RedRobin Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 You are SO funny!!!!! And pathetic. I said whatever I could to piss you off. Like you did calling my daughter baggage. Idc what you look like. But for some reason you want to attack me so I think some one has some insecurities and it aint me darlin'. Whats really funny is you just lied to yourself. I know Im a good looking girl, sweetie! I modeled growing up for Wilhelmina Scouting Agency! And So you are just SO funny. Plus I was in a mens calendar when I was 19. And, Im sorry babidoll but they dont put ugly girls in those..... be jealous. i love it Being very attractive (or being an outlier in just about anything) means you need better screening skills than others. Just so you know. It is a blessing and a curse. If you weren't raised in an environment that prepared you for that, you will get hurt badly. It seems you already have. Good genetics though, is no excuse for poor manners in the reverse. Try to learn to let stuff like the above slide. You will be then noted for your beauty AND grace (something I haven't yet perfected... but I'm a late bloomer!!)
KungFuJoe Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Personally I hate lists. My preferences have changed so much over the years that I bet it's the complete opposite of what it was when I first started dating. Just because you haven't met the right guy at the tender age of however old you are doesn't mean you have to fine tune your criteria. It just means you haven't met the right guy yet. Try not to think too much into dating and relationships. A lot of it just comes through instinct and feelings rather than something that can be listed on a piece of paper. 1
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I think these comments say a lot about you as a person. Let's say I actually was 40 years old, or ugly, or overweight - what does it matters? Do you think you are somehow better than people who are older or overweight? Also I'm confused about the "looks better than you" comment, because I thought that was you in your avatar, and if so, definitely nothing to write home about. look at you and what you have said to me! Kinda a pot callin the kettle black doncha think?
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Being very attractive (or being an outlier in just about anything) means you need better screening skills than others. Just so you know. It is a blessing and a curse. If you weren't raised in an environment that prepared you for that, you will get hurt badly. It seems you already have. Good genetics though, is no excuse for poor manners in the reverse. Try to learn to let stuff like the above slide. You will be then noted for your beauty AND grace (something I haven't yet perfected... but I'm a late bloomer!!) you are right, and usually I dont get so defensive, but who ever that person is, if you go back and read what she has said, has referred to my daughter as baggage and that really got to me! I don't even know this person, and I feel like Im being attacked.
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I'm not even sure what swear word you used there! Was that on your list somewhere? hee haw s h * t t e d *
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 you are right, and usually I dont get so defensive, but who ever that person is, if you go back and read what she has said, has referred to my daughter as baggage and that really got to me! I don't even know this person, and I feel like Im being attacked. Yeah I wanted to punch Alex when he mentioned kids but we are cool now i think
RedRobin Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 you are right, and usually I dont get so defensive, but who ever that person is, if you go back and read what she has said, has referred to my daughter as baggage and that really got to me! I don't even know this person, and I feel like Im being attacked. It's ok. I do it too. On threads I've started looking for help, I've slammed people big time. Are their comments rude? You betcha. Are they trying to be helpful? Alot aren't... a few who are tend to just be very blunt and 'efficient' with their advice ha ha. As for me and some of my responses back to people who are rude.. It's a bad habit I'm trying to break. Recommend putting them on 'ignore' if it gets to you.
MrNate 2.0 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 So I found on here an old post a guy had gotten from okcupid basically trolling this poort woman. and a bunch of guys said it was a turn off... I have revised it to fit me! Am I a turn off, is this list a no go? Are my expectations tooo high? Let me have it guys! 1.Liars, and Cheaters need not apply. 2. Spends time with family, devotes time to our relationship 3. Approachable and open for communication (even about the relationship), initiates questions and shows interest in me and others 4. Makes plans, instead of always just being spontaneous. Spontaneity is nice just not when it comes to appointments or a dinner date with another couple or having people over. I like my house to be presentable for times like those, and I do keep a very clean home, but I like to add little things to make it nicer. So plans with those situations to help a girl out. 5. Drinking is fine and fun … but a 12 pack a day and you have a problem --- not wanted! 6. Knows when to be serious, but can still make me laugh with his good sense of humor 7.Helpful when it comes to my anxiety or panic attacks bc I have PTSD from a traumatic childhood and event in my teens, can deal with my bipolar and not take my hateful words seriously during an episode. I do take medicine but I do have little tantrums where I will get bitchy usually one day out of the month. 8. Consistent with feelings.. (Doesn’t change his mind every five minutes on whether he wants to be with me or not) 9. Promises of the future- not right off the bat, but as the relationship gets serious. I want a partner. That being said I’m not sure If I ever want to be married again. 10. Takes care of their appearance. I make an effort to look good, and he should too. 11. Non-controlling, can control his anger to a point, not finger pointing every time something happens. 12. Doesn’t disappear for a day at a time. 13. Takes care of his responsibilities and is reliable. 14. Wants to have sex at least 3 times a week. 15. Affectionate in a nonsexual way too (puts his hand on my thigh in the car, gives and receives massages, hugs, holds me, cuddles). 16. Listens well and doesn’t interrupt me when I’m trying to talk or change the subject when I’m trying to be validated. Show me the respect I would show you basically. 17. Shares in my interests as well as shares his interests and hobbies with me. Take classes together maybe sometime just for fun quality time. 18. Be consistent, Doesn’t make false promises. 19. Empathetic, kind, and compassionate to those who are sensitive and/or need it 20. Not selfish. Acts of selflessness are a nice gesture every once in a while. But I don’t want some guy who is going to break his back trying to help someone who he cant change, or that is going to stress him out more than it is worth. 21. Hard worker – not a workaholic 22. Uses endearing pet names and inside jokes that make us feel closer … This comes with time in any relationship but I just like it J 23. Will be helpful when it comes to our children, not just making me take care of them. 24. Doesn’t belittle me or put blame on me for something I have no control over. If I made a mistake I will gladly own up to it, but don’t shift blame, bc you can’t deal with your crap. 25. Compliments, I want him to think I’m beautiful and tell me so often. Not because he feels he has to but because he honestly thinks I am just that beautiful. 26. Respects me by not being flirtatious with other women or staring at them right in front of me. Guys know how to be discreet if she is a head turner, by all means turn your head but do it when I’m not looking. It does hurt your girls’ feelings. I would honestly think “what is so great about her when I am standing right here” 27. Thoughtful in the way of giving me small tokens of affection and taking actions on my behalf, allowing me to make choices of my own, bringing me flowers on occasion. Little things make a girl – well this girl feel special. No not every day … but yeah at least once every two weeks. A card, even a soda.. “Baby, I know you love your soda and you never drink it but I thought you might just want one” That isn’t even a big deal, but the little things show that you care and notice my quirks. 28. Active person – I do not want a man to just have me, and have no friends. A healthy relationship is one with boundaries; you need your guy time just as I need my girl time. Have some darn friends dammit, don’t hold me down in the house and never allow me to do anything bc you stop talking to all your friends. 29. I LOVE BLUE or GREEN eyes, will not date someone without one or the other. Never have never will. 30. Doesn’t go to bed angry, we talk things out first … yes initially if there is a argument you need your cooling down time, as do I , never talk angry bc things are said that we don’t mean. But I do want a guy who will talk things out and work through them instead of sweeping them under the rug. 31. A guy that respects his mother, and treats his family with respect. 32. I am so damn tired of cleaning up after my man. Like rinse your dish and put it in the dish washer it takes literally 10 seconds. Throw your clothes in the hamper not on the floor, and do the lawn. I mean damn im not asking you to vacuum or do laundry.. just the simple ****. It is really NOT that hard. 33. Makes enough of a living to do more than just survive and not stressed financially. Yes, there are times where money can get tight. I understand that, but my goal is to be able to live life month to month with someone who won’t be asking me for money, and who has a savings. Have goals for yourself. Seriously. 34. Is willing to meet new people, so we can have friends that are couples as well. 35. Educated. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist, but I don’t want a guy who cannot tell you the difference between “there, they’re, their” 36. Must be open to constructive criticism or compromising… If I do it for you, you should do the same .. as simple as that. 37. Not a lot of debt or none - Like me! 38. Kids must like this guy 39. Past proves strength even if shady – be honest about your whole self don’t hide your past from me, it’s a part of who are .. shady or not shady. 40. Can deal with me and my mood swings. Im not saying it is okay. I’m just saying I cant help it sometimes. I always do apologize within the hour or two after of getting bitchy. I just need to take five and calm down n think to myself was that my fault or his? And I will most likely say I was wrong, if I was being moody without reason on your part. 41. Easy going and flexible in most ways and not stubborn on trivial matters. Don’t sit there and argue over a pack of cards or if the fan should be on high or low or what the lyrics of a song are.. Who gives a ****? Seriously, its petty ****, I hate arguing over dumb crap. 42. Allow me to look how I want to (if I’m dressed like a slut or it doesn’t look good do say so, so that I can change .. but don’t make me wear only crewnecks so guys don’t look at my boobs or down my shirt, I mean that’s a little excessive.) And let me decorate how I want to so that I’m comfortable in my surroundings ….. And I don’t mean his input doesn’t count because it def always does. Its your surroundings too if he lives with me. 43. Doesn’t feel personally attacked by my high expectations and can reason with me in a logical way in that case as opposed to an all-out fight.. that’s why you take 5-10 and then talk.. I’m not going to argue and fight over something when it can be talked about and can respect each other. 44. Can take me seriously when I need it, but lighten the mood when necessary and point out my skewed view without placing blame during the down times. By all means don’t be stoic, tell me I am wrong when I am wrong. But listen and take me seriously first, and then have your say or if it is the other way around I will do the same and you should listen and respond reasonably… I do not want another man that is going to fight fight fight all the time. 45. Has passion for something (hobbies) 46. Can keep himself entertained without drug use or alcohol abuse. I get a man drinking maybe 1-4 beers a night or a few days a week. But no more alcoholics. I dated a guy who turned into one it was HORRIBLE. I can’t deal with it. 47. I like a handy man, I like a man who can fix things or at least try, I like to be able to say “hey hun I can’t reach this or this jar top really isn’t coming off can you get that for me” Like be a sweetie! And there is just something sexy about a man who can fix a car or appliances or when he takes care of his home … turns me on. I’m weird. Idk. Lol. 48. Does not live with family members (parents) or like they're still in a fraternity. I want a guy who is established enough and in the point in his life where he can financially support himself and live on his own. Be a man. Is this too much to ask for in a man????!! Give me your opinions guys.. All I have is a big penis and a good sense of humor. I guess we aren't compatible.
Kamille Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Man that's a long list! I don't know if someone else said this, but I prefer to think about what kind of relationship I want and not what kind of man I want. So, I'll say, I want a relationship where we laugh a lot. And have great sex. (Why hello there Mr. Nate!) That way, it puts me in charge of not only finding the right partner, but making sure I take my share of responsibility for how the relationship unfolds. (And I skimmed through your list and it seems to me most of what you want is this: you want a relationship in which there is mutual love, interest and respect.) 4
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Yes Kamille, that is all I want in a nutshell. I want mutual respect, quality time, laughter and love and a sexual connection/attraction.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) Yes Kamille, that is all I want in a nutshell. I want mutual respect, quality time, laughter and love and a sexual connection/attraction. Thats what everyone wants, no one is looking for someone that will lie to them and use them for sex. Well maybe on the fetish sites they do. Your list is what most women want at 24, and when they get older they just realize they want a guy with a job that treats them right. Im sure you wont stick to the entire list, and if you do, it will take a few years for you to realize you cant have all of that. But theres nothing wrong with using it for guidance, if youre flexible. BTW, #7, #40 will eliminate most of your list. Anyone who has their act together will not want to deal with someone who will "have little tantrums where I will get bitchy usually one day out of the month". I dont take medication, I dont have issues from when i was young, so I'm not dealing with someone who cant control themselves around me and makes excuses for it. I have a requirement too, if you say "I cant help it" its because you dont want to. I dont want to get an apology later from you, just dont do it in the first place. See how the list can work against you? #43, how can you be reasoned with in a logical way, if you cant help being bitchy? #8, 12, 18, 26 well he isnt that into you, you'll have to pick up on this and get out of it. #29, you will learn in a few years that you'll have to let that go. I dont think the list is unreasonable, its typical stuff that 24 year olds put in their lists after dating one guy for a few years. You'll learn how you will have to take the good with the bad, and in 5 years, you will see how naive you were at 24. But it sounds like youre in the wrong area and consistently pick out the wrong guys, you might have to adjust your standards. Youre on the right track to filtering bad traits out though! Edited July 30, 2012 by Eddie Edirol
kaylan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) sigh OP. Im gonna be honest, though Im sure this has been said. At your age, most decent (and above) guys are going to overlook a chick whos already divorced and/or has a kid. Two strikes right there and just way too much baggage for most young guys to want to deal with. Hell, plenty of older guys wont wanna deal with the potential for drama either, especially since such an extensive list on a profile spells drama to begin with. Tbh, youll have an easier time finding older guys to date, but many of them will just be happy to get a younger girl...doesnt mean theyll want something serious. Most men want their own families, and many young men see young divorced moms as women you just hook up with. Thats probably why you meet a lot of lame guys. Just being real with you. Good luck Edited July 30, 2012 by kaylan 1
kaylan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) I'd probably punch you in your face if you said that to me in person. I have kids and have dated plenty of beautiful, amazing women. Some even didn't want or have kids. Grow up Wow....sorry dude but maybe you should grow up. Punch someone because they feels kids arent the best on the dating scene? Come on now. I mean what the guy said was right. My best friend dating a young woman with an ex husband and a child, and its a lot to handle. You cant do things on a whim, spontaneity sometimes lacks in the relationship because of the child obligation. Realize that single people without children enjoy that kind of freedom to go as they please. Then theres dealing with an ex. Sometimes its not biggie, but many times it can be a huge problem. Most people dont like dealing with exes, and when kids are involved, the ex will be around forever (if he/she is a good parent) So you cant get upset that for single childless people, they want someone who is the same. The fit is just better.You don't know anything about me. My ex husband may be an alcoholic but he owns his own company that distributes to the entire south eastern region of the USA! I make bank alone in alimony and child support, and I am an account for a law firm, so you can kick rocks with your BS. I can get a GREAT looking guy, I've gone on dates with great looking guys who actually want to be with me. Men who are established and are lawyers and make big bucks. Hun. Thanks. The only reason I didn't stay with those men, is because they are are super cocky and arrogant, and I can't stand arrogance. Basically I can't stand you, because you sound like an arrogant little 18 year old kid over here. Are you that ugly, and have that low of a self esteem you have to bash on me? Seriously? And I do not sound like a 12 year old girl. but thanks for that. You are so sweet. Im seriously starting to laugh now. This is entertainment for me. WOW Wow...what a catch...you have your own career, yet brag about making bank in alimony and child support. Why on earth would a guy pass you over? /sarcasm If anything your baggage might make a guy think hes in store for the same fate. Being honest. Edited July 30, 2012 by kaylan
madjac74 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Wow....sorry dude but maybe you should grow up. Punch someone because they feels kids arent the best on the dating scene? Come on now. I mean what the guy said was right. My best friend dating a young woman with an ex husband and a child, and its a lot to handle. You cant do things on a whim, spontaneity sometimes lacks in the relationship because of the child obligation. Realize that single people without children enjoy that kind of freedom to go as they please. That just sounds like immaturity to me. It's fine if you don't want any part of children or people who have ex's but to call children baggage is really sad and immature. "You cant do things on a whim" Incorrect. I have children and I can be as spontaneous as I want to be. And part of that is because I have an excellent relationship with my ex. Sometimes I do have to pass up on things because of my kids but that is quite alright with me. It's all part of being a grown up. That wouldn't impede on anyone's freedom but my own including the person I am dating. Many people without kids have dogs and cant just take off out of town for the weekend. Are those people not good on the dating scene either? I certainly wouldn't punch the guy but it is irritating when people see kids as a dating no-no or an inconvenience just because of their own selfish needs
Kamille Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Kids as baggage? What is this? An episode of the Bachelorette?
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I've dated women with children. If you are of the right mind and maturity they can be a bonus experience to your life. 1
Author APS1988 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Kids as baggage? What is this? An episode of the Bachelorette? You're right. Its sad that people are calling my daughter baggage. She is a living, breathing human being, and a blessing from God. So any and all of the people who want to refer to her as such can take their opinions else where I never asked about my daughter. I asked if this list on the OP was reasonable for a WOMAN to want from a man.
madjac74 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 It would be nice if they were actually baggage then we could check them at the airport. It would be a lot cheaper than buying them a ticket 1
kaylan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) That just sounds like immaturity to me. It's fine if you don't want any part of children or people who have ex's but to call children baggage is really sad and immature. Immature? No. Differences in priorities? Yes. Bringing things from a past relationship to a new relationship will always be baggage if one of the partners doesnt have the same thing you are bringing. So for the vast majority of single people without kids, yes children are baggage. You have to deal with that truth. "You cant do things on a whim" Incorrect. I have children and I can be as spontaneous as I want to be. And part of that is because I have an excellent relationship with my ex. Sometimes I do have to pass up on things because of my kids but that is quite alright with me. It's all part of being a grown up. That wouldn't impede on anyone's freedom but my own including the person I am dating. You contradicted yourself and proved my point. The fact that you have to give up on things because of your kids is exactly why childless people arent thrilled about someone elses kids. They dont want to have to miss out on things for someone elses child. Children are part of being a parent. And they are your kids, not the childless single persons. So no, its not "all apart of being grown up". Its part of being a parent, and not everyone is, nor wants to be a parent just yet. You do realize the person you are dating might not be too thrilled about impeded freedom right? Many people without kids have dogs and cant just take off out of town for the weekend. Are those people not good on the dating scene either? Im sorry, but pets are MUCH different from kids. I can ask someone to come feed my cats every day while Im gone for a week, and they will be fine doing that. Its an easy task. Watching someones kids for a week is much different and more responsibility. And sure watching a dog is more work than watching cats, but neither are the same as watching kids. Btw, I can bet all the money in the world that youd find loads more people willing to pet sit, than baby sit for a weekend. I certainly wouldn't punch the guy but it is irritating when people see kids as a dating no-no or an inconvenience just because of their own selfish needsSelfish needs? Um dude...dating and love is about finding what YOU want as a person. So for many childless folks, kids from a past relationship throws up flags....Im sorry thats an inconvenient truth for you...but it is the truth. Chalk it up to incompatbility....but people want what they want. You're right. Its sad that people are calling my daughter baggage. She is a living, breathing human being, and a blessing from God. So any and all of the people who want to refer to her as such can take their opinions else where I never asked about my daughter. I asked if this list on the OP was reasonable for a WOMAN to want from a man. She lives and she breaths, but shes still baggage. I dont see people complaining about exes who live and breath when people call exes baggage (which they are). You never asked about your daughter, but you did mention her. Your daughter, your divorce, and your alimony, all play into your date-ability and how much tolerance a guy will have for your list. Its the simple truth. When someone has "baggage" others will be more ready to pass them over, especially if they have a laundry list of requirements for dating. Kids as baggage? What is this? An episode of the Bachelorette? Its just the truth. As I said, anything brought from one relationship to another can be seen as baggage. It is what it is. Edited July 30, 2012 by kaylan
madjac74 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I would like to know where I contradicted myself. Because I said I can do things on a whim but give up things for my kids? That isn't a contradiction....that is a choice! I can go out any saturday night I want to. I choose not to most times because I prefer to be with my kids. Trust me I have watched peoples pets when they went out of town and it is an incredible pain in the ass. Mostly because they are worthless animals. But that's another story. I'd rather watch someones kid. They are self reliable for the most part. But judging by your picture...I think i understand everythng very clearly And btw people I have dated are either parents or they appreciate the dad that I am. My kids make me more dynamic as a person and I think people like to be around that whether they have their own kids or not.
kaylan Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I would like to know where I contradicted myself. Because I said I can do things on a whim but give up things for my kids? That isn't a contradiction....that is a choice! I can go out any saturday night I want to. I choose not to most times because I prefer to be with my kids. Well you cannot really do things on a whim whenever you want now can you? You have obligations, and my point was that single childless folks arent too interested in having someone elses obligations impede their freedom. Its good that you can go out saturdays, and its good that you want to see your kids too, but its not just about saturday nights. Im talking about using a sick day and taking a spontaneous early weekend off together without needing to make baby sitting arrangements. Im talk about showing up at your favorite gals place at 1am after a late shift and making passionate love in the living room without having to worry about waking up any younglings. I understand that kids are great, but for a single and childless person, the dating stage is one they envision without children being a consideration. Trust me I have watched peoples pets when they went out of town and it is an incredible pain in the ass. Mostly because they are worthless animals. But that's another story. I'd rather watch someones kid. They are self reliable for the most part. But judging by your picture...I think i understand everythng very clearly Lol, sounds like your friends have lame pets haha. I find pets to be fun as long as they are friendly. And I dunno, pets (especially cats) are far more self reliant then kids in my experience growing up with younger cousins. And btw people I have dated are either parents or they appreciate the dad that I am. My kids make me more dynamic as a person and I think people like to be around that whether they have their own kids or not.Consider the fact that you are older, and people in your dating pool either have kids, or accept the fact that most people in their own dating pool have kids already. A single childless person will generally prefer another childless person, even though they respect your being a good father. I think kids can be great...but when Im married...not when Im dating. And I hope to god I meet the right girl for me for life when I get married...because lord knows I dont wanna go through dating again after I settled down once already. Its hard enough dating when you have a job and/or go to school.
runningfar Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Everyone has requirements. Everyone. No matter how much "baggage" (and that is disgusting to say about a child. And is not necessarily true for everyone) No matter what you think of how they look. No one is forced into accepting anyone and I find it distasteful to act as if they should. The only thing I think is messed up on her list (and granted, I only skimmed it.) was the eye color thing.
Kamille Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Its just the truth. As I said, anything brought from one relationship to another can be seen as baggage. It is what it is. Anything? Not anything. A person. A human being. A relationship. Love. By that token, do you consider all the human relationships someone has potential baggage? Are parents baggage? Friends? Brothers and sisters? Exactly where do you draw the line? 1
veggirl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Damn OP. 65 things on a list. Many of those read as VERY immature...must call you a pet name, must surprise you with small gifts every 2 weeks...s.hit like that really speaks for where you are at mentally, you sound like a spoiled little girl tbh. I don't doubt you find plenty of older men to date you. but as you've noted, none of them are QUALITY guys that you want to be with, so why do you brag about dating them? I could go out and get a 45 yr old jerk to date me too. So, you probably shouldn't use those examples as proof of your success. The core of your list is you want someone who loves and respects you. So basically you want the same thing EVERYONE ELSE WANTS. You don't need 65 things written down for that. Do you notice that the guys you are attracting with this list are dbags who you end up dumping? Does that...tell you anything...? (and I cosign everything Kaylan said) 2
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