Update! Quit my job and moved away to get over a girl...didn't work!

[HughHardcastle]

Here is the TL;DR version of my backstory with this girl - She was hired at my work in October. We hit it off ridiculously well. After being a nervous wreck for a month trying to summon the courage to ask her out, I finally did, and she said yes. She flaked. I backed off towards her, but still couldn't resist her charms. Made another attempt in April, and got her over to my apartment, but I didn't feel right "making a move" the very first time we were alone together. I think this gave her the wrong message.

 

My life had become miserable, as all I did was think about this girl, and where I potentially went wrong. She seemingly loved everything about me, we got along great, better than any person I have ever been with in my life, man or woman, friend or relative. I couldn't take it anymore, so I looked for a new job in the big city, and got it.

 

When she found out, she was shocked. She instantly started planning a bunch of stuff for us to do before I moved away. Two nights before I left town, we were both at a mutual friends house. She had too much to drink, and opened up to me about some really personal stuff. I did as well. At one point, we were holding hands, hugging, and she was sitting on my lap. She woke me up the next morning around 5:30, asking if I wanted to go sleep over at her apartment. I said yes.

 

Again, I did nothing. We got there, she took a shower, and then went to bed. I laid on a chair in her living room (a chair I had given her, since I didn't want to move it while leaving town). I left her apartment that morning, after saying my goodbye and giving her a hug, and I haven't seen her since. This was on June 2nd.

 

We've kept in touch, mostly through texts and various silly emails and Facebook exchanges. But in the last week, things have gotten more frequent. She was at a concert on Saturday night, and called me on the way home, saying it would have been more fun if I was there. Again, she had maybe one too many to drink, so I just assumed she was drunk dialing me, and thought not much of it. Then today, we basically spent the whole day emailing back and forth, about how boring our jobs are, and goofy stories about bee helmets and Nic Cage and stuff.

 

I guess I am wondering, is she maybe missing me? I certainly miss her. She's usually the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. I thought moving away would help me forget her. It's just made me miss her more.

 

Has anyone else here experienced something similar? You thought you had a good thing with a guy/girl, but for whatever reason, you backed out of it, only to have them come back to you later?

 

I will be in her town every weekend this fall, doing stuff for the local football team, and the first chance I get, I am going to invite her to get dinner somewhere, then back to her place to watch a movie or something. And I am going to let her know how I feel, because that's where I've messed up twice already.

[jobaba]

Here is the TL;DR version of my backstory with this girl - She was hired at my work in October. We hit it off ridiculously well. After being a nervous wreck for a month trying to summon the courage to ask her out, I finally did, and she said yes. She flaked. I backed off towards her, but still couldn't resist her charms. Made another attempt in April, and got her over to my apartment, but I didn't feel right "making a move" the very first time we were alone together. I think this gave her the wrong message.

 

My life had become miserable, as all I did was think about this girl, and where I potentially went wrong. She seemingly loved everything about me, we got along great, better than any person I have ever been with in my life, man or woman, friend or relative. I couldn't take it anymore, so I looked for a new job in the big city, and got it.

 

When she found out, she was shocked. She instantly started planning a bunch of stuff for us to do before I moved away. Two nights before I left town, we were both at a mutual friends house. She had too much to drink, and opened up to me about some really personal stuff. I did as well. At one point, we were holding hands, hugging, and she was sitting on my lap. She woke me up the next morning around 5:30, asking if I wanted to go sleep over at her apartment. I said yes.

 

Again, I did nothing. We got there, she took a shower, and then went to bed. I laid on a chair in her living room (a chair I had given her, since I didn't want to move it while leaving town). I left her apartment that morning, after saying my goodbye and giving her a hug, and I haven't seen her since. This was on June 2nd.

 

We've kept in touch, mostly through texts and various silly emails and Facebook exchanges. But in the last week, things have gotten more frequent. She was at a concert on Saturday night, and called me on the way home, saying it would have been more fun if I was there. Again, she had maybe one too many to drink, so I just assumed she was drunk dialing me, and thought not much of it. Then today, we basically spent the whole day emailing back and forth, about how boring our jobs are, and goofy stories about bee helmets and Nic Cage and stuff.

 

I guess I am wondering, is she maybe missing me? I certainly miss her. She's usually the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. I thought moving away would help me forget her. It's just made me miss her more.

 

Has anyone else here experienced something similar? You thought you had a good thing with a guy/girl, but for whatever reason, you backed out of it, only to have them come back to you later?

 

I will be in her town every weekend this fall, doing stuff for the local football team, and the first chance I get, I am going to invite her to get dinner somewhere, then back to her place to watch a movie or something. And I am going to let her know how I feel, because that's where I've messed up twice already.

 

I remember your story Hugh.

 

Yea. It has happened to me, though not of that magnitude. I got close with a woman from work, and she rejected me, and I left that job (not because of her).

 

Soon after, she told me she wanted to quit too and that things were different without me. I got a GF soon after, and I thought she'd be happy. Instead she did some inexplicable sh@t I won't get into to make me jealous that to this day bewilders me.

 

You know what I think about that whole situation (when my mind is clear at least)? That it is a joke. And that is what you should think about yours.

[HughHardcastle]

I will let this play out, see where it goes. I've already sunk 8 months into this, why not keep going?

[jobaba]

 

I guess I am wondering, is she maybe missing me? I certainly miss her. She's usually the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. I thought moving away would help me forget her. It's just made me miss her more.

 

 

That's because you are still fishing for her.

 

At this point, the negatives are not that you've never made a move on her or that you continue to languish in her friendzone. Lots of guys do that I guess.

 

But the real kicker is that you continue to elevate her to 'perfect' status even though you've never touched her. If you do that (man or woman), you are going to lose.

 

She knows you like her. If she had changed her mind, she'd have let you know. And I'll be honest. Even if you do end up hooking up with her and dating her, you'll be so p@ssy whipped by her, it'll be horrid.

 

I'm not even going to bother giving advice. You'll ignore it anyway. It's OK. Everybody here ignores advice people give them.

 

Good luck...

[jobaba]

I will let this play out, see where it goes. I've already sunk 8 months into this, why not keep going?

 

Because you could have been using those 8 months to find another girl...

[HughHardcastle]

That's because you are still fishing for her.

 

At this point, the negatives are not that you've never made a move on her or that you continue to languish in her friendzone. Lots of guys do that I guess.

 

But the real kicker is that you continue to elevate her to 'perfect' status even though you've never touched her. If you do that (man or woman), you are going to lose.

 

She knows you like her. If she had changed her mind, she'd have let you know. And I'll be honest. Even if you do end up hooking up with her and dating her, you'll be so p@ssy whipped by her, it'll be horrid.

 

I'm not even going to bother giving advice. You'll ignore it anyway. It's OK. Everybody here ignores advice people give them.

 

Good luck...

I've touched her. She was on my lap for like a half hour straight at one point.

[TripLine]

I've touched her. She was on my lap for like a half hour straight at one point.

 

When a girl sits on your lap...

 

Do I really need to explain

[thatone]

this is one of the most depressing things i've ever read.

 

thought i was bad when i let myself get tossed into a friend zone for a couple weeks when i was younger, and wound up spending one whole day helping a girl move.

 

OP, you've uprooted your whole damn life for a girl who apparently wanted to have drunken sex with you, while you didn't take it, then after you're gone you wanna run back to this imaginary perfect image of her?

 

you need a hooker in the worst way.

[HughHardcastle]

this is one of the most depressing things i've ever read.

 

thought i was bad when i let myself get tossed into a friend zone for a couple weeks when i was younger, and wound up spending one whole day helping a girl move.

 

OP, you've uprooted your whole damn life for a girl who apparently wanted to have drunken sex with you, while you didn't take it, then after you're gone you wanna run back to this imaginary perfect image of her?

 

you need a hooker in the worst way.

Sorry brah, I'm not just looking for some pussy.

[Oxy Moronovich]

this is one of the most depressing things i've ever read.

 

thought i was bad when i let myself get tossed into a friend zone for a couple weeks when i was younger, and wound up spending one whole day helping a girl move.

 

OP, you've uprooted your whole damn life for a girl who apparently wanted to have drunken sex with you, while you didn't take it, then after you're gone you wanna run back to this imaginary perfect image of her?

 

you need a hooker in the worst way.

It's more depressing when you realize this dude has made over a dozen threads on this chick. He'll make a thread saying, "Ok. I had her over at my place and we watched movies. I sat on the couch. She sat 10 feet away on the love-seat. After the movie was over, she got up to leave. She patted me on the cheek before she left. Score! I totally think she likes me!"

 

The next thread will say, "Ok. I saw her at work two days later. She said hi but basically ignored me the whole day. What did I do wrong? She touched my cheek, so I got to second base with her. Why did she go cold all of a sudden? I'm thinking about writing her a letter that says, 'Do you like me? Circle yes or no.' Should I really do that?"

 

And the sad part about all this is I AM NOT LYING ABOUT THIS AT ALL. THIS IS HONESTLY THE TYPE OF STUFF HE TYPES. I wanna feel sorry for the dude but he never takes anyone's advice. What do you do when a guy has doomed himself to fail in the lamest way possible?

[ascendotum]

When she found out, she was shocked. She instantly started planning a bunch of stuff for us to do before I moved away. Two nights before I left town, we were both at a mutual friends house. She had too much to drink, and opened up to me about some really personal stuff. I did as well. At one point, we were holding hands, hugging, and she was sitting on my lap. She woke me up the next morning around 5:30, asking if I wanted to go sleep over at her apartment. I said yes.

Again, I did nothing.

IDK, you move town/job, but you cant move your arms around the girl's waist when you get back to her apt. The first time you missed out I get it, but the 2nd time, I thought you would be disappointed with yourself for missing out the time she was in your apt., and thus resolve to be a little bolder. Unfortunately you want her to actually say 'lets make love' or 'I want you' or 'I think you're perfect for me', so there is no ambiguity in your mind to proceed. Unfortunatley many girls are not so bold (like you)....the sitting in your lap, hugging & inviting you back to her apt. was the green light. (should have asked to share the shower)

 

Its too bad when you both opened up about some personal stuff that nothing came out about your feelings for each other. It seemed to be the ideal time for you to say how desirable she was. You live and learn. At least you are still on the scene.