2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Here is the Real Crazy Part - I wasnt completely convinced he was cheating. Oh, I knew he was hiding something big , I knew he was flying under the radar big time...but I wasnt CONVINCED. Its as though when he started his explanations and song and dance...I became so confused I didnt know what the hell was going on. In my defense: He is in politics
SoMovinOn Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Sure there are many affairs that are never discovered but for the ones that are it seems very few are confessed as opposed to getting caught. Probably so. Although some are confessed, some times years or decades later (as evidenced by some threads here), I'd agree it's likely true most are caught. If you don't mind my asking...You caught your wife cheating, and do you worry that your affair partner may also get caught? Yes. Very much so. Fortunately (unfortunately?) ... Knowing how to catch my STBXW, all the research I did, everything I see here, makes me better at knowing what to do or not do to avoid her getting caught. Still, I have no illusions that it would be impossible for her to get caught.
UpwardForward Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Period. True. If people didn't stumble into the black and gray areas, there would be no need for shrinks - and we wouldn't be able to hash out all aspects of this - over and over.
Happyface Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Were you attracted to his behavior of deception and lying? I think that was a HUGE red flag. You must remember that I was a partner in crime and that's how criminals behave when they plan crimes. The respsonsibility for the A was 50/50. I was not a blushing schoolgirl victim. It was not a matter of being attracted to the behaviour at the time.. just accepting that it was a part of having an A. Happyface
beenburned Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 2sure, Your posts about your XH remind me so much of my D's STBXH! The extent of all his lies, purchases, and money to keep both affairs going long term were mind boggling! Cars to both OW, beach timeshare condo for one, much jewelry to both, and lots of money spent continuously on them! I am very grateful D will be getting half of it all back, including the 401K and pension he spent when she kicked him out of her house! 1
g450 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Well I remember when my GF was living with me she got up early in the morning on the weekend. Took a shower and got all dolled up. Then she says she is returning a library book and movies and would be right back. I was like WTF? So I got up and told her I was going too! She panniced and texted her XH that "it's impossible, Gonzos coming with me". Only problem was that she pannicked and sent it to me instead of him. I took her to drop her books and movies off and told her where are you supposed to meet him? Ill wait outside. She actually got all pissed off at me as if I was the one that screwed up. She said she was only going to talk to him about the divorce. WTF was there to talk about? She gasslighted me on the divorce for over six months so I knew she was playing games. Went back home with her and told her to start packing. That was two years ago this month. Something I always keep in the back of my mind. It was ironic that she used to always lectured me on having trust. Yeah right.
g450 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Ha. My XH first mistake was...(Drumrollllll Pleaseeee).... locking his cellphone. After 2 years...allllll of a sudden you lock your phone? after that ... his brokenesss..... coming home late and drunk almost everynight. That was the clue my first wife gave me that something was going on. She locked up her laptop and her online accounts. Mind you she had them for two years and never password protected them. There was nothing sensitive on that thing and it never left our house. She kept blabbing something about her privacy.
Ducky23 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 My D-day was with my son's dad. We weren't in a relationship with a title, but he was my companion and supposed to be the "only" guy. My first slip-up was leaving my laptop signed into my account when I went to work one day. He jumped on my Facebook and found a message between myself and a confidante about xMM and the A. I came up with a huge elaborate story about why it was all a lie, blah blah blah. He never truly bought it. XMM was my best friend. We texted constantly, saw each other regularly, I lived part-time with him and W, and shared a bed with them for a while. D-day came when he hacked my phone password by using the hint to my laptop password (hint:I love you) to hack into my laptop. Password on my phone was LOVE numerically. I had actually forgotten that was the hint to my laptop password. As for xMM, he never had a D-Day. He and W just bought the house I wanted. She found it and I chose it. It was what he and I wanted and the price was right for her, enough room for "when kids come" and such. It was in front of her the whole time and she still has no idea. Our story for her, when ending the A, was that we had had a huge fight about him always using me as an excuse to lie to her and I felt used. Apparently he had lost friends in the past for doing the same thing. I cut contact with her slowly. So that now there is nothing left to say really. I was always his "friend" and did everything possible to limit alone time with her. So yeah.. I'd say that was the "perfect" crime/A on his part. We still have mutual friends, so I still hear things. He's getting very near the S/D. He's playing out the plan he always told me he had.
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 For about a year before his departure my H was acting quiet and indifferent, or at least that's what I remember the most, as it was out of character. He would come home late (falling asleep at meetings/mixers) or off some weekends because he needed to be alone. Finally told me he didn't want to be married anymore. Husband moved out first week of December (to live w a cousin), while I still had hopes of saving our M. So here's the kicker: Approx 4 yrs after the divorce/properties settlement, OW testified at my following civil trial that she met my H December 15 (few weeks after he moved out). January 20 she was a signor on one of our company bank accounts and began writing checks (at his approval) for deposit and down payment on the house they were purchasing. (This was all before the D). Over a year later the divorce went through. Then 2 yrs after that my home was sold, they married and she finally put his name on their house. Then 4 yrs later, I invited them to my civil trial. She then took his name off of their house. My xH died a few years after that. Then a few years ago she M a very wealthy man who had just become a widower and had had a stroke. She is in the process of cleaning him out. Two expensive homes to go to her and several changes to his Will . His family is beside themselves, and the M is supposedly rocky. OW told them she met my H 3 yrs after the D. I forwarded to them my court docs. And will send them the transcript of OW's perjurious and audacious testimony. (just found it) New H doesn't know yet. IMO, this woman is a serial opportunist. And these Men are crazy. So many lives messed up! (((((((((((hugs for you)))))))))))) and prayers for this man and his family:(
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