fuze Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Hey guys. First time poster. I'm going to purposely leave out some details of my interactions why the girl I was dating for privacy reasons. However, if you'd like to know, please tell me, and I'll PM you with details. In January, I started dating this girl, and we hit it off really well. We felt a deep sense of connection and attraction. One night, in her bed, she even said "If you get into medical school in this area, we should get an apartment." We would make out really passionately, and unfortunately, that was my last memory of her. After a few dates, things turned. It was time for final exams for both of us. She goes to medical school, so we were both extremely busy. I would text or email her once in a while (a couple times a week). However, she responses became shorter and less invested. For the past couple of months, it was difficult just to get a response from her. A few days ago, I realized that she had unfriended me from Facebook. She didn't say anything. I know, at one point, that she was deeply attracted to me, but I feel like we lost a lot of emotional momentum along the way. What should I do now? and what should my mindset be? Should I text her next week? Should I call instead? Should I wait a month? or 3-4 months? Should I wait until I get accepted to med school? Should I re-initiate contact at all? What should I say? What if I call in a month and still don't get a response?
KatZee Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I've seen this all the time. It's called "the fade out." From reading this is sounds like you were never an official couple to begin with... were you just seeing each other, or was there a conversation regarding being committed as bf/gf? If you were never official, it sounds like she was just casually seeing you, realized it wasn't really going anywhere anymore, and pulled the fade out... where communication becomes less and less... and lesss... and then he/she's gone. 1
sendme Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 That completely sucks for you... I would say don't contact her... for whatever reason she's moved on. As a med student myself I can honestly say that med school are the hardest and most tumultuous years of your life, I know so many people who have lost significant relationships because of school, and others who end up handling all the stress by serial dating... you can't get too serious with one partner because you don't even have time for yourself let alone time to give to someone else, so every few weeks they move on to someone new. it's easy to rush into some level of intimacy during this period because you're stretched so thin, you just want to reach out and suck any positive support or encouragement from anywhere you can... Unfortunately, I think she's probably done with you, she might have thoroughly enjoyed your time together, but she's closed the door... and although it absolutely sucks, eventually you'll move forward and you will be able to look back and be glad that she closed the door.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Ive seen this before. I think she probably got dumped recently, and was using you to try to get over her ex. She made out with you passionately to try to get something going emotionally with her, but she couldn't forget about her ex. Thats why she disappeared. Either that, or you said something that just turned her off completely last time you saw her. Either way, she isnt interested in you anymore, or she would have contacted you. Dont contact her again, and move on to another woman.
Author fuze Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the fast reply! You're right. We were just casually dating. Yeah...well, I came out of a relationship a few months before meeting her too. And I thought she was one of those rare girls with good looks, a great sense of humor, good attitude and a good outlook on life. We never fought and never really had an argument. Every time we saw each other, it'd be really on. But the line would slack a bit when we're not together. I know I should move on, but I still want this girl. Can anyone clue me in on what she's thinking currently and for the past few months?? Edited July 29, 2012 by fuze
salmagundi Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Can anyone clue me in on what she's thinking currently and for the past few months?? Uhh...to do that we would have to be able to read her mind... This is what dating is, its not a big deal. You meet someone, you try...sometimes it works sometimes not. Who knows why, you know probably almost nothing about her. Maybe she went back to an ex. Maybe she was seeing other people and she finally chose someone else. Maybe she isn't ready for a relationship. Maybe something about you was a deal breaker for her. Who the hell knows. But the fact that she deleted you from Facebook is pretty clearly because she is not interested and she doesn't want you to contact her. So if I were you I wouldn't. I would just keep on keeping on. Women are like buses, right? Hang out at the stop long enough and another one will be along shortly...
todreaminblue Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Hey guys. First time poster. I'm going to purposely leave out some details of my interactions why the girl I was dating for privacy reasons. However, if you'd like to know, please tell me, and I'll PM you with details. In January, I started dating this girl, and we hit it off really well. We felt a deep sense of connection and attraction. One night, in her bed, she even said "If you get into medical school in this area, we should get an apartment." We would make out really passionately, and unfortunately, that was my last memory of her. After a few dates, things turned. It was time for final exams for both of us. She goes to medical school, so we were both extremely busy. I would text or email her once in a while (a couple times a week). However, she responses became shorter and less invested. For the past couple of months, it was difficult just to get a response from her. A few days ago, I realized that she had unfriended me from Facebook. She didn't say anything. I know, at one point, that she was deeply attracted to me, but I feel like we lost a lot of emotional momentum along the way. What should I do now? and what should my mindset be? Should I text her next week? Should I call instead? Should I wait a month? or 3-4 months? Should I wait until I get accepted to med school? Should I re-initiate contact at all? What should I say? What if I call in a month and still don't get a response? ....I dont want to write what I am going to write to you on loveshack a while ago i would have written something different... so i send this with a hug as well because if i was talking to you in person that is what i would do...i promised to be honest on here like i am out in daylight of harsh reality so...... move on....... dont waste time with a maybe when you deserve to find "a hell yes...come to me baby" dont spend any more time on this maybe illusion....your helll yes is getting further away from you.......you have to recover first before you find your "come to me baby".........forget the shimmering maybe....the amount of time they would spend in your life will never be enough for you only the shimmerer....they are hunting, morphing in and out of in greener pastures running amok....find someone who wants to be where you are......you will thank me when you do and give a huuuuuge sigh of relief...keep me updated..times ticking and it doesnt turn back.....so dont you.........debxo
Author fuze Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 awww man. That sucks. A part of me really doesn't want to give up. I guess this fade-out thing leaves me with no closure, and the one-itis that comes with it makes it hard for me to concentrate on my med school apps.
KatZee Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Thanks for the fast reply! You're right. We were just casually dating. Yeah...well, I came out of a relationship a few months before meeting her too. And I thought she was one of those rare girls with good looks, a great sense of humor, good attitude and a good outlook on life. We never fought and never really had an argument. Every time we saw each other, it'd be really on. But the line would slack a bit when we're not together. I know I should move on, but I still want this girl. Can anyone clue me in on what she's thinking currently and for the past few months?? She was merely dating you casually. There was no official commitment. For whatever reason, it fizzled and she just faded off. No one here can tell you EXACTLY what she's thinking or why she decided to disappear off into oblivion, but it's clear she isn't interested in you on a deeper level. It's possible her ex could have come back around and that's why she's deleted you. It does sound like she was using you to rebound a bit, which isn't cool for you... so I wouldn't pursue this. Don't try to play any tricks, or think NC will have her coming back around. Right now she's damaged, and likely hung up on someone else.
Freckas Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 FUNNY how the people that care less about us, and our thoughts and feelings, dont tell us how they feel so we can move on. They like us just enough to not hurt our feelings, but dislike us just enough to not bother telling us the truth. Hey guys. First time poster. I'm going to purposely leave out some details of my interactions why the girl I was dating for privacy reasons. However, if you'd like to know, please tell me, and I'll PM you with details. In January,***was this a new years EVE fling thing?-How did you meet? did she initiate? please answer*** I started dating this girl, and we hit it off really well Really well meaning fast? physically romantic, physically intimate?. We felt a deep sense of connection and attraction -Is this lust connection, possibly oxytocin exchange, Im glad men get it too SUX though. One night, in her bed, she even said "If you get into medical school in this area, we should get an apartment." - This is what she could have been saying, and forgive me inadvance she could have been innocent but if she isnt innocent this is what she might have meant to say: "You should help me save money, and since we are having sex steadily , I can proceed to manipulate you emotionally into thinking you must provide for me, thereby paying her rent and her food expenses. We would make out really passionately, and unfortunately, that was my last memory of her.- You remember what you want to about people we all do. Try to remember she took you off facebook, it will help you get over her, you have to hold on to the hurt to get over the hurt, also what if her boyfriends on her facebook, she cant have you both on thier especially if you were a person that she slept with while on a "break" After a few dates- Are these dates before 10pm that were not at a alcohol serving building? were these dates in a house only that started on the couch with a movie and plate of food, and then ended in the bedroom? , things turned. It was time for final exams for both of us. She goes to medical school, so we were both extremely busy. I would text or email her once in a while (a couple times a week). However, she responses became shorter and less invested.-This is a sign, usually pple would say dont read into it too much, but combine this with the other hints she dropped. For the past couple of months, it was difficult just to get a response from her. A few days ago, I realized that she had unfriended me from Facebook. She didn't say anything. -What a butthead she is!!! We all want people to tell us how they feel, they rarely do. I know, at one point, that she was deeply attracted to me, but I feel like we lost a lot of emotional momentum along the way. -Moved to fast next time even if your really turned on, dont do 100% of what your body wants you to do, you can compromise, make out and some heavy petting but thats it! I find that women and men stay longer where they have invested time or money, than they would if they had nothing invested in the person except for heat of the moments. What should I do now? and what should my mindset be? -I must tell you i was kind of obsessed before but only because we had so much in common it was crazy, I read up on it and discovered, a woman likes a man that succeeds in something she likes or in something she failed and wanted to suceed in. Same for men. This is not true in ALL cases that would be unfair, but most of them. I always wondered why on earth men loved women playing lingerie football why not just lingerie dancing? and how all those reality shows and dating competitions next bus etc etc, have females doing male activities ( i thought they must be wanting a man for goodness sake) but we like people that excel in things we like to do , and like people that excel in things we wish we could do better. A simple g009le search will show you an indian guy how to make someone fall inlove with you, i bought it. I guess I could fwd it too you. I bought his "how to get over someone" just incase. He spot on about the theory of liking people for the reasons i stated above. Should I text her next week? No Should I call instead? Heck NO Should I wait a month? or 3-4 months? LONGER Should I wait until I get accepted to med school? FORGET her til she remembers you and then pretend your busy at first, if she only wants to hang out on her time doing one thing when shes inebriated then she needs to consider the fact that you deserve to know why shes like that. Should I re-initiate contact at all? Please don't, you seem like a nice guy, you dont really need to put yourself out there to this one again. What should I say? "do you offer tutor sessions" you must see her grades first, as this is to ensure your paying a tutor thats qualified. This will enable you to see her REAL name, her REAL grades, her REAL personality, her REAL dedication to school, if she has a REAL boyfriend... etc Sorry for all the errors, I amnot so concerned with my grammar and apologize it more important I get all this out in a time efficient manner but so that you can still understand. Good luck let us know!! What if I call in a month and still don't get a response? (Christopher Walken voice says "I try not to worry about things I can`t do anything about."-
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