LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I suspect you're speaking from wishful thinking as opposed to experience. But good luck with that. You are apart of the most in my post.
somedude81 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Nope, because women killed it. Romance is dead. 2
Fitz Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You are apart of the most in my post. Ha! Well, I'd say you are too! You just don't know it yet! One thing is certain though: time will certainly have much to tell for both of us.
carhill Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 At what point does a guy find that sexual attraction turns into love? Is it after a few dates, weeks of seeing a girl, months? Each man is different. Historically, I've noted most of my male friends go for the sex or comment on a lady's sexual 'parts' and it is only after time and interaction that she becomes of any further value; value in the 'love' sense. Depending on the man, it can be weeks, months or years. I've seen years, so it isn't entirely unheard of. Does he usually know it's more than a sexual attraction from very early on? You mean, like she's the 'right one'? I've heard that, but only occasionally. My style is generally backwards to conventional wisdom, in that I build intimacy first with someone who appears to be 'open' to me, and sexual attraction develops from that. I can count the number of strangers I've been sexually attracted to, meaning their first impression stirs my loins, on one hand in 53. Outlier styles bring outlier results, so I wouldn't recommend it. Good luck. 1
Silly_Girl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Does romantic love exist any more? Do guys ever meet a girl and fall in love not just lust? If you read the forums, you get the impression that all guys think of is sex and that anything else is secondary, yet guys do get involved with a particular girl and are devastated if the relationship breaks up. At what point does a guy find that sexual attraction turns into love? Is it after a few dates, weeks of seeing a girl, months? Does he usually know it's more than a sexual attraction from very early on? Questions, questions ... My boyfriend is very... sexually alert, however the first time we met he says I blew him away and he drove home thinking I might just be The One. And it's starting to look as though he was right! I think there's romantic love for sure. Just not in every relationship.
DuchessKaye Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I used to think that the existence of romantic love is a load of crap. But today after seeing my GrandPa and GrandMa teasing, poking each other, laughing out loud and even joking about having one more baby while sitting on their wheel chairs, I'm beginning to think so... 3
Dafa Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I used to think that the existence of romantic love is a load of crap. But today after seeing my GrandPa and GrandMa teasing, poking each other, laughing out loud and even joking about having one more baby while sitting on their wheel chairs, I'm beginning to think so... It was probably something very endearing to see, no doubt about that. However, in the advent of the equality of sexes and the shift of female "sexuality" towards a dynamic more closer to the male perspective, i very much doubt that what you saw in your grandparents is likely to happen nowadays... As for romantic love Vs attachment love. If by attachment love one is referring to the cumplicity that is created through long-term life together, then i would say that the former eventually morphs to the latter. In my experience, the "butterfly" thing does not fade, but rather morphs into a very natural feeling of togetherness with the other person, you begin feeling that the other person is a part of your "most inner self".
xxoo Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Well, I look forward to updates on your quest after you hit the age of 45 and/or have been married for 10 years. FYI: all that butterfly stuff fades. I've been married more than 10 years. Butterflies fade, but romantic love is more than butterflies. I'm still very much in love with my H, and he with me. 1
Fitz Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I used to think that the existence of romantic love is a load of crap. But today after seeing my GrandPa and GrandMa teasing, poking each other, laughing out loud and even joking about having one more baby while sitting on their wheel chairs, I'm beginning to think so... Sure, sounds wonderful! I've been married more than 10 years. Butterflies fade, but romantic love is more than butterflies. I'm still very much in love with my H, and he with me. Sure, I agree this is possible too. And fundamentally, I agree with you both. It depends on your definition of "romantic love". I define "romantic love" as the idealized stuff and the butterflies. The flowers and sex. The Romeo and Juliet. The "sparks" and the "X-factors". The ROMANCE part. This stuff is short lived. And then there is what I call real love. The kind that takes maturity and respect. And isn't full of hormones and candy. The two are very different -but often tragically confused.
LittlePrince Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 If you don't feel a general sense of well being, happiness, and even a bit of ecstasy from just being in their presence then it isn't really love. Fitz reminds me very much of a teacher my brother had who said she didn't marry her husband because she loved him but because she respected him.
jcrew11 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Does romantic love exist any more? Do guys ever meet a girl and fall in love not just lust? If you read the forums, you get the impression that all guys think of is sex and that anything else is secondary, yet guys do get involved with a particular girl and are devastated if the relationship breaks up. At what point does a guy find that sexual attraction turns into love? Is it after a few dates, weeks of seeing a girl, months? Does he usually know it's more than a sexual attraction from very early on? Questions, questions ... I think its just that the single, lonely, and bitter people are usually on the forums. While the happily coupled are spending time doing things instead of complaining on forums, lol. I think the stereotypes of men just wanting a physical relationship, and women wanting an emotional/long term relationship are true. But the key is being that person and finding someone who you can meet in the middle.
Fitz Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 If you don't feel a general sense of well being, happiness, and even a bit of ecstasy from just being in their presence then it isn't really love. Fitz reminds me very much of a teacher my brother had who said she didn't marry her husband because she loved him but because she respected him. Well being? OK, sure. Happiness? OK, sure. But ectasy? So if a man doesn't feel "ectasy" while sitting next to his wife -then he doesn't love her? With rainbow expectations like this, no wonder most marriages these days end in divorce. Well, you remind me of myself in high school... and your concept of love reminds me of Reese Witherspoon movies, Celine Dione singing that Titanic song, and that cheese you can spray out of a can.
xxoo Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Sure, I agree this is possible too. And fundamentally, I agree with you both. It depends on your definition of "romantic love". I define "romantic love" as the idealized stuff and the butterflies. The flowers and sex. The Romeo and Juliet. The "sparks" and the "X-factors". The ROMANCE part. This stuff is short lived. And then there is what I call real love. The kind that takes maturity and respect. And isn't full of hormones and candy. The two are very different -but often tragically confused. Believe it or not, lol, we still have lots of sex, and we still have frequent moments of lust for each other. And while I've never been a fan of flowers, he still brings me small treats to light up my day: a special coffee, an accessory for my hobby, a chocolate treat, etc. And he still gets bjs I believe it is very important to keep "courting" your partner throughout a long term relationship. Not constantly, of course. Everything in balance with work and parenting and other responsibilities. But give the relationship priority as well, and court your spouse to keep the romance alive 3
proseandpassion Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You are all so incredibly cynical. Please don't make me quote some Morrissey lyrics. I am a tried and true romantic. I have had my heart stomped on and ripped to shreds. For years I swore off relationships all together. Love is possible and when it happens it's the most addictive madness capable of happening to a person. It changes the way you view the world. It's awful and wonderful simultaneously. I am 32 years old and I have fallen in love five times in my life. None of them have worked out in the long term, but I wouldn't have given up those experiences for anything.
Author spiderowl Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I suppose by 'romantic love', I meant love, not just sexual attraction. A guy can be sexually attracted without knowing the girl and may not even be interested in knowing her as a person, just in having sex. If he loved her, he would stay interested in her and not want to share her. He'd want to do special things for her. If she loved him, she'd feel the same way. I think it's a shame that it's almost a taboo subject and that having a FWB is considered more acceptable than falling in love with someone. Have we lost our way here? 2
Woggle Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I suppose by 'romantic love', I meant love, not just sexual attraction. A guy can be sexually attracted without knowing the girl and may not even be interested in knowing her as a person, just in having sex. If he loved her, he would stay interested in her and not want to share her. He'd want to do special things for her. If she loved him, she'd feel the same way. I think it's a shame that it's almost a taboo subject and that having a FWB is considered more acceptable than falling in love with someone. Have we lost our way here? It's a sign of the times and it is not just one gender either. I some circles women these days are considered corny and retro if they admit they want to fall in love.
Fitz Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Believe it or not, lol, we still have lots of sex, and we still have frequent moments of lust for each other. And while I've never been a fan of flowers, he still brings me small treats to light up my day: a special coffee, an accessory for my hobby, a chocolate treat, etc. And he still gets bjs I believe it is very important to keep "courting" your partner throughout a long term relationship. Not constantly, of course. Everything in balance with work and parenting and other responsibilities. But give the relationship priority as well, and court your spouse to keep the romance alive I don't mean to imply that couples in love stop having sex! Sounds like you have a great relationship! And I'm not being sarcastic!
udolipixie Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) In my opinion romantic love from men towards women never existed and was simply a ploy to for men to receive ego stroking and love while preventing women from knowing how much men truly hate women and see them as worthless except for their holes. Likely guys meet a gal thinking they fell in love when it's just love as studies have shown that guys fall in love at first sight based on physical apperance. Most likely there isn't a set point at which guys find sexual attraction turns into "love". Edited July 31, 2012 by udolipixie
2.50 a gallon Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 udolpixie I can tell you the day and the time I fell in love with my current GF Second date, first kiss, about 9 o'clock in the evening and coming up on 17 years This is my third time to fall in love. The first being my Ex-fiance. Alas I was too young, a mere 28, and having a great bachelorhood. I didn't know what I had or how to take care of it With my Ex-wife it was on our wedding day, when I was stunned to see this lovely woman walk down the aisle to take her vows with me, and I went from a 35 year old pussy hound player to a loving husband When we broke up, I swore that I would never fall in love again. I was so extreme that daily I built my walls higher and thicker so that 14 years later nobody was going to get through to me. It did me no good, as with that first kiss they melted away and there was no defence I was in love. And don't go thinking that I was an easy mark, as I easily had close to triple digits in bed partners in the intervening 14 years. Including a very rich, Mensa intelligent, hottie who was a dozen years younger than me, whom I had an on again / off again relationship for over 6 years. It was me who was the off, as I would not let her get to me. So determined was I to hold on to my independence, that when I started slipping, I packed up and moved back to my home town and to put a distance of a thousand miles between us Seventeen years ago, on Oct 22 I hung a no vacancy sign on my heart and it is never coming down. And even though I am retired, don't go thinking that other women are still not interested in me. Two weeks ago I said no thank you to two 25 year olds who invited me over to a 3-some
proseandpassion Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 In my opinion romantic love from men towards women never existed and was simply a ploy to for men to receive ego stroking and love while preventing women from knowing how much men truly hate women and see them as worthless except for their holes. Likely guys meet a gal thinking they fell in love when it's just love as studies have shown that guys fall in love at first sight based on physical apperance. Most likely there isn't a set point at which guys find sexual attraction turns into "love". You're wrong, I'm afraid. Someday you'll change your mind. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 ". . . romantic love from men towards women never existed . . ." How do you think our species came to dominate the planet? From what I have read, one of the key moments in our evolution was when our ancestor species began mating face to face, instead of doggy style like most animals. By looking in each others eyes, a much stronger pair bond began to form between the mother and father of the offspring and we developed a family unit. I grew up in a loving family. Both of my grand parents live long enough to celebrate their golden anniversary. On my fathers side, the two of them enjoyed dancing and fishing even into their 70's. Many a time I saw them sitting in their lawn chairs holding hands waiting for the fish to bite. And on my mothers side, they were always holding hands. And every once in awhile grandpa would reach over and caress grandma on her arm or her cheek, and if you were looking closely in their eyes, just for a moment they would get this far away look, and the two of them would slip off to a place that only lovers know. Unfortunately my dad passed before my parents golden anniversary. My dad loved to raise roses, and one of the reasons he loved roses, was become mom loved roses. When they were blooming, daily there was a new blossom in the vase on the table. My dad also played the guitar, and many a night he would sing to my mom. And like his parents, my parents loved to square dance. They went all of the time, at least twice a week. Even on vacations, they were square dancing. There never was a doubt in my mind that my father was romantically in love with my mom. It did take much to goad my father into telling whomever would listen how much he loved my mom. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Does romantic love exist any more? Do guys ever meet a girl and fall in love not just lust? If you read the forums, you get the impression that all guys think of is sex and that anything else is secondary, yet guys do get involved with a particular girl and are devastated if the relationship breaks up. At what point does a guy find that sexual attraction turns into love? Is it after a few dates, weeks of seeing a girl, months? Does he usually know it's more than a sexual attraction from very early on? Questions, questions ... “Romance is the deepest thing in life. It is deeper than reality.”
udolipixie Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 You're wrong, I'm afraid. Someday you'll change your mind. Whether I'm wrong is a tossup. I highly doubt I'll change my mind about this considering history, society, and what seems to mens general attitude. ". . . romantic love from men towards women never existed . . ." How do you think our species came to dominate the planet? From what I have read, one of the key moments in our evolution was when our ancestor species began mating face to face, instead of doggy style like most animals. By looking in each others eyes, a much stronger pair bond began to form between the mother and father of the offspring and we developed a family unit. I think our species came to dominate the planet through technology, innovation, invention, and war. I disagree that by looking in each others eyes a much stronger pair bond began to form between the mother and father and the family unit was developed. The family unit was likely already developed as in the animal kingdom there's usually some form of family. People can look into each others eyes during sex without bonding so it's a bit illogical to state that eye contact lead to much stronger pair bonding unless there's scientific proof that eye contact during sex generally leads to pair bonding much less stronger pair bonding. In my opinion any pair bonding from sex is done solely on the woman's part thanks to oxytocin.
xxoo Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) In my opinion any pair bonding from sex is done solely on the woman's part thanks to oxytocin. Scientists are finding that vasopressin plays a role in men's pair bonding: Vasopressin and Bonding An easy read about the research: Monogamy in Men and the Vasopressin Receptor Edited August 1, 2012 by xxoo
udolipixie Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Scientists are finding that vasopressin plays a role in men's pair bonding: Vasopressin and Bonding The research I've read so far have been that vasopressin plays a role in brain reorganization toward paternal behaviors reinforcing protectiveness regarding mate and child, tempering aggression, tempering the sexual drive, and making him more reasonable and less extreme. Seems to me vasopressin isn't pair bonding rather promoting protectiveness of his property and reducing his drive to sow his oats not pair bonding.
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