findingmichele Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Hi I am a 23yr old confident beautiful independent woman. My life is good except for the past 6 months this "boyfriend" that I have is completely turning my life upside down. It has been 6 months since he asked me to be exclusively his. I accepted his request not knowing what I was getting myself into. Needless to say 6 months later he has never made time to see me. So there is no affection whatsoever. There is no trust because everytime he has made plans with me he has broke them. We say we love eachother but the love I merely an image he has portrayed early on in the relationship. Promising me I would be the happiest woman in the world. We would travel together and he would give me explosive pleasure with the best sex I have ever had. Well none of this has happened. He has made me so many broken promises. I just really cant believe he would be this way. When we talk on the phone which is rare, he prefers texting, we always end up arguing and me crying because I am so hurt and feel so taken for granted and he apologizes for everything but nothing changes. He is a New Doctor 31yrs old so he takes his career very seriously and on top of that he is starting an MRI business with his brother so he is constantly traveling for that. I know I NEVER imagined our relationship turning out like this and I honestly don't believe he did either. But he has a hard time putting our relationship as a priority. He says he loves me but If you love someone you do things to show it not just say it. I really cant believe he has turned out this way I never would have guessed he seemed so kind and genuine. Now I am stuck I don't want to lose him but I am very unhappy with everything. He keeps saying things will change but when? Its been 6 months and I just cant help but for my selfesteem to take a dive because of this. If I do break up with him and he doesn't miss me and finds someone else. I would be so mad and just think why didn't I just stick in there. I know things will get better but there's no telling when. We have a really good emotional connection and are supportive of each other and want the same things as far as marriage and kids. So I want to stick it out but I dont know most days I feel like Its turned into such an unhealthy relationship and I should just leave it up to god. Its hard, some days I feel I would rather be alone than be in a relationship like this and feel so alone.
2sunny Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Time to realize you are already on your own - just time to accept it and tell him it's not enough for you to be happy. That way you can find a man who makes you his priority! I know many extremely busy men - they always make their woman feel like they are the MOST important thing in their life - even while flying around the world - they MAKE time for the gal. This guy doesn't have you as his top priority... Waiting just shows him you are willing to settle for nothing from his end.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Beautfiul wonen seem to always have the worst luck. If you know you can do better your self-esteem shouldn't be a hindrance for yiu to walk away. Just because he's a docotr doesn't mean he's ready for a commitmnet. In fact most doctors have a hard time maintaining a marriage let alone a relationship. Please plewse run don't walk.
OsiStruck Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 If its not happening now while your courting; it sure as heck isnt going to happen with marriage and kids later.... if your distanced now... it will get worse.... good luck
MarlyStar Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Its been 6 months and I just cant help but for my selfesteem to take a dive because of this. If I do break up with him and he doesn't miss me and finds someone else. I would be so mad and just think why didn't I just stick in there. This is some messed up thinking. If you break up and he doesn't miss you, it means if you stay together nothing will change. If you break up and he doesn't miss you, it's because he doesn't love and care about you. If you break up with him and he doesn't miss you, it means you don't have a relationship with him that he values. It means the relationship was going to fail anyway--whether you broke up with him or not. Why would you be mad if he finds someone else who actually makes him happy? You know he's indifferent to you, but your strategy is to hang in there for the payoff (a marriage to a rich doctor). If you do manage to pull it off, it won't be because he loves you, but because he feels obligated and got used to having you around and he made promises to you. And eventually you'll break up anyway. This is not how happy relationships start. I know things will get better but there's no telling when. We have a really good emotional connection and are supportive of each other and want the same things as far as marriage and kids. So I want to stick it out but I dont know most days I feel like Its turned into such an unhealthy relationship and I should just leave it up to god. Its hard, some days I feel I would rather be alone than be in a relationship like this and feel so alone. What makes you think things will get better? You clearly DON'T have a good emotional connection, since all your phone calls end up with you crying and he can never find time with you and is always breaking his promises, and you don't trust him and feel played and betrayed. If it's so hard and you feel so alone this is not a good emotional connection. You need to move on and find someone else.
2sunny Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Cheating comes in MANY forms. If you feel that he's married to his job/career and that causes you to feel left out as part of his life and what he's DOING - then there's no reason to stay in this. Never settle! A man who loves you would be sure to MAKE time for YOU no matter what! Right now - he's trained you to settle for nearly nothing and you settle for that. It's way out of balance! That's your prompt to change it all!
morichu Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Obviously it's time to break up. The problem here is that he has a demanding job and a relationship clearly isn't his top priority. Girls always want to date the young, rich, ambitious guy but it can be a double edged sword when they care more about their career than their GF. I actually have that problem too. I'm a year away from graduating college with a Petroleum Engineering degree so I don't have a lot of free time. I'm very dedicated to my school/job and they always come first. I had to end my last 2 relationships because I knew both girls deserved a guy who could give them more. Neither of you is right or wrong, just not meant for each other right now.
thatone Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Hi I am a 23yr old confident beautiful independent woman. My life is good except for the past 6 months this "boyfriend" that I have is completely turning my life upside down. It has been 6 months since he asked me to be exclusively his. I accepted his request not knowing what I was getting myself into. Needless to say 6 months later he has never made time to see me. So there is no affection whatsoever. There is no trust because everytime he has made plans with me he has broke them. We say we love eachother but the love I merely an image he has portrayed early on in the relationship. Promising me I would be the happiest woman in the world. We would travel together and he would give me explosive pleasure with the best sex I have ever had. Well none of this has happened. He has made me so many broken promises. I just really cant believe he would be this way. When we talk on the phone which is rare, he prefers texting, we always end up arguing and me crying because I am so hurt and feel so taken for granted and he apologizes for everything but nothing changes. He is a New Doctor 31yrs old so he takes his career very seriously and on top of that he is starting an MRI business with his brother so he is constantly traveling for that. I know I NEVER imagined our relationship turning out like this and I honestly don't believe he did either. But he has a hard time putting our relationship as a priority. He says he loves me but If you love someone you do things to show it not just say it. I really cant believe he has turned out this way I never would have guessed he seemed so kind and genuine. Now I am stuck I don't want to lose him but I am very unhappy with everything. He keeps saying things will change but when? Its been 6 months and I just cant help but for my selfesteem to take a dive because of this. If I do break up with him and he doesn't miss me and finds someone else. I would be so mad and just think why didn't I just stick in there. I know things will get better but there's no telling when. We have a really good emotional connection and are supportive of each other and want the same things as far as marriage and kids. So I want to stick it out but I dont know most days I feel like Its turned into such an unhealthy relationship and I should just leave it up to god. Its hard, some days I feel I would rather be alone than be in a relationship like this and feel so alone. 1) you are not confident and independent. you are insecure and dependent on the idea of having a doctor boyfriend even if you don't really have one. 2) he isn't turning your life upside down, you are. you deal with him, you stay with him. that's your fault, not his. he's shown you who he is, you are trying to ignore it, that isn't his fault. 3) you don't have a really good emotional connection. you just said right above that that every time you talk on the phone you argue. 4) you don't know that things will get better. you haven't shown us any indication that they will. that's a fantasy, that you think of because you want to be able to say you're married to a doctor and a doctor is the father of your kids. it does not exist. 1
TG1 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You deserve better and I am sure you will find someone out there for you, someone who will treat you right, someone who will love you for who you are, accept you for who you are and will be right there by your side through good and bad times
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You need to take more responsibility in this equation... Why have you settled for this? Why would you be interested in a man who boasts yet can't fulfill or keep his promises? Why would you be interested in a man who's more interested in his personal career and ambitions? Why do you think your life will become better by some sudden shift in the winds? you're not that naive are you? The fact of the matter is you're 23..he's 31, and any half-competent 31 year old man can swoon a 23 year old with bull**** like he's spun on you and that's a good leap that he has in front of you and you thinking this guy being all mature and a professional is going to lead to this wonderful and stable life then you definitely need a reality check. Trust me, I don't care what kind of education you have or what you kind of "maturity" you think you've got this is the same BS men around the world dangle in front of young women's tantalizing and hopeful eyes...that's the reason many men go for younger women, it's like being able to use those little cutsey magic tricks at a party, the kids love them but the adults see exactly what's going on. You're not as independent and confident as you think you are If you're willing to put your life on hold and on the sidelines so you can sit around and wait for this guy to have the time of day for you. If you were independent and confident you'd be like "wrong kind of girl doc, I'm not one of those trophy girls that'll swing from your nuts all day for a quarter like a bum panhandling on the side of a freeway exit"...so actually you're showing insecurity, dependency because instead of going on with your life and doings for yourself you're depending on some "man" to do it or make it happen with you. Nothings going to change! You know what's the best you could hope for? you reaching the breaking point and about to leave...and then he "changes" or "improves" for a month then you get sucked back in...slowly start sliding down the ladder until you're pissed off again and gonna leave..then guess what he'll do again? yep, merry-go-round your @ss until you flick the switch on those little light bulbs in your head and realize what you see is what you get! stop hoping and wishing, and praying, etc...look at what is in front of you right now, that's what counts...promises promises, not only has this man continued to lie to you from the beginning to get in your pants it's actually making you stick around...sure he might not mind popping a few babies with the hot chick but that's what you'll be...a baby maker then you'll get all depressed and sad when the perfect little dream doesn't come to together and now you're suffering from postpartum depression after farting another kid you realize that your face is melting, you're not 23 anymore and now you gotta stick around and cry about your life on LS for any kind of emotional support and companionship...and that's If he doesn't replace with you a newer hotter model down the road...but hey I guess you'll get good child support right? Guy sounds like a douche, doctor or not...step outside your emotional box and see the relationship for what it really is, do you really think this relationship is really that great? you think you can't find something better than this? If you do manage to leave this guy, you'll realize how foolish you were for being with this guy and how much a waste of a time it was. But your heads in the clouds and all you can do is think of all the little things that you do have going in this relationship that will magically turn around...your relationship sounds like a fat cow with straw legs...and your emotions are the straws.
2sunny Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I got to thinking about this guy... Some closet gay men keep a beautiful "front woman" hanging around to save face. Never REALLY spending a ton of time with her - just enough so that when he needs her for his "social events" she can be his date and help him cover for his gay preference. It happens more than you'd think - if it feels like you're the OW... It may be that he's gay or already married.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 This relationship sounds unbearable. Stop wasting your time. Move on, and find someone who appreciates you.
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