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Posted

Hey everyone, im new here and hope to find some closure.

 

My girlfriend and i broke up 5 months ago. We had a very troubled relationship. We dealt with 2 aportions, her depression, her psycological illness, jealousy from both me and her, my unemployment etc.

 

Which caused a lot of fights, very rough ones. An eventually leading to our breakup.

 

We've allways loved each other very much. We've helped and supported each other through rough times, like aportion, my unemployment and her depression. I've never loved a person like her, she was my best friend and the person that has meant the most to me in my whole life. And the only person i've ever felt 100% comfortable and safe with. So basically a soulmate :)

 

So it felt natural to stay in touch again after a month or so. She loved me back and said she had the utmost respect for me and my person. She told me she was only attracted to me, and that she had no intention of being with someone else. As i was the one she wanted to be with.

So we decided to see each other abit again.

 

We made it clear, that we weren't a couple. But that if any of us were about to find someone new, or someday wanted to be with someone else etc. We should tell each other and generally be honest.

 

Since then we've had a fantastic time. We've allways had fun together, which we still kept having. We were still intimate, she kept telling me she loves me, how great i am as a friend, and how sexually attracted i was to her. Aswell as writing how much she misses me, even though we have seen each other 1-2 days a week for 4 months.

 

Yesterday my world collapses. I found out she's ****ed and had dinner with an old friend of hers, whom i even know through my brother, a guy i even see now and then. A friend that has caused ALOT of the problems in our relationship.

 

At the time we were still together i found out she's been lieing about how their relationship had been before we met. She's been ****ing him before, and he's been in love with her. She told me, she kept this from me to spare me, as he meant NOTHING to her.

 

She even went from ****ing him on a saturday. To sleep with me, tell me how much i mean to her and how much she loves me the next day. Back to going to dinner with him on monday.

 

So basically she's been bouncing back and forth between me and him for awhile, i dont know how long.

 

When i confronted her with this, she began denying and lieing even more. She tried to explain it was a mistake, and she still loved me, wanted to be with me etc. After i was shed to tears, she left my apartment. And is now ignoring me on phone and facebook.

 

I really want a hug and a kiss from her, but she acts like im dead to her.

 

The betrayel and lies she has filled me with makes me want to kill myself. I feel so naive and pathetic.

 

How can someone who loved you, treat you like this? Tell you so many sweet and loving things, and go behind your back and do what she knows will hurt me the most.

What would you've done in a similar situation? :confused:

 

Thanks in advance

Posted

Hi...if she suffered from depression etc, she's not quite right anyway. Just let it go dude!

Posted

Hello,

I don't think that depression is a deal breaker, if she takes anti - depressants and tries to work on it - I myself suffer from it but it gets only worse, when I am stressed or in fight with someone etc, otherwise I am OK

but if not, it can be an explanation for her confusing behavior when people are sad they tend to do weird things

I think she doesn't know what she wants.

You need to cut her off completely from your life. She isn't a good person for you. She will hurt you every time even more. You need to go NC.

Sorry you are going through this :(.

Posted

I am in a similar situation. I have finally started NC after a final chat on the phone to her. I explained to her that she is causing me damage and I need time alone because I suspect her of flirting and meeting other people. And it is not healthy for me. She was very defensive and angry at what I said, which re-enforces it.

 

It is up to her to make the changes she needs to to make me feel safe and that my feelings are respected by her. She takes advantage of the situation and I need time to heal. If she approaches me to reconcile, then I will listen. But I will not be initiating contact with her for a good while, at least 30 days, Ideally a few months.

 

Go no contact, if she talks to you, be professional. Be civil. Wait until you are ready, if you ever will be.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks alot for the replys.

 

Its really tough to go NC. I love her so much, but it seems like a sinking ship :'(

Posted
Thanks alot for the replys.

 

Its really tough to go NC. I love her so much, but it seems like a sinking ship :'(

 

Here's the deal. Think back to all of those times when you were alone in your apartment, sleeping in your bed and at that very moment, she was having sex with someone else. Apparently, you didn't mean that much to her if she willingly did this to you.

 

So, now she's not talking to you? Trying to work things out? Begging to work it out? That's not remorseful dude.

 

So, Now is the time to be selfish. Time to work on yourself and make a lot of self improvements. You said you were unemployed. Okay, that's step number one. Your full time job should be to get a job. You have to invest 8 hours a day. Making phonecalls, sending out resumes, going to job fairs, going to employment agencies until you get a job. Sometimes you have to take A job before you get THE job. Meaning, you might have to take a job outside of your field of interest before you find one that is in your field. Just so money is coming in, take a job. Plus, it will help with your self esteem to be gainfully employed.

Go to school and improve your finanical situation and your marketability. It will take some time be well worth it in the end!

  • Author
Posted

@Chi townD

 

Thankfully, im no longer unemployed :) And is starting on my dream education from september.

 

So apart from the current ex-gf situation. My life is going smoother than ever, which is a huge plus. I have to focus on the positive things going on in my life.

 

Thanks for the reply ;)

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