Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I was with my ex two weeks shy of 2 years. He just broke up with me in May. I've been a wreck, crying at work, crying at home, going over things in my head over and over (I'm working on stopping this). The thing I can't get over is the fact that he was still sleeping with me up until right before we broke up. For a few weeks he was making less of an effort to see me but he would still call and text me through the day,every day. Although, it was not as much as in had been in the past and he didn't make as much of an effort. I think deep down I know the answer to this but I just can't wrap my head around it. Is this just something guys can continue to do? As a woman, if it's over in my head, sleeping with them again is not something I would want to do. He was not only trying to sleep with me, but he kept asking me if he could video it. I said no, since I picked up on the fact that he had been acting strange the past few weeks/month. Why would you do that?? Why would you want to have sex/video someone you're planning to break up with??
KatZee Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 My ex did this too. We spent literally the three days prior to the end together. We were having sex, he was actually still looking into my eyes lovingly, giggling like a school girl, happy, we had a great night together, sex twice... but despite that, he had also pulled away, wasn't making an effort to see me as much, was blowing me off when I said come to dinner with my family... he didn't invite me to HIS family's gatherings near the end whereas before I was invited to everything... it was clear he was on the way out. I think sex for guys, is just that. Sex. He may not be in love with you, but he's still a red blooded male, still sexually attracted, and he just wanted to get it in a last few times before he never got to again. Guys don't hold importance of sex like women do.
Author Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 We got into an argument on a Sunday. He texted me that night with "I love you". Then, he called me 4 times in a row on Monday morning and I didn't pick up because I was so upset with him. 4 days went by and I called him. He didn't pick up the first time but I called once more and he answered. It was like a Dr. Jekyl.Mr. Hyde scenario... the things he said to me were awful and not something you would ever say to someone you "love". Do to some personal reasons I saw him in person a week later. He was stone cold to me, told me he didn't love me. That I should probably wait a day or two before sleeping with anyone else because of my condition (cant get into here). Said "someone will love you because you're hot, but they'll never love you forever" and then told me to never contact him again. I have kids, and he swore up and down when we were together that he was "so attached" to them and would never leave me and them. It was just all bs. 2 years of bs. It makes it almost impossible for me to feel like I can ever trust anyone ever again and that's heartbreaking. Anyways, the sex thing just through me off. I don't get how you can still be that attracted to someone and then 4 days later be that cold to someone and be over it.
Floored Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Sounds like he was checked out months ago. Of course he'd keep you stringing along, he was getting some and that's all it takes for some guys. As far as the videotaping is concerned... I have no first-hand experience with this, but with friends who have done it, it's mostly for cataloguing reasons, something to file between "Hindrance" and "Hindu", for his amusement, before he really moved on. He wasn't going to be with you or sleep with you forever, but he could at least see you naked and at your most vulnerable whenever he wanted. Don't let his last words sink in, he said them purely to be a hateful person. No contact is such a hard thing, but the alternative can be much worse.
Thisisbs Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 My ex did this too. We spent literally the three days prior to the end together. We were having sex, he was actually still looking into my eyes lovingly, giggling like a school girl, happy, we had a great night together, sex twice... but despite that, he had also pulled away, wasn't making an effort to see me as much, was blowing me off when I said come to dinner with my family... he didn't invite me to HIS family's gatherings near the end whereas before I was invited to everything... it was clear he was on the way out. I think sex for guys, is just that. Sex. He may not be in love with you, but he's still a red blooded male, still sexually attracted, and he just wanted to get it in a last few times before he never got to again. Guys don't hold importance of sex like women do. You can't generalize "Guys" like that at all. There are many many many women who would act the same. There are just people in general that don't hold the importance of sex, not gender specific. He was just not someone that valued sex, like many people have said, sex 20 years ago usually meant you two were in love and together. Sex now can mean jack ****.
Author Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 My ex went from being so overly jealous, going through my stuff, demanding all of my time, calling me all day long, telling me he didn't want to live without me, that I was his soul mate, he's never enjoyed sex with someone as much as me, I mean you name it. I ended it once before and he literally called me 100 times in a row until I picked up. When I finally did he went into how he could never let me go ever. The time we were separated he lost a ton of weight, looked like he wasn't handling it well and I caved and got back together with him, despite his controlling behavior because I was stupidly so in love with him. I mean what gives? You go from one polar extreme to the other??? I know he probably just took how he felt for me and moved it to someone else. There were red flags, I just didn't want to see them... He started working at a bar, he was always secretive with his phone and his Facebook. It just sucks, I feel like I would have held on and fought for the relationship.. but now that I am out of it my family and friends are coming out of the woodwork to tell me they were scared for me at times because of his controlling, abusive, manipulating personaility. Obviously there were good times, near the end he bought me flowers once a week. He finally got a second stable fulltime job, was finally getting a decent car and then he just left me. I just feel totally used. It's so wrong that people can be this way and I feel like such a dumba** for not having enough self respect to leave when I knew things weren't right. And I feel even worse that I still care about him at all.
lil hoodlum Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 We got into an argument on a Sunday. He texted me that night with "I love you". Then, he called me 4 times in a row on Monday morning and I didn't pick up because I was so upset with him. 4 days went by and I called him. He didn't pick up the first time but I called once more and he answered. It was like a Dr. Jekyl.Mr. Hyde scenario... the things he said to me were awful and not something you would ever say to someone you "love". Do to some personal reasons I saw him in person a week later. He was stone cold to me, told me he didn't love me. That I should probably wait a day or two before sleeping with anyone else because of my condition (cant get into here). Said "someone will love you because you're hot, but they'll never love you forever" and then told me to never contact him again. I have kids, and he swore up and down when we were together that he was "so attached" to them and would never leave me and them. It was just all bs. 2 years of bs. It makes it almost impossible for me to feel like I can ever trust anyone ever again and that's heartbreaking. Anyways, the sex thing just through me off. I don't get how you can still be that attracted to someone and then 4 days later be that cold to someone and be over it. I really can't comment on the sex part except I am one of those guys who finds it difficult to sleep with someone if I don't feel something for them. So yeah, I don't do one night stands or the FWB thing. I think that the part where they say they will never leave you and that they will allways be there for you really hurts alot. It makes you wonder about alot of things that they told you. It also bothers me the way an ex can go from someone who is totally in love with you to acting like you don't exist anymore. I find that this is very immature behavior. I have never treated an ex like that. They are a real person like everyone else and I at least treat them like a person even though I may not have loving feelings for them. I don't know what else to tell you. I struggle with the same things. I wonder why some people behave the way that they do. It is very cruel. I treat everyone in a respectful manner regardless how I may feel about them.
Jono85 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 My ex did this too. We spent literally the three days prior to the end together. We were having sex, he was actually still looking into my eyes lovingly, giggling like a school girl, happy, we had a great night together, sex twice... but despite that, he had also pulled away, wasn't making an effort to see me as much, was blowing me off when I said come to dinner with my family... he didn't invite me to HIS family's gatherings near the end whereas before I was invited to everything... it was clear he was on the way out. I think sex for guys, is just that. Sex. He may not be in love with you, but he's still a red blooded male, still sexually attracted, and he just wanted to get it in a last few times before he never got to again. Guys don't hold importance of sex like women do. this is such bull****. many girls are the exact same, including my ex. we spent a weekend together 3 weeks after she broke up with me, when all i wanted to do was say goodbye/meet up briefly. she proposed the idea of spending the night, which after asking her if she thought that was a good idea, she said she thought it was. that night turned into the whole weekend. well a month later she's still distant and showing no signs she wants to work on things. stop generalizing..
Author Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Sex and love/intimacy can be entirely separate things for men. I could despise a woman without it affecting my ability to dump a load in her. Really??? You can despise someone and still want to sleep with them? Anyway you can elaborate on this a little??
DMS Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Speaking from personal experience my ex girlfriend broke up with me in the shower less than 10 minutes after we had had sex for the third time in as many days which was rare as even though we lived together for 3.5 years of our almost 5 year relationship I was used to about once a month. Maybe I am just a bit old fashioned but I truly thought at the time our relationship was getting better as things settled down as we had just moved into our apartment a few months before and my stress level was going down due to changes at work and getting in the swing of working a second job. She then claimed that she lost feelings for me almost 2 years before. I dont believe that but it is what she told me and so I have to accept that as her version of the truth.
Author Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Speaking from personal experience my ex girlfriend broke up with me in the shower less than 10 minutes after we had had sex for the third time in as many days which was rare as even though we lived together for 3.5 years of our almost 5 year relationship I was used to about once a month. Maybe I am just a bit old fashioned but I truly thought at the time our relationship was getting better as things settled down as we had just moved into our apartment a few months before and my stress level was going down due to changes at work and getting in the swing of working a second job. She then claimed that she lost feelings for me almost 2 years before. I dont believe that but it is what she told me and so I have to accept that as her version of the truth. Wow, I can't even wrap my head around why she would do that. It's like they know they're leaving so they're trying to get a few last times in beforehand? The messed up thing is they don't clue you in to any of it. So here you are thinking everythings okay, they've been mentally preparing themselves for it so THEY'RE okay and then break the news to you from what seems like out of nowhere. So selfish. I'll never do that to someone else. Selfish and heartless. Screw them. 1
Author Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 There's really not much to elaborate on, for most ( always have to clarify, someone invariably barges in screaming they're the exception ) men sex with another person can carry the exact same level of emotion as jerking off. Dating, for example, exists primarily for the woman. A man doesn't need to know your first name in order to enjoy sex with you. Okay, so the majority of guys look at girls as objects? Is that the basis of the argument?
The Tallest One Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I also think grouping all men together is not right! My last gf and my ex wife both have used me for sex! I am also the type of guy who won't sleep with someone if I am not in a commited relationship! It works both way ladies and gentlemen. I have always hated "players" and anyone who uses people just to put another notch on there bedpost! My last gf could never say "I love you" when I would say it all the time. My ex wife lived and slept with me the last month of our marriage even though she knew she was leaving me and already had an apartment rented and had our kids enrolled in another school. I had no idea any of this was going on, so yes both sexes can "screw" people over!
Jono85 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Okay, so the majority of guys look at girls as objects? Is that the basis of the argument? sure, just like the majority of girls believe everything they read from strangers on the internet
zanzi Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 ew. Thats really sad and gross. That men can have sex with a women they hate. I cant f*ck em if I don't love em and/or plan to love em. Iv'e had sex with men before that meant nothing, to be sure. But the whole time I was like " what a weird face he's making" and getting turned off/ dispassionate.
KansasChica Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 My ex boyfriend told me he loved me daily, told me he would always love me, slept with me, cuddled with me, broke up with me out of the blue, and then dropped me from his life and never reached out. Does it ever come back to haunt them- those feelings that they bury way down deep?
Jono85 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 No, listen women put up a whole list of barriers between our penis and their vagina. If a woman needs to hear you really really like her in order to give it up you tell her you really really like her. Marriage, for example, is something little girls dream about. Very few men actually want to get married but oh well the sex is good and I like her so why not. If a guy is looking to get laid the whole dating thing is just him going through the motions, waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to take off your pants. this is utter bull****. i know lots of guys, including myself, that do want to find a life partner and best friend, not just some new chick to ****.
Jono85 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Good thing I didn't say all. i wouldn't even say most are like that.. maybe most 21 yr olds.
Author Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 this is utter bull****. i know lots of guys, including myself, that do want to find a life partner and best friend, not just some new chick to ****. Nice to know you guys are out there. If it makes you feel any better, I want an honest relationship at some point in my future too. I have no desire to screw a guy over whatsoever. So women like this exist as well; I know because I'm one of them.
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