My ex loves me but doesnt want to be with me?

[Matt145]

Me and my ex split up a month ago due to the fact that she didnt want a relationship anymore we was together for 2 years and we are both 16, yes i know we are young and i know there are a lot of people on these forums who will say " your 16 you dont know what real love is " for a matter of fact i due or i wouldnt be heartbroken for the past month, we didnt have a little kiddy fake relationship, it was good she was like my best friend we done everything together we went everywhere together we was out all the time having fun it was great. It was both of our faults why we broke up but i didnt see why at the time that she dumped me until recently i realised all the reasons. There where a few reasons, i was a bit too over protective and controlling at times i used to let her go out with her friends but i used to always text her and i did used to be a little bit nasty to her when she went out but it was because i was just scared, but this did ultimately push her away because when it comes to partying and stuff like that she loves it all. Another reason is because i was insecure a lot in the relationship and i used to always ask her to make me happy and to prove that she loves me but i was just being selfish at the time. I also used to go away a lot and leave her at time when i didnt have to which left her lonely.

 

So there all the main reasons why she dumped me on my behalf, im not going to go into detail in what she done wrong but she was not inocent in it all she was just as bad as me. She kissed a complete randomer behind my back who lives miles away from where we live and then she dumped me 3 days later after i forgive her. And no she didnt dump me to pursue him or anything i know that for definite. So we have been talking on and off the past month she has broke no contact 3 times since we have broke up and she has lead on me aswell only to tell me that she doesnt want to be with me again. But the most recent time she broke NC was 2 days ago, she called me and made up a silly excuse to talk to me but then i realised so we just had a conversation. She told me that she still loved me like when we was together and that she has missed me everyday. I told her that i have realised all the reasons why she dumped me and i told her that i understand and she told me that she appreciates me a lot more knowing that, and she said to me that if we could get back together and i wouldnt be like what i used to be then she would get back with me. I told her i would be like that and she said no i still dont want to get back with you because she said she was happy the way her life was going and she didnt want to risk it by me coming into it and stopping her from going out with her friends and having to have to feel that she has to please me all the time, she wasnt happy in general but just happy the way she was free she said, she pretty much didnt believe that i would change and that the relationship would be different. So she said that she thinks its best if we both try and get over eachother and i told her that its stupid to do that because we both love eachother and we can make it work she still said no. So we both agreed to go no contact for good, she told me that she is definitely not going to contact me this time which i dont believe:/ the longest she has gone is 3 days without contacting me.When we was saying our goodbyes she told me she will still always be here for me and i said i wont be here for you because im not your boyfriend anymore, i think that hurt her because ive helped her through everything in the past 2 years i have got her through so much and she even admitted im the only person who has really been there for her. But i dont care she cant expect me to be there for her if shes dumped me.

 

But this has all set me back now because i feel like crap again i feel worser than ive ever felt before since we have broke up, and i also cant stop looking at her facebook profile! I also feel like contacting her because its killing me inside i need to be with her. And i also feel like i cant move on because she still loves me and i keep thinking she might come back because she does love me, it just seems like she cant move on like she doesnt want too because shes always contacting me. I was ok until she contacted me i felt like i was doing good for myself. My head is ****ed up right now so much off it all:(. Advice would be very appreciated guys.

Edited July 28, 2012 by Matt145

[Matt145]

Can anyone give me advice please?

[JesseMartin]

Hey man,

 

I feel you, breaking up hurts like nothing else, no matter how old you are.

 

I think you've done a good job analyzing some of the weaker points in your former relationship.

 

You were being overprotective, feeling insecure and would repeatedly seek validation.

 

You're right, I think that had a lot to do with the break up. But that doesn't mean, now you've recognized it, you're all fixed, ready to go.

 

Those set of behaviors come from a place of insecurity, and dependence. You were using her as a pillar for your insecurities and a validator of your self worth. Now that she's left you, you not only have to deal with no longer having that person in your life, you have to deal with her rejecting you also.

 

So the reason it hurts so much, is for the MOST PART because you don't have a strong identity and are looking outward for validation. And for a SMALLER PART because you've lost this girl, specifically.

 

Because ask yourself, what do you really want in a relationship? How important is it to you, to have your love reciprocated? Pretty important? That's what I thought. And she doesn't pass that test.

 

So screw her, my friend. No picking up the phone, no facebooking, delete her as a friend and stick to NC for at least 30 days and take it from there.

 

It's time to reclaim your identity, hang out with friends and do some cool stuff.

[Coffee20]

I have a question, why didn't she take you sometimes to those parties? or she went only with girls?

 

And yes, you should delete her from your facebook, any social media you have, otherwise it will hurt much longer and NC is great too.

And keep in your mind, that BU isn't only your fault, you know your mistakes and it's good, but part also belongs to her.

Edited July 28, 2012 by Coffee20

[Matt145]

I have a question, why didn't she take you sometimes to those parties? or she went only with girls?

 

And yes, you should delete her from your facebook, any social media you have, otherwise it will hurt much longer and NC is great too.

And keep in your mind, that BU isn't only your fault, you know your mistakes and it's good, but part also belongs to her.

 

 

She did take me to parties when we was together, i wasnt invited to some which she couldnt help. And some i couldnt attend because i was working at night.

[Matt145]

Hey man,

 

I feel you, breaking up hurts like nothing else, no matter how old you are.

 

I think you've done a good job analyzing some of the weaker points in your former relationship.

 

You were being overprotective, feeling insecure and would repeatedly seek validation.

 

You're right, I think that had a lot to do with the break up. But that doesn't mean, now you've recognized it, you're all fixed, ready to go.

 

Those set of behaviors come from a place of insecurity, and dependence. You were using her as a pillar for your insecurities and a validator of your self worth. Now that she's left you, you not only have to deal with no longer having that person in your life, you have to deal with her rejecting you also.

 

So the reason it hurts so much, is for the MOST PART because you don't have a strong identity and are looking outward for validation. And for a SMALLER PART because you've lost this girl, specifically.

 

Because ask yourself, what do you really want in a relationship? How important is it to you, to have your love reciprocated? Pretty important? That's what I thought. And she doesn't pass that test.

 

So screw her, my friend. No picking up the phone, no facebooking, delete her as a friend and stick to NC for at least 30 days and take it from there.

 

It's time to reclaim your identity, hang out with friends and do some cool stuff.

 

Yeah thanks mate, it makes a lot of sense what you are saying. Im going to give it atleast 30 days or maybe longer considering how long it will take me to lose my feelings for her, then maybe i might meet up with her or maybe i wont it just depends how i feel. But that is if she has not contacted me before then, knowing her she will do though even though she is determined to forget me and delete me out of her life.