FOR ALL THE MEN! Let me know if this is tooooo much? ! & Thank-you! :)

[SarahRose]

yes IRC333. I know you find out while dating them.. if you read my post two under your first comment i said i revise that statement because i would budge on that if he was an outstanding man and was everything else that i wanted. To be honest.. that list is my dream guy, perfect guy. I know no one is perfect. But i want that! lol. I really hate the fact that there isnt this magic potion that can tell me if a guy is ****ter or not. Hate to be frank but I date these guys who I think are amazing, and then they turn out to be everything that I didnt want, and what sucks is I was up front and honest from the get go about my expectations. Ive been proposed to by 4 different people, Im only 24. Ive been married for 5 years. Going through a divorce. So its not like I cant get a man, its just the men I get tend to lie, cheat, disappoint or become an alcohol or secretly do drugs or something.

 

A list isn't going to solve the problem of you making bad choices in men.

No guy thinks they are a drunken loser. They will think that list doesn't apply to them.

 

The values and character of people is very easy to spot early on if you are looking and evaluating whomever you are dating.

 

I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself why you didn't see the red flags on guys who turned out badly or why you chose to ignore the red flags.

 

This will help you choose someone better; not a list.

[madjac74]

You're probably an attractive woman that's doesn't meet the first number on every guys list.....not being an entitled b!tch.

 

Made sure you married someone that made a high income. The alcoholism was there along with whatever problems from the beginning. You'll say they weren't but it's a lie. Everyone shows you who they are quickly.

 

You choose not to see their flaws for the justification of your wants. Almost everyone does it.

 

"He drinks too much at parties, but that's ok 'cause he's attractive, makes x amount of money, we'll live here, and vacation there."

 

Now in another post you have even kind of boasted that you make bank from alimony and child support. That's just a bad human being. You should be embarrassed of that. You won't be though. Know why?

 

Because again, you'll make justifications in your mind that you "deserve" it. Even though they are your justifications that you create!

 

You should be completely alone for 6 months to a year. Get an occupation and make an effort to decrease alimony and child support received. That's what a good person would do.

 

The few details you have revealed about yourself here are a screaming siren that you are damn mess. I'm completely serious too. Just a mess.

 

Thats funny thats what I thought of you in your short rant. But who is judging...oh you are. I actually thought you were drunk which she doesn't like anyway.

[StrangeBehaviors]

Thats funny thats what I thought of you in your short rant. But who is judging...oh you are. I actually thought you were drunk which she doesn't like anyway.

 

Somebody's got a cruuuuuush!

 

Make sure you meet "The List!"

[madjac74]

Somebody's got a cruuuuuush!

 

Make sure you meet "The List!"

 

Shut it! We've already discussed the list.

[APS1988]

You're probably an attractive woman that's doesn't meet the first number on every guys list.....not being an entitled b!tch.

 

Made sure you married someone that made a high income. The alcoholism was there along with whatever problems from the beginning. You'll say they weren't but it's a lie. Everyone shows you who they are quickly.

 

You choose not to see their flaws for the justification of your wants. Almost everyone does it.

 

"He drinks too much at parties, but that's ok 'cause he's attractive, makes x amount of money, we'll live here, and vacation there."

 

Now in another post you have even kind of boasted that you make bank from alimony and child support. That's just a bad human being. You should be embarrassed of that. You won't be though. Know why?

 

Because again, you'll make justifications in your mind that you "deserve" it. Even though they are your justifications that you create!

 

You should be completely alone for 6 months to a year. Get an occupation and make an effort to decrease alimony and child support received. That's what a good person would do.

 

The few details you have revealed about yourself here are a screaming siren that you are damn mess. I'm completely serious too. Just a mess.

 

 

Okay what you obviously didnt read all the way through. My ex huisband was my high school sweet heart so I didnt marry him for money, because he didnt have any then. DUH. And the only reason I ever said anything about his job/income/alimony/child support was because this ALEX guy on here kept saying I was going to have nothing and go no where in life and that no guy would want to date me because I have a young child, and he was calling me stupid saying I had no education. I actually do have a bachelors and I have a job as well so as for you saying not to bragg and get my self an occupation, Im an accountant for a successful lawfirm in Charleston SC. So you should read all the posts before you open your mouth. I don't think I deserve anything or am entitled to anything. I get alimony because while we were married I did not work because I did not have to. But I do work, and I get alimony so I can live the life I was accustomed to. So I am a good person, and my calculations are based off of both of our incomes. You don't know me or my life, and your assumptions are quite frankly rude. Now we know why you are on a love site!

[APS1988]

Sorry but I have to agree with Alex here. You keep insisting you're a good catch, but frankly it sounds like you don't even have a job or an education (since you nwere relying on your more successful ex-husband since age 19). So what do you have to offer a man? What makes you think you'd fit any of the requirements on a man's list?

 

 

Do you people not read? I went to a four year college I have a degree I have a job. I am a good catch. This OP wasnt even suppose to be about how good of a catch I am. I am merely asking if the things I want and expect from a man is too much, that is all? What is this? Attack the new girl day or something?

[APS1988]

A list isn't going to solve the problem of you making bad choices in men.

No guy thinks they are a drunken loser. They will think that list doesn't apply to them.

 

The values and character of people is very easy to spot early on if you are looking and evaluating whomever you are dating.

 

I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself why you didn't see the red flags on guys who turned out badly or why you chose to ignore the red flags.

 

This will help you choose someone better; not a list.

 

 

First off, let me say thank-you for being polite about your input. And thanks for your input. I totally agree I have bad judgement. My husband wasn't an alcoholic in high school but over the last three years became one, I think due to stress at work. I wanted to get him help, but he wouldn't change, and I refuse to raise my daughter in that sort of environment. Ive just never really been on the dating scene except for the last 6 months. And so it is new to me. So I wrote up a list of the things I wanted and didnt want, based on the relationships that I have had and the marriage that I had. All I wanted to know was if the things I wanted were too much to ask for? I do know that there were red flags that I ignored and that is why I made a list. I honestly didnt know people were going to freak out about a list, I just wanted to know if they were unreasonable wants. (aside from the looks- that was just an addition) But actions and personalities are whats most important. Again thanks for your input! Much appreciated!

[ascendotum]

Single mothers can get given a hard time here. I think your list is fine, and I dont think its too out of alignment with what most women would want in a partner, I just think a number of these things you wont find out for sure until after the casual funloving stage has worn off and you start to expect a solid commitment from the guy.

[APS1988]

Single mothers can get given a hard time here. I think your list is fine, and I dont think its too out of alignment with what most women would want in a partner, I just think a number of these things you wont find out for sure until after the casual funloving stage has worn off and you start to expect a solid commitment from the guy.

 

 

Thats all I was asking, is if in general those wants/needs are too much to ask for while in a serious committed relationship. I would never up front expect all of those things at once. Nor would I bring them up all at once. There a few that would be. But, I didn't know people were going to get so out of control with my list and attacking me because I'm a single mother. Thanks so much for your cander.

[StrangeBehaviors]

I can be a bit venemous in delivery and maybe quick to judge.

 

It is just very irritating for me when adults have signs they deny then complain about later.

 

Your ex is an alcoholic. Has been a bad one for three years.

 

Yet, you elect to have a child with a proven alcoholic? Not good. Poor decisions.

 

That's why I said be alone for several months so that you might have clarity towards your choices.

 

A long list of requirements for anyone is probably never a good thing. A few basics should probably be there, but once you get up there towards 10, then something is wrong.

 

No-ones list should be more than what they can meet themselves either. Take a look at what is a deal breaker and if you don't meet the criteria yourself, it's probably unfair.

[APS1988]

Having a low-grade job doesn't make you a great catch. I ask again, what do you have to offer a man? Especially to make up for the fact that you're a divorced 24-year-old with a kid?

 

 

I do not have a low-grade job for being 24 years old. But, thanks for your judgement. Again the OP wasn't about what I had to offer, but if the things I wanted in a man on the list were unreasonable. That is all. I do not ever have to make up for having a child. My daughter is a blessing from God, and if a man can't see that - then he isn't the man for me. So I am not even going to dignify that question with an answer. Have a good day.

[madjac74]

I can be a bit venemous in delivery and maybe quick to judge.

 

It is just very irritating for me when adults have signs they deny then complain about later.

 

Your ex is an alcoholic. Has been a bad one for three years.

 

Yet, you elect to have a child with a proven alcoholic? Not good. Poor decisions.

 

That's why I said be alone for several months so that you might have clarity towards your choices.

 

A long list of requirements for anyone is probably never a good thing. A few basics should probably be there, but once you get up there towards 10, then something is wrong.

 

No-ones list should be more than what they can meet themselves either. Take a look at what is a deal breaker and if you don't meet the criteria yourself, it's probably unfair.

 

As i stated, I meet most of her list so shush it. And your double spacing is irritating me

[StrangeBehaviors]

As i stated, I meet most of her list so shush it. And your double spacing is irritating me

 

I'm gonna' start triple spacing. There is a list? Whenever I see more than 10

 

 

 

I honestly don't read. There goes all the foundation of my opinion. Shut it!

[madjac74]

I'm gonna' start triple spacing. There is a list? Whenever I see more than 10

 

 

 

I honestly don't read. There goes all the foundation of my opinion. Shut it!

 

Your triple space is much more pleasant. Thank you! Yeah the list was 65 + restrictions

[APS1988]

I can be a bit venemous in delivery and maybe quick to judge.

 

It is just very irritating for me when adults have signs they deny then complain about later.

 

Your ex is an alcoholic. Has been a bad one for three years.

 

Yet, you elect to have a child with a proven alcoholic? Not good. Poor decisions.

 

That's why I said be alone for several months so that you might have clarity towards your choices.

 

A long list of requirements for anyone is probably never a good thing. A few basics should probably be there, but once you get up there towards 10, then something is wrong.

 

No-ones list should be more than what they can meet themselves either. Take a look at what is a deal breaker and if you don't meet the criteria yourself, it's probably unfair.

 

 

Thats okay. I understand and am receiving this post with a lot more ease. You are right, I did ignore the signs, I did not notice at first and that is my fault, and once I did I couldn't get him the help he needed. I became pregnant. I loved my husband very much, I still care for him very much. But, I can not and will not be in a relationship like that. So i don;'t think I made poor judgment there. I do not believe in abortion, so I had my daughter, and I am glad I did. She is everything to me. And, I gave him time to change and tried to get help ... he wouldnt so we left when she was a few weeks old. I think that is actually very courageous of me to do so, it was one of the hardest times in my life. The only reason I came up with a list of requirements was to help myself, put things into perspective for what I want and need in a man so that I don't choose the wrong one again. Thats the only reason why I made the list. This is not a list I am putting on a dating site, this is not a list that I am going to critique every guy to down to every last letter. This is a guideline for me. And so I wanted guys opinions if these expectation in a serious committed relationship were too much to ask for. That is all. I didn't need people on here attacking me or trying to disect my life. I merely wanted a friendly post with honest answers. Some of which I did receive. Some I didn't like hearing but every one has their opinions and they are entitled to them. I just really don't appreciate when people bash and judge me because I'm a young mother who is divorced. I got married young not because I was pregnant, I just had my daughter 8 months ago almost. I got married because I thought this was the person I was going to be with for the rest of my life. And life doesnt always work out the way you want it to. And I got dealt a crappy hand. But, I'm turning it into a positive. SO the only thing I want to know is -- if when in a committed serious relationship are those wants that I had listed too much? Are they unreasonable? If so, why? And, which ones?

[madjac74]

Thats okay. I understand and am receiving this post with a lot more ease. You are right, I did ignore the signs, I did not notice at first and that is my fault, and once I did I couldn't get him the help he needed. I became pregnant. I loved my husband very much, I still care for him very much. But, I can not and will not be in a relationship like that. So i don;'t think I made poor judgment there. I do not believe in abortion, so I had my daughter, and I am glad I did. She is everything to me. And, I gave him time to change and tried to get help ... he wouldnt so we left when she was a few weeks old. I think that is actually very courageous of me to do so, it was one of the hardest times in my life. The only reason I came up with a list of requirements was to help myself, put things into perspective for what I want and need in a man so that I don't choose the wrong one again. Thats the only reason why I made the list. This is not a list I am putting on a dating site, this is not a list that I am going to critique every guy to down to every last letter. This is a guideline for me. And so I wanted guys opinions if these expectation in a serious committed relationship were too much to ask for. That is all. I didn't need people on here attacking me or trying to disect my life. I merely wanted a friendly post with honest answers. Some of which I did receive. Some I didn't like hearing but every one has their opinions and they are entitled to them. I just really don't appreciate when people bash and judge me because I'm a young mother who is divorced. I got married young not because I was pregnant, I just had my daughter 8 months ago almost. I got married because I thought this was the person I was going to be with for the rest of my life. And life doesnt always work out the way you want it to. And I got dealt a crappy hand. But, I'm turning it into a positive. SO the only thing I want to know is -- if when in a committed serious relationship are those wants that I had listed too much? Are they unreasonable? If so, why? And, which ones?

 

Her lack of paragraphs are annoying

 

Just teasing APS

[APS1988]

#33 - if your job is good, why do you expect a man to support you?

 

 

Read carefully, I don't want him to support me, I want him to be able to support himself to have goals and not be stressed financially. NOT ME. Like I said I don't want him asking me for money .. read carefully before you open your mouth. I don't join bank accounts, my money will be my money, his will be his, and like I said in another # somewhere I do not want to get remarried at this time, I don't know if I will ever want to, but I want a serious relationship like a partner. I was merely asking if the wants that I had listed were unrealistic for a woman to want and expect from a man while in a committed relationship, that is all!!! LOL.

 

You couldnt get me about my child, and being divorced, so you went straight to I need a man to support me, which isnt even what it reads.... you're an idiot. READ!

 

33. Makes enough of a living to do more than just survive and not stressed financially. Yes, there are times where money can get tight. I understand that, but my goal is to be able to live life month to month with someone who won’t be asking me for money, and who has a savings. Have goals for yourself. Seriously.

[StrangeBehaviors]

Thats okay. I understand and am receiving this post with a lot more ease. You are right, I did ignore the signs, I did not notice at first and that is my fault, and once I did I couldn't get him the help he needed. I became pregnant. I loved my husband very much, I still care for him very much. But, I can not and will not be in a relationship like that. So i don;'t think I made poor judgment there. I do not believe in abortion, so I had my daughter, and I am glad I did. She is everything to me. And, I gave him time to change and tried to get help ... he wouldnt so we left when she was a few weeks old. I think that is actually very courageous of me to do so, it was one of the hardest times in my life. The only reason I came up with a list of requirements was to help myself, put things into perspective for what I want and need in a man so that I don't choose the wrong one again. Thats the only reason why I made the list. This is not a list I am putting on a dating site, this is not a list that I am going to critique every guy to down to every last letter. This is a guideline for me. And so I wanted guys opinions if these expectation in a serious committed relationship were too much to ask for. That is all. I didn't need people on here attacking me or trying to disect my life. I merely wanted a friendly post with honest answers. Some of which I did receive. Some I didn't like hearing but every one has their opinions and they are entitled to them. I just really don't appreciate when people bash and judge me because I'm a young mother who is divorced. I got married young not because I was pregnant, I just had my daughter 8 months ago almost. I got married because I thought this was the person I was going to be with for the rest of my life. And life doesnt always work out the way you want it to. And I got dealt a crappy hand. But, I'm turning it into a positive. SO the only thing I want to know is -- if when in a committed serious relationship are those wants that I had listed too much? Are they unreasonable? If so, why? And, which ones?

 

Yes, some are unreasonable and in my opinion you are unreasonable to list them.

 

I actually looked at the list more closely. I "think" I meet the majority of the list.

 

Number 7 is a dealbreaker for me.

 

Number 43 as well.

 

Majority of the other ones would keep me from being interested in you. Saying no druggies or living with your parents is reasonable.

 

Many of the other ones are just super high maintenance. And I wouldn't want any part of that. It would be fun for awhile if I found you physically attractive, but I would end up miserable being with you and these requirements.

[Eclypse]

The list is mainly common sense, however it's better to keep it to yourself and refer to it periodically. Men would be put off by being confronted by this when they open your profile. I think I'm most of those reqs except the green or blue eyes. Good that you're flexible on that one. Also some men might be turned off by the fact you have a child. It's just something you'll have to deal with. I know it's a deal breaker for me.

[madjac74]

Don't we all have a list though? Some may make it more open than others but we all have some serious hangups that will dis-interest us from someone... I can't stand anyone who chews with their mouth open. We also have things we prefer that we can bend on. I love redheads but I'm certainly flexible if she chews with her mouth closed

[APS1988]

Yes, some are unreasonable and in my opinion you are unreasonable to list them.

 

I actually looked at the list more closely. I "think" I meet the majority of the list.

 

Number 7 is a dealbreaker for me.

 

Number 43 as well.

 

Majority of the other ones would keep me from being interested in you. Saying no druggies or living with your parents is reasonable.

 

Many of the other ones are just super high maintenance. And I wouldn't want any part of that. It would be fun for awhile if I found you physically attractive, but I would end up miserable being with you and these requirements.

 

I can understand why some people can't deal with #7. And thats okay- just means they arent the man for me. #43 high expectations is doing the yard work, taking out the trash, being respectful to me and my family, rinsing your dish off and putting it in the sink, putting your laundry in the basket not whereever you take it off at .. i said high expectations bc it was apparently too hard for my ex to do these things... if Im living with a man I expect him to do these things. I do everything else, but if a light bulb needs replacing, replace it, if the trash needs to go out, take it out, I really dont think they are high expectations I was being sarcastic.

[APS1988]

Wow, what a nice person you are. Such a great catch :lmao:

 

I'm not trying to "get" you about anything. The reality is, you're divorced and have a kid at a young age, and that means quality men are not going to be banging down your door. And a neurotic list like yours is only going to repel them all the more. But hey, keep taking out your anger at life on me, it's cool, I can handle it!

 

 

Im not taking any anger out on you. For whatever reason you wanted to say something about no man wanting to date me because I have a child and am divorced, then said, i have a low grade job, then said i need a man to support me, and everything i posted has disproven everything you have said. And quite simply I think you are rude...... And I am a lot nicer of a person than you are, you didnt even answer teh OP so why even comment at all .. you just wanted to disect me as a person? Who gave you that right again? Oh thats right, no one!

[APS1988]

The list is mainly common sense, however it's better to keep it to yourself and refer to it periodically. Men would be put off by being confronted by this when they open your profile. I think I'm most of those reqs except the green or blue eyes. Good that you're flexible on that one. Also some men might be turned off by the fact you have a child. It's just something you'll have to deal with. I know it's a deal breaker for me.

 

 

Oh no I would never be like let me pull my list out. LOL> that would be horrible. It was just a list I made for myself to help me stay in check with the kind of man I want, and to stop settling, or ignoring the red flags. I just posted it to see if men think these expectations in a serious relationship are too much or unrealistic?! I would never pull this out or put this on a dating site to date some guy. This was just what I wrote that I wanted. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unrealistic. That is all. And, some men are turned off that I have a child. Thats really not my problem, that just means they arent the person for me. She is my greatest accomplishment, and my world. So if a guy can't accept her, he can't have me. Thanks for your input.

[StrangeBehaviors]

Are you happy by yourself?

 

Could you go 1 month without a date or expectation of one and be content?

[madjac74]

Oh no I would never be like let me pull my list out. LOL> that would be horrible. It was just a list I made for myself to help me stay in check with the kind of man I want, and to stop settling, or ignoring the red flags. I just posted it to see if men think these expectations in a serious relationship are too much or unrealistic?! I would never pull this out or put this on a dating site to date some guy. This was just what I wrote that I wanted. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unrealistic. That is all. And, some men are turned off that I have a child. Thats really not my problem, that just means they arent the person for me. She is my greatest accomplishment, and my world. So if a guy can't accept her, he can't have me. Thanks for your input.

 

I think you should totally whip out a clip board on your next date and stare at him while he eats and click your pen repeatedly.