Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Are you happy by yourself? Could you go 1 month without a date or expectation of one and be content? yeah im happy by myself its actually been nice. I honestly havent even had time to go on a date in like 4 weeks. Ive been asked, but Im super busy - Im a single mom and I work. but one day when im ready i want to be with someone and I want to make sure what I want isnt too much.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 yeah im happy by myself its actually been nice. I honestly havent even had time to go on a date in like 4 weeks. Ive been asked, but Im super busy - Im a single mom and I work. but one day when im ready i want to be with someone and I want to make sure what I want isnt too much. What do you offer? Post up a list of 40+ things that you offer that is different from other women. 1
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I think you should totally whip out a clip board on your next date and stare at him while he eats and click your pen repeatedly. What to do to get out of a blind date gone bad ..... LOL Pull out my handy dandy clip board. LOL thatd be hilarious... i can just imagine the reaction.... hahahaha
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 What do you offer? Post up a list of 40+ things that you offer that is different from other women. I don't know if itd be different than other women. But, I will write a list today of what I have to offer and then post it on here so we can see how out of whack I am with reality, bc apparently to everyone Im a horrible catch, and don't have anything going for me LOL
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 What to do to get out of a blind date gone bad ..... LOL Pull out my handy dandy clip board. LOL thatd be hilarious... i can just imagine the reaction.... hahahaha Anything that clicks. Like an umpires strike count thingy...everytime he talks about his ex...click! Everytime he talks about his car....click! Everytime he checks his phone...click! 2
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I don't know if itd be different than other women. But, I will write a list today of what I have to offer and then post it on here so we can see how out of whack I am with reality, bc apparently to everyone Im a horrible catch, and don't have anything going for me LOL Depends on definition of horrible catch and each person's needs. Your list, while reading each one, seems reasonable. However, living it says high maintenance. And I would hate that. So while you may be a great catch for someone, you would be a horrible catch for me. List please!?
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 The point I, and others, are trying to make, is why do you think you're entitled to a close-to-perfect man who fits all your 48 criteria (which includes eyecolour ), when you yourself couldn't be considered anybody's ideal due to your bad life choices and admitted mental disorders? It's an issue of entitlement. You believe a man should offer you so much, while you don't need to offer him anything except your baggage. Why would a quality man settle for that? That's the real question you need to ask yourself. Who are you to say, there isn't one man out there, that I am not the girl he has been looking for? Please tell me? Because I have guys I have known my whole life, who have told me they would marry me tomorrow if I would give them a chance! But, I don't look at them like that, I look at them like they are my friends. I don't have an issue of entitlement whatsoever. I don't know how Ive made bad life choices either?? Errrrr..... I married my high school sweet heart, went to college, got a degree, go to church, was going to be married for the rest of my life, he chose to be an alcoholic so I made the right decision by getting out of the marriage, so it wouldnt do damage to my daughter. I think thats one hell of a good choice to take a crappy hand and start over on my own. As for my mood swings, yeah I have them. Thats why I take medicine, and if a man can't accept me for who I am then he doesn't deserve me. Just like if a woman cant accept a man for who he is and what he does she shouldnt be with him either. You say "that" like I am such a horrible thing?! Are you an ugly woman in her late forties who is just bitter or something? Or are you a fat young twenty somthing that is pissed off because a young woman with a daughter looks better than you? Or is it that, you dont have standards at all and you are appaulled a woman should ever expect more than a **** from a man? Like what are your morals? Who the hell do you think you are?
KungFuJoe Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Op, A list like that comes off as narcissistic and controlling. I understand you have some mental conditions. Are you in therapy? Have you spoken to your therapist about this "list"? I'd be very curious to see what he had to say about your eye color item. You seem like a nice person, but you have a lot of personal issues to take care of. And I'm just being honest. I also wonder how truthful you are since some of the things you've mentioned don't exactly add up. You've been dating for six months and you've gotten five marriage proposals already? I doubt these proposals happened prior to your marriage because you said you got married to your high school boyfriend. Here's some advice. Toss that list in the trash and open your mind to new possibilities. But ultimately, I think you need to work your issues over in therapy. You do NOT have a healthy attitude towards relationships. But, you're also young and inexperienced so a lot of that will come with just time. 1
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Op, A list like that comes off as narcissistic and controlling. I understand you have some mental conditions. Are you in therapy? Have you spoken to your therapist about this "list"? I'd be very curious to see what he had to say about your eye color item. You seem like a nice person, but you have a lot of personal issues to take care of. And I'm just being honest. I also wonder how truthful you are since some of the things you've mentioned don't exactly add up. You've been dating for six months and you've gotten five marriage proposals already? I doubt these proposals happened prior to your marriage because you said you got married to your high school boyfriend. Here's some advice. Toss that list in the trash and open your mind to new possibilities. But ultimately, I think you need to work your issues over in therapy. You do NOT have a healthy attitude towards relationships. But, you're also young and inexperienced so a lot of that will come with just time. I also don't think you read all her posts kung pow jo. And who doesn't have personal issues? What would your list be?
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Op, A list like that comes off as narcissistic and controlling. I understand you have some mental conditions. Are you in therapy? Have you spoken to your therapist about this "list"? I'd be very curious to see what he had to say about your eye color item. You seem like a nice person, but you have a lot of personal issues to take care of. And I'm just being honest. I also wonder how truthful you are since some of the things you've mentioned don't exactly add up. You've been dating for six months and you've gotten five marriage proposals already? I doubt these proposals happened prior to your marriage because you said you got married to your high school boyfriend. Here's some advice. Toss that list in the trash and open your mind to new possibilities. But ultimately, I think you need to work your issues over in therapy. You do NOT have a healthy attitude towards relationships. But, you're also young and inexperienced so a lot of that will come with just time. My story does line up. I just didnt want to go into detail. About my whole life story. I have a mood disorder not a lieing disorder. I said Ive been proposed to four times fifth includes my husband. I dated my husband off and on during high school. He went away to college for two years and we had broken up he is 4 years older than me so at that point I was dated another guy ... he proposed to me right after my senior year (i graduated when I was 16 not 18 like most people, I was in the IB program am really smart) . Then My ex husband came back and transferred to college here, we got back together..Then we broke up and I dated some one else, he proposed to me.. then i said no and we broke up then i got back with my ex then we got married... Within the past 6 months I was dating a guy, and it did get serious this is one of the reasons for my list, bc i thought i wasnt asking for much but apparently he cant pick up a phone and stuff whatever.. he proposed to me.. i said no we broke up.. now I am single. That is the story. So yes its crazy and all over the place but its the truth. Im not narcisstic nor am I controlling, this list was a wants for a man when Im in a serious committed relationship not just dating.
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 yes kungfu i have a therapist and I take medication. And she actually told me to make a list so I have boundaries and know when I am giving in and settling, because she said that I do it too much and its unhealthy. So i made a list to help me out!!!!! I only wanted to know if the list seems reasonable or is it unrealistic
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 so im sorry its four not five!! what i really am just crazy and liar. NOT.
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 yes kungfu i have a therapist and I take medication. And she actually told me to make a list so I have boundaries and know when I am giving in and settling, because she said that I do it too much and its unhealthy. So i made a list to help me out!!!!! I only wanted to know if the list seems reasonable or is it unrealistic I think if you just write in paragraphs, I'm totally hooked 1
KungFuJoe Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I also don't think you read all her posts kung pow jo. And who doesn't have personal issues? What would your list be? I have read most of the thread but really all that needs to be read is the first post. I have Pure O OCD and I am currently in therapy. There is no shame in having issues. She needs to work on herself before she can expect anything to work with someone else. I chalk off a lot of that just due to inexperience, but the eye color thing is a HUGE red flag for me.
RedRobin Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 You are 24 and attractive. Lots of guys will say and do lots of things to get with you... regardless of the baby. Especially with OLD. It appears to me that you are having a tough time screening these men on your own and you are hoping for them to self-select with your long list. The worst won't... they will laugh and say GREAT! I know what to lie about now! The average might hang around for a bit (low self-esteem). The best won't even bother... ...because you have not indicated your part in the failure of your marriage (ie lessons learned... greater self-awareness, etc)... or why you would be a good investment for them... besides them having an attractive young woman to stroll around with and tell their friends about. You've got about 10 years to figure it out... After that, you WILL be dealing mostly with the recovering alcoholics/druggies, chronic commitment-phobes, players... guys with major anger issues, or a criminal record. I suggest honing your list down to 5 at most. The most critical must-haves/deal breakers... The effort it takes to get it down that small is quite useful. Leave the rest to getting to know them.
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I have read most of the thread but really all that needs to be read is the first post. I have Pure O OCD and I am currently in therapy. There is no shame in having issues. She needs to work on herself before she can expect anything to work with someone else. I chalk off a lot of that just due to inexperience, but the eye color thing is a HUGE red flag for me. Noooo! The eye color thing could just be like I prefer redheads! Her list is preferences and reminders to what she likes and needs. It isn't the ten commandments! or in her case the 65 commandments 1
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I have read most of the thread but really all that needs to be read is the first post. I have Pure O OCD and I am currently in therapy. There is no shame in having issues. She needs to work on herself before she can expect anything to work with someone else. I chalk off a lot of that just due to inexperience, but the eye color thing is a HUGE red flag for me. Why is it a red flag, that I just am more sexually attracted to men with blue or green eyes? I just like them, they look different from mine, they're piercing, and Im an eyes person! Why do some men prefer a big ass to big boobs... its called a preference, thats just my preference
KungFuJoe Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 yes kungfu i have a therapist and I take medication. And she actually told me to make a list so I have boundaries and know when I am giving in and settling, because she said that I do it too much and its unhealthy. So i made a list to help me out!!!!! I only wanted to know if the list seems reasonable or is it unrealistic Ok that's definitely a step in the right direction. But, really...keep that list to yourself. You don't need anyone to justify what you want other than yourself. When you put that list out like that it makes me think that you are STILL trying to get someone else's approval for what YOU want. Why get a bunch of random strangers to tell you if YOU want too much or not. SHOOT for the moon! But keep an open mind. 1
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 You are 24 and attractive. Lots of guys will say and do lots of things to get with you... regardless of the baby. Especially with OLD. It appears to me that you are having a tough time screening these men on your own and you are hoping for them to self-select with your long list. The worst won't... they will laugh and say GREAT! I know what to lie about now! The average might hang around for a bit (low self-esteem). The best won't even bother... ...because you have not indicated your part in the failure of your marriage (ie lessons learned... greater self-awareness, etc)... or why you would be a good investment for them... besides them having an attractive young woman to stroll around with and tell their friends about. You've got about 10 years to figure it out... After that, you WILL be dealing mostly with the recovering alcoholics/druggies, chronic commitment-phobes, players... guys with major anger issues, or a criminal record. I suggest honing your list down to 5 at most. The most critical must-haves/deal breakers... The effort it takes to get it down that small is quite useful. Leave the rest to getting to know them. Thank you SO much. This post really was helpful, and I will head your advice.... Seriously, thank you! 1
KungFuJoe Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Noooo! The eye color thing could just be like I prefer redheads! Her list is preferences and reminders to what she likes and needs. It isn't the ten commandments! or in her case the 65 commandments Read that item one more time and get back to me.
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I think these comments say a lot about you as a person. Let's say I actually was 40 years old, or ugly, or overweight - what does it matters? Do you think you are somehow better than people who are older or overweight? Also I'm confused about the "looks better than you" comment, because I thought that was you in your avatar, and if so, definitely nothing to write home about. You are SO funny!!!!! And pathetic. I said whatever I could to piss you off. Like you did calling my daughter baggage. Idc what you look like. But for some reason you want to attack me so I think some one has some insecurities and it aint me darlin'. Whats really funny is you just lied to yourself. I know Im a good looking girl, sweetie! I modeled growing up for Wilhelmina Scouting Agency! And So you are just SO funny. Plus I was in a mens calendar when I was 19. And, Im sorry babidoll but they dont put ugly girls in those..... be jealous. i love it
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Read that item one more time and get back to me. Yeah I see your point and nice call on my error. But can you see my and her point on a secretive list of preferences in a person?
RedRobin Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Thank you SO much. This post really was helpful, and I will head your advice.... Seriously, thank you! NP. Also would recommend finding a way to expand your social circle. Even if it is just getting out and joining other women in play dates with your baby. You will increase your screening skills (it is not limited to just screening dates...) and you will also open up opportunities for them to recommend you to their other single friends. Choose your friends carefully. Only choose those friends you'd WANT a recommendation from or would be proud to associate with. That way, even when you are single for periods, you will still have an active and engaged life among those you trust and admire. It is the same advice I give men, BTW. to avoid friends who habitually make poor choices or who have bad habits that don't lend themselves well to finding/keeping relationships. Good luck! 1
Author APS1988 Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Yeah I see your point and nice call on my error. But can you see my and her point on a secretive list of preferences in a person? yeah you totally ****ted me with that last statement lol Rut-row
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 yeah you totally ****ted me with that last statement lol Rut-row I'm not even sure what swear word you used there! Was that on your list somewhere? hee haw 1
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