Freckas Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 My husbands friend is single and hes always calling on my husband to go out, my husband says he doesnt want to go but he cant say no. Whats wrong with grilling out? or fishing or just plain chilling out the house with some wine and friends. I dont know how many more weekends of hangovers I can handle. Fridaynight til sat morning partying all saturday recovering cause he is 30 and not young enough anymore. and sunday feeling like crap cause he's on the wrong schedule.
Pyro Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Single guys for the most part want to be out and about with lots of people. Your husband needs to stand up for himself and say no and/or suggest something else to do.
Author Freckas Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 replacing the cant with doesnt want to... does change things quite a bit. I am an only child and can contribute the lack of social iq to my growing up. He must miss his large family. I would love to grill out, play music, have his buddy and my friend over but really we live in a town that has not much to do. I actually have one traffic light where we live and where he works is all military base and bars. There is the beach, does anyone have any advice, I know that I sound boring but my initial response seems too boring for him. We live near a beach, we have amicable neighbors that seem to be fond of me on both sides. For me things seem like we are too old to be in the club but to young to be in the house, usually at this age their is a little one to take to the aquarium and fawn over
Author Freckas Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I would very much like to move to the next step, in age. I am fun and open minded aside from two rules. What should we be doing at this age of 30, what can I do to help me and him not get into a rut of staying at home, but staying out of the bars. I am joining OA to work on myself, and I have met both my neighbors and they have taken a liking to me, but im not sure if I want to set my husband on a playdate with thier husbands- I say playdate cause he can be sarcastic and would refer to it like that. Our neighbors are in military and in early 20's but atleast they dont go out every weekend. any advice or criticism welcome!
KungFuJoe Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 So he's the partying type but you're not? I dunno...that's a hard one to solve because it means one of you has to change. Nothing wrong with going out but he's partying so hard that he is neglecting his responsibilities (which includes you) then its a problem.
Author Freckas Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I think Ill just lose the extra weight, hire a personal trainer. Im tired of my husband acting like its never enough sex never enough socializing. Sex everyday, or twice the day after a day with none. and going out every friday is getting really humiliating. Trying not to get to "emotional" here but thank you. Apparantly even my thread is disinteresting THANKYOU
Author Freckas Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 He cant function. As in I cleaned up his vomit and his poop. put him in the shower and he cried. and I said we can pretend this never happend, dont be embarrassed we are a family this is our secret no big deal. but I feel like a mother, with no joy of children. How do you address this? He will say Im going to leave early so they dont sucker me into staying late, and like you said he lets them drag him out, and he doesnt tell women : "hey miss hot pink shorts, my wife is coming to pick me up can you please not bend over again for the next shot" while playing pool. I feel like just crying and eating some eggos. what a weakling I am. I wish I could hire a male marine personal trainer, but i fear that would be considered manipulation and my mother used to manipulate father and I both... dont want to turn into her!
Author Freckas Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I agree with you. I feel like it is never enough stimulation for him. Its not humiliating physcially, I just feel like I put so much oomph and focus into pleasing him and myself, and being a YES girl that i feel like when he wants to go out Im emotionally drained because I give him all my gusto. is there any advice on activities that do not involve hard liquor or ending up at a house with coke and closed bedroom doors?? My post prior to this, no one has read- explains that I am in a real situation here. and need advice on whats normal and whats not
MissBee Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 My husbands friend is single and hes always calling on my husband to go out, my husband says he doesnt want to go but he cant say no. Whats wrong with grilling out? or fishing or just plain chilling out the house with some wine and friends. I dont know how many more weekends of hangovers I can handle. Fridaynight til sat morning partying all saturday recovering cause he is 30 and not young enough anymore. and sunday feeling like crap cause he's on the wrong schedule. Why can't he say no? Or even if he does go...why can't he control his alcohol intake? If he can't handle it, and ends up feeling badly, then why does he do it? Doesn't make sense. At 30 you're certainly too old to be peer pressured into drinking and partying, especially if you're married and especially if you seem like you don't want to. Unless he does want to... 1
Author Freckas Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 MissBee, I really love how you put this, at times it was so hard to read, but I needed it. Also Im saving it to my email, it is full of great advice and insults that I will throw at him, when he wants to go out. My paternal side is riddled with alchoholics. My aunt swam naked in a pool all of memorial day, I had only met her a few times once for a visit to a ill fam member, and 2nd to the funeral for said fam member. I had not seen her before that since I was 10 years old. The solution reminded me of what you wrote and Im so thankful to see it. Comedy and redicule, with a touch of shame. My other aunt had said "look at yourself your drunk and skinny dipping with your _ _ _ _ hanging out and that little _ _ _ _ thing you got going on down there isn't cute!" I was mortified but she put her clothes back on and well you get the idea, and while this may count more against me on this forum that I have such dysfunctionalism and lower trust that pple may find in MY advice, it definately shows me that shame can sometimes work. So the point was- thanks for all the advice I will make sure to use it, as well as the rehabilitation. We have both agreed to take AA OA (for me) we are grown up and want children we can not afford to do this to ourselves anylonger. I feel I am doing a diservice to him by letting him walk over me, because of my own self image issues. Really interested in whatever ideas you have in keeping busy couple activities, if not its ok.
Author Freckas Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 typo in the beginning, thanks "just" for the witty input, things are getting better, everyday. thanks again people:)
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