Sauce Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Over the past few weeks, I've found myself thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I have no idea of how to go about doing so though.... We live together with 2 other roommates, with all of our names on the lease. He has been unemployed since February, because he was diagnosed with chrones disease (he started vomiting blood at work and was sent home. He was termed for missing too many days while trying to get to a doctor.) The chrones has only gotten worse, with only a few days that he doesn't feel sick. He also suffers from Borderline personality disorder, so he has trouble controlling his emotions. I've been trying my best to support him for the past few months, but I feel like I'm finally to the point I just don't care anymore... I don't know if I'm taking care of him because I love him, or if I just feel obligated to. I do still care for him, but the attraction I had for him in the beginning is gone. His BPD also seems to have gotten worse since the loss of his job. We can't go a single day without fighting about something, some fights result in him harming himself (cutting, digging his nails into his arms til they bleed.) or breaking things. He's become very depressed that he's stuck at home, tells me he thinks of himself as useless and has contemplated suicide. I think It's the fear of what would happen to him if I wasn't there that has kept me with him.... I know if I left, he would be devastated. If he were to hurt himself I don't think I could forgive myself... He's told me before that if it wernt for me, he'd probably be dead by now. With all of that, I have no clue how to end this. I don't feel happy anymore like in the beginning, and the stress from everything is getting to me worse than ever. I feel stuck. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
zanzi Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 ok. You have taken on responsibility for him tHat isnt yours to take. Whilst you still seem to care about him, that is not enough to keep either of you happy and in the long run, you should break up with him if thats what you want to do. How you do it is up to you. Face to face might be hard for you to do, but has integrity to it and if you are firm about it and talk to him explaining that you don't want to be in a relationship and that he needs to take care of himself before anyone else can come into his life, but not unkind, it will be easier for him and he wont have any questions in his mind about why you broke up.
steveblack Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 You should not be in a relationship that you are not happy with. That being said, you should make sure he has support if you jump ship. How close are you with his family? Breakups suck for both parties, but this one might take a little planning on both ends.
BrokenMirror Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Over the past few weeks, I've found myself thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I have no idea of how to go about doing so though.... We live together with 2 other roommates, with all of our names on the lease. He has been unemployed since February, because he was diagnosed with chrones disease (he started vomiting blood at work and was sent home. He was termed for missing too many days while trying to get to a doctor.) The chrones has only gotten worse, with only a few days that he doesn't feel sick. He also suffers from Borderline personality disorder, so he has trouble controlling his emotions. I've been trying my best to support him for the past few months, but I feel like I'm finally to the point I just don't care anymore... I don't know if I'm taking care of him because I love him, or if I just feel obligated to. I do still care for him, but the attraction I had for him in the beginning is gone. His BPD also seems to have gotten worse since the loss of his job. We can't go a single day without fighting about something, some fights result in him harming himself (cutting, digging his nails into his arms til they bleed.) or breaking things. He's become very depressed that he's stuck at home, tells me he thinks of himself as useless and has contemplated suicide. I think It's the fear of what would happen to him if I wasn't there that has kept me with him.... I know if I left, he would be devastated. If he were to hurt himself I don't think I could forgive myself... He's told me before that if it wernt for me, he'd probably be dead by now. With all of that, I have no clue how to end this. I don't feel happy anymore like in the beginning, and the stress from everything is getting to me worse than ever. I feel stuck. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. If you feel like you need to break up with him, by all means, do so. However, you mentioned that you two have a signed lease amongst other people, so you will still be living in the same place no? The fact that his emotions are unstable could lead to him getting extremely angry so make sure that when you break up, there are room mates around, albeit in the other room, to keep things from get it out of control. It is not your responsibility. There is a fine line between caring for someone because you feel obligated and caring because you love them. If you are sure it is because you feel obligated, then break up. Make it a clean break and lay a set of ground rules.
Ruby65 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Suicide is a VERY real threat for Borderlines. If he's mentioned that he's considering suicide, he needs to be admitted to a hospital for observation. I would contact his parents -- or any responsible relatives he has -- and let them know what's going on. If there's no one in his family you can talk to about this, I would take him to the ER of a hospital or call for an ambulance if he refuses to go. You are NOT responsible for keeping him safe and healthy. He needs professional help. 1
weallfalldown Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 poor bloke...not only has he a disease.....he's going to be dumped....well, karma should be working overtime soon!
Author Sauce Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 I'm really not sure how much good his parents could do. They both suffer from depression, have a whole slew of issues they take medication for, and currently are living in gov housing getting by on nothing but disability checks. He doesn't get along with either parents enough to stay with them, the only other person would be his sister. She's currently living in a college dorm though. I'd really like for him to get help, but I don't know who to contact. Neither of us has medical insurance, and don't have the money to see a doctor. If anyone has any any information on services in Tx I could look into for him, that'd be great. I have my mind made up about what I want to do, but I still don't want him running off and hurting himself. I want to make sure he won't go through this alone...
g450 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I find it amusing that these people have all these little accronyms (BPD,PTSD, OCS, PMS etc) and medical / medical issues to use as excuses for their bad behavior. Next time my Wife gets mad at me for something Ill tell her it was her beans. If she says what? Ill tell her B.E.A.N.S. Honestly, They may or may not have issues but they are still adults and should act line one.
dsw31 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I find it amusing that these people have all these little accronyms (BPD,PTSD, OCS, PMS etc) and medical / medical issues to use as excuses for their bad behavior. Next time my Wife gets mad at me for something Ill tell her it was her beans. If she says what? Ill tell her B.E.A.N.S. Honestly, They may or may not have issues but they are still adults and should act line one. Ha! What's B.E.A.N.S.?
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I find it amusing that these people have all these little accronyms (BPD,PTSD, OCS, PMS etc) and medical / medical issues to use as excuses for their bad behavior. Next time my Wife gets mad at me for something Ill tell her it was her beans. If she says what? Ill tell her B.E.A.N.S. Honestly, They may or may not have issues but they are still adults and should act line one. Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental disorder on a par with Schizophrenia. Still think it's so laughable?
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