whathurtsthemost Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Hi, Been dating this girl for 2 months. Thing is, she is fiercely stubborn, and although she welcomes the opportunity of having found a relationship, she is trying to become independent and has a lot going on in her life and doesnt want a "deep relationship" just yet until she is settled with her job etc... Which I am fine with; I don't want to rush thing either, but I do want more sex and more sleeping overnight with her. She lives with her flatmates, her bed is tiny, I dont feel comfortable there. I have my own place, but recently, she has not been feeling well and doesnt want to sleep here... its only been a few days... she told me also the pillow wasnt ok for her, so I said we can go pillow shopping... I understand her point, in actual fact, I hate sleeping at someone elses place... I like my own bed... It seems like she is like me in that manner. BUT, I am not getting enough sex out of the relationship. Maybe once a week, and I know she is stressed, plus she missed her period and we had to do a prego test which turned out negative. HOWEVER, I feel she is in control of when we have sex... Now, we see each other a lot during the day, but Im not getting as much as I was single... I dont want to beg like a wimp, so question is... HOW DO I GET MORE SEX? without asking, without briinging up?? I want it to sound more like "babe, i was getting more sex when I was single"... How do i deal with this? Thanks, Ben
Balzac Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Reliable contraceptive. Cushy pillow followed by new girl? 3
ascendotum Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 HOW DO I GET MORE SEX? without asking, without briinging up?? I want it to sound more like "babe, i was getting more sex when I was single"... Now there's an idea!
It's Just Me Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I'm not sure what's going on here. Which is it? Is she busy with work, or does she hate your pillow? Never mind. Either way, these sound like excuses to get away from you. I would ask the question mentioned above.
Author whathurtsthemost Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 I just sent her a message... She has already says she loves me bla d bla, wants my kids, bla d bla... and I am in love with her too... But I said in the sms that "its been over a week since we slept in the same bed and it feels like love on brakes (her words and actions dont match).... I dont want to rush, but this just doenst flow like I want and Im going to get bored.... I said that I may understand her reasons, but I will get bored..." Come to think of it, I have adapted, I make time, so I want her actions to match her words... and they dont ... She got mad, real mad, and said she needed a few days to settle in her job bla bla... I said I used to pick her up from her previous job... she said, yes, just give me a few days. I ask where she is, and I find out she is out having drinks and its 2:45 am.... Come to think of it, last friday was the same and saturday she is too tired to see me... Everytime we spend time together she needs to cut it because she has to go back to see her friends, etc... I feel like we have stolen moments... and she is in control of everything... during the week, I entertain her... weekend comes, she is out... I think she's playing me... any comments? B
Author whathurtsthemost Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Oh, sent her a second message saying: "Hang on... You get mad because I say I love you and want to sleep with you and cuddle you more??!! I deserve better." I do. I deserve way better. Single may be lonelier, but at least you choose to be lonely (and have fun).... Call me an old romantic, but if you profess your undying love for one another, surely you want to sleep with each other more than once a week!!... I know for sure that other girls would die to be in her position!! I treat girls well when they stay... supper, great sex, breakfast in bed, the whole nine yards!! So sad
yongyong Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 keep her on a rotation and bang other girls. this is nothing wrong. When you don't want to have sex even once a week, she will sense you are banging other girls and might change her attitude.
mortensorchid Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 THis is every arguement in a monogamous couple. The man wants me, the woman says she is too busy or too tired or something, schedules conflict, etc. However, studies have shown that monogamous couples do not always site the fact that they are too tired, too busy, conflicting schedules, etc. as the reason why they are not having as much sex as one would want. A lot of it, studies find, has to do with the fact that one person may not be as attracted to the other anymore in a long term relationship. Make time in order to do it. Say, every Friday night or Saturday night no matter what the case may be. Remember that you could have something scheduled or none at all. Sound good to you? I hope.
amaysngrace Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 I think if she was really into you then she"d bring you along with her friends and then plan to spend the night. Sex should be really hot two months in. You're right. What she says doesn't jive with what she does. Don't call her and wait to hear from her.
bac Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Oh, sent her a second message saying: "Hang on... You get mad because I say I love you and want to sleep with you and cuddle you more??!! I deserve better." I do. I deserve way better. Single may be lonelier, but at least you choose to be lonely (and have fun).... Call me an old romantic, but if you profess your undying love for one another, surely you want to sleep with each other more than once a week!!... I know for sure that other girls would die to be in her position!! I treat girls well when they stay... supper, great sex, breakfast in bed, the whole nine yards!! So sad From the female's position, sex once per week is good enough for a serious R. It has nothing to do with her love. Sex and love are different things. She might love you and she might not want to have sex with you so often as you want. Desire to have sex depends on her sex drive and it does not depend on her love. Don't be so sure that other girls would die to have intercourses as often as you do unless they have nothing else going on in their life (no job, no family, no friends, no other problems). Girls do not have as much testosterone as you do to have the male's libido as you have.
Andy_K Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 It has nothing to do with her love. Sex and love are different things. I agree, and I think you need to highlight this. Something along the lines of: "I know you love me, but I need more than that from a girlfriend. I want someone who wants to rip my clothes off too. I want lust as well as love, because that's how I feel about you. If that's not the kind of person you are, then this just isn't going to work out and it's best if we go our separate ways"
youngskywalker Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Maybe that is something you need to embrace. My girl is in control when we have sex and I like it. Try it.
Negative Nancy Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 this just doenst flow like I want and Im going to get bored.... I said that I may understand her reasons, but I will get bored What a great catch you are
musemaj11 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Keep her for your emotional needs but have sex with other women. A very simple problem to solve reallY. 1
kaylan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Dump her. Shes obviously not into you and possibly cheating since she has to much time to go out and drink, yet not give you any.
Author whathurtsthemost Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Thanks for all the pro's and con's.... It's not just about the sex! It's about saying "I love you bla d bla d bla", saying she misses sleeping in my arms and then when I have made every attempt for her to do so, being suggestive, she has not made herself available. She doesn't like to be alone - She doesn't orgasm during sex; says she never has done, but I can get her off using other techniques... I have NEVER had problems in the bedroom and most girls have been pleased and ok. I feel like her Plan B - and it's not just a one off, there is a repeating pattern here... see's me during the week, but lately sex has declined (albeit she says she has been feeling ill, tired) and then she is staying up talking to her flatmates etc till early hours of the morning... or going out with her friends, including male friends, sometimes just by herself because her flatmate is working. Today's saturday, she is probably tired from partying last night, and I get the scraps... Then when we do see each other, she tries to keep it down to a time limit, has to go back to her flatmates to cook for them, etc... ???! She does'nt really initiate contact unless she is alone - but when I am with her, she is all over me - She also told me that although she realizes she loves me deeply and wants a future, right now, she doesn't want to rush or a deep relationship because she wants to become independent and doesnt want to depend on a man... Which Im fine with, but as I say, if she loves me as much as she says she does, she would be more interested... plus why say (without being prompted) that she misses sleeping with me and then makes every excuse to avoid that... ?? So basically, she has gotten me to commit exclusively to her but is not investing in the relationship enough for me to consider that. A big red flag for me is when I told her last night that I missed her and wanted to spend more time with her sleeping together (not just sex, but everything). She got MAD! - That's not the kind of girl Im looking for and I've not asked for major commitment, just to let the love flow naturally, and right now it feels ackward. Whether she is just not that interested in me, or is just looking for a convenient boyfriend till something better comes along, or whether she is scared of commitment, or whether bla bla bla.... IT DOESNT MATTER! I realized that this relationship is not meeting my needs, which aren't only sexual, but hey, if you are in love you want to spend quality night time's too, at least once a week!!......... which in the process of being so understanding of her I forgot... So that's what I need to look out for. ME.
SarahRose Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 It's only been 2 months and you have to beg for it. She has already told you she isn't that interested and her actions show it. She is lying when she says she loves you and wants your babies. You don't even know each other well enough to say that. She just isn't that interested. 2
filani Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Thanks for all the pro's and con's.... It's not just about the sex! It's about saying "I love you bla d bla d bla", saying she misses sleeping in my arms and then when I have made every attempt for her to do so, being suggestive, she has not made herself available. She doesn't like to be alone - She doesn't orgasm during sex; says she never has done, but I can get her off using other techniques... I have NEVER had problems in the bedroom and most girls have been pleased and ok. I feel like her Plan B - and it's not just a one off, there is a repeating pattern here... see's me during the week, but lately sex has declined (albeit she says she has been feeling ill, tired) and then she is staying up talking to her flatmates etc till early hours of the morning... or going out with her friends, including male friends, sometimes just by herself because her flatmate is working. Today's saturday, she is probably tired from partying last night, and I get the scraps... Then when we do see each other, she tries to keep it down to a time limit, has to go back to her flatmates to cook for them, etc... ???! She does'nt really initiate contact unless she is alone - but when I am with her, she is all over me - She also told me that although she realizes she loves me deeply and wants a future, right now, she doesn't want to rush or a deep relationship because she wants to become independent and doesnt want to depend on a man... Which Im fine with, but as I say, if she loves me as much as she says she does, she would be more interested... plus why say (without being prompted) that she misses sleeping with me and then makes every excuse to avoid that... ?? So basically, she has gotten me to commit exclusively to her but is not investing in the relationship enough for me to consider that. A big red flag for me is when I told her last night that I missed her and wanted to spend more time with her sleeping together (not just sex, but everything). She got MAD! - That's not the kind of girl Im looking for and I've not asked for major commitment, just to let the love flow naturally, and right now it feels ackward. Whether she is just not that interested in me, or is just looking for a convenient boyfriend till something better comes along, or whether she is scared of commitment, or whether bla bla bla.... IT DOESNT MATTER! I realized that this relationship is not meeting my needs, which aren't only sexual, but hey, if you are in love you want to spend quality night time's too, at least once a week!!......... which in the process of being so understanding of her I forgot... So that's what I need to look out for. ME. @ OP Dude , you are definitely 'Plan B' in her life right now, that much you have already perceived and as you rightfully said ,you deserve better. Cut your losses and MOVE ON ! Nuff said !
madjac74 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 @ OP Cut your losses and MOVE ON ! Nuff said ! Well its only been a 2 month relationship and his only concern for keeping it together is his dick so I dont think there will be much loss 1
bac Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 She doesn't orgasm during sex; says she never has done, but I can get her off using other techniques... I have NEVER had problems in the bedroom and most girls have been pleased and ok. I realized that this relationship is not meeting my needs, which aren't only sexual, but hey, if you are in love you want to spend quality night time's too, at least once a weekQUOTE] OK, she told you that she cannot have an O. It means she is very naive and believes that you are capable to understand it. So, you made her feel insecure and deficient. She feels hopeless with you and with all your techniques that she has probably never asked you to use on her body. So, that is very natural that she prefers to stay away from sex with you. You do not let her be herself and you want from her impossible sexual abilities. You are right that most men do not have any problems in the bedroom and most girls are fine with sex because the girls do not want to destroy a great R because of things that are not important for them. The girls are sensitive and they do not want to hurt their guy's manhood with the useless truth that they have no O. 1
Author whathurtsthemost Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 OK, I guess I started the thread based on sex but it´s not just about that people... If you read through the posts there is a bigger picture going on, but hey, thanks for the feedback... all is useful
Author whathurtsthemost Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 OK, she told you that she cannot have an O. It means she is very naive and believes that you are capable to understand it. So, you made her feel insecure and deficient. She feels hopeless with you and with all your techniques that she has probably never asked you to use on her body. So, that is very natural that she prefers to stay away from sex with you. You do not let her be herself and you want from her impossible sexual abilities. You are right, although I don't think I have made in an overt issue... But as any guy, I want to please my girl... And she does orgasm if I do other things to her... Orgasm=Oxytocin ... it the bonding hormone right? You are right that most men do not have any problems in the bedroom and most girls are fine with sex because the girls do not want to destroy a great R because of things that are not important for them. The girls are sensitive and they do not want to hurt their guy's manhood with the useless truth that they have no O. Sure, may be the case...
mickleb Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 I think she is being incredibly selfish and is making excuses, whilst saying outrageous stuff like she 'wants to have your babies'. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to be intimate with her more often, and feeling hurt when you are rejected. Especially for excuses like 'I have to go cook for my mates' and 'I'm not feeling well (but out drinking every Friday afternoon)'. She's got everything she wants from this and you've got, mostly, frustrated. Neither of you 'love' each other. Let her go use some other guy and move onto a more balanced, healthier relationship, where you can experience what love actually feels like. Just wanted to say, the reverse equivalent of this thread would be a girl who is getting sex only from a guy, who gives similarly dumb excuses (and blatant lies) to avoid meeting her needs. Imagine our responses to that situation. Again - there is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy wanting to sleep with his girlfriend! It's about as normal as it gets. OP shouldn't be berated for this. 1
Author whathurtsthemost Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 I think she is being incredibly selfish and is making excuses, whilst saying outrageous stuff like she 'wants to have your babies'. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to be intimate with her more often, and feeling hurt when you are rejected. Especially for excuses like 'I have to go cook for my mates' and 'I'm not feeling well (but out drinking every Friday afternoon)'. She's got everything she wants from this and you've got, mostly, frustrated. Neither of you 'love' each other. Let her go use some other guy and move onto a more balanced, healthier relationship, where you can experience what love actually feels like. Just wanted to say, the reverse equivalent of this thread would be a girl who is getting sex only from a guy, who gives similarly dumb excuses (and blatant lies) to avoid meeting her needs. Imagine our responses to that situation. Again - there is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy wanting to sleep with his girlfriend! It's about as normal as it gets. OP shouldn't be berated for this. Thank you ... Truth is we met last year, then talked on facebook for 6 months prior to her coming back to my country.... So it´s not a relationship that just started (physically yes). Love? Maybe not... Ive been single for 3 years, and to be honest, yes I developed feelings for her, but if this is what I get for investing emotionally in her and a relationship, I don´t think it´s worth my while... Better off be single and wait for someone that is able to reciprocate...
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