Floored Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 If you want the long story, see my thread prime, for the short story: met girl, fell in love with girl, was going to marry this girl, went great til girl 'discovered' bars, GIGS, grew apathetic in relationship, helped move her into her new place 4 hours away, only to be dumped and have a long, lonely drive home. So I'm at a point where I'm getting these thoughts to talk to her parents- not to beg them on my behalf, understand that there is no repair for what's been done- but to just get some closure for the whole thing. Like many do, I grew to love her family, especially her mother, and it's hard being here because I don't know what's normal as far as communication with her family goes. I know her mother wanted me to stay in the city and work through it, which makes me think that my ex (puke, what a term) is feeding some different info to her than what went down. I know my pride is probably a big part of this in wanting to put my side of the story in there, at least a version that her mother can handle, or at very least that H was seeking greener pastures and was no longer putting effort into it or caring if it fizzled out. It's not quite fair for them to think that I ended the relationship because I couldn't handle a long distance, when it was she who wanted nothing to do with me anymore so she could fool around. And maybe it's wrong, but I suppose I want to know if she had talked to them about me and marriage and doubts and all that. Closure is a funny word, there's so many unanswered questions but I know that my deal with her is done, and no amount of talking with her will even begin to satisfy that. But I'd like to know if her parents would like to say anything to me, and I'd like them to know that I had full intentions for a long time to marry her and love her and treat her right. Anyone have any experience in this? I'm not sure if it's quite breaking NC and there's no chance she'll be there unless it's a weekend and she comes up, I know emotions will be hard for a few days because of it, but I'm hoping to get a lot of mileage and peace from talking with them. I bump into a lot of them constantly, and I'd prefer to give my side on my terms than when I'm unprepared in the street or a store.
big bear Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Well I spoke once to my ex's BFF. She spoke in a real condescending and patronizing manner. I felt like sh*t. Would it matter if people in your ex's life think highly of you. Would it matter if the whole world said your ex was a fool in not being with you. The closure comes from within and not from what people think. All said and done, Leo Tolstoy once said, "All happy families resemble each other, every unhappy family is unhappy in it's own way". Taking the analogy all good relationships resemble each other and all broken and unhappy one's are broken in their own way. Take some time before you do it. You may think that you have already lost the girl what else can you loose but self-esteem can sometimes be a nasty b*tch. 1
Coffee20 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 true...I wanted to talk to my ex's family but since he did it to me I changed my mind. Things would just get worse....
Author Floored Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Looks like I'm waiting, and that is a better choice. You all are right, there's nothing to be gained except have the word get back to her that I'm still in communication with them, and that's not a gain. It was a moment of desperation. I think I'll still write out my thoughts for them, edit it down to a letter worth mailing, and just sit on it to see if I even want to send it. I think just writing down what I'd say to her parents and not even sending anything might be enough.
SarahRose Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 No, don't contact her parents or her. It will just make you look desperate and creepy. Don't send her or them anything.
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