Appleanche Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 My BF and I have been together for over 4 years, exclusively. We live roughly an hour apart and see each other 3-4 nights per week. I go his way on weekends and he comes mine once or twice during the week, after work. In general he is the independent type where he is really busy with projects and other hobbies and friends. His phone is always chiming with texts and calls, and frankly I don't even know how he juggles everything because he's not the most organized person. I think he has ADD. I, on the other hand, am needier than him… I hate using that word but I don't know how else to put it. I do feel that I need him more than he needs me, in fact, some days I don't feel that he needs me at all. Some days when I haven't heard from him at all, I feel like he's not happy with me anymore. My logical mind tell me that it's just some level of insecurity on my part, but my emotional side tells me that I'm not really getting my emotional needs met and so it's not all me, that his behavior does play a part in this as well. I have always felt like it's not just about how we are when we're together but also how the relationship is maintained when we are apart. This is where it lacks IMO. I don't think he prioritizes me but rather just lives his life and fits me in between all his other stuff. I could give a ton of examples, and although none are anything major, they all seem to wear on me. Much of the time I'm dissatisfied on some level with the depth of our relationship because of this. I just feel like an afterthought, like he doesn't think of me throughout the day (because I won't hear from him all day even though his phone is always on him); because I will hear about upcoming plans of his, whether it's work or hobby related, only because he is discussing them with someone else. Some of those plans would be on days that we are ordinarily together and it just leaves me feeling like crap that I am not somehow more involved... like I'm an afterthought. I don't even mind so much that he's got some other things to do, just the way it all plays out leaves me feeling unthought of. Then there's the getting to my house late - this is 95% of the time. There are things he can do to save time, and we have talked about it, but he just can't seem to (or doesn't want to) make the effort. He regularly screws around and wastes time and only when he's damn good and ready, leaves town for my house. Often with his late departure will come a slough of excuses as to why he's late this time, and I hate it. Sometimes he outright lies about it, which I have found out later. He'll say he's already left when he's in fact sitting in his room, or he'll say "leaving in 15" which NEVER means 15 - EVER. I hate the BS-ing… I hear him do it to his friends and his parents sometimes but it really bothers me that I cannot rely on his word. I have talked to him about it and he will make a real effort to change that lasts for a few weeks, and then it's back to the same 'ol. Other little things, like not responding to my texts for hours, or my emails AT ALL, which I rarely ever send. And yet he sits with his face buried in his phone all day, checking his email and texting various people. It feels like he doesn't have (or make) time for me. It's not that he is "always" like this - there are plenty of awesome times that we have as well. He is funny and smart and can be loving, but this feeling has been at the very least, somewhat present our entire relationship. I have tried to work solely on myself, denying that it was him at all and just me needing to figure out how to live and be perfectly happy without him, without ANYONE else in my life, and although I am far more independent now than I was in the beginning, I don't think I can knock this all on my own. I don't really know how to fix it, if it can be fixed… if two people who are different in this way can both be happy at the same time? I know he is happy but then again I have made a LOT of compromises for him and it just doesn't feel like I'm getting the same in return. I'm starting to feel like I need to just do my own thing more - less weekends with him, less texts and phone calls to him, less less less... Has anyone else gone through this before, and if so, did this split you apart eventually or how did it get resolved? Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Boyfriend for 4 years that right there is a red flag to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Appleanche Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 Boyfriend for 4 years that right there is a red flag to me. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Why is that? Has he offered to marry you or even move in together? A year is a good amount of time to know whether a man want to marry or have a stronger commitment with you. You are either a side piece or he has a side piece. Link to post Share on other sites
LondonBridges Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Deleted - sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Appleanche Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 Has he offered to marry you or even move in together? A year is a good amount of time to know whether a man want to marry or have a stronger commitment with you. You are either a side piece or he has a side piece. Wow that's quite an assumption. Yes we have talked about marriage, and yes he has asked me to move it. Right now it isn't feasible with my work schedule. I have doubts about moving in with him unless an engagement comes first. Link to post Share on other sites
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Disagree with joystick'd. Some people aren't ready for marriage or kids, either for financial or emotional reasons. My brother knew his girlfriend for 5 yrs before proposing marriage. Couldn't find a happier couple. My sister knew her ex-husband 2 yrs before marriage. They divorced less than a year later. Link to post Share on other sites
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