am sick....so no social activities='s no distractions from misery...

[zanzi]

Karma has a funny way of slamming you up the ass. I am sick today. With what is probably a virus. Which I got from someone else. Doing various things with him, because I was missing my ex.

 

So I can maybe expect a week of this or worse. This guy has had a virus called jihadia or something last month, a very bad one.

 

So I will be lying in bed, whimpering like a baby ( I act like this when I am sick) and thinking about my ex, who no longer speaks to me ( i am doing "NC."). instead of going to uni and seeing my friends which is what I need to do, which was the only thing distracting me from the misery and pain or being dumped like so much rubbish.

 

This feels like certain doom. Its going to be a huge sh*t fest. NONONO, I was doing so well. This feels like a huge setback. I would take it like a man but I'm a woman. Please god no, dont give me a water borne virus. is this for f*cking to try and get over him, now your making me sick???

[zanzi]

stupidity.

[Ruby65]

How are you holding up?

[zanzi]

health has improved. I was afraid I would be stuck in bed. Much better to be out and about and not thinking much.

 

I can't wait for this pain to stop, to let go completely. He was always the one most keen on me, now the tables have turned as they did towards the end.

 

You wouldn't know rocks could bleed until you felt like a rock bleeding. I feel like Im kind of half dead and bleeding. I don't think its melodramatic to say that to most people on this forum, the first few months without the one they love is agonizing.

 

This morning when I woke up I thought about swallowing all my sleeping pills.

[CaliBabe]

Wow Zanzi, I'm so sorry for your pain. I feel you. I separated from my new guy about a week ago and I am crying at work and my entire brain is filled with thoughts of him. It is so hard. I am trying to stick to NC.

[zanzi]

It was only a brief thought.

Until you get over it your just convinced that they mean everything. :/

of course, they do not.

 

I visualized him coming gypsying on back to me with his gypsy violin and me saying " you were willing to lose me forever. why did you come back? You hurt me too much. I don't really want you, I just think that I want you. " and him doing that annoying half assed non explanation and realized that even if he came back next week, or whatever ( he won't) and we tried again, we would fail catastrophically. Nothing would change. Things have to change, I have to get over him. If theres any chance of talking as friends in future. Maybe he will miss me eventually. I am pretty rad.

[zanzi]

CaliBabe if you stick too NC you will not regret it. If you contact, he will say things to you you will agonize over for weeks playing them over and over again in your head. He probably won't even think on what he's said after he said it. Both need time.