Rusty8t8 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 My story very quickly; - I was in a relationship for 2 years with my ex gf. The first year was long distance and then the 2nd I was really ill. I got into the relationship still wounded from the relationship before. - When I was ill I had a stupid cheap thrill idea of flirting with other women on-line, to the extent I started flirting with women I knew. I never cheated, but I did emotionally. -This eventually led me to break up with her due to the guilt - I was not very supportive, she got pregnant while I was will, and I felt I could not help her with the abortion due to my illness, which she didnt like me for - After 2 months of being broken up I found out she was dating some older guy (like 14 years older). I kind of regretted breaking up, sent her letters, we even had 2 dates on the second we kissed a lot. Then she stopped replying to my texts so I went to her house to talk to her, and she was with the guy she started seeing. They were seeing eahc other. I spent about 2 weeks of being mental, depressed etc, then I had enough and I went into no contact due to the hurt. - I then started dating other people and moving on. Then she started texting me, and hanging around my social group again. Then eventually I told her i was fed up of the fact we were ignoring each other and we started over again. - We started flirting via texts, and then we had an amazing date and had sex. But she kept being secretive with her phone. There one one point I say on her screen she had a text off a guy and immediately locked the phone. - So in the morning, while she showered, I did an amazingly stupid thing and i checked her phone. She had been flirting with the guy she had been seeing(call him A), and sexting this other guy (B). However, she had stopped messaging him a few days before we dated. But I have no idea if they have chatted on facebook. So I called her out on it. We argued and I said she has to stop flirting with other guys if we were going to date. She agreed. - However. I went out with my dad to watch a band at a club, and she was there too. And she started grinding some guy in a club. I tried to pull her away, but she was very drunk and ignored me. I think this is because I checked her phone and she was pissed. - I left it a few days then sent her an email saying I was fed up of being strung along, that unless she could apologise for everything, I was done and moving on. She phoned up annoyed at first, but when I explained it to her, she apologied. Andbacm to square one. _ after a few weeks of low contact, I asked her out on a Friday, and she said yes. But then she bailed on me last minute as she had too much uni work to do. - The week after she asked if we could do something, so we were supposed to go out last Friday, but she bailed on going out but invited me to hers, so I went over, Had some wine and we kissed. She invited me to go out last night with her and her friends. - Last night - I met them at a bar. From the off she was a bit distant, always on her phone, texting, or facebook messaging. She even said she was going to the toilet, but as I went to the toilet i saw her outside texting someone. In the end I said to everyone, I think I am going to go. Then she got really flirtacious with me, rubing my leg with her feet and she asked me on this Monday. I said I would let her know, because I knew that she was flirting/texting. - I stay out and go to the club with them. Eventually she dissapears. I go outside to check if she is ok. She is sat on a bench texting. I walok over. As I walk over, i see a message to (either C (a new guys name) or A, as they are similar. "Yes, I will see you in 15"/ - I ask her if she is ok. She tells me she is staying at her friend (a girls) house and she was leaving then. I asked her about the text and she point blank refused it. Adamant she was going to her girl friend. Her sister came out to find her, I was really angry. She said, I am going to (girls) house. In which I flipped and said she wasnt, she id going to some guys house. |Then she stormed off to a taxi. I tried to stop her and talk to her, but she ignored me, and as the taxi drove off, she smiled and waved at me. - I went back to the club and as neutrally as possible explained what happened. Her sister was mad. - I then got angry and phoned her and left an answer message, swearing, "how could you do this" etc etc. Maybe a mistake, but I was drunk and impulsive. - She then text me saying - "Yeah yeah yeah, I am ****ing a. Whatever!" - I ran home and cried my eyes out. - This morning I text her saying, we need to talk about this. I am hurt and confused. She replied saying, I am busy until 4. I then sent a message outlining what I knew, and asking her for her response. She hasnt replied yet. There is an hour and half until she says she isnt busy. I think I will call her and she what she has to say for herself. Wether she did actually go and meet some guy (when she invited me out and asked me out monday, and kissed the night before). And what she was playing at. If she doesnt apologise and make it right, I will initiate no contact, maybe for good. She keeps hurting me, and I keep going back for me. Any thoughts? Sorry for the wall of text!
Author Rusty8t8 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 In the shortness of the story, I never said. We are really great together, even now. 1
Balzac Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 W0W on your great comment. Never would I have summed up the drama choosing that word. More like the F'd up words. To each his own
JesseMartin Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Dude, she's treating you like ****. Your strong feelings are blinding you from seeing that right now, but try and analyze the FACTS. She's not treating you or your feelings with respect. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone like that? No! Then why do you feel this way? For one, you're experiencing hard core withdrawal symptoms because in your attachment to this girl, you have become emotionally dependent on her, you have become ADDICTED. Secondly, you not only feel like you've lost a part of you, you also feel deeply rejected, because she's off with this other guy. These strong feelings are causing you to not see the facts clearly, my friend. Your relationship with her right now is TOXIC for you. It is destroying you, and she is NOT on the same wavelength as you are. You need to go NC for 30 days and then reevaluate so you can disentangle your emotions from your rationale. You need to get back in control, because right now she's running your emotions.
Author Rusty8t8 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I just feel so betrayed. She is going to call me. I am going to say it was a mistake for me to leave a horrible answer phone message, but not apologise. Then ask her to explain why. Is that a good idea?
Author Rusty8t8 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I spoke to her on the phone for about 15 minutes. I told her I am fed up of her not respecting my feelings. I told her I am fed up of feeling like **** about her. I asked her to tell me the truth, and she denied everything. So end result, I said I am done. I will delete her number, email, facebook, everything
Ruby65 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I missed the part in your story where you owned up to the fact that emotional cheating IS cheating and begged for forgiveness and promised never to hurt her that way again. Did you really understand what you did when you brought that into your relationship? And you didn't support her emotionally during an abortion? Really? I think 99% of this drama is about her still being hurt over your affairs and then bailing during what was probably one of the most painful times of her life. And yeah -- emotional affairs are affairs. To many women they're even MORE painful than just physical ones.
weallfalldown Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I missed the part in your story where you owned up to the fact that emotional cheating IS cheating and begged for forgiveness and promised never to hurt her that way again. Did you really understand what you did when you brought that into your relationship? And you didn't support her emotionally during an abortion? Really? I think 99% of this drama is about her still being hurt over your affairs and then bailing during what was probably one of the most painful times of her life. And yeah -- emotional affairs are affairs. To many women they're even MORE painful than just physical ones. yea mate she's trying to hurt ya.....revenge?.....tell her to jog on..!
Author Rusty8t8 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) What would you suggest my best course of action is? I have no plans to get with her or not to get with her, I am just going to let life take its toll. No contract? But civil if I see her around? Do I wait for her to contact me if we are to reconcile properly? Also, she was adamant that she did not meet another guy and she that she has not flirted or been intimate with anyone since we started to date. But, I am not sure I believe her. My gut reaction is she is lying. Edited July 29, 2012 by Rusty8t8
Author Rusty8t8 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Today, I picked up my stuff. In the bag she gave me a gift she said she would a few weeks ago. I phoned her up asking why she put it in there. She said that it was because she said she would, I explained that I was confused by why she would. I told her in a text afterwards that in my mind, we either need to fully let everything go in which case she needs to take the gift back as it will hinder my healing, or if we are to work on things after some time apart, then I might be able to keep it. She hasn't replied to my text yet. Am I being stupid for even bothering asking her to explain?
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Am I being stupid for even bothering asking her to explain? No, you're being stupid for expecting her to want anything to do with you after cheating on her and abandoning her during an abortion.
Author Rusty8t8 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Probably, but love and emotions are not logical. If I was not so judgemental, she would date and be in a relationship with me. But my personality prevents that. Or it just an excuse for her.
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Fine. She lacks the maturity to walk away from a cheater who abandoned her during what was probably the most painful experience of her life so far. But stop putting HER down and acting outraged by HER behavior -- because what you've done to her is much much worse.
Chi townD Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Dude, this relationship is WAY TOO TOXIC!!!! It's best that you two just part ways and you remain in NC. You did her wrong, she did you wrong.....best to leave it be and move on. Not what you wanted to hear, but you need to learn from your mistakes and the role you played in the demise of the relationship. Then, apply what you've learned as what not to do in your next relationship.
veggirl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 In the shortness of the story, I never said. We are really great together, even now. lol what? I missed the part where you two are "great" together. sounds like you are horrible together, especially now. Today, I picked up my stuff. In the bag she gave me a gift she said she would a few weeks ago. I phoned her up asking why she put it in there. She said that it was because she said she would, I explained that I was confused by why she would. I told her in a text afterwards that in my mind, we either need to fully let everything go in which case she needs to take the gift back as it will hinder my healing, or if we are to work on things after some time apart, then I might be able to keep it. She hasn't replied to my text yet. Am I being stupid for even bothering asking her to explain? this after you said you were deleting her and going nc? huh. forget about freaking GIFTS omg. how stupid, what a lame excuse to contact her! Probably, but love and emotions are not logical. If I was not so judgemental, she would date and be in a relationship with me. But my personality prevents that. Or it just an excuse for her. dude, you cheated on her and abandoned her when she had an abortion. just leave her alone. you were "ill" (with what?) for a YEAR and she moved on, rightfully. she is now stringing you a long, as you did to her. neither of you are innocent in this, neither of you are in healthy places to be together. just let it go. delete her #, her facebook, etc. do not answer her texts and DO NOT CONTACT HER. geez.
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