Asking a woman out constantly might win her over?

[irc333]

Outside the work place, most adults are not worried about flirting leading to "action" taken against them.

 

This guy obviously wasn't worried about it.

 

Why are you so worried about it?

 

Well, let's just say if no real legal action was taken, which is not likely to happen. But, something that COULD happen, she could ruin a guy's rep by telling other women in the circle of friends, "Yeah, he keeps asking me out over and over, and I keep telling him no!"

 

Then all the other women would judge him as some wierdo who can't take "no" for an answer.

 

There's this one female friend that posted a status in FB about, "Why is it when you tell a man no, he keeps asking you out STILL?"

 

ANd I commented back, "Well, to some men, no means yes!" Said it jokingly, but she gave me the proverbial emoticon eyeroll.

 

Some men think, because of the sporadic nature of women's behavior and their reputation of changing their minds, they might finally cave and go out with the guy after asking her out X amount of times.

[irc333]

College-aged women have college-aged maturity. No surprise here.

 

 

Please don't de-reail the thread by making a topic out of something that I only made an example of.

 

Thank you.

[xxoo]

With her, I have to "wait it out", and just simply be in touch with her in a real life group setting among friends or online (not by phone).

 

If I go along with this and ask her a month later, "Can I get your # now?"

 

What do you think she'd say ?

 

When you see her in person a month later, why don't you ask her out on an actual date instead?

[one goal]

I dunno....most guys I end up going out with are super-persistent in asking me out many times. For me, a guy showing that he is very interested is a huge plus.

 

There are some approaches that I consider creepy:

 

- getting angry/vindictive when turned down

- proclaiming deep feelings in a serious manner pre-first date or early on

- not getting that communication is 1:1 and sending me a string of texts/calls whatever without my response

 

These are approaches that I liked:

 

- not getting phased by rejection

- remaining friendly, funny, light-hearted and jokey-flirty

- not over communicating, sending me light texts every now and then

 

See? People call me persistant that i asked the same girls out more than once. Nothing wrong with it I guess then.

[xxoo]

Well, let's just say if no real legal action was taken, which is not likely to happen. But, something that COULD happen, she could ruin a guy's rep by telling other women in the circle of friends, "Yeah, he keeps asking me out over and over, and I keep telling him no!"

 

To be clear, I'm not suggesting you do that.

 

But I really think you could benefit from loosening up and flirting earlier and oftener!

[irc333]

When you see her in person a month later, why don't you ask her out on an actual date instead?

 

 

Actually, I did....she never responded answering that question, about a week later. I engaged in a conversation with her (today), and we chatted a good hour.

 

So I thought, "Hm, this is the longest we've ever spoken online chat, perhaps I'll take it back a notch and just ask for her phone # instead."

 

She mentioned to me she's finding dating a bit scary these days, she says she's met a lot of men in my social circle that she feels they're wanting a fling or just to play. She admits to being cautionary about dating and feels dating is scary currently.

[jobaba]

Recently, I had met a woman (in person), at an event.....she knows a lot of my friends on FB and in real life as well, so I added her there too.

 

We had been chatting back and forth, and I mentioned exchanging phone #', I gave her MY #, however...she said, "I'll take you're number, but I don't like to give my phone # out, I would just prefer to chat here and/or see at other future events...and just go from there."

 

Not sure if I play my cards right to continue pursuing this one....but she neither gave me a Yes or No answer. So if I simply stay in communication with her......it wouldn't be entirely "stalkerish" however, I wouldn't have succeeded in going out with her either.

 

With her, I have to "wait it out", and just simply be in touch with her in a real life group setting among friends or online (not by phone).

 

If I go along with this and ask her a month later, "Can I get your # now?"

 

What do you think she'd say ?

 

That's a little different. That's more along the lines of taking cautionary steps until she knows you a little better. That's acceptable.

 

Chasing a woman you barely know is the equivalent to...

 

You: "You're good looking. I'm going to chase you because you're good looking."

 

Her: "I'm good looking. You're going to have to chase me because I have other options."

 

I'm not looking for that. So why would I play that game?

[USMCHokie]

Please don't de-reail the thread by making a topic out of something that I only made an example of.

 

Thank you.

 

And it'd be rather short-sighted of you to think that age isn't wholly relevant to your "topic." Younger women will have a tendency to play this game, because as they see it, it is agame.

 

You're welcome.

[Shaun-Dro]

This is the part I could NEVER do......

 

There's this woman I know in my group, she was dating a guy I know exclusively for quite a while......she broke up with him, and I hadn't seen her at some of our social events for a while.

 

She said it was because she was under the radar , and had a stalker.

 

(What so you stop showing up at parties and in public for that reason? LOL)

 

Then, I saw her last night at a friends party. She was with a "new" man.

 

I got to talking to her, and she said she knew him for 3 years, and I was like "3 years, wow!"

 

And she said, "Well, it was just a timing thing"

 

And I asked, "Oh, so I guess he was with someone at the same time you were with someone?"

 

Because I think when people say they couldn't date because of a "timing" issue, it usually means they're with OTHER people, so they only knew each other when one was exclusive with someone.

 

Anyhow, she said, "No, we knew each other for 3 years, but he would always ask me out all the time, and each time I told him that she was TOO old for HIM."

 

Apparently, she was just using it as an excuse. I said, "oh, so what is the age diff?" and she said "5 years younger than me."

 

Then she follows up with, jokingly, "It's great because he's got better stamina!"

 

TMI, but whatever.

 

But you see, I could NEVER get away with asking out a woman multiple times. I'd always be viewed as the "creeper" or weirdo who can't take NO for an answer.

 

But somehow, THIS guy managed to FINALLY get with her.

Personally, I think the guy is a sap for dating her, considering he had to persist all the time.

 

BUt hey, maybe that's why I'm still single....I'm not a persistent pain in the ass like that guy was?

 

Please explain why some guys can get away with asking a woman out multiple times and FINALLY get a date with her, while others are considered creepy?

 

I think it's all in how you approach it. I once did this years ago when I was in my 20s and it worked too. I think it did because the girl I pursued had a thing for me but didn't want to make it easy, for whatever reason.

 

Anyway, we dated for a short while, because it turned out she wasn't as attractive as I hoped. Meaning, that she began letting herself go as soon as we started getting intimate. I never knew what her problem was but I got rid of her after that.

[irc333]

To be clear, I'm not suggesting you do that.

 

But I really think you could benefit from loosening up and flirting earlier and oftener!

 

Actually, I had been. Even in the comments in her recently posted FB photos.

 

While some guys were saying "Wow, you're beautiful/hot!" I would get more original than that in my comments, she would reply, "Oh you're crazy, knock it off! LOL!"

 

Even admit to really laughing while she's behind the computer.

[irc333]

I think it's all in how you approach it. I once did this years ago when I was in my 20s and it worked too. I think it did because the girl I pursued had a thing for me but didn't want to make it easy, for whatever reason.

 

Right, and I think this is why many men wind up single or not too successful with getting dates with women. Some women have even CLAIMED these men, "Gave up too easily" with them.

 

Unfortutunately, I don't share the same mindset and not willing to put up with it.

[xxoo]

Actually, I had been. Even in the comments in her recently posted FB photos.

 

While some guys were saying "Wow, you're beautiful/hot!" I would get more original than that in my comments, she would reply, "Oh you're crazy, knock it off! LOL!"

 

Even admit to really laughing while she's behind the computer.

 

Admittedly, it is really hard to discern tone on the internet.....but that added on "LOL" would indicated to me that she's having fun with it, and doesn't really want you to knock it off.

[irc333]

Admittedly, it is really hard to discern tone on the internet.....but that added on "LOL" would indicated to me that she's having fun with it, and doesn't really want you to knock it off.

 

Yeah, a while back she posted something on her FB, pick of Michael Scott.

 

And we'd been playing off that ever since.

[xxoo]

Actually, I did....she never responded answering that question, about a week later. I engaged in a conversation with her (today), and we chatted a good hour.

 

So I thought, "Hm, this is the longest we've ever spoken online chat, perhaps I'll take it back a notch and just ask for her phone # instead."

 

She mentioned to me she's finding dating a bit scary these days, she says she's met a lot of men in my social circle that she feels they're wanting a fling or just to play. She admits to being cautionary about dating and feels dating is scary currently.

 

She's a big girl. No offense, irc, but you aren't scary

 

You asked, and she ignored. Ask again, "so, how about that date?" Do you want to date her, or be her chat friend?

[irc333]

She's a big girl. No offense, irc, but you aren't scary

 

You asked, and she ignored. Ask again, "so, how about that date?" Do you want to date her, or be her chat friend?

 

Not sure if you got one of my posts, I posted b2b a lot here in this thread....today I took it down a notch and asked for her phone #, she didn't give it to me.....so if I asked her out again....what would make you think she'd GO OUT with me, esp. since she wouldn't give me her #?

[Shaun-Dro]

Not sure if you got one of my posts, I posted b2b a lot here in this thread....today I took it down a notch and asked for her phone #, she didn't give it to me.....so if I asked her out again....what would make you think she'd GO OUT with me, esp. since she wouldn't give me her #?

 

Why are you so invested in this particular woman? Aren't there others you can pursue? I don't think any woman is worth anything beyond one single attempt. But that's just me.

[xxoo]

Not sure if you got one of my posts, I posted b2b a lot here in this thread....today I took it down a notch and asked for her phone #, she didn't give it to me.....so if I asked her out again....what would make you think she'd GO OUT with me, esp. since she wouldn't give me her #?

 

I don't know that she would. She might say no.

 

But asking for her phone number is a wimpy half-step, when you already see her in person and talk to her online. Better to take a bold step and go for the date, and find out where you stand.

 

Why do you need her phone number, unless you are dating?

[irc333]

I don't know that she would. She might say no.

 

But asking for her phone number is a wimpy half-step, when you already see her in person and talk to her online. Better to take a bold step and go for the date, and find out where you stand.

 

Why do you need her phone number, unless you are dating?

 

I'm not sure I understand, I would think the phone # would be part of the whole dating situation, which dated back years ago. lol

 

I asked her out already, once, which is bold enough. I asked for her # to see what kind of reaction I would get, yet she wouldn't even give it to me....so it's just makes sense if she won't give me her phone #...yet...she won't date me...just yet either.

 

Have to crawl before you walk. Of course, I'll be pursuing others....but I find that getting to know someone over time at their own pace, and considering what she said that she prefers to take it slow, nurturing bonds and friendships, that's her means and my means of getting to know someone and let it develop into a romance over time.

[irc333]

Some prefer to move quickly, others take it down a notch, have to adapt to the situation.

[xxoo]

I'm not sure I understand, I would think the phone # would be part of the whole dating situation, which dated back years ago. lol

 

I asked her out already, once, which is bold enough. I asked for her # to see what kind of reaction I would get, yet she wouldn't even give it to me....so it's just makes sense if she won't give me her phone #...yet...she won't date me...just yet either.

 

Have to crawl before you walk. Of course, I'll be pursuing others....but I find that getting to know someone over time at their own pace, and considering what she said that she prefers to take it slow, nurturing bonds and friendships, that's her means and my means of getting to know someone and let it develop into a romance over time.

 

I know it is your style to take things slow, but it seems that hasn't been working well for you. So I'm suggesting that you change it up, and give out some more assertive energy.

[todreaminblue]

This is the part I could NEVER do......

 

There's this woman I know in my group, she was dating a guy I know exclusively for quite a while......she broke up with him, and I hadn't seen her at some of our social events for a while.

 

She said it was because she was under the radar , and had a stalker.

 

(What so you stop showing up at parties and in public for that reason? LOL)

 

Then, I saw her last night at a friends party. She was with a "new" man.

 

I got to talking to her, and she said she knew him for 3 years, and I was like "3 years, wow!"

 

And she said, "Well, it was just a timing thing"

 

And I asked, "Oh, so I guess he was with someone at the same time you were with someone?"

 

Because I think when people say they couldn't date because of a "timing" issue, it usually means they're with OTHER people, so they only knew each other when one was exclusive with someone.

 

Anyhow, she said, "No, we knew each other for 3 years, but he would always ask me out all the time, and each time I told him that she was TOO old for HIM."

 

Apparently, she was just using it as an excuse. I said, "oh, so what is the age diff?" and she said "5 years younger than me."

 

Then she follows up with, jokingly, "It's great because he's got better stamina!"

 

TMI, but whatever.

 

But you see, I could NEVER get away with asking out a woman multiple times. I'd always be viewed as the "creeper" or weirdo who can't take NO for an answer.

 

But somehow, THIS guy managed to FINALLY get with her.

Personally, I think the guy is a sap for dating her, considering he had to persist all the time.

 

BUt hey, maybe that's why I'm still single....I'm not a persistent pain in the ass like that guy was?

 

Please explain why some guys can get away with asking a woman out multiple times and FINALLY get a date with her, while others are considered creepy?

 

 

if a woman wants to date you after a length of time it is because of exactly what you said it is.... always time.....timing is everything.....sometimes a woman is hesitant to make sure this time she can get it right....especially when that woman doesnt go around splitting and breaking up with people just for the fun of it....if she gives her heart after a length of time she is giving it to you to keep....should you treasure that heart....or discard it.....for that reason who can honestly say a woman who gives everything to a relationship should not keep her heart from being discarded and give it to someone who want to treasure her.....treat her like a goddess...men are plentiful and easy to catch.its a hunt....soem women dotn hunt for pleasure they hunt to survive..womens heart are made of glass.....when they shatter it is nto just two pieces that fit perfectly back together.... thats a hell of a lot of superglue.....this is my opinion.....not everybody might see hearts as i do........good luck adn be happy i mean blissfully happy if a woman chooses you to give her heart too....deb

[one goal]

That girl I liked a lot last summer threatend me with a restraining order you might recall.

[todreaminblue]

That girl I liked a lot last summer threatend me with a restraining order you might recall.

 

 

Definitely not for you then I would say......have you in handcuff and locked away.....biatch.....a good idea to just live learn and forget.....one is out there you just havent met...smilin

[todreaminblue]

I don't know how (why?) some men put up with it. I doubt I could let myself get rejected by the same woman multiple times.

 

The level of entitlement they must feel to make you work for it time and time again until they feel you've earned it, or whatever it is they feel that they reject you multiple times until they finally put you out of your misery. I'm definitely not into that.

 

I ask you out once. That's it. Anything other than a yes is a no and I move on. If at some point you've changed your mind, then you're seeking me out and you're going to be the one to put yourself out there and ask me out. I will not be asking you out more than once.

 

 

Thats fair enough....I asked my ex out after making him wait...heart doing the epileptic thing no one can be sure when its a yes or a no....you can only hope you got the signals right......and i guess i did.......asking someone out lets you know your alive for sure.....i know how it feels for men a lot of women dont understand unlesss they hunt themselves....i am the one who does the asking eventually...adrenaline city....smilin.....so i agree...rejection is a risk..thumpthumpthump...........thumpthumpthump........deb

[FitChick]

This is a timely thread for me. For the past year or so, I've been on and off a dating website three times, only subscribing for a month at a time. Each time this guy has made me a "favorite" but never contacted me. I delete him from my favorites every time (which he would see). I got very annoyed by his profile, which sounded like a romance novel and told me nothing about him other than perhaps a woman had to follow his scripted scenario (which might explain why he was still single). He is also quite a bit younger. Very fit and attractive though and seems to have a good job.

 

I feel like he is stalking me because every time I log on he has looked at my profile. It bugs me! I am tempted to "favorite" him back because then he will have to subscribe to contact me if he is serious. Otherwise, he is like a little boy who rings your doorbell, then runs away.