dannykeyz831 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Well its almost been a week of nc but for some reason today has been extra tough. I don't know if it was because of all that ice cream I ate (makes me anxious when i have too much) or because of all those couples that I'd seen earlier from some festival they were having near my town. Also, it was around this time in 2009 that I had my first ever date with my ex gf so that can also be it. I was so tempted to email her earlier but was able to talk myself out of it. The longest we have ever gone nc was a month and half which was last year but I have a feeling that its going to be 10 times worse this time around only because back then I had girls who I could talk to and go on dates with. Now I have nobody and feel like karma is biting me in the ass for dumping those girls to go back with my ex gf. This is our third break up by the way and she always seem to say the same thing each time, "I feel like there's someone out there better for me", "I care about you but I don't love you", yet she always comes back and stupid me takes her back. This is our third break up and is currently dating someone at the moment. What in the world is wrong with me? She is my first true love and I'm 29. Do I really love her? or is it because I feel like I'm getting old and time is running out and need someone to be with, marry, and have kids? I need someones input? I feel like i don't have a soul anymore..like the only way for me to ever be myself again is if she were to come back.
zanzi Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 NC is hard. It never feels good to be rejected. But you are doing well. You know if you did call her, she wuld give the " I care but dont love you" line again and her pity is going to make you feel ony worse. Keep going with NC and try to focus on you and not her.
Author dannykeyz831 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) NC is hard. It never feels good to be rejected. But you are doing well. You know if you did call her, she wuld give the " I care but dont love you" line again and her pity is going to make you feel ony worse. Keep going with NC and try to focus on you and not her. I don't want to get my hopes up by thinking she's coming back considering it happens each time we break up but do you this all because of GIGS? I also want to add that her first true love dumped her back in 2009 (around the time we met) in a pretty horrible way and put the final nail in the coffin by sending her a wedding pic of him and his new bride. Could this be having an affect on her? I just need my confidence back. I also believe that my kindness has taken a toll on us and she has lost all respect for me. Reason for that is because she cheated on me last year, well not technically because we weren't officially back together but we were in the process which still feels like cheating to me. Anyway, I took her back and I cry each time we break up and feel like this time she has had enough. I blame my insecurities for this whole mess. Edited July 30, 2012 by dannykeyz831
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