too scared that she'd feel something for me again despite not wanting to, or was I reading too much into it?

[Kaz32]

Some new developments. She's since admitted to me she's not sure what she wants, so I'm convinced she's confused about virtually everything. She goes from saying we shouldn't talk to saying we should be friends within LITERALLY a few minutes.

 

She's also said that it's not a big deal if we ran into each other, although I was at her work last Monday grocery shopping (she works at a Walmart close to my house, ONLY reason I was there, I wasn't there to see her), and I didn't see her, but she saw me, because not long after I left, she texted me and pretty much went off on me for being there. I told her that I was merely there shopping on my way home from work, but she was seemingly too upset to listen to me. She then said she didn't care, so I said "you're pretty upset for someone that doesn't care". We haven't talked or texted since, and I'm staying NC.

 

What does it all mean? I'm practically convinced she has feelings for me that she's not willing to express right now, because she tells me one thing and reacts another way, telling me that we can't talk, but then she wants to be friends. Saying that it's not a big deal if she saw me, then freaks out when she actually does. Does this have anything to do with her previous admission that she fell in love with me faster than anyone else before, thus my belief that she's scared to see me? She's 31 and has a daughter, so it's not like she's....unfamiliar with being with someone, yet she acts differently with me than anyone else. I just want to point out that I was never abusive (physically or psychologically), manipulative, neglectful, or anything of the sort, but I was never clingy/needy either. I also know for a fact that she's not seeing anyone else, choosing to be single.

 

Will staying in NC eventually lead her to contact me again, or should I break NC after a certain amount of time?

 

Sorry my post is kind of all over the place, but that's just how things have felt lately.

 

EDIT: She sent me a PM on Facebook not long before she broke up with me. As you'll see, there was no sign of it coming.

 

I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING I AM <3 you always put a smile on my face no matter where i am, when i'm with you, at work or at home. your my life my everything my heart and soul you will always be my better half no matter what life brings us :)you complete me from head to toe with your joy,compassion,and everything you are <3 when i'm around you i feel complete but when im not i feel that im missing my better half. love you so much babe xoxoxoxo, love from your angel your other half

It is pretty personal, but if it helps provide insight into how she feels, so be it, because I just don't think you fall out of love with someone that fast. Edited August 3, 2012 by Kaz32