Not sure ...

[Xxcutie97xx]

I have been seeing this guy for almost a year. When we first met, he had just left his relationship with his ex and I was ending mine (I was still living with my ex because I hadn't found a apartment that fit my needs). My ex and i agreed months before this that we needed to go our seperate ways, so I was a little more emotionally ready then this new guy I had just met. But, I immediately fell head over heels for him. At the time, I knew that we both were not emotionally ready for a relationship but that since he came along so unexpectedly, I would cherish our relationship (friendship) and see where it would take us.

 

I moved out a month and a half after we met and although we didn't have the official title of "boyfriend/girlfriend" we acted as though we were. At the end of February, he filled me in that in January, his ex got ahold of him and asked him if he would come back to her. He told her no because right before that, he found out she was sleeping with someone that he did not like. He told me (while drunk) that this was the only reason he would never go back to her. That really hurt my feelings because I fell so hard for him so quickly and normally you hear people saying things like they would never go back to there ex because of different beliefs, way of doing things, that it just did not work out, etc. It took me a while but I got over it.

 

The next few months went by and we were still really good... Our personalities fit together so well and he made me so happy. The only thing that bothered me was he still refused to give us a title. we were basically each others but I wanted it to be official... To me, I thought that we needed and deserved to be each others because it's more stable. If he wanted to go out and bring a girl to his place, technically, he could have... He wasn't "all mine". So, I gave him an ultimatum, either we were official or he had to leave. He chose to leave. This went on for one month... He would text me little bits here and there but I'd responding telling him to stop. At the end of the month, my heart hurt no less then it did the day he walked out. So I swallowed my pride and asked him to come back into my life. He did.

 

A few months pass yet again and thing are still amazingly good. By the end of June, I work up the courage to bring the "title" topic up, knowing darn well he better be ready because it was driving me insane. He actually agreed with me and claimed he was ready. I was so happy and relieved.

 

Last weekend I made up with a long lost friend (she is how I met him). And after we made up, she told me that he had been sleeping with other girls... Even driving far away to be with them. She had gotten her information from her husband who is my boyfriends cousin (they are extremely close). When I confronted him, he denied it calling her psycho (she is going thru a divorce with his cousin and that would be a whole different topic that I won't get into). The reason why I believe her is because instead of him trying to talk to me about it, he got very defensive and went to calling her names. On a separate night, I had gone to her place, she called her almost ex husband (his cousin) and asked him if it was true and he said yes (he didnt know I was listening). I told my "boyfriend" about this too and he absolutely denies he ever cheated.

 

There are some things that I should fill you in on... We kept our friendship/relationship under wraps for a very long time... In fact, I still have not told my parents about him. Here is why.... I always had a anxious feeling or a jinxed feeling that our relationship might fall apart if I ever told anyone about it. I thought this feeling might have generated from my last failed relationship or it could have been simply a gut feeling that was right. Also, even when things were going super well, we would only see each other every few days... Usually 2-3 maybe 4 times a week... And usually not on weekends. He's almost ten years older then I am and he still likes to go to the bars and I have really never been that way. I guess he was like that with his ex, too... So it's just something he has always done. this bothered me and I made it clear to him but I dont want to have to control my boyfriend... I'm not their mother.

 

For what I have been told (by him and my friend), his last relationship was off and on quite frequently... Also, he did tell me that while his ex and him broke up, he did form a little relationship with some girl and had sex with her but that once he got back with his ex, he ended it. I do not feel that he would tell me the honest truth about if he ever cheated on her or not.

 

I know he likes me very much. But I also believe he's confused and unsure of what he wants in life. Up until now, I sworn to myself that cheaters do not deserve second chances. He knows this because I made it clear... Which is why I think he won't ever tell me what really happened.

 

... So, I'm not sure what to do. I love him very much and I thought I saw a future with him. My trust has went down significantly and I thank the Lord that I never gave him a copy of the key to my place.

 

I want to trust him and I want us to be happy. I know he likes me very much but if this is true, then temptation took over him.

[Ami1uwant]

What this lost girlfriend of yours told you could be very true. Did she give you any timeline of when this happened? Was it when he was with his ex or when with you?

 

The issue here is did he cheat on you?

 

This likely played a factor in why he didnt want to be bf/gf with you because then he wasnt technically cheating on you if this other girl was the one he saw when he had to travel to work to the other city.

 

The only way for you to regain his trust is for him to unlock everyting...that includes all emails all texts...all contact he has had with other women. You need for him to freeley admit to every single woman he has slept with while you two were together.

 

Remember this long lost gf of yours may have other motives in terms of revenge just to get even with this cousin of her soon to be ex.

 

You have to ask her...if she knew he was one to sleep around so much why did she set you up with him?