LDR planning to meet for the first time.

[Carenth]

Well where to start basically this is the first time I've ever been in a long distance relationship. I would have never expected to end up in a long distance relationship because I never thought I could fall for someone I've never met.

 

We met on a forum about a year and a half ago, both in our mid twenties. We quickly became friends and spend a lot of time Skyping and chatting etc sending photos from our phones on a pretty much daily basis. We even sent little presents to each other in the mail.

 

Come around January this year she confessed she had feelings for me (I felt the same way about her) and was wondering if I would consider trying a long distance relationship with her. Problem is we are from different countries, probably about as far away as one can get from each other in terms of geographical distance.

 

By this point I was in love with her and wanted to give it a try.

 

So we had tentatively been discussing meeting up for the first time back in March trying to figure out when would be good for both us as we both have pretty busy schedules.

 

It was around this time that I was offered a new job which was a massive step up for me career wise and I just couldn't ignore it.

So I took the job and she was very supportive, but I feel somewhat selfish because that meant, we wouldn't be able to meet at least until I had gotten enough time off work to go out and visit her.

 

She had been overseas with her family for the 3 weeks this month and got back about week ago, this trip had been planned well over a year ago. During that time she was very good at keeping communication with me almost on a near daily basis.

 

She had been a little distant since getting back, nothing terrible just I could sense something was on her mind. So we had a chat about how her and I were feeling tonight. She talked about how she knows it would be far off in the future but the idea of her moving to my country scared her a little and she would miss her family and friends terribly.

 

I kind of feel the same way about moving to her country but more of my worries lied in would we get along as well as have online in real life? We both worry about that and I guess were a little unsure how to proceed until we meet in person.

 

I’m happy to visit her as I’m in a better position financially (she is still studying) and I have enough paid leave for two weeks. Now we are at that point where we are discussing when would be a good time for us to meet up. We didn’t get very far in that discussion at all because it was 2am for her (another problem our timezone differences can be murder) and she needed to sleep.

 

All we really came to at this point was we really wanted to meet and I’m happy to travel to meet her and she’s happy to have me stay with her.

 

I don’t know why I’m really posting this, I just feel a bit unsure I guess? I’m looking for some advice from people who have been in similar situation. The idea of meeting her is really exciting but at the same time it’s a little scary because I’m never been in this situation, where I know so much about someone before I have even met them.

[cerridwen]

"All we really came to at this point was we really wanted to meet and I’m happy to travel to meet her and she’s happy to have me stay with her."

 

I recommend focusing on this ^ and this alone.

 

YOU

are going on a holiday to visit someone you're quite excited about.

Keep it that simple.

Keep it as light as you're able to.

The more pressure you put on yourselves (thinking about the future, feeling guilty about the past), the more likely it is that things will be tense and unnatural. After so much time, it's difficult not to have expectations. Each of you has filled in the blanks of the other. So, while it might be impossible to drop your assumptions, at least be open.

 

Be open to the idea she's different than you imagined.

Be open to the idea conversation may not flow naturally at first.

But also be open to things growing deeper and more meaningful once you're in person, and the initial nervousness subsides.

Any and all that is possible.

 

Have fun.

[Carenth]

Well time sure has moved fast... didn't realise how long ago I made this post.

 

Just wanted to pop in and give an update and thanks for the advice Cerridwen I have taken it to heart.

 

I'm happy to report I will with her in early November!

Flights are booked got everything pretty much ready now even though it still months away hehe.

 

We pretty much agreed not to guilt ourselves about what the future could hold (in terms of one of us moving etc). Just to see this trip as two friends spending a vacation together and trying not to build up any insane expectations.

 

Instead we are focusing on what we will spend our time together doing while I'm visiting, we have quite a bit planned already. I will be staying for 14 days.

 

Now I need to think of things to keep me occupied during the flight 20 hours in total (I live in Australia she lives in Canada). Part of me thinks i'm crazy doing this, the other part sees it as an adventure. Either way I'm really nervous but excited as well can't wait for November!

[liverpool fc]

Well time sure has moved fast... didn't realise how long ago I made this post.

 

Just wanted to pop in and give an update and thanks for the advice Cerridwen I have taken it to heart.

 

I'm happy to report I will with her in early November!

Flights are booked got everything pretty much ready now even though it still months away hehe.

 

We pretty much agreed not to guilt ourselves about what the future could hold (in terms of one of us moving etc). Just to see this trip as two friends spending a vacation together and trying not to build up any insane expectations.

 

Instead we are focusing on what we will spend our time together doing while I'm visiting, we have quite a bit planned already. I will be staying for 14 days.

 

Now I need to think of things to keep me occupied during the flight 20 hours in total (I live in Australia she lives in Canada). Part of me thinks i'm crazy doing this, the other part sees it as an adventure. Either way I'm really nervous but excited as well can't wait for November!

 

hello fellow australian!

thats really good to hear, just feel comfortable around each other first before you talk about anything like that!

try to be really tired so you can sleep for most of the flight, and bring a ipod/ipad to listen to and play on the flight!

[LittleTiger]

Well time sure has moved fast... didn't realise how long ago I made this post.

 

Just wanted to pop in and give an update and thanks for the advice Cerridwen I have taken it to heart.

 

I'm happy to report I will with her in early November!

Flights are booked got everything pretty much ready now even though it still months away hehe.

 

We pretty much agreed not to guilt ourselves about what the future could hold (in terms of one of us moving etc). Just to see this trip as two friends spending a vacation together and trying not to build up any insane expectations.

 

Instead we are focusing on what we will spend our time together doing while I'm visiting, we have quite a bit planned already. I will be staying for 14 days.

 

Now I need to think of things to keep me occupied during the flight 20 hours in total (I live in Australia she lives in Canada). Part of me thinks i'm crazy doing this, the other part sees it as an adventure. Either way I'm really nervous but excited as well can't wait for November!

 

Seems to me you are approaching this visit in a very sensible way - good for you. The worst that's likely to happen is that you'll both make a fantastic new friend!

 

My guy, aka kiwi man, flew 12,000 miles (NZ to England) to meet me after we met online and had been chatting several hours a day for two months solid. It was the best thing that ever happened to either of us!

 

Don't worry about the long flight. Our journey is 30 hours! Trust me, it will fly by. If you get along as well as you're hoping, it's the parting at the end of the holiday and the journey home that's the killer!

 

Good luck to both of you. Have a fabulous time together and remember to come back and tell us all about it.

[Carenth]

Leaving later today, haven't slept all night starting to freak out a bit, very excited but nervous as well.

[Lady Chrissy]

I'm really excited for you! Keep us updated with how things go and such =) Have fun but be careful, you never know, she could be an ax murder lol jk ^-^

[blugirl]

Good luck!! ^^

[FitChick]

My general advice for those contemplating a long distance relationship is to decide fairly early on who would be the one to move. Don't assume anything. If one of you would never ever want to live in the others town, it won't work.

 

When moving countries you 'd either have to be assured of a legal job visa or get married.

[HeavenOrHell]

My advice would be don't talk about moving until you've met many times or spent several months actually together (not online), if you talk about it very soon after meeting face to face you're likely to make promises you can't keep when you're in the first heady weeks/months of a relationship, a couple can't know if they'll want to move in together until they know each other properly, it's not a good idea to make big decisions in the honeymoon phase, bear in the mind the honeymoon can last longer in an LDR.

Decisions like that need to made once all the initial excitement has worn off and you're in the back to reality phase.

My partner cajoled me into talking about the future far too early on, when I said it was too early to think about it yet, he insisted on talking about it, in the days when he was enthusiastic and excited about us, he made promises he couldn't keep, which I thought is what would happen, and I wish to this day that he'd never talked about it so early on and made promises which he was incapable of and he couldn't keep.

Now I'm still in love with him 2 1/2 years on and no plans for the future, and I'm stuck in a r/ship indefinitely with someone I see a few times a year, because I love him too much to leave.

 

Not that the OP is even talking about the future, she's not even met her partner yet Which is kind of my point, it's a bit previous to be thinking about moving just yet.

 

I see where you're coming from FitChick, but it's not so black and white.

 

 

 

My general advice for those contemplating a long distance relationship is to decide fairly early on who would be the one to move. Don't assume anything. If one of you would never ever want to live in the others town, it won't work.

 

When moving countries you 'd either have to be assured of a legal job visa or get married.

[Carenth]

So I'm back home now, thought I would give and update. To put it short it was amazing. I was really freaking out that we wouldn't get along in person on the flight over.

 

There was no reason for me to worry though, when I landed I was a ball of nerves, I went to collect my bags and was looking around to see if she was around. A few minutes later I see a girl with a puzzled look on her face looking at a piece of paper and then at the terminal screens. It was her, she walked right past me she was still looking at the terminal screens as she walked by.

 

I called out her name and she span around, ran over to me and gave me a big hug. She was confused as to which terminal I would be arriving in.

 

I met a lot of her friends on the trip, lovely and fun people. We are in love and I'm very happy. It was hard saying goodbye (for now) we hugged and kissed until they were calling my name over the loud speaker to board the plane.

 

Don't know what else to say really other than I feel warm and fuzzy inside.

[IAK4.9.9MAP]

Never used one of these sites before...but my I just wanted to thank Carenth for sharing his story. I will be seeing my LDR "boyfriend" (although we haven't settled on labels yet) in two months and I'm petrified that it will not work out...I mean I believe that it is up to God whether it works out or not but still...so much time (3 years), emotion, and funds have been put into this relationship..

It's good to hear a guy's perspective on this.

Please share if you have any advice at all. Thanks.

[blugirl]

^ Hey there! I will be meeting my "boyfriend" after 4 years finally next year, so imagine how petrified I am!! Lol. On the other side, he is calm and sure we are a perfect match xD I hope he's right...