Getting married but don't love her...

[duc999]

Hello,

I need all your help so please all of you give your opinions I have very less time. I would like to clarify that I am straight. I have dated many chicks.

 

Here it goes – I fell in love with a girl in mid February, we met through common friends. I proposed her, a couple of days later she agreed to my proposal. We both are 24.

 

At first glance I fell for her. As time passed I enjoyed her company, we shared good times, had fun. Albeit in those times I sometimes didn’t find her very attractive, & sometimes I did found her attractive.

It was confusing sometimes but the happy times over shadowed the confusion & I never looked back.

 

After 3 months I stopped enjoying being with her. I started getting irritated by anything she asked or by any of our general talks. I tried to calm myself down, but stopped caring about her.

A month later I started avoiding her. I reduced the time we spent together. We had sex many a times, I enjoyed it, not much but it was definitely not boring. At this point I knew I don’t love her, or is it just a phase?

 

She loves me crazily. From past two months I’ve been trying to love her back but I always fail. She looks beautiful, she is intelligent. I don’t know why this feeling of not liking her has developed in me. In fact I get irritated talking to her, spending time with her. Even when she knows I get irritated, she still cares about me.

Sometimes I also think that the grass is greener on the other side.

 

We are getting married in next 4 months! When I told her I don’t love her, she cried a lot. Said she can’t survive without me. I don’t wanna break her heart, coz she’s a very good person.

 

Will i ever love her back again? May be after marriage?

What should I do? Please help.

Edited July 27, 2012 by duc999

[Imajerk17]

You already know what you need to do: Break up with her. Tell her that you just aren't ready for marriage if you have to. But don't go through with it!

[MarlyStar]

For gods sake don't marry her!! You will end up divorced. You may end up divorced with children. And a house, and alimony. And the marriage will be unhappy all the time. She will figure out very quickly that your feelings aren't real and she will be unhappy, you will be unhappy, kids and family will be unhappy.

 

Why would you even consider going through with it?

 

And besides you WILL find someone you do love and can have a good marriage with--what then?

[FitChick]

If you are afraid to break up with her, tell her you want to postpone the wedding for a year. That's what most guys seem to do if they are cowards. She may break up with you .

[KathyM]

Don't marry her. You obviously proposed before you really knew her. You're moving way too fast on getting into a serious relationship. You've only known her five months. Tell her you are messed up right now and don't know what you want, but you're going to have to break it off, and apologize profusely for not having your head on straight before getting seriously involved with her.

[nofool4u]

For gods sake do her the favor and break it off cold. She doesn't know what is best for her right now because she is devastated.

 

You don't love her, give her the chance to find someone who will.

[Imajerk17]

Is this the most no-brainer thread on LS or what.

[dreamingoftigers]

You guys just need to go for some counseling. Everything will be fine.

 

It's just cold feet.

[Ami1uwant]

this isnt cold feet...postpone the wedding and see hwere this is 6 a few months. Why is what she doing irritating??? Remember you will be with her for 50 years...you cant look at it as buying a new set of jeans.

[dreamingoftigers]

You guys just need to go for some counseling. Everything will be fine.

 

It's just cold feet.

 

I am totally kidding!

 

DO NOT GET MARRIED.

 

You met someone very quickly and felt ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY.

you didn't know her pretty much AT ALL.

 

That means that mentally and emotionally you filled in the blanks and figured it was going to be like a fairy tale.

 

Reality caught up and slapped you like a codfish. And getting slapped with a fish will really wake you up and get your attention.

 

Things will not improve because you have no FOUNDATION to improve on.

 

There was no skill in developing this relationship besides self-delusion.

 

You are already irritated by her? You are already bored?

 

Those things didn't start setting in until year 5 of being with my husband. Then the work started, but we already had a foundation of knowing each other pretty good. (although I will say that there were some definite surprises).

 

This wasn't LOVE, it was at best INFATUATION. And very fast-moving.

 

She's hurt, yes, very hurt and not hurting someone is not a valid reason to stay in a relationship. At all. No one wants to be a pity-marriage!

 

I think you both need some serious INDEPENDENT counseling and to put off this wedding until much further notice if it happens at all.

[duc999]

Thank you all for replying me.

 

It may be infatuation but for a couple of months it was pretty good.

 

Anyhow, i really don't know why i get irritated by her, although she is sweet & innocent. Can it be stopped or breaking off is the last resort?

 

Will things get better in future? If things like this happen 4-5 years down the line in marriage like "dreamingoftigers" said, does it happen to all married couples?

 

@Iamajerk17 - She really has good qualities thats the reason i am thinking of second chances.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think as we go along we discover our partners have sone irritating traits. There are good days, bad days great days and terrible days.

 

We stay in for the bigger picture.

 

It seems like you trapped yourself into this and now you resent it.

 

Back off on the marriage idea until you really sort out all of this.

[youngskywalker]

Hey, look dude the answer is really easy. Postpone the marriage.