spooky48 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Have you ever had a dream that EVERYONE in your life goes against you trying to go for? Your family, friends, work colleagues, other colleagues of activities your involved with, even your relatives, doctors, etc? You've wanted & tried to obtain your goal for YEARS but, every attempt you've made has left you unsuccessful with your dream? This is exactly what's happening with me. It's not even about love either. I have wanted to relocate & start a life in the UK since I was 12 years old when I first discovered my family's roots & especially from the music of bands from there. As a child up until my age now, I have dreamed about relocation to a specific area in the North in England. At my age now, I've now travelled to that area TWELVE times. I've made TWELVE flights over & back there. I am still in awe to this day of where I go there. I love the place, the style, fashion, music & the people are hilarious, generous, funny & kind there. I walk around & feel like it's HOME even though it's over the pond. Since the past 7 years, I've job-searched, looked for a home & even built profiles to meet a man over there. Yet, I've been UNSUCCESSFUL every time. I can't tell you how many men I've met, we've met-up & then, nothing. Or, how we've communicated for years then, they never showed-up. Last night was another disaster & again, I am left heartbroken, distraught & thoroughly disgusted. I am tending to my broken-heart today. It's going to take me a while but, I'll get-over-it as I usually do. _________________________________________________________ I just want to ask outright if my dream is unattainable? Is my head in the clouds? Are these all signs indicating how stupid my dream is? I am trying to figure out too, what I am doing wrong to make this so unattainable. Has anyone here though, been thoroughly successful in relocation & living their dream? How did you obtain it? How did you get passed people's opinions that your stupid? How do you deal with this pain from the brokenheart about your dreams always being shattered no matter how hard you've worked, how much you've loved?
Tyler. Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 No dream is unrealistic or unattainable, as long as you work on it and give it your best. Everybody might go against you, say you can't or shouldn't, but as long as you know what will make you happy, you should go after it with all you've got. As finding a mate in that area, don't. I mean before you actually go, don't go into that. First, find a job there. I know you've been searching for one but keep searching or dig deeper. The companies don't have to be looking for and employee, but send them your resume nonetheless. Focus on your career so you'll be a better employee, so there will be more chances for you, anywhere you want. I also want to live abroad. I've been studying being a translator/interpreter for 5 years, learned 3 languages and learning another one. So i know what i want and i'm going after it no matter what. You should do the same because in the end, doing what makes you happy will deem life meaningful to yourself. Do what you want, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Because if you listen to them, no matter how close they are to you, you will always resent them in some way. You will think they prevented you from going and being happy. I'm not saying that this dream will make you happy, i have no idea if it will, but if you don't give it a shot with all you got, you'll always wish you had. In order not to look back on your days when you're old and say, i wish i've done that, just go for it. Give it your best and see what happens. You only live once, so make it count 2
Author spooky48 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 No dream is unrealistic or unattainable, as long as you work on it and give it your best. Everybody might go against you, say you can't or shouldn't, but as long as you know what will make you happy, you should go after it with all you've got. As finding a mate in that area, don't. I mean before you actually go, don't go into that. First, find a job there. I know you've been searching for one but keep searching or dig deeper. The companies don't have to be looking for and employee, but send them your resume nonetheless. Focus on your career so you'll be a better employee, so there will be more chances for you, anywhere you want. I also want to live abroad. I've been studying being a translator/interpreter for 5 years, learned 3 languages and learning another one. So i know what i want and i'm going after it no matter what. You should do the same because in the end, doing what makes you happy will deem life meaningful to yourself. Do what you want, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Because if you listen to them, no matter how close they are to you, you will always resent them in some way. You will think they prevented you from going and being happy. I'm not saying that this dream will make you happy, i have no idea if it will, but if you don't give it a shot with all you got, you'll always wish you had. In order not to look back on your days when you're old and say, i wish i've done that, just go for it. Give it your best and see what happens. You only live once, so make it count Thanks a lot for your thoughts about this.
BrokenMirror Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Here's the thing for me. I've been half in love with this friend of mines for almost 6 years now. He's been through 2-3 relationships in that time period, and he has not feelings for me. Yet, I dream of him, and in my dreams, we are together. I feel like reality is going against me, and it's actually very distressing. What am I supposed to do?
Sugarkane Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Spooky I really like your dream and has someone who has roots in the UK I can relate. I agree with Tyler, I would try to get a job first and work it out from there. Why the North in particular? 1
Author spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Spooky I really like your dream and has someone who has roots in the UK I can relate. I agree with Tyler, I would try to get a job first and work it out from there. Why the North in particular? A few reasons for the North... 1) My Dad travelled there YEARS ago, went to a few places there that have influenced music & he influenced me w/ his stories, records he's given me & how my Mom also lived in the UK twice in her life during her childhood too. 2) The music in general, enough said... 3) In 2005, when I first went to visit the areas he went to, I found the people who I met to be the most kindest, nicest, funniest & generous people ever. I've been to several places too in my life but, I found them in the North to be just open, hospitable & as stated, hilarious. I even remember the cab drive who talked to my roommate & myself in the cab, showing & driving us around & he was just so funny & nice. Genuine, not a fake, phoney or a poseur. 4)My favorite band on this planet is from Liverpool & it's not the Beatles but, they've been around since 1978 & my Dad even seen them in their younger days. I've followed them since I was 12 too! 5) I just love, love, love the men from the North, strong, funny, kind & REAL. Hope I cleared it up now. On a side note, my other friend called me last night & e-mailed me twice. He wants to schedule about meeting up in the fall when I fly over. I am very, very upset about things & hesitant upon meeting him. My heart has been broken too many times from UK men. Yet, I always go back w/ anticipation & expectation. I know I am wrong. I am still working through my broken heart. Maybe I'll talk to him on Friday again on the phone. Right now though, I've thrown-in-the-towel for ALL "love" for me (as stated in other forums). I also am still involved w/ a couple of men w/ the degradation even though it's causing me pain but, the pain makes me feel. I guess I'm a sadist. Internally though. I am unsure what I want to do about this UK man, my dream but, I don't want to give-up. Cheers.
Author spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Here's the thing for me. I've been half in love with this friend of mines for almost 6 years now. He's been through 2-3 relationships in that time period, and he has not feelings for me. Yet, I dream of him, and in my dreams, we are together. I feel like reality is going against me, and it's actually very distressing. What am I supposed to do? I am totally NOT the one who should give you love advice but, I will tell you this that people have given me: "Never settle. However, if you're rejected, consider it a blessing b/c why would you want to invest time & energy intimately w/someone who doesn't want to do so w/you. If it's meant to be, he'll do EVERYTHING possible to be w/you, in-love w/you." Cheers.
BrokenMirror Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I am totally NOT the one who should give you love advice but, I will tell you this that people have given me: "Never settle. However, if you're rejected, consider it a blessing b/c why would you want to invest time & energy intimately w/someone who doesn't want to do so w/you. If it's meant to be, he'll do EVERYTHING possible to be w/you, in-love w/you." Cheers. You're quite right. Although I have tried like crazy to get away from this guy. We even stopped talking for a year or so and then we somehow started talking. I'd say 6 years is a pretty darn long period of time.
Author spooky48 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 You're quite right. Although I have tried like crazy to get away from this guy. We even stopped talking for a year or so and then we somehow started talking. I'd say 6 years is a pretty darn long period of time. I am very intrigued now. What is your plan? What are you going to do?
BrokenMirror Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I am very intrigued now. What is your plan? What are you going to do? He's at a different Uni than I am, so I won't be seeing him too much. And next semester my courseload is heavy, that should be enough to keep me from talking to him, or rather anyone really. Sucky plan lol
Author spooky48 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 He's at a different Uni than I am, so I won't be seeing him too much. And next semester my courseload is heavy, that should be enough to keep me from talking to him, or rather anyone really. Sucky plan lol Bottom line, I think you should just take the plunge & go for it but, if you're rejected, I've learned too many valuable lessons realizing that if this person rejects you, consider it a blessing b/c he/she was not meant for you initially & that, someone out there is just waiting for you. (I do not believe I have a soul mate or true-love for myself but, I do for others that's why I am saying this b/c I've seen in my own personal life great couples that have real love & haven't settled & been in love for YEARS w/out no scamming, lying, cheating or other b.s.) Good luck!
Pirouette Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Dreams can be problematic if they rely heavily on someone else's involvement in order to come true. Is that person merely a vehicle to handing you something you desire? You also need to think about and understand why that dream is so important to you. Dreams can be unhealthy if you fixate on them in order to avoid the realities of your own life, if you feel like it will fill a void and everything will be ok if only you could achieve that one thing.
Author spooky48 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Dreams can be problematic if they rely heavily on someone else's involvement in order to come true. Is that person merely a vehicle to handing you something you desire? You also need to think about and understand why that dream is so important to you. Dreams can be unhealthy if you fixate on them in order to avoid the realities of your own life, if you feel like it will fill a void and everything will be ok if only you could achieve that one thing. I agree w/ you on the majority of your points however, I know if I moved there & had someone, I would then, break-free & become independent. It's just like getting over there first. I've tried too, what you stated here, examining why I want to move there so much, escapism here? Not really, I just love the country, charm, people, style, music better than here. I had an old aquaintaince who met her current husband from a band forum. I was so jealous of her, I won't lie. She married him in 2005. She moved over to London (Bromley) & sold all of of life's belongings here. She had 2 jobs, quit them both, did not get her license & has 2 awesome sons now. However, she is miserable (as she states) b/c her neighbors hate her, she wants to work/drive & her husband is 20 years older than her but.....she ALWAYS throws it in my face that she conquered her dream & I should too. I do NOT though, have a man in my life who is interested in me from over there. Sure, I am talking to someone but, I just do not feel the love from him. So, when I go fly over for the 13th time this November, I have to figure out...what do I want to do with this dream?
M30USA Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Have you ever had a dream that EVERYONE in your life goes against you trying to go for? Your family, friends, work colleagues, other colleagues of activities your involved with, even your relatives, doctors, etc? You've wanted & tried to obtain your goal for YEARS but, every attempt you've made has left you unsuccessful with your dream? This is exactly what's happening with me. It's not even about love either. I have wanted to relocate & start a life in the UK since I was 12 years old when I first discovered my family's roots & especially from the music of bands from there. As a child up until my age now, I have dreamed about relocation to a specific area in the North in England. At my age now, I've now travelled to that area TWELVE times. I've made TWELVE flights over & back there. I am still in awe to this day of where I go there. I love the place, the style, fashion, music & the people are hilarious, generous, funny & kind there. I walk around & feel like it's HOME even though it's over the pond. Since the past 7 years, I've job-searched, looked for a home & even built profiles to meet a man over there. Yet, I've been UNSUCCESSFUL every time. I can't tell you how many men I've met, we've met-up & then, nothing. Or, how we've communicated for years then, they never showed-up. Last night was another disaster & again, I am left heartbroken, distraught & thoroughly disgusted. I am tending to my broken-heart today. It's going to take me a while but, I'll get-over-it as I usually do. _________________________________________________________ I just want to ask outright if my dream is unattainable? Is my head in the clouds? Are these all signs indicating how stupid my dream is? I am trying to figure out too, what I am doing wrong to make this so unattainable. Has anyone here though, been thoroughly successful in relocation & living their dream? How did you obtain it? How did you get passed people's opinions that your stupid? How do you deal with this pain from the brokenheart about your dreams always being shattered no matter how hard you've worked, how much you've loved? I would recommend praying to God. He's the one in charge, not us. If he gives you the power to reach what you want, it's because of him, not you. If he blocks your path or delays your path, it's because of him, not you. While it's good to have desires and goals, we should continually yield to God and his will as being superior to ours.
Pirouette Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I agree w/ you on the majority of your points however, I know if I moved there & had someone, I would then, break-free & become independent. It's just like getting over there first. I think the question in my mind would be, "Do I truly like this man for him, or is it because of where he's from and what he can do for me?" I've tried too, what you stated here, examining why I want to move there so much, escapism here? Not really, I just love the country, charm, people, style, music better than here. Do you have people you love where you're from? Family? Friends? Do you discount the good things about your home country because of your dream? I understand that it's exciting to live somewhere else, and would like to do more of it myself, but one thing I've learned in my travels is that a city is what you make of it. In any event, how old are you? If you're under 30, you can apply for a youth mobility visa and move over there and work for two years. If you're over 30, are you in a in-demand field where you could potentially immigrate over there on your own or get a transfer there through an international office? Otherwise, save up your money and take long vacations over there whenever you can. I had an old aquaintaince who met her current husband from a band forum. I was so jealous of her, I won't lie. She married him in 2005. She moved over to London (Bromley) & sold all of of life's belongings here. She had 2 jobs, quit them both, did not get her license & has 2 awesome sons now. However, she is miserable (as she states) b/c her neighbors hate her, she wants to work/drive & her husband is 20 years older than her but.....she ALWAYS throws it in my face that she conquered her dream & I should too. I do NOT though, have a man in my life who is interested in me from over there. Sure, I am talking to someone but, I just do not feel the love from him. So, when I go fly over for the 13th time this November, I have to figure out...what do I want to do with this dream? The fact that she is miserable should tell you that fulfilling a dream can turn out much differently than one imagines. She fulfilled her dream through marriage, and to a much older man. Did she marry him so that she could move to the UK? If she did, I'm sorry, but I don't really find that an admirable route. A lot of the value in making your dreams come true is in the journey and how it grows you in the process. The path you choose absolutely does matter.
Author spooky48 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Here is a slight "update" to my situation here.... The British man is still in contact with me yet, I won't lie, it's not as busy as it was. I've noticed we've died down with our calls & e-mails. I am kind of thinking it is me too b/c I just don't want to talk to him even as friends. Everyone around me told me to just release my life in the sense of him yet, I still hang on to him. He told me he was still coming to visit me when I fly over in November but, I just don't quite "feel it". I IM'ed him on FB today wondering if he wanted me to call him to find out anything so, we'll see. Bottom line, should I drop him totally, forget my dream or just keep living & when I go over in November, find out then, what my options are? I haven't found a job over there yet either but, my career here in the US, I've been at every since I graduated from college. Thanks.
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