mrdeeno Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Hey, everyone. I've been lurking for the last several weeks trying to cope with some things, and decided to register and post my story. It may be too long to read or no one may want to comment, but it might make me feel better to write it down. Background - Me: 34. A few GF's in the past, no one I was really in love with except one who passed away from an OD about 8 years ago while I was traveling for work (i was in China at the time and flew back for the funeral). I'm still in touch with her family (they're in TX, i'm in PA). Took me a long time to get over commitment issues after that. I freaked out and dumped decent girls in the past 4 years for no reason except I wanted to be alone. I currently work full time as a project manager, run a real estate investment company part time, and going to school part time for my MBA. Her: 33. From what I know, didn't have a BF for over a year (and the ones before were douches), works as a juvi probation officer, goes to school part time for her MSW. Story I met "J" over 10 years ago when I was an undergrad in college. She went to a different school but dated a member of my fraternity. She didn't really know me back then. I met her again about a year ago. She is best friends with a girl my best friend was dating at the time. They stopped dating so I didn't see her until earlier this year when her friend and my friend started hanging out as friends again. I decided to ask her out and see where it would go. Right off the bat, things went great. We got along great, had a lot in common, and pretty much did the BF/GF thing without making it official. Her mom approved of me when she was up for a visit from SC, all her friends liked me, even this "big brother" figure to her group of friends gave me the "seal of approval." I even thought maybe this was fate working...a girl i knew from over a decade ago comes into my life, and I don't do anything and a year later she's back again, and still single??? Yeah, stupid me. We were together for about 2 months, so pretty short, but there was no signs and everyhting was perfect up until I had a trip to Peru for work and that's when all went to ****. The weekend before I was to leave, she pretty much cock-blocked me...we went out that Friday night and after getting back to her house she tells me to go home. WTF? I came back and texted her to see if we can meet up (on a Thursday). She texted back that she was depressed and stressed from school and work and her cat was really sick and didn't want to see anybody. I offered any help i could and she said she didn't want anyone to help. I texted her a few times over the weekend and same story. She said her thyroid was low and they had to up her drugs, her cat's really sick and she has to take her to the vet every other day, and she's just so stressed out. So basically I offered my help again and let her be. The following Monday I texted her, and she texted back saying she doesn't have time to go to school and work and date, so has to stop seeing me. She said it kills her to do this (then why is she doing it???) and i'm a great guy (but not great enough to keep??) but it's just a bad time and she never should've started dating me in the first place. We texted a week later and she said she wanted to be friends, but leave it up to me. I said OK. Texted her about borrowing a carpet shampooer last week, but I never followed up on it and have gone NC since. Basically, I know we were together for only a short while, but everything was on the up and up. She was busy with school and work. I am off this summer but start classes again in fall so will be busy with school and work, so we wouldn't be on each other all the time which I thought was a good thing. Basically up until the week I went to peru, we were still on the honeymoon phase, so that's why I'm so confused and pissed off about what happened. Does it really have to do with all the stress of school and work and her cat? Does her low thyroid have anything to do with it? Did she meet a new guy that quick? Maybe she has commitment issues that she hasn't dealt with yet? Maybe it's just GIGS? All I know is at worst, I may have been a little too nice, trying to help her with things and do things for her. But I know I wasn't overboard with it. I know I suffered GIGS after 2-3 months with a girl, broke up with her, but eventually became really good friends again...regret it since she's with another dude but she's one of my best friends. Another girl I broke up with after 2 months 'cuz she was too needy and I was studying for my GMATs at the time. I know I need to go NC, but it's hard. I know I have to unfriend her on FB too, because I never FB'd much but find myself doing it more often to see what she's up to. I'm pissed off 'cuz I'm still dying inside, even though we were together for only 2 awesome months and WHAM! I get hit with a sledgehammer. Any comments? Any suggestions? Anyone just wanna tell me, "You'll be fine eventually!"?
Author mrdeeno Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 So much for NC...I broke down and called her to see how she was doing. She's writing a paper for class, and the cat's on meds so she's doing ok. Didn't talk about anything serious, just bull****. I know, bad move. I even erased her number but remember I had a twitter message from her with her number.
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Another girl I broke up with after 2 months 'cuz she was too needy and I was studying for my GMATs at the time. I think this is probably what happened in her case.... it sounds like she's just super busy and with the added stress of a seriously ill pet (which is a HUGE emotional drain for most people) it probably was seeming like more than she could handle. Women can go into a state of feeling overwhelmed and need to withdraw for a while. This could be happening temporarily with her.... or it could be more permanent. Only time will tell! Either way, YOU MUST maintain NC!!! Do it for you, do it for any possibility of ever reconciling with her..... there's just no reason or excuse good enough to be contacting her right now, especially if she's giving you the line about needing "space"!! Keep reading threads here and keep posting for support! There's plenty of people here going through the same thing you are -- you're not alone!
Author mrdeeno Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Thanks, Ruby65. I've been a mess since things went down. It just seemed like I had hope in everything when we were together, but now it's like WTF am i doing? I used to run 6mi 3-4 times a week, and I haven't even run a mile since everything went down. The weather's also been really hot, and I don't have class over the summer (had to drop the one I was planning on starting because I had to go to Peru) so I have way too much free time to think and wallow. At this point it's one day at a time I guess. Just need to get running again.
flitzanu Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 have you considered she simply didn't feel the same way?
Author mrdeeno Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 have you considered she simply didn't feel the same way? I considered that but it's only a slim possibility. If that was the case then she's was a really good actor for 2 months. We had the talk about how we felt about each other about a month into it, so she definitely felt the same, at least up until everything went to hell (pretty much a week after her 2nd summer class started). I've dated girls where I was not interested and where they were not interested in me, but her and I were well past the "dating" stage. I know her well enough to know she's not a bad/evil person, so I'm pretty sure she wasn't just leading me on for those 2 months just to get something out of me (sex, dates, etc.). And the things we did together, you don't do to "test the waters."
sage1320 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 but it's just a bad time and she never should've started dating me in the first place. I think that's the answer for your questions..It seems like it was just a bad time to start a relationship,but to me it seems like you both will work out in the future..just right now it's not the time..I think eventually she will contact you once every thing settles down..
Author mrdeeno Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 I think that's the answer for your questions..It seems like it was just a bad time to start a relationship,but to me it seems like you both will work out in the future..just right now it's not the time..I think eventually she will contact you once every thing settles down.. Thanks, everyone. I know I"ll be fine. It just sucks because it's been a real long time since I met someone that I could actually relate to and am compatible with, only to have this happen. I've already faced the fact (years ago) that I'm happy whether I end up with someone or not, so I have that going for me. It just sucks sometimes when you think and feel that something is going great only to have it blow up in your face...like when you're so confident that you have the strongest hand with a full house only to be knocked off tilt by someone with a 4 of a kind.
Crila16 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 It's really simple. No matter how busy a person is, if someone wants to be with you (and it's no different than a man or woman), they're going to be with you no matter what. I've been busy, I've had a million things on my plate, I've had a sick pet, I was laid off from a job and looking for a new one...and I still had time to be with a guy if I liked him. People make up so many excuses to avoid the inevitable when the truth is so simple...if someone's not contacting or texting you, it's because they don't want to. If someone is breaking up with you, it's because they don't want to be with you. If someone is not seeing you, it's because they don't want to. If you have to ask the question "Do you think the girl/guy I'm dating likes me?" then the answer is usually no, not if you have to ask. When a guy likes me, I never have to ask. They're doing everything right that they don't leave any room for doubt. It also works in the reverse. Whenever I've questioned whether a guy likes me or not, the relationship NEVER works out and I realize...Oh...they never liked me. No wonder I questioned it. I already knew through their actions. Remember...actions speak louder than words. Live by this.
flitzanu Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 which was my point in less words. there isn't always some magical mystery to why someone left, it just means they don't want to date you. enjoy the fond memories of the two months you dated, and find someone new. It's really simple. No matter how busy a person is, if someone wants to be with you (and it's no different than a man or woman), they're going to be with you no matter what. I've been busy, I've had a million things on my plate, I've had a sick pet, I was laid off from a job and looking for a new one...and I still had time to be with a guy if I liked him. People make up so many excuses to avoid the inevitable when the truth is so simple...if someone's not contacting or texting you, it's because they don't want to. If someone is breaking up with you, it's because they don't want to be with you. If someone is not seeing you, it's because they don't want to. If you have to ask the question "Do you think the girl/guy I'm dating likes me?" then the answer is usually no, not if you have to ask. When a guy likes me, I never have to ask. They're doing everything right that they don't leave any room for doubt. It also works in the reverse. Whenever I've questioned whether a guy likes me or not, the relationship NEVER works out and I realize...Oh...they never liked me. No wonder I questioned it. I already knew through their actions. Remember...actions speak louder than words. Live by this.
biogirl05 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 don't know why she left but what strikes me about your post is ALL the reasons she gave. There were a lot. I don't think she's still interested but it does seem pretty confusing. stay strong.
sage1320 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 People make up so many excuses to avoid the inevitable when the truth is so simple...if someone's not contacting or texting you, it's because they don't want to. If someone is breaking up with you, it's because they don't want to be with you. If someone is not seeing you, it's because they don't want to. If you have to ask the question "Do you think the girl/guy I'm dating likes me?" then the answer is usually no, not if you have to ask. When a guy likes me, I never have to ask. They're doing everything right that they don't leave any room for doubt. It also works in the reverse. Whenever I've questioned whether a guy likes me or not, the relationship NEVER works out and I realize...Oh...they never liked me. No wonder I questioned it. I already knew through their actions. Remember...actions speak louder than words. Live by this. Great Point, Actions do speak louder than words.. Before my ex actually broke the engagement ..and when she last spoke to me a month ago..Before all this happen, She wouldn't text or call me as often.. No more good night stay warmy..It was a simple Good Night..
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