irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 This is the part I could NEVER do...... There's this woman I know in my group, she was dating a guy I know exclusively for quite a while......she broke up with him, and I hadn't seen her at some of our social events for a while. She said it was because she was under the radar , and had a stalker. (What so you stop showing up at parties and in public for that reason? LOL) Then, I saw her last night at a friends party. She was with a "new" man. I got to talking to her, and she said she knew him for 3 years, and I was like "3 years, wow!" And she said, "Well, it was just a timing thing" And I asked, "Oh, so I guess he was with someone at the same time you were with someone?" Because I think when people say they couldn't date because of a "timing" issue, it usually means they're with OTHER people, so they only knew each other when one was exclusive with someone. Anyhow, she said, "No, we knew each other for 3 years, but he would always ask me out all the time, and each time I told him that she was TOO old for HIM." Apparently, she was just using it as an excuse. I said, "oh, so what is the age diff?" and she said "5 years younger than me." Then she follows up with, jokingly, "It's great because he's got better stamina!" TMI, but whatever. But you see, I could NEVER get away with asking out a woman multiple times. I'd always be viewed as the "creeper" or weirdo who can't take NO for an answer. But somehow, THIS guy managed to FINALLY get with her. Personally, I think the guy is a sap for dating her, considering he had to persist all the time. BUt hey, maybe that's why I'm still single....I'm not a persistent pain in the ass like that guy was? Please explain why some guys can get away with asking a woman out multiple times and FINALLY get a date with her, while others are considered creepy? 1
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Maybe he was a very subtle pain in the ass. I make jokes and comments all the time with girls at work just being flirty about going out. If it doesnt happen no big deal but on occasion it does happen. It could be the same type situation 1
iris219 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Please explain why some guys can get away with asking a woman out multiple times and FINALLY get a date with her, while others are considered creepy? This rarely works. It worked in the scenario you describe because it sounds like she was interested in the guy; she just thought he was too young. If she's simply not interested, I don't recommend persistence. What generally happens is the woman will quit having any contact with the guy whatsoever (will actively avoid him) and he'll get a reputation as a creeper, or he'll catch her when she's bored and lonely, so she might agree to go out with him once just to have something to do. Don't waste your time with women who reject you. Why would you even want a woman you have to weardown to get a date with and who's going to feel lukewarm about you at best? 2
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Maybe he was a very subtle pain in the ass. I make jokes and comments all the time with girls at work just being flirty about going out. If it doesnt happen no big deal but on occasion it does happen. It could be the same type situation Dude, that's at work, don't even entertain dating women from work. That's got HR incident written all over it. lol I'm starting to see it happen more, some men don't bother asking them out after perhaps the 2nd time, because if it's reach the point where you're on on your 4th or 5th time asking them out...and THEN they say "Yes" You're just desperate, and she knows your a sap she can take advantage of. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I dunno....most guys I end up going out with are super-persistent in asking me out many times. For me, a guy showing that he is very interested is a huge plus. There are some approaches that I consider creepy: - getting angry/vindictive when turned down - proclaiming deep feelings in a serious manner pre-first date or early on - not getting that communication is 1:1 and sending me a string of texts/calls whatever without my response These are approaches that I liked: - not getting phased by rejection - remaining friendly, funny, light-hearted and jokey-flirty - not over communicating, sending me light texts every now and then 5
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I have this one friend that gives up after a couple of contacts. He'd even get women that ask HIM out. But when he gets their number and calls them, they never return his calls...so he doesn't want to call, say a 3rd time, because after that, it's considered creepy. Then he'd bump into them in person at college, or a friends house, and they'd say to him, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to return your call....I had something come up. We should do something together!!" He'd not ask them for an explanation, in fact he'd not even say a WORD about him calling...they'd just come out and SAY it. Then.....wash rinse and repeat....they'd pull the same crap on him when he'd call. He'd FINALLY give up after that time...then theyd' complain to him that he gives up to easily. LOL Apparently trying TOO hard wins over women. At least for ONE date. Figure that one out, eh? LOL Maybe I should start being more persistent, but I feel really uncomfortable with that, since women are always throwing out the "stalker" card. To be labeled as such, when it's not true....is something I don't want on my head. I dunno....most guys I end up going out with are super-persistent in asking me out many times. For me, a guy showing that he is very interested is a huge plus. There are some approaches that I consider creepy: - getting angry/vindictive when turned down - proclaiming deep feelings in a serious manner pre-first date or early on - not getting that communication is 1:1 and sending me a string of texts/calls whatever without my response These are approaches that I liked: - not getting phased by rejection - remaining friendly, funny, light-hearted and jokey-flirty - not over communicating, sending me light texts every now and then 1
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Dude, that's at work, don't even entertain dating women from work. That's got HR incident written all over it. lol I'm starting to see it happen more, some men don't bother asking them out after perhaps the 2nd time, because if it's reach the point where you're on on your 4th or 5th time asking them out...and THEN they say "Yes" You're just desperate, and she knows your a sap she can take advantage of. Haha! I'm am happy to say after 16 years with the same company that I have never dated anyone at work though I have hungout and flirted with tons of them...thats just natural 2
xxoo Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 They were probably flirting lightly for 3 years. Notice she didn't say she wasn't interested, just that she thought he was too you. She was always interested. And he's 3 years older now, lol. Then he'd bump into them in person at college, or a friends house, and they'd say to him, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to return your call....I had something come up. We should do something together!!" Right here, he should invite her on a date, with a firm location, date, and time. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Also, this approach never worked for guys that I had zero interest in. It works when I am attracted but something is holding me back; his age; thinking that he is a player; being insecure and thinking that he is too good for me, me dating someone else etc... There has to be SOME interest there to begin with. 2
Pyro Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Please explain why some guys can get away with asking a woman out multiple times and FINALLY get a date with her, while others are considered creepy? I only know of one guy where that actually worked, so I believe that it's not common at all. The girl is kind of nutty and most of us don't like her, so being persistent is not always a good thing. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 They were probably flirting lightly for 3 years. Notice she didn't say she wasn't interested. They don't have to SAY they are "not interested". I go by actions, not words. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) This has worked for me several times, the key is to not be creepy and become a stalker One of them was my ex-fiance, I must have asked her out half a dozen times over a 3 month period, and she let me know about the fourth time that I was wasting my time, as she was not interested in me, me being too short, too poor and too old for her. But I kept looking for something different to entice her. She finally said yes when I asked her to go fishing. It was the timing as it turned out she too had the next day off, had nothing planned and had never tried fishing, and I asured her that she would catch fish And the last one, I had to stand in line with at least a dozen other guys, as when we met she was in love with her live in boy friend for a good five years. Again it was timing, as I lost track of her, and then one day while accidently driving down the right street at the right time, I spotted her out by the street checking her mail box. And she had just separated from her live in BF, two weeks later she called when she decided she was redy to try the dating scene. Coming up in two months it will have been 17 years. Had I been 30 seconds earlier or later it probably never would have happened And I still think she is out of my league Edited July 29, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon 1
xxoo Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 They don't have to SAY they are "not interested". I go by actions, not words. And this guy may have done the same. Her words said "no", but her actions (body language, proximity, flirting, etc) said "yes"....so he persisted. 1
TaurusTerp Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 It can work if you're just trying to sleep with the girl and you're reasonably attractive. Moment of weakness/lapsed judgment and all... It's a really bad way to start off if you want a relationship, though, IMO. 1
MrCastle Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I don't know how (why?) some men put up with it. I doubt I could let myself get rejected by the same woman multiple times. The level of entitlement they must feel to make you work for it time and time again until they feel you've earned it, or whatever it is they feel that they reject you multiple times until they finally put you out of your misery. I'm definitely not into that. I ask you out once. That's it. Anything other than a yes is a no and I move on. If at some point you've changed your mind, then you're seeking me out and you're going to be the one to put yourself out there and ask me out. I will not be asking you out more than once. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 This has worked for me several times, the key is to not be creepy and become a stalker That was the wierd thing...here she said she was avoiding going to FB get togethers, (through Facebook invites) and even accepting Friends on FB, because she said she had a "stalker" Of course, women use the word "stalker", when the guy isn't a REAL stalker.....so I just leave that up to interpretation. THEN in her next breath, she said, "But I decided to date a guy who asked me out a billion times, even though I said No." Which is the first time of stalker-ish behavior. To me, a woman like this is dangerous, you could either wind up with a restraining order, throwing the "stalker" card as if it had any real meaning, or you could win a date after the umpteenth time asking her out. Risk legal action or a date? If not legal action, but word could get around her falsely accusing you of being a "stalker" Which is worth it to you, gentlemen? It's NOT worth it.
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 And this guy may have done the same. Her words said "no", but her actions (body language, proximity, flirting, etc) said "yes"....so he persisted. I really don't buy into this, meaning.....I don't go with body language, because you can be, unfortunately, have "action" taken against you with so called "words". Body language is a bad example, unclear, and hard to interpret, so I don't even bother. I'm VERY black and white about this.
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 The level of entitlement they must feel to make you work for it time and time again until they feel you've earned it, or whatever it is they feel that they reject you multiple times until they finally put you out of your misery. I'm definitely not into that. Ditto....same here, and any man who follows along with this routine, is treading on thin ice They risk: 1. Having a girlfriend that has them wrapped around her little finger 2. Being labeled falsely as someone who they aren't.
MrCastle Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 That was the wierd thing...here she said she was avoiding going to FB get togethers, (through Facebook invites) and even accepting Friends on FB, because she said she had a "stalker" Of course, women use the word "stalker", when the guy isn't a REAL stalker.....so I just leave that up to interpretation. Attractive guy: Hey Girl (in her mind): Heyyy hot stuff Unattractive Guy: Hey Girl (in her mind): Stalkerrrr Attractive guy at work: Hey Becky, nice shirt Girl: Aww thanks Unattractive guy at work: Hey Becky, nice shirt Girl (dialing number): Hi, Human Resources? I'd like to report sexual harassment in the work place.
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 To add, the only time I've asked the same woman out or for her # on more than one occasion, is when they simply didn't respond or didn't give me a "No" answer. But even I have a certain stopping point. It's foolish to think a woman can gauge a man's level of interest in how persistent he is. That a man's interest is somehow geniune if she continues to treat him like crap (ignoring him or flaking out on dates), while he persists in getting together with her. It's actually disrespectful for a woman to be doing this for a man. So I can gauge a woman's level of disrespect which can coincide with her behavior of her trying to gauge MY level of interest in the most disrespectful manner. You'd think a woman can gauge a man's level of interest, by him simply asking her out and HER going out with him ON a date. Find out during the course of dating...NOT before.
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 LOL...so funny because it's SO true, right? Women here say women have it as equally bad as men do in dating, but since legal action or loss of job trumps ALL. Men easily have it harder when interacting with women they have interest in. Attractive guy: Hey Girl (in her mind): Heyyy hot stuff Unattractive Guy: Hey Girl (in her mind): Stalkerrrr Attractive guy at work: Hey Becky, nice shirt Girl: Aww thanks Unattractive guy at work: Hey Becky, nice shirt Girl (dialing number): Hi, Human Resources? I'd like to report sexual harassment in the work place. 1
jobaba Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Never. I'm gone after the first rejection. If a woman is pursued by many men and feels like she needs guys to chase her because she's 'worth all that effort', she's not the right woman for me, period... If I knew her as a friend first and got to know her and thought she was special, then maybe, but then I shouldn't have to chase.
xxoo Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I really don't buy into this, meaning.....I don't go with body language, because you can be, unfortunately, have "action" taken against you with so called "words". Body language is a bad example, unclear, and hard to interpret, so I don't even bother. I'm VERY black and white about this. Outside the work place, most adults are not worried about flirting leading to "action" taken against them. This guy obviously wasn't worried about it. Why are you so worried about it?
Author irc333 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Never. I'm gone after the first rejection. If a woman is pursued by many men and feels like she needs guys to chase her because she's 'worth all that effort', she's not the right woman for me, period... If I knew her as a friend first and got to know her and thought she was special, then maybe, but then I shouldn't have to chase. Recently, I had met a woman (in person), at an event.....she knows a lot of my friends on FB and in real life as well, so I added her there too. We had been chatting back and forth, and I mentioned exchanging phone #', I gave her MY #, however...she said, "I'll take you're number, but I don't like to give my phone # out, I would just prefer to chat here and/or see at other future events...and just go from there." Not sure if I play my cards right to continue pursuing this one....but she neither gave me a Yes or No answer. So if I simply stay in communication with her......it wouldn't be entirely "stalkerish" however, I wouldn't have succeeded in going out with her either. With her, I have to "wait it out", and just simply be in touch with her in a real life group setting among friends or online (not by phone). If I go along with this and ask her a month later, "Can I get your # now?" What do you think she'd say ?
USMCHokie Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 But when he gets their number and calls them, they never return his calls...so he doesn't want to call, say a 3rd time, because after that, it's considered creepy. Then he'd bump into them in person at college, or a friends house, and they'd say to him, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to return your call....I had something come up. We should do something together!!" College-aged women have college-aged maturity. No surprise here.
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