one day you'll just realise

[Sophia12345]

So i never went NC, i never through a strop. Yes I made it very clear i love my ex and that that will never change. I used to not be able to imagine my life without him and the thought of growing up without him made me physically sick. He was my love, how could he be leaving me for the world, how could he just leave me to deal with life myself and how could he leave me knowing that someone else may have me. I know that I couldnt bare seeing my ex with somebody else, even now the thought of having to deal with that scares me but i know ill have to deal with it at some point. He was my first love and breaking away from what i knew was the hardest thing ive EVER had to do. I had weeks off work, visited doctors, went on weekly benders ANYTHING to attempt to make it better but i realized nothing i did would make it better so i faced up to it. Never once did I contact him first, instead i cried every single night, looking through photos reminiscent of what we had and realizing we shall never have that again. I still now miss him more than anything in the world but the other day i realized im okay. Im fine with whats happened, I can deal with not talking to my ex because i know its not my intention to just talk. I want to be with him everyday of my life and that isnt possible so ive accepted moving on. Ive accepted there are other partners out there for both of us and that nothing i can do will change how he feels. Although i still do not feel like NC is the right way, i will be civil if we see eachother, havent deleted eachother of facebook but have made it perfectly clear that were either together or are just civil. If he needed me i would allways be there for him. Just because he doesnt want to be with me doesnt make him a bad person or change my feelings completely for him it just means our chapter is over. I have no hate just acceptance. Right now i can say im the happiest ive been in a very long time.

[salmagundi]

Thank you Sophia, that helped me a lot to read that.