Jamesblame Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Why does my ex who is my friend keep ruminating over the relationship? She continually brings up the past (we're trying to be friends and its been 5 mos. ). She'll talk and send texts saying how much she misses me, how much her family likes me, and how regretful she is about how we hurt each other when in the relationship. Then she goes on to say how she has no romantic feelings for me. It confuses me because I've moved on. I know what I did that was wrong, apologized for it, forgiven her for what she did, and now just see her as a friend . I don't know if she wants to get back together or not. I'm just confused by the behavior and want her to just move on so we can be friends. How do I bring these past issues to a head so they can be resolved?
TaraMaiden Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Read the All new Caliguy No Contact Guide in my signature, as to why it's a really bad idea to be 'just friends with an ex' when there are still not-so-dormant feelings there. She clearly still has some feelings, so I would advise severing ties and going your separate ways for a while. This is just prolonging the agony for her.... Who actually ended it?
Author Jamesblame Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Thats the thing. It was delayed mutual. So I left originally. Then we did No Contact, then we hung out together again and I asked her about reconciling She said she had hoped there would be feelings but she didn't feel anything to me. She loved and cared for me as a friend. So then we did NC again in which I moved on completely. The thing is, she's pushing for the contact. She was offended that I took her off Facebook, that I didn't appear to miss her, that I was moving on. She's the one who really initiates the contact.
Author Jamesblame Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 And I asked her just today. I said, "Do you have any unresolved feelings towards me." To which she replied, "no." It's like she doesn't see a romantic future with me (and I don't with her), but she's really sad that she feels that way. And she shouldn't...because it would never work out.
TaraMaiden Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You either man up and tell her face to face - or be less in-your-face and write her an email (Please, please please - not by text!!) telling her that while she still seems to be so stuck in the past, keeps harping on about what was, keeps telling you how much her family likes you - this is hopeless. You're going NC, you're staying NC and she must only get in touch with you when she knows you are in the arms of another woman, who is bearing your children, and she feels nothing but unconditional happiness for you. Until such a time as she can look upon you as just a friend, but indifferently, with regard to anything else - this is just going to be a problem.
sendme Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I completely agree with Tara Maden... and I'll go one step further. I am not friends with any of my exes.... not even the ones I've casually dated... It leads to insecurity in your current relationship, and if you're like most people you probably put some thought into starting the relationship as a romantic one, and you put a lot of thought into ending it... if you don't rush into or out of these things likely, then it's best to just leave the past behind you... There is no point in continuing in some interim existence... she may be a great person, you may have a lot in common... but there is no need to literally carry around your exes into your current situations. There are a very limited number of people who can make it work, but for most people it is better to just move forward.... 1
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 She's a needy and selfish person. Why? Because she only wants you to want her. Stringing you along without regard for your position in the relationship. Really think about how selfish that is. Someone that is willing to make concerted efforts to keep another in their life to make themself feel better without empathy towards the other. I think you should sit her down, face to face, and tell her this. Then wish her luck and go about your business.
CaliGuy Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Read the All new Caliguy No Contact Guide in my signature, as to why it's a really bad idea to be 'just friends with an ex' when there are still not-so-dormant feelings there. I hope people are reading it and HEEDING it
TaraMaiden Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I hope people are reading it and HEEDING it I think most do - those who break no contact consistently come back and confess how dumb they were..... and btw, have you read my nifty little anti-troll guide? Works with all trolls....
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