yongyong Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 This is why I look at women on OLD nothing more than a sexual object.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) Nobody has defended flaking. They are advising the OP on better communication methods. an eye-for-an-eye type behavior does not tend to increase one's chances of finding or keeping a relationship. Justifying these raging moments does increase the OP's chances of finding a woman who has been abused in the past and hasn't broken that habit though... and puts up with it from him. Good luck with the flip side of THAT dynamic... Thanks again for the responses everyone. RedRobin, I owe you a response. I'll say again that there is a difference between expressing anger and disappointment, versus raging, lashing out, swearing and whatnot. I didn't lash out at the girl. StarGazer: As for the suggestion that her not returning communication was already my answer, well, what if she lost her phone? Until I heard directly from her that we were off I'd say there was still a 1.1% chance (100.0% minus your 98.9%) that she thought we were on and SHE would make the hour drive to meet up and then I would be the one standing HER up after a long drive on her part. This was only a minute possibility of being the case yes, but even that small possibility was still unacceptable for me. Anyway RedRobin, yes, anger is indeed encouraged. Even in areas outside of dating. It took me raging out to stop a company from incorrectly sending me bills for services already paid for. The first 4 times I talked to the person in charge of the billing department in a reasonable fashion, and each of these 4 times she agreed I was right and that they would stop sending the bill. But golly gee after each such time they kept on sending me another bill anyway. The 5th time they sent me a bill, I went "crazy man" on them, calling the CEO and people from other departments, leaving a bunch of angry voicemails full of f-bombs about how incompetent so-and-so running their billing department was. Peer pressure was my friend and I was going to use it. Call this woman out in front of her entire company, plus have others in her company get on her to "make this guy go away" too. I never got another bill after that. I definitely disagree that my behavior will only attract women who are drawn to abuse. That's almost too ridiculous to comment on. I'm hoping that the right woman will just communicate in a straightforward upfront fashion, and that some of those who don't and who cross paths with me will behave better next time for the next person. And up until she pulled her disappearing act, this woman seemed to have "right woman" potential in that she seemed to stand for the right things. Guess I was wrong... Edited July 30, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Thanks again for the responses everyone. RedRobin, I owe you a response. I'll say again that there is a difference between expressing anger and disappointment, versus raging, lashing out, swearing and whatnot. I didn't lash out at the girl. StarGazer: As for the suggestion that her not returning communication was already my answer, well, what if she lost her phone? Until I heard directly from her that we were off I'd say there was still a 1.1% chance (100.0% minus your 98.9%) that she thought we were on and SHE would make the hour drive to meet up and then I would be the one standing HER up after a long drive on her part. This was only a minute possibility of being the case yes, but even that small possibility was still unacceptable for me. Anyway RedRobin, yes, anger is indeed encouraged. Even in areas outside of dating. It took me raging out to stop a company from incorrectly sending me bills for services already paid for. The first 4 times I talked to the person in charge of the billing department in a reasonable fashion, and each of these 4 times she agreed I was right and that they would stop sending the bill. But golly gee after each such time they kept on sending me another bill anyway. The 5th time they sent me a bill, I went "crazy man" on them, calling the CEO and people from other departments, leaving a bunch of angry voicemails full of f-bombs about how incompetent so-and-so running their billing department was. Peer pressure was my friend and I was going to use it. Call this woman out in front of her entire company, plus have others in her company get on her to "make this guy go away" too. I never got another bill after that. I definitely disagree that my behavior will only attract women who are drawn to abuse. That's almost too ridiculous to comment on. I'm hoping that the right woman will just communicate in a straightforward upfront fashion, and that some of those who don't and who cross paths with me will behave better next time for the next person. And up until she pulled her disappearing act, this woman seemed to have "right woman" potential in that she seemed to stand for the right things. Guess I was wrong... FWIW, going "crazy man" is NOT my modus operandi. But it was the only way I could think of to reslve the situation.
SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Considering you've never met her, only spoken to her on the phone a few times, she hadn't contacted you for 9 days before your rescheduled date, and ignored your phone calls and text messages in the days leading up? I think any socially adept person would realize that date was never happening and move on accordingly. I'm sticking with psychotic here. So ignoring someone and not telling them the date isn't going to happen is socially adept? What if he didn't contact her after the CONFIRMED date (many people don't communicate between dates early on) and he shows up and she's MIA? Then what? He's not socially adept because he didn't confirm again? You call/text when you cancel plans with friends but when this person is a stranger you don't have to call/text you just blow them off?
yongyong Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 For you, it wasn't necessary and kind of rude. But for other guys, it was good that you did that. We see a lot of bitchxs acting rude at the bar. Guys usually just ignore them. So those bitxes think it's ok to do that. (this bitxh told me 'I don't like asians' as soon as I said 'hi' to her. I just ignored her because I didn't want to get into an argument with some bar bitxh. I knew if I start arguing, I would look bad to other girls and some white knight would show up to protect her. I should've called her out though) If she flakes about by saying 'can't go, bye' and nobody actually calls out, she is going to keep doing that. I have respect for guys who actually have balls to slap bitchxs face who Deserve it.
SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 This thread is geared toward women behavior becasue it's a male poster but we all know flaking goes both ways. When you take the easy way out it shows your character. It can be hard to reject someone you HAVE been on a date with but someone you haven't even met at all come on now. I felt really bad about the girl from the "Great date but..." thread. She was a lot bigger than average and listed herslef as average and I'm not shooting for bikini models but she had a bigger stomach than I do and I don't mean doing a proportion I mean literally. She was really excited and texted me after the date and two days in a row after so that made it that much harder and yes going radio silence until she got the hint would of been so EASY but they way I see it is that when you are dating you are taking the time out of you life, when you could of been doing something else regardless of what it may be, to meet someone. I messaged her that I'm sorry and wasn't the type to ignore someone and just wanted to say good luck". That being said blow offs don't bother me any more because they show the persons true color and they do the favor for you. Unless I get that rare instasprung a blowoff or a nice let down would both suck lol! 1
Contrecoeur Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 So ignoring someone and not telling them the date isn't going to happen is socially adept? What if he didn't contact her after the CONFIRMED date (many people don't communicate between dates early on) and he shows up and she's MIA? Then what? He's not socially adept because he didn't confirm again? You call/text when you cancel plans with friends but when this person is a stranger you don't have to call/text you just blow them off? I'm not sure if you understand this, but the context of his anger is online dating. If you made plans with your friend 9 days ago and hadn't heard from them since, you'd follow up to see what was going on. That is socially adept. In the world of online dating, not talking to someone you've just met for 9 days generally means that (non)relationship is dead and gone, and your name has already been forgotten. To imagine otherwise is social ineptitude. Maybe leaving someone an angry voicemail over something silly isn't psychotic per se, but getting so incredibly invested in someone you've never met, who hasn't said a word to you in a week and a half, is pretty psychotic.
yongyong Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Again, I would treat girls from online just like the one from the bar. hit on as many decent ones as you can. get numbers and treat it like customers who filled out their info in raffle drawing box. few might come through and you can bang them but you will have to go through a lof of flakes. who would want to have relationships from online and a bar anyways?
SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) I'm not sure if you understand this, but the context of his anger is online dating. If you made plans with your friend 9 days ago and hadn't heard from them since, you'd follow up to see what was going on. That is socially adept. In the world of online dating, not talking to someone you've just met for 9 days generally means that (non)relationship is dead and gone, and your name has already been forgotten. To imagine otherwise is social ineptitude. Maybe leaving someone an angry voicemail over something silly isn't psychotic per se, but getting so incredibly invested in someone you've never met, who hasn't said a word to you in a week and a half, is pretty psychotic. I see your point but my point is that if you make plans with someone you cancel them if you cannot make them. But apparently this does not apply to dating for some people. She did not cancel, she went radio silence. How hard would it have been for her to text him the exact message she did before getting a text and voicemail? The good luck at the end is all it would of taken for me to know that we won't be going out now or ever. And since you seem keen on the phrase socially adept, what about what she did was such? It's obvious she was flaking. Edited July 30, 2012 by SJC2008
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) I'm not sure if you understand this, but the context of his anger is online dating. If you made plans with your friend 9 days ago and hadn't heard from them since, you'd follow up to see what was going on. That is socially adept. In the world of online dating, not talking to someone you've just met for 9 days generally means that (non)relationship is dead and gone, and your name has already been forgotten. To imagine otherwise is social ineptitude. Maybe leaving someone an angry voicemail over something silly isn't psychotic per se, but getting so incredibly invested in someone you've never met, who hasn't said a word to you in a week and a half, is pretty psychotic. So you make plans with someone, they set aside the date AND the time to drive to meet you, and you feel it is OK to change your mind and not have the courtesy to tell them in a timely fashion because you don't know them? Hmmm.... Does giving someone your word mean anything to you? Edited July 31, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 This thread is geared toward women behavior becasue it's a male poster but we all know flaking goes both ways. When you take the easy way out it shows your character. It can be hard to reject someone you HAVE been on a date with but someone you haven't even met at all come on now. I felt really bad about the girl from the "Great date but..." thread. She was a lot bigger than average and listed herslef as average and I'm not shooting for bikini models but she had a bigger stomach than I do and I don't mean doing a proportion I mean literally. She was really excited and texted me after the date and two days in a row after so that made it that much harder and yes going radio silence until she got the hint would of been so EASY but they way I see it is that when you are dating you are taking the time out of you life, when you could of been doing something else regardless of what it may be, to meet someone. I messaged her that I'm sorry and wasn't the type to ignore someone and just wanted to say good luck". That being said blow offs don't bother me any more because they show the persons true color and they do the favor for you. Unless I get that rare instasprung a blowoff or a nice let down would both suck lol! I remember that girl you posted about. The way you handled the situation was very stand-up of you man.
RedRobin Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 RedRobin, I owe you a response. I'll say again that there is a difference between expressing anger and disappointment, versus raging, lashing out, swearing and whatnot. I didn't lash out at the girl. Ok... this probably falls into the category of "I wasn't there"... I'm just basing my opinion based on what I think you wrote... and your feelings about it. Anyway RedRobin, yes, anger is indeed encouraged. Even in areas outside of dating. It took me raging out to stop a company from incorrectly sending me bills for services already paid for. The first 4 times I talked to the person in charge of the billing department in a reasonable fashion, and each of these 4 times she agreed I was right and that they would stop sending the bill. But golly gee after each such time they kept on sending me another bill anyway. The 5th time they sent me a bill, I went "crazy man" on them, calling the CEO and people from other departments, leaving a bunch of angry voicemails full of f-bombs about how incompetent so-and-so running their billing department was. Peer pressure was my friend and I was going to use it. Call this woman out in front of her entire company, plus have others in her company get on her to "make this guy go away" too. I never got another bill after that. You don't have to take my word on it. My opinion comes from observing extremely successful men and women in high stress situations. i'm talking about people who are high ranking executives in large multi-national companies. A couple of them have continued to be my mentors. Don't get me wrong... one KNOWS when they are angry/disappointed. There is no doubt. But it is always controlled. I've never, not once, observed them losing their cool. After confronted time and time again with better ways to manage these kinds of disputes honestly and openly... I'd still say that you'd do better and feel happier if you found another way. Sure... there is the occasional Steve Jobs, etc out there. He got away with it because he was over the top talented. A crazy eccentric business genius. Most people aren't. For the rest of us, people have to like us in order to influence them. Sucks, I know So... some feedback on your experience above?? it wasn't the anger that got results... it was persistence and finding another path. In the future? Two tries max... then you ask for the name, or find the name of their manager/CEO. You send a polite certified letter documenting dates/times of past conversations and expected resolution. This has gotten me great results without anyone getting pissed. Got a nice thank you note back from the company on my patience with their process and a $$ off coupon for future service. I definitely disagree that my behavior will only attract women who are drawn to abuse. That's almost too ridiculous to comment on. ok. Just my observation/experience from men who have routine anger issues. The women they are with have a history of putting up with or experiencing uncontrolled anger. I'm hoping that the right woman will just communicate in a straightforward upfront fashion, and that some of those who don't and who cross paths with me will behave better next time for the next person. That is what we all want. Good communication and consideration. There are other ways to communicate this that makes it clear that YOU are the 'adult' in this situation... despite how they behave. And up until she pulled her disappearing act, this woman seemed to have "right woman" potential in that she seemed to stand for the right things. Guess I was wrong... I'm very sorry this didn't work out. it's ok. Keep your head up, buddy.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) Thanks RedRobin. I will say this: The times that I have lost my cool and the other person is gracious, I end up feeling really bad. A combination of guilt (wondering how I affected the other person who actually seems pretty nice) and embarassment (feeling like I made a fool of myself acting like a child while the other person is the reasonable adult here). It is rare though that I lose my temper because I do try to keep this in mind. But this (my OP in this thread) is one thing that I find myself feeling an emotional reaction to. Edited July 31, 2012 by Imajerk17
RedRobin Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 For the rest of us, people have to like us in order to influence them. Sucks, I know I take that back... there are lots of ways to influence people. Alot of people gravitate to fear tactics and anger because it seems to produce results. It is usually short-lived or even quite unpredictable... so is not ideal. "I do not like wars. They have uncertain outcomes." from the movie "Elizabeth" with Cate Blanchett http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Elizabeth_(film)
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