RandyT Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Around three weeks ago my wife walked out, she took our 4 kids and drove over 1000kms interstate. I felt something was up that morning so I called her from work, she sounded a little down so I decided to leave work and come home to be there for her, but when I got home she was gone and a lot of stuff was gone as well. I figured where she was heading and threw some stuff in the car and left. I followed her all the way. We talked and she said she needed some space to work out how she was feeling, she said she loves me but is not in love with me, she said she wants that feeling. I booked a session with a counsellor I attended two on my own before she finally came to the third and the fourth session. She still said she needed space and time to think. I managed to convince her (along with advice from the counsellor) that our two school aged need to be back in school. I’m now back home with my eldest two children with my wife and the other two children still over 1000kms away. I want my wife back but also I can’t stand this distance from the kids. She said she was looking at moving into a house where she was on a three month lease I wasn’t happy with that. She ended up telling me the next night that it was over, and I do what ever I needed to do, she said she may even stay there permanent. So I decided the next day to see a solicitor as I wanted the kids back, the distance was unfair on me and the kids. We talked later that day and I told her that I had been to see a solicitor, she went off at me and asked why I did that, I told her she gave me no choice separating me and the kids. She broke down in tears and said she’d had enough, she told me that I could have the kids, I told her that wasn’t what I wanted and that I just wanted them to be closer so it is easier on them. She ended up hanging up. She called back that night and said to me she doesn’t want the kids and for me to come get them, again I said to her that wasn’t what I wanted, but she insisted. About 30 minutes later she called back and said what if she comes back and we try work it out, I said to her that’s all I ever wanted, I love her so very much. The next morning we talked and she said she’s not coming back and she can’t come back to the house we are in, I said ok then and that we would find a place to rent and she could move in there and once the house sells we’ll all move in together. She then said no she wanted some time to live apart, she wants to fall back in love with me. I’m wasn’t happy with this but at least we will have the kids settled and we can try and work on it. She is now in the process of looking for a house for her to rent. A little inside info: My wife suffers from depression and has been on medication for 10 years, she has never had the correct help and will never see anyone, she has been self medicating, changing her dose as she feels she needs to, the doctors do nothing but give her the script. I suspect this is partly or all to blame for where she is right now. The counsellor advised her to see someone to make sure she is in the best frame of mind to make the decisions she is making right now. She hasn’t seen anyone. I told her if she is coming back that she needs to see someone, she said that she doesn’t want to see a counsellor but she will see a psychiatrist, I told her that is great and that is what she has needed for a very long time. She said she will do it once she has moved. I’ll leave it at that for now, there is much more, but this tells it to a point. I love my wife so very much and I have always been there for her and the kids. I started reading a book called the Love Dare, but one thing I have found so far is that I am already doing what it is saying. I guess I just needed get it out.
jgregory4614 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Randy... GIVE HER SOME SPACE!!! You are sufficating her. Give her some time to think about what she is doing. All your doing is pushing her away from you. She's probably overwhelmed with the kids and at the same time tring to decide what she wants. If you play your cards right you can get her back. First thing do not call her. If she calls you talk to her see what she needs. Let her do what she wants. The more you push the issue about getting back together the more she's going to withdraw. Its going to be hard to do but it will work if you follow through with it. Get a different book about relationships and break ups. Try different ones they all have different information. They're are a lot of good people her on this page that could help you better understand what you should do. Just keep your cool. Don't contact her and gain as much knowledge about relationships as possible. Keep your sanity randy. Love Life!
Author RandyT Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I know what you mean by giving her space, but I'm not happy being separated from my kids or the kids being separated from each other. She has no right to do that. I'm also trying to manage my job with the two eldest kids going to school, and I'm concerned about that, my work have been good about it but it's not going to last too long. I already see my work slipping because I can't concentrate.
jgregory4614 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Get your self together Randy! Man up! Focus on your job and kids. Your kids need you at this point and you need to show them some stability. Don't. Mention anything about the break up to them even if they know. Take it like a man bro! Snap back into reality get your sanity in order. I know its hard. I've been through the same excat situation a few times with my wife. I acted the same way you did. It doesn't help doing what your doing now. Listen to what I'm telling you. Act on it now not later. Keep us updated. Were here for support. Love Life!
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