ja123 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Thanks for your input. I actually did him I'm ok with the guy coming to stay with us, but now he is playing victim and saying he doesn't want him to. So thats his choice. You've said you'd compromise and if said so with good feeling and intent, then I don't see why he's playing the victim. Perhaps he's feeling guilty. Hopefully, these unpleasant feelings will blow over in a few days.
OsiStruck Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 sounds like he doesnt respect you and he's selfish... these are great qualities in a man.... lol.... why are you wasting your time. smh...
dispatch3d Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Hey I'm also an engineer so I can relate to how he's dealing with conflict. Is he just not comfortable with you crying? It sounds like he bolted after you started crying. Also is it possible for you to just not cry? Overall he seems uncomfortable around people when they get very emotional (I am as well). Engineers are mostly guys and generally just argue with each other but (again generally) don't yell that much. I would see if you could ask him more his side of things like why is he reacting the way he is, etc. Not sure. I've found in general if you end up expressing a lot of extreme emotions around another person things don't go well (in other words, your generally better off dealing with the crying/emotional stuff on your own time first then talking it out when your head is clear). As far as actual solutions to the conflict. I would just let the guy stay the weekend he wants. I guess I'm more easy going than you are though?
dreamingoftigers Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Although withdrawing from conflict and taking a break can be positive; The way in which it is done can be highly damaging to the other partner if not properly handled. I'm willing to bet if he said, " im going to cool off for an hour and want to enjoy our hike today so we can discuss it afterward" It would have gone down way better and both parties would have had the day to think it over. I'm married to a former "run away and hide" guy. It was brutal and shaming. It doesn't matter who was "right." everyone is going to be wrong at sone point with their partner and most things aren't "right" and "wrong" in arguments anyways. The only thing that is really wrong is when you mistreat your partner. And yes, partners should come before friends and in fact anyone else but children. But only in functional ways.
MarlyStar Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I would have sucked it up and had the friend stay without all the drama and would have been a good sport about it and a charming host. Your BF wanted to see his friend and show off his 'sucessful' life to his former mentor of which you are a part. He didn't want to shuffle him off to a hotel, he wanted to make a special occasion for his friend. And your objection: you will be tired and the dog will be hyper active. Big deal, put the hosting duties mainly on your BF and explain very charmingly that you are exhausted and are off to take a nap, see you at dinner, you guys have fun sightseeing (or whatever). So what if it wasn't the optimal weekend for a visit? There was clearly miscommunication all around; no one did anything malicious or rude or entitled. You call him childish for stomping off; I think your lack of flexibility and understanding is equally childish. Flexibility and working around set backs is an important life skill, and one reserved for the mature.
TaurusTerp Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Would you prefer if he stayed and screamed at you, escalating the situation? I don't see what the big deal is. You're hysterical and crying, nothing positive can come of staying. You should be flexible. You can't deal with a little jet lag and a dog? You think it's better that the friend pays $200+ to change his flight? I don't understand. If you were in his shoes, would you tell your friend to just not come because your boyfriend would be a little tired? My friends that have been there for me forever always have a place to stay, period. I'm not going to make them stay in a damn hotel. That's just insulting.
Quiet Storm Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Not only that its totally uncalled for and rude to just walk out on me because he didn't get his way. Men do not like to feel controlled. Your reasons for why it is a bad weekend are lame, and he can see that. I get that it's not the ideal weekend for visitors, but you could be positive and make the best of it. He getting a glimpse of his future right now, and he's not liking what he sees. You are coming off as negative and bossy. What should be a happy experience for him has turned into a hassle, and he is likely feeling resentment towards you because of it.
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