The Confused Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Hi everyone .. I'm new new here and obviously hope that this will be read. I am a young man of 22 years. 3-4 months I broke up with my lovely girlfriend, also 22 years - a fantastic girl who I still love incredibly high, in all conceivable ways and think about constantly. We had been together for 3 years. A little background on our relationship. We've been together for 3 years and experienced The States, Barcelona, Rome, Sweden and had many wonderful experiences together. A wonderful relationship, but with a series of ups and downs. We've both done stupid things in the relationship. Written with others over text messages, seen our ex's, came late home, slept outside, infidility, etc. I moved into her apartment after 3-4 months - it was a perfectly natural thing and felt right. Our seperation was a joint decision, since she was started on education, where parties, new friends and study tours started to fill much of her every day - sometimes she came home at 08:00 the next morning, completely unaffected, I did not accept, but didn't say anything.. Meanwhile, I was about to complete my education as a financial assistant at full time, with less room for partying. As time went on in our relationship, it was unfortunately more and more clear that there probably would have to be an ending. It ended as described, we went separate ways after 3 years of cohabitation. Of course we were both incredibly sad that it had to end so and wept as well. Unfortunately, we men, are quite stupid and the thoughts of a bride usually first appears a month after the better half has been crying out, moarned and probably come back up on the feet again. I regret I wasn't there for here, when she needed me. At the break up, we decided that we would live as friends and still live together, as long as we didn't take anyone home or make out with others, in respect for each other. I respected me, of course, as she did. A 3-week period after the break, I was downtown with some friend for a weekend, where I slept on a girl friends couch - no sex. This I also informed her, but when I got home, she was in tears and threw me out. This had the result, that we did not talk particularly good or particularly much for a while. I expressed regret, apologized and explained that there was no intention to hurt her. Time went by and we began seeing eachother again, kissing and was out eating several times on the beach or home in her apartment with a good movie. I still had a number of things standing at home with her, as did I could not let go of her nor get over her. This also made me realize what an idiot I had been, which made me realize I did not want to break up. Time passed by, but suddenly she didn't text me anymore, unless I textet herself. She would not see me, despite the fact that I wanted. She got at nightclubs, met with a lot of people. She was no longer the same, I felt. This bothered me and it continues to do, so I confronted her, what had happened in her life since she changed such, but she refused to answer. I asked her again, and then she told me, that in our relationship for over 3 years, I had changed many of her principles, that she was now slowly going back. I was sad, hurt, frustrated, angry and annoyed at myself .. It was never supposed to be that way.. I wanted her, just like she was in the beginning of the relationship. I didn't even fel like she changed.. I mean, what the ****? This simply just made me want her back even more, to change all that! I wrote numerous letters to her how I expressed myself emotionally and wanted her back. Textet her. Called her in between. But little did it help. I just felt that I pushed her away from me. In the end, bought a guide to how to get your ex-girlfriend back again, in pure desperation! 'The Magic of Making Up' The guide told me, to avoid her for 30 days or more, and then contact her again, she, according to the guide, would miss so bad, and beg me to come back again. I did not last the 30 days, but instead wrote letters, called and crying told her, how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. At this time I also found out that one of my 'friends' had written to her since our break-up and had been with her on a date - I was furious! I asked the "friend" to respect my ex-girlfriend and I post-relationship, and told him not to text or talk with her again. One evening I wrote to her, and got a text message back which indicated that she had already found another after our break up, and had sex with this guy, this was now 3 months after. I started my car and drove directly to her, to pick up my stuff, I was furious, but at the same time in tears, how the heck can anyone recover so quickly after a relationship for 3 years? This resulted in the fact that she wrote a nasty message and deleted and blocked me on Facebook and deleted and blocked my number via the phone. At this time my stuff was still at her apartment, as if she retained me as a pincer movement? I contacted her father who told him that we would find a solution and deliver my stuff. In frustration, I drove out to her again, after work. The result was very succinct, in that I found a book in which the my ex records all her thoughts and people she has been sexual active with. I found the book, found the last record, which read as follows. "Finally free, free as a bird, it's lovely! I will never ever again, find myself in a relationship where I'm not satisfied, 100% myself and happy. The last 3 years have been wasted! I kissed last week, along with one from my class, he had a girlfriend but we were indifferent. Shut up, he kissed well, mhm! " It shattered, the cup was overflowing. I was crushed inside! She had gotten so much from me, in spite of a relationship with up and downs! This was the thanks? I was furious and in tears and rushed out to her on the balcony, where I wanted an explanation. But she was ice cold, closed in as an oister and did not want to comment. I was so angry and confused that I, in furiosity, pushed her so she landet on the concret floor. I have less than one week ago, now received my stuff. But I'm still thinking about my ex-girlfriend constantly, I want her back so badly. But what kills me the most, is the thought of what she's doing? What she is experiencing? Who she is with in bed? Has she has found someone else to be with? Maybe a new boyfriend? (She has never been going without a BF in less 3 months!) My violent affair got out among friends and they have all have chosen her side. Even my best friend. I do not understand how she behaves, she wraps into my friends network and creates dissension, so that I now stand alone with the emotions, struggles and desperation. I have in my despair, attempted to put a lid on it a little now, but without success. My last desperate act would be to send her a giant bouquet of her favorite flowers, lilies, with a nice big card on her birthday, sometime in October. My big issue is...: How can a relationship of 3 years simply disappear from one woman memory so quickly? Has she completely forgotten me, erased all existence about me? What happened between my ex-girlfriend and I, beyond my stupid hasty actions? I have no real friends, so getting around on the subject on way through, to me is pretty hard! Has she found one or more others, to be with? I do not really want to ditch her, but get her back! My 'friends' have taken her party, how am I going to relate to that? I have such difficulty accepting the break and how this should be tackled. Hope you have a number of inputs, appropriate approaches, methods, ideas or any contributing meaning. If you assess that it is quite hopeless to get her back, so possibly some steps to get on top and such. Sincerely The despairing
YorickBrown Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 My big issue is...: How can a relationship of 3 years simply disappear from one woman memory so quickly? Has she completely forgotten me, erased all existence about me? What happened between my ex-girlfriend and I, beyond my stupid hasty actions? I have no real friends, so getting around on the subject on way through, to me is pretty hard! Has she found one or more others, to be with? I do not really want to ditch her, but get her back! My 'friends' have taken her party, how am I going to relate to that? I have such difficulty accepting the break and how this should be tackled. Hope you have a number of inputs, appropriate approaches, methods, ideas or any contributing meaning. If you assess that it is quite hopeless to get her back, so possibly some steps to get on top and such. Sincerely The despairing Well, it took me "3 years" to finish reading your post ...RELAXXX(or at least try to). That would be my first advice. I'm really new around here myself so I'm no expert but reading posts of people who are more or less (well, some have it way worse) helps me get over my own "misery". Now, to answer your "issue": Dude, NO RELATIONSHIP LAST (or to better rephrase it, NO RELATIONSHIP REMAIN UNCHANGED), regardless of how deep it is or how long it's been. Sooner or later, it will change, one can only hope for the best. And, the sooner you understand and accept this the better. As for "appropriate" approaches, methods to cope etc...Well, you seem to be a relativlely young, successful, and well-off individual...Uhmm...have you already "hookers"?? Hahaha:laugh: Again, I'm kidding!!! Well, maybe...slightly. Nways, my point is you have to keep your mind off your ex! It just depends how comfortable you are...uhmmm...trying out new things.
Frank13 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I was so angry and confused that I, in furiosity, pushed her so she landet on the concret floor. I know emotions can really make you say and do things that you shouldn't, but you stepped over the line by pushing her. She would be crazy to come back to you after doing that.
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