livelife Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I broke up with my ex on impulse and INSTANTLY regret it and went over to his house to try to take it back. We've been through this whole summer trying to work on it, which led to fights due to jealousy from the both of us, and us just blaming eachother. He wants space, and I want some space as well. But he says that my actions don't say that I want to be with him. To him, I tell him that I want to be with him, but to others I say I think we're done based off of what my ex has said. If he acts like he doesnt want to be with me, im not going to act like that to other people as well, you know? and I explained that to him. I just don't know what to do. i want to give him his space and respect that but I don't know how to go about doing it. If I go and try to date he will say that my actions arent acting like I want to be with him, but he doesn't do anything. he says by the way ive been acting hes been reluctant to hanging out with me, which I can understand. He did say once that he didn't care, but when I mentioned it again he said if he didn't care why would he be talking to me? We haven't talked in two days since that conversation. Any suggestions?
zanzi Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 ok. my advice is dont be desperate. If a man says he wants space, he means it. if anyone says they want space, they mean it. If you cant stop yourself from calling him/ texting him/ begging/ being emotional ( which everyone does at first.) Then delete his number from your phone after writing it down on a slip of paper, put that slip of paper somewhere kind of out of the way like in a desk draw and get on with your life. This will stop you from ringing him at two am begging for him back, which will piss him off further. And at those times when you feel like you MUST tell him something and speak to him- do not do it. It will drive him further away. I called my ex pretty much every day during our being on a "break" and now, we are exes with No contact at all whatsoever anymore with each other. Which speaks for itself...
Author livelife Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 ok. my advice is dont be desperate. If a man says he wants space, he means it. if anyone says they want space, they mean it. If you cant stop yourself from calling him/ texting him/ begging/ being emotional ( which everyone does at first.) Then delete his number from your phone after writing it down on a slip of paper, put that slip of paper somewhere kind of out of the way like in a desk draw and get on with your life. This will stop you from ringing him at two am begging for him back, which will piss him off further. And at those times when you feel like you MUST tell him something and speak to him- do not do it. It will drive him further away. I called my ex pretty much every day during our being on a "break" and now, we are exes with No contact at all whatsoever anymore with each other. Which speaks for itself... Yeah I know this time like space has to be given, hes been rude to me and i've been rude to him, it's just a tough moment you know? Do you think there is still a chance? Not that i'm going to dwell on that, however.
zanzi Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) I think the best chance you have of being civil to each other is to step back and breathe for a couple of weeks at least. Give him a break from dealing with the situation so he can think about whether he wants to be back with you or not. Both of you need to cool it down. I know you are hurting. I was in the same space earlier this month. I would suggest that after this time, you ask him if he wants to meet up somewhere and talk, and express that you regret some of the decisions you made and that you valued his being in your life. Do not say anything too emotional either when you suggest this. This will make him feel harrassed into making a decision, which will be a panicked one. note: a couple of weeks may not be long enough for him. bear with it, you can do it, even though it hurts. If you were fighting a lot before the break up, there will be issues that need resolving before you think about trying again. Not that I guarantee that will happen. Other wise they will break you back up. Edited July 29, 2012 by zanzi 1
Author livelife Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I think the best chance you have of being civil to each other is to step back and breathe for a couple of weeks at least. Give him a break from dealing with the situation so he can think about whether he wants to be back with you or not. Both of you need to cool it down. I know you are hurting. I was in the same space earlier this month. I would suggest that after this time, you ask him if he wants to meet up somewhere and talk, and express that you regret some of the decisions you made and that you valued his being in your life. Do not say anything too emotional either when you suggest this. This will make him feel harrassed into making a decision, which will be a panicked one. note: a couple of weeks may not be long enough for him. bear with it, you can do it, even though it hurts. If you were fighting a lot before the break up, there will be issues that need resolving before you think about trying again. Not that I guarantee that will happen. Other wise they will break you back up. Yeah i'm 100% letting him come to me. I had his number blocked, but I unblocked it because I wanted to see if he did text me. But I don't plan on answering him everytime or pouring my heart out if we do speak because thats not what he wants.
Woggle Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I hate to say this but I think it is over. This is why I tell women to never tell a man you want to end a relationship unless you truly do mean it. That seed of doubt is now planted in his head and it's very doubtful it will ever go away. 1
OsiStruck Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 sounds like you like the convenience... just move on sounds like u have already except when its a convenience?? hmmm
OsiStruck Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Yeah i'm 100% letting him come to me. I had his number blocked, but I unblocked it because I wanted to see if he did text me. But I don't plan on answering him everytime or pouring my heart out if we do speak because thats not what he wants. quit playing games .... move on sista!
zanzi Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Look. Only her ex knows what he wants. I'm trying to give her a better chance Maybe it is over. Each situation is unique. However, she is hurting. Therefore in my opinion you dont need to be abrasive to her about it. This makes me angry because I was in despair, all I needed was advice from someone who believed that I deserved a chace to keep things dignified during the break up at least. And even if it doesn't go how she wants it to go if she manages not to talk to him for a couple of weeks, at least there will be no more screaming back and forth and grief.
Author livelife Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Look. Only her ex knows what he wants. I'm trying to give her a better chance Maybe it is over. Each situation is unique. However, she is hurting. Therefore in my opinion you dont need to be abrasive to her about it. This makes me angry because I was in despair, all I needed was advice from someone who believed that I deserved a chace to keep things dignified during the break up at least. And even if it doesn't go how she wants it to go if she manages not to talk to him for a couple of weeks, at least there will be no more screaming back and forth and grief. Yeah, because of that comment I broke NC and asked him if we were over.
Woggle Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 What was the reason you broke up with him in the first place?
Author livelife Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 What was the reason you broke up with him in the first place? It was complete impulse. We were having little communication days ahead due to work and such, and i'm an overthinker and let it get to me, so one night we didnt text at all and I found out he had people over at his house, so I texted him and in the converastion i mentioned that I was going out and just wanted to say i hope he had a good night, he got so pissed off at me that I was going out and i called him and he was yelling telling me i wasnt welcome over and I couldnt come over tonight so I ended it right then and there. Then i ran over to his house after to try to take it back but we were both bawling and he said he would talk about it the next day. The next day comes and he wants space and time. Then here we are.
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