ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Wow... as I sit at a starbucks trying to keep myself busy/preoccupied with hw, i read in my sociology book that 1 out of 3 women experiences physical violence from an intimate partner... thats crazy! I never knew it was this common. I honestly thought the occurrence was much more rare than that. I honestly can't picture myself ever harming a woman, regardless of a prevocational method initiated or not. Just picturing it in my head infuriates me... Thats crazy 4
PainsChains Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Yeah, that sucks to know. I've never done anything like that and in my last relationship didn't even have an argument or raise my voice. Only thing I ever did unkind throughout the entire relationship was once I called her "callous". My first love, however, told me if she was in love she would stay with a guy even if he beat her. I promise she said that. I got pissed. I told her if a guy ever beat her he wasn't good for her and she should find love somewhere else. This girl still said a beating wouldn't push her away. Ironically, you know what happened? She left me after 2.5 years. And you know why? Not for a beating. But because I didn't spend all my time entertaining her. There's a pretty famous quote that you can do ANYTHING to a woman as long as you entertain her. If you don't, she's gone. So can you sing and dance?
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Yeah, that sucks to know. I've never done anything like that and in my last relationship didn't even have an argument or raise my voice. Only thing I ever did unkind throughout the entire relationship was once I called her "callous". My first love, however, told me if she was in love she would stay with a guy even if he beat her. I promise she said that. I got pissed. I told her if a guy ever beat her he wasn't good for her and she should find love somewhere else. This girl still said a beating wouldn't push her away. Ironically, you know what happened? She left me after 2.5 years. And you know why? Not for a beating. But because I didn't spend all my time entertaining her. There's a pretty famous quote that you can do ANYTHING to a woman as long as you entertain her. If you don't, she's gone. So can you sing and dance? Well... i'm teaching myself how to play the guitar. so maybe that'll help me out in the future. I think my ex said something similar to that too... I remember asking her if she would ever stay in a relationship with a man with tons of money after he cheated on her. She never answered... i don't get women.
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Yeah, that sucks to know. I've never done anything like that and in my last relationship didn't even have an argument or raise my voice. Only thing I ever did unkind throughout the entire relationship was once I called her "callous". My first love, however, told me if she was in love she would stay with a guy even if he beat her. I promise she said that. I got pissed. I told her if a guy ever beat her he wasn't good for her and she should find love somewhere else. This girl still said a beating wouldn't push her away. Ironically, you know what happened? She left me after 2.5 years. And you know why? Not for a beating. But because I didn't spend all my time entertaining her. There's a pretty famous quote that you can do ANYTHING to a woman as long as you entertain her. If you don't, she's gone. So can you sing and dance? This probably means that she has low self esteem. I'm coming out of an abusive relationship. I should have left a long time ago. The awful thing is I still have feelings for him (although slowly fading). It's a sickness to think that this is okay. Girls are emotional, when they "fall in love" a lot of them have The Notebook (movie) playing in their head. This is the one, he is perfect for me (oh he hit me? I will just ignore that because I can just FEEL that we are supposed to be together, we are soul mates blah blah blah). The fact that she would admit this is bad. It's one thing to be caught up in it without expecting it from the relationship (still bad) but to be able to objectively accept it is a pretty big red flag. I would imagine she probably chases drama as well and that's why you couldn't "entertain" her. She needs someone to be head over heels, moving mountains for her on a daily basis. Unfortunately, she'll either end up with someone abusive because it's not "boring" and be miserable the rest of her life or leave another abusive relationship and realize she had something good with you. By then you'll be long gone and over her. You're better off without her issues..
sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I have to say as a woman in an abusive relationship... it sort of creeps up on you... I'm well educated, upper class, and have always sworn never, never, never... enter my current boyfriend and I've tolerated all sorts of craziness from him that I swore I would never tolerate, he stalks me when I try to break up, he tears down my self esteem, he's cheated on me, he manipulates me... One thing abusers do very successfully, is to completely isolate their partners... if they can isolate you from your friends and your family... make you feel completely alone, never let you talk to anyone outside of the relationship, then slowly your gauge of normal changes, they're so convinced that they are right and you are doing EVERYTHING wrong, that you sort of lose your bearings... Existing in their rage is like being out to see in a storm with no directional devices, you just get turned around... and even when you see the red flags, you tell yourself to stop being melodramatic that it's not a lifetime movie... but it really is... it's a freakin' life time movie, so horrible and dramatic that nobody would believe it except for the little blurb that says "based on a true story" 2
todreaminblue Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Wow... as I sit at a starbucks trying to keep myself busy/preoccupied with hw, i read in my sociology book that 1 out of 3 women experiences physical violence from an intimate partner... thats crazy! I never knew it was this common. I honestly thought the occurrence was much more rare than that. I honestly can't picture myself ever harming a woman, regardless of a prevocational method initiated or not. Just picturing it in my head infuriates me... Thats crazy Apparently it takes seven times before someone finally will leave a partner....seven times.....I remember this time I bought a girlfriend back to get her(lesley) away from an abusive partner who used herion, I was only a teen...he( for some reason i dont remember his name i remember hers) followed me home from work he knew she was there, when I wouldn't let him in the security door he dragged me round the back and kicked the crap out of me.Today no one wants to get involved in domestic abuse, it is probably why the women stay for those 7 times,why no one came out to help me,no one wants involvement so women are too scared no one will help them, they will be ignored, they dont fight back...I did fight back didn win though in a physical sense but he didnt get in i calls that as a win......I would do it again too win or lose.....deb 1
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 enter my current boyfriend and I've tolerated all sorts of craziness from him that I swore I would never tolerate, he stalks me when I try to break up, he tears down my self esteem, he's cheated on me, he manipulates me... One thing abusers do very successfully, is to completely isolate their partners... if they can isolate you from your friends and your family... make you feel completely alone, never let you talk to anyone outside of the relationship, then slowly your gauge of normal changes, they're so convinced that they are right and you are doing EVERYTHING wrong, that you sort of lose your bearings... Existing in their rage is like being out to see in a storm with no directional devices, you just get turned around... and even when you see the red flags, you tell yourself to stop being melodramatic that it's not a lifetime movie... but it really is... it's a freakin' life time movie, so horrible and dramatic that nobody would believe it except for the little blurb that says "based on a true story" I don't mean to intrude, but I hope he's improved greatly? I mean, its your choice/life/relationship, but you have to take care of yourself =)
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Apparently it takes seven times before someone finally will leave a partner....seven times.....I remember this time I bought a girlfriend back to get her(lesley) away from an abusive partner who used herion, I was only a teen...he( for some reason i dont remember his name i remember hers) followed me home from work he knew she was there, when I wouldn't let him in the security door he dragged me round the back and kicked the crap out of me.Today no one wants to get involved in domestic abuse, it is probably why the women stay for those 7 times,why no one came out to help me,no one wants involvement so women are too scared no one will help them, they will be ignored, they dont fight back...I did fight back didn win though in a physical sense but he didnt get in i calls that as a win......I would do it again too win or lose.....deb Honestly, I've never witnessed anything similar to what you've experience, but I would like to think I would step in. I had a conversation that turned into an argument with my current ex gf about seeing a woman being raped on the streets... I told her I would jump in and try to save her. She blew up at me, yelling that I should leave it alone if I ever do witness it and ignore it or walk away somewhere and call the cops. I argued back saying that by the time they came, it would be over and the traumatic experience would have left its mark. Again, Ive never witnessed anything like this and I know its easier said than done, but i do stand by my idea of jumping in (of course with precaution like holding some sort of item as a weapon). The only crazy physical thing I've experienced was a massive brawl in an underground parking lot... luckily my side won =D
todreaminblue Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Honestly, I've never witnessed anything similar to what you've experience, but I would like to think I would step in. I had a conversation that turned into an argument with my current ex gf about seeing a woman being raped on the streets... I told her I would jump in and try to save her. She blew up at me, yelling that I should leave it alone if I ever do witness it and ignore it or walk away somewhere and call the cops. I argued back saying that by the time they came, it would be over and the traumatic experience would have left its mark. Again, Ive never witnessed anything like this and I know its easier said than done, but i do stand by my idea of jumping in (of course with precaution like holding some sort of item as a weapon). The only crazy physical thing I've experienced was a massive brawl in an underground parking lot... luckily my side won =D Luckily the guy was enraged at me,so it didn't leave a mark as say, just physical ones and as he was going for my head I had pretty good coverage the only one that really hurt was the ribs, because he got pissed he couldn't get my head>I didn't expect anyone to step in, I didn't cry out didn't scream no one knew so ....i am just saying other women do.It is a hard situation to deal with I dont know any solutions I do not think there are any maybe more education in schools or kids not seeing physical violence at home might be a start teach the next generation..
sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I don't mean to intrude, but I hope he's improved greatly? I mean, its your choice/life/relationship, but you have to take care of yourself =) no he hasn't.... read my post from tonight.... he's actually gotten much, much crueler....
Chi townD Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Women are more violent then men in a relationship though when you think about it. And it's more acceptable by society. Think about this scenario. You're at a party and a girl walks across a room and SMACKS!! her boyfriend in the face and walks off. All the guys in the room would be like, "DAMN!!!! I wonder what he did?" But If a guy walks across the room and SMACKS his girlfriend, all of the guys in the room would (or than likely) be all over this dude. Why is this acceptable?
dreamingoftigers Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 It is slowly becoming unacceptable. Old gender norms eroding away.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I have to say as a woman in an abusive relationship... it sort of creeps up on you... I'm well educated, upper class, and have always sworn never, never, never... enter my current boyfriend and I've tolerated all sorts of craziness from him that I swore I would never tolerate, he stalks me when I try to break up, he tears down my self esteem, he's cheated on me, he manipulates me... One thing abusers do very successfully, is to completely isolate their partners... if they can isolate you from your friends and your family... make you feel completely alone, never let you talk to anyone outside of the relationship, then slowly your gauge of normal changes, they're so convinced that they are right and you are doing EVERYTHING wrong, that you sort of lose your bearings... Existing in their rage is like being out to see in a storm with no directional devices, you just get turned around... and even when you see the red flags, you tell yourself to stop being melodramatic that it's not a lifetime movie... but it really is... it's a freakin' life time movie, so horrible and dramatic that nobody would believe it except for the little blurb that says "based on a true story" My mother is the same. Then when she starts to doubt the relationship he behaves for a short while. Its been going on for almost 40 years. It is very difficult to leave a relationship when you feel like ****. You have no confidence that you can 1) get out 2) safely 3) that it isn't your fault and you aren't just going to end up with the next idiot who might be even worse 4) it's hard to stop hoping that things will get better 5) every now and then they throw you a little crumb to keep you going and thinking that everything will be alright eventually 6) its hard to tell when its a phase and when the person is genuinely sorry 7) you mention their deal-breaking behaviour and they twist the last 6 things you did as dealbreakers, so therefore, somehow, you are "even." 8) They act like they can't make it without you or even threaten suicide, making you feel completely responsible. (My dad is a classic "suicider") 9) They threaten that if you leave you will lose a) your life b) your stuff or home c) your reputation. Last year my husband went off the rails and I tried for 3 weeks to get into a shelter with my daughter: no dice. They were ALL full even 3 hours outside of town. I had nowhere else to go. My parents wouldn't take me in. I tried to kick him out and the police wouldn't even help get him out of the house when he was trashing it because we were legally married and therefore he was trashing "our" stuff. Plus his name was on the lease. After he got arrested for drunk in public, he didn't come back for a long while. He's pretty ashamed about it and has trouble walking through the front. I'm glad he got the help he needed though. Now only my name is on the lease and we are still listed as separated if anything like that ever happens again. Plus I'm socking away $5000.00 as a getaway fund that only I can access if I need to.
MayleneHallelujah09 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I was in a verbally abusive relationship. He put me down as often as possible and ENJOYED seeing me hurt. The furthest he got physically was "jokingly" pinching or poking me or biting me, to the point where I cried sometimes, and there were always bruises left behind. I am not saying that it would have ever turned physical, but I can definitely see how it could have been a possibility. I wonder if physically abusive relationships start out small (words/name calling) and then build over time.
Recommended Posts