BrokenMirror Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 For those of you that have seen my earlier thread, you know that I have been struggling with coping and have been unable to keep NC. For those of you that do not know my story, I was with my ex for five years and we broke up after a particularly traumatic fight. He initiated NC and went five months without talking. In that time, even I didn't talk to him, until a friend of mines pushed me into talking to him because she saw I missed him. We did start talking a few weeks ago and i've discovered that as relieved as I feel to be talking to him, I still have a lot of anger in my heart. Last night was the final straw. He dragged out his conversation of finding his soul mate and went to the extent of asking me if my bestfriend was single and if I knew any single ladies. After seeing how I upset I got, his respond was "nice to see you still get upset at the thought of me with another woman." I haven't responded t othat text and he texted me a few minutes ago. I am neither planning on reading that text, nor am I going to respond to it. It seems like it is a joke to him to see me feel hurt. Of course I care of seeing him with another woman because for the longest time I believed him to be my soul mate and believed we would build a future and what not. Am I right to do what I am doing?
Frank13 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Yes you are right to do what you are doing. I don't understand why the ex's do this. I just read someone else's post where the ex gf got in touch with him saying she missed him and wanted to talk to him. When he called her, she spent the conversation telling him how she has no emotional feelings for him. WTF? I could see the dumpee doing this to try to make the dumper jealous or get an ego boost since they are the ones that took a hit to their ego when they were dumped, but what could be the reason for the dumper doing this other than to hurt the dumpee? ((((((HUGS)))))) to you BrokenMirror
Tyler. Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I would have done the same if my ex gf said something like that. Just forget him, you've gone for 5 months so you can handle it. He's being a *******, just to feel better. He wants to know if you still have feelings for him, but for the sole purpose of boosting his self-esteem. He's not interested in making up, because nobody who cared about someone would ask that kind of thing to that person ( is your friend single kind of thing). Just forget him cuz it seems he's an immature person. Find someone new, best of luck.
g450 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 He still has power over you and he knows it. Take that power away. Wish I had a dollar for every time I tell people to block them on the phone, FB, email etc. Yet most dont do it because they dont have the courage to let them go and go NC. Maybe now you can because you see what this is doing to you now. Stop giving him that power over you. Heal yourself and get him out of your mind. In time you will see that there are a lot of good men out there that dont cheat and dont play head games.
Author BrokenMirror Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 He still has power over you and he knows it. Take that power away. Wish I had a dollar for every time I tell people to block them on the phone, FB, email etc. Yet most dont do it because they dont have the courage to let them go and go NC. Maybe now you can because you see what this is doing to you now. Stop giving him that power over you. Heal yourself and get him out of your mind. In time you will see that there are a lot of good men out there that dont cheat and dont play head games. (((HUGS))) He's been off of my facebook for almost four months now, and I'm removing him from my skype as we speak. Sadly, his phone number is kind of engraved into my memory, so I cannot forget that yet. He said that he was just kidding when he asked what he did and that he doesn't think that I am willing to start NC or I would be seeking an alternative. I could go into NC, but when I see other couples in NC. It breaks my heart to see them together and it makes me feel alone. I know people say have physical contact, but I can't bring myself to have sex with strangers or even people I know. That's not how I was raised, and it's not something that I believe in...
Author BrokenMirror Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I would have done the same if my ex gf said something like that. Just forget him, you've gone for 5 months so you can handle it. He's being a *******, just to feel better. He wants to know if you still have feelings for him, but for the sole purpose of boosting his self-esteem. He's not interested in making up, because nobody who cared about someone would ask that kind of thing to that person ( is your friend single kind of thing). Just forget him cuz it seems he's an immature person. Find someone new, best of luck. He doesn't think I can go through NC with him, and he doesn't believe me when I say I will. I hope I can handle it, I don't need someone like him in my life. No matter how much I love him, it won't change the fact that he is an a**. He said that he was kidding when he said what he did yesterday, but my feelings weren't kidding when they started hurting. I believe I will be able to make it. I just need support, and that is hard to do because I don't have any family that I can talk to about this, and I'm not too close to many people.
Author BrokenMirror Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Yes you are right to do what you are doing. I don't understand why the ex's do this. I just read someone else's post where the ex gf got in touch with him saying she missed him and wanted to talk to him. When he called her, she spent the conversation telling him how she has no emotional feelings for him. WTF? I could see the dumpee doing this to try to make the dumper jealous or get an ego boost since they are the ones that took a hit to their ego when they were dumped, but what could be the reason for the dumper doing this other than to hurt the dumpee? ((((((HUGS)))))) to you BrokenMirror (((HUGS)))) I believe that by doing so, he is trying to make himself feel better. And it's cruel. HE may have been kidding (according to him),but I hurt like hell when he said that and it upset me beyond belief, so I must still care for this arse. But I want to make it through first a month, and then a year, and then forever of NC with him.
g450 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 (((HUGS))) He's been off of my facebook for almost four months now, and I'm removing him from my skype as we speak. Sadly, his phone number is kind of engraved into my memory, so I cannot forget that yet. He said that he was just kidding when he asked what he did and that he doesn't think that I am willing to start NC or I would be seeking an alternative. I could go into NC, but when I see other couples in NC. It breaks my heart to see them together and it makes me feel alone. I know people say have physical contact, but I can't bring myself to have sex with strangers or even people I know. That's not how I was raised, and it's not something that I believe in... Good lord, people are telling you to go have sex with somebody new? That is the LAST thing you should do right now. You are not ready for that and wont be for a while. Just go NC and stay there. I know its hard. I was practically stalking my XW for months until I wised up. Doing that made me a physical and mental wreck. Best thing to do is lean on friends and family. They are will always be there for you. Sometimes we tend to forget that. It takes time. You will get there.
Author BrokenMirror Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Good lord, people are telling you to go have sex with somebody new? That is the LAST thing you should do right now. You are not ready for that and wont be for a while. Just go NC and stay there. I know its hard. I was practically stalking my XW for months until I wised up. Doing that made me a physical and mental wreck. Best thing to do is lean on friends and family. They are will always be there for you. Sometimes we tend to forget that. It takes time. You will get there. I sure hope so. For me, my family is extremely traditional, so them finding out that I was dating would kind of be a catastrophe. Which is why I don't talk to them about this. And my ex, it's out of familiarity that I want him and the knowledge that someone loved me like he did. But I also don't want him because he let himself get SO horribly out of shape that it is at an obese level now and I don't appreciate the stunt that he pulled the other day. It was really hurtful and even though he saw it as a joke (He later told me), I didn't think it was funny.
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