MissBee Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 The title is a bit out there, but I was watching a program on crimes and forensics and they were discussing the idea that there's no such thing as a perfect crime. They were talking about how often even well-planned crimes will have some loop hole, some small detail that was overlooked that ends up unraveling the whole thing, especially nowadays with DNA evidence etc. That made me think of "the perfect A" and the parallels in terms of secrecy, hiding certain details, planning secret getaways and all that many As entail. I was wondering about little details and if any OW/OM/BS/WS, particularly those who've experienced a dday, can attest to "little details" that seemed innocuous that unraveled the whole thing. What little details did you or your MP have to be careful about, or a detail that you didn't think about that resulted in a discovery/dday, "close call" or revelation that something wasn't as presented?
Author MissBee Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Little "slip-ups" I can think of on my exAP's part are: 1. Sending me a forwarded email with his girlfriend's email address in it. I don't think he ever wanted me to have her email. I'm sure he didn't think I was going to tell her, so it wasn't something he was going out of his way to hide, but I'm certain he didn't want me having free access to it. However, I knew her name and it was one of the first names in the list of people he sent that forwarded message to. 2.Allowing her to pick up his phone late at night and surprise, I was the one on the line, so we shared an awkward moment between us. It didn't amount in a dday; however, I could visually see that both her and I were like "Uhhh who is this and why are you answering/calling at this time???" When he got on the phone, his voice sounded like a deer in headlights It was all very awkward and he attempted to act like I had called him for business. It was a very brief convo and then the next day he simply said "By the way...that was X" I wonder what he told her about that? 3. He gave me a cell phone one of the times he came to visit, because I was complaining about mine. He'd been using the phone for a bit though and he had 2 pictures of her on it. I'm certain he did not remember about these pictures when he decided to give me the phone. They weren't clear and he had a sister, so I saw it and simply assumed perhaps it was her (although my first thought was maybe this is his gf, but I think I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt ). I forgot about the pic and it wasn't until I saw a clear picture of her last year that I realized that she was the same woman on the phone I had.
SoMovinOn Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 The title is a bit out there, but I was watching a program on crimes and forensics and they were discussing the idea that there's no such thing as a perfect crime. They were talking about how often even well-planned crimes will have some loop hole, some small detail that was overlooked that ends up unraveling the whole thing, especially nowadays with DNA evidence etc. Based on statistics, those are some hilarious comments. Most crimes are never solved. Even fewer are convicted. "The perfect crime" is committed daily.
Author MissBee Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Based on statistics, those are some hilarious comments. Most crimes are never solved. Even fewer are convicted. "The perfect crime" is committed daily. Regardless of that, the focus/point of this thread is on those situations (in this case As) that were not perfect and that did have details that were overlooked that led to discovery or close calls or any "little details" that compromised the secret nature or separation of things. 1
BetrayedH Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I am a BS but my wife's slip-up was telling me that she thought we needed to separate, needed some time/space to think about it, and that it was probably too late. It was out of the blue and made no sense. We hadn't really ever even argued very much (maybe twice a year and made up by the next day). We had built a pretty decent life together, 19 years total, 12 married, 2 beautiful young children, 2 good jobs, 2 new cars, our own home, no physical/verbal/substance abuse. She let me hang in this limbo for 3 weeks and my radar went up. One search thru her internet history and emails raised a few red flags (enough to get me to spend $200 on a GPS). The rest, as they say, is history. Once I was onto her, well, I would grade the detective work of a BS above that of Sherlock Holmes. Trying to trickle-truth me was never going to work. Wish I had seen that coming because each time, it killed. 1
skylarblue Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 xMM hadn’t had slip-ups as far as over-looking some small detail in planning, but there had been a few mistakes that brought forth suspicion and ultimately dday. 1) W saw his cell bill and that he was way over his text limit during a time when he was out-of-town (we were texting each other constantly). 2) Throwing evidence away in his home trash or forgetting to throw something away and the W finding it. 3) Accidentally leaving his phone alone in a room with his W and me calling him. 4) Accidentally missing his W’s call which resulted in her looking for him and ultimately dday. Surprisingly, xMM was able to talk his way out of each one.
2sure Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I remember finding my xH little blue pills , which I did not know he used, in his travel bag while helping him pack for a trip. His excuse was they had been left in there since our last vacation. The date on the bottle was after our last vacation. Yeah. So then he went with he hid them there because he didn't want me to know he used them, he was embarrassed . I bought it, but it started my suspicion.
Author MissBee Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 What led to xmm d day was the drugstore called and left a message at his house, they said that he had already used his quota of little blue pills for the month and insurance wouldn't pay for his refill. I had no idea that he used the little blue pills but I guess when you are middle aged and trying to keep up with two (maybe more) women, you need a little help. LOL!!!
SoMovinOn Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 STBXW is not a good liar, and very transparent with her feelings and thoughts. I could tell when she was in the planning stages in that she'd want us to go somewhere, but she would be cryptic about it and try to tell me at the last minute (even though I could see her prepping and planning well in advance). This was so she could spend time with a particular guy she was interested in. When she was involved, I could tell by how she cleaned the house (doing extra things she normally wouldn't do, unless someone was coming over). Being a bad liar, she would always slip on details when I asked her for them - which I'd do a number of times, days apart, to see if/how the details changed. One of her biggest slips was after D-Day - I came home unexpectedly, and she was dressed up for someone. Another major slip was - she was very careful not to leave any electronic trails - no emails or texts ... not to her boyfriends, but, she did have a couple of people she confided in, with whom she eventually discussed some very clear and damning details (this was the first proof I was able to find).
frozensprouts Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 because i was niaeve and ( to be honest) really dumb about the whole situation, i really didn't think he was cheating on me until he pulled that ever popular line of " i love you but i am not in love with you" and told me he was going to stay t a "friends" ( you get three guesses as to who THAT "friend" was, and the first two don't count)...it took me a little bit, but i finally figured it out ( the fact that he'd accidentally left his facebook open when he was back at our place doing some work on line a couple of days later and i saw a facebook message love note to her really clued me in)... (btw...lines lines cheating spouses use " love you but not in love with you" they seem so common...who's coming up with them? it's like there's a book of them somewhere and a secret club of cheating spouse with that line as the password:laugh:)
frozensprouts Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 What led to xmm d day was the drugstore called and left a message at his house, they said that he had already used his quota of little blue pills for the month and insurance wouldn't pay for his refill. I had no idea that he used the little blue pills but I guess when you are middle aged and trying to keep up with two (maybe more) women, you need a little help. :laugh::laugh: good god, the last line there made me think f that song "get by with a little help from my friends":laugh::laugh: 1
evryrozhasitsthorn Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Left the facebook chat open at the bottom and caught a little chummy xoxo toe of thing that I didn't even know. It was some text lingo for hug or something. Checked cell phone records, and got the real story of where she was the weekend before. If I was suspicious at all, I could have caught her no problem. She wasn't tech savvy enough to hide everything. Still with her for the time being, but I'm not betting on the future.
2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Discovered my xH had a 2nd cell phone when while at home, he was on his cell and his suit started ringing.
2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Mine had a 2nd car just for his hidden life. Who the f knows. 1
2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 But back when I was ow, a mm would sometimes rent a car.
Furious Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I was sorting out the basement closet going through old jackets and coats to give away. As I was setting out the ones I was going to give away I checked the pockets and this was when I found a receipt for a designer ladies handbag dated from the year before and from a store in the city that my husband traveled frequently on business. I just knew, I sunk to the floor and just knew. I couldn't access his company cell phone records and his company lab top and that receipt was just a little piece of paper. I kept my mouth shut even though my insides were burning. Within a couple of days I hired a PI and then that PI sub-contracted another PI in the city my husband traveled to. The following week my husband was off on another business trip and within days I had pictures of him with the other woman. The other woman's identity was easily found by my PI by getting her license plate number and from that they were able to get me a full report on her. D-day happened the night my husband returned from his business trip. 3
2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Its funny now, but I actually ripped his suit, got the phone and managed to lock him in the garage while I drove away with it...I was motivated. 4
2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Furious..I took the phone right to a PI too. That's when I learned the scope of it.
2sure Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Back to the cell phones...if a mm changes his number, or a bs stops seeing strange numbers on the bill...it's because he has another phone.
Furious Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Furious..I took the phone right to a PI too. That's when I learned the scope of it. It whole experience with hiring a PI was surreal, a part of me was numb and another part of me felt like the girl with the dragon tattoo, sans the tattoo, and in an odd way it was exhilarating and excruciatingly painful at the same time. 1
UpwardForward Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) For about a year before his departure my H was acting quiet and indifferent, or at least that's what I remember the most, as it was out of character. He would come home late (falling asleep at meetings/mixers) or off some weekends because he needed to be alone. Finally told me he didn't want to be married anymore. Husband moved out first week of December (to live w a cousin), while I still had hopes of saving our M. So here's the kicker: Approx 4 yrs after the divorce/properties settlement, OW testified at my following civil trial that she met my H December 15 (few weeks after he moved out). January 20 she was a signor on one of our company bank accounts and began writing checks (at his approval) for deposit and down payment on the house they were purchasing. (This was all before the D). Over a year later the divorce went through. Then 2 yrs after that my home was sold, they married and she finally put his name on their house. Then 4 yrs later, I invited them to my civil trial. She then took his name off of their house. My xH died a few years after that. Then a few years ago she M a very wealthy man who had just become a widower and had had a stroke. She is in the process of cleaning him out. Two expensive homes to go to her and several changes to his Will . His family is beside themselves, and the M is supposedly rocky. OW told them she met my H 3 yrs after the D. I forwarded to them my court docs. And will send them the transcript of OW's perjurious and audacious testimony. (just found it) New H doesn't know yet. IMO, this woman is a serial opportunist. And these Men are crazy. So many lives messed up! Edited July 30, 2012 by UpwardForward 4
Emme Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Its funny now, but I actually ripped his suit, got the phone and managed to lock him in the garage while I drove away with it...I was motivated. ROFL:lmao:... I can't breathe. Oh lord. I think cell phones will always be number one. Overall I do feel that women are better cheaters. They anticipate. For some reason men are just bad when it comes to passwords. Just Bad. It's like their brain can only remember simple passwords/birthdays. 1
Athena Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 One of my husband's slip ups was downloading a whole lot of photos onto the computer at home to show me his photos from abroad.... he insisted I see ALL of them, while he drove off to Blockbuster to rent a movie for us. By the time he got back I had discovered the personal photos of him and his lover at the end of the photos (which he had forgotten were there), and was quite ready to bust his balls. lol
Athena Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Another time he cheated while working abroad, he seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth for a few days and while I frantically called his friends, office, colleagues, and landlord to see what happened to him (he had gone away for a long weekend with a lover), he phoned me to claim he was home, sick in bed, and had not gone to work.... but I had JUST put the phone down with his landlord, who had knocked on his bedroom door so I knew that was a lie. The phone call was lost, so I called the landlord up telling him my hubby was home sick in bed, and while I was on the phone with him, he went to my hubby's bedroom door, knocked, opened the door, and claimed 'No, the bed is empty, and no one is here'.... bust. By the time my husband called me back to INSIST he WAS actually in his bed, sick, the jig was up.
Athena Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 When my husband claimed he had gone away on his own for a few days, to a specific island across from where he worked, I made a day trip for myself to go check it out... when I got back I asked him what is the FIRST thing you see on the island, when the boat pulls in?... he couldn't answer it.... because he had never actually been to the island (he had gone elsewhere with a lover)... so it was obvious to him and to me, that he was lying (the answer was a HUGE wooden barn as the boat pulled in to dock). I also asked him for a receipt for the boat trip (he keeps EVERY receipt ever) and he simply couldn't produce one. A day later, when he had had the chance to go across to the island to find out what you first set your eyes on when you get there, he triumphantly told me what the structure was... I said, nice, but two days two late.
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