iris219 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 I don't know if anyone brought this up yet but we are talking about one women vs an entire city of men here. Are we to say she's in the right and the entire male population in her city is in the wrong? What are the sheer odds of that? With no disrespect to the OP because she seems like she's a cool chick and reading some of her other responses in other threads, seems like she has her suff together. But logically, objectively speaking here, maybe she should do some introspective analysis? I believe her when she says there are no dateable men in her city because I'm in a similar situation--worse, really, because there are NO single men where I live. Because we are over 30, there simply aren't a lot of options. The good options, male and female, are unavailable. Sure, there are a handful of awesome single people over 30, but what are the chances that these people will actually meet each other?
kaylan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) Wow, some of the guys in this thread are truly pathetic. I live in NY, a suburb of NYC...and I grew up in NYC until I was 20 and still go there often....I dont see all the problems some of the dudes here are seeing. And Im just an average guy, with a cute smile, who stays in shape, and I dont have lots of cash either. Average dude all around and I just dont understand all the complaining and blaming of women sometimes. I have guy friends who do fine dating, and who get away with murder in some of their behavior. How in the world is the OP being too picky when all she wants is a partner who shes sexually attracted to and clicks with great personality wise? You need both things for a lasting and happy relationship. I dont see where OP is being pick at all. Yet I have to wade through responses from cry baby bitter dudes who are mad they cant find love or get laid and make assumptions about what the OP wants or how she used to conduct herself in the dating world. You guys do realize plenty of the dudes who fail in dating have similar problems, yet they wont have women telling them to date girls he doesnt find attractive or doesnt spark with. Whats wrong with wanting a spark? Whats wrong with wanting to find someone who makes you want no one else? What wrong with wanting to find a person who just fits so well with your personality and your sexuality? Its a common desire, and it leads to love. Grow the fudge up, some of you. Wanna know why your dating life sucks? Its not the women's fault. Youre the common denominator and I can assure you that your bad attitude bleeds over into your interactions with women. They can sense something is off...and when they do...well...sucks for you. This had been directed at the typical angry LS bunch. Luckily some of the guys here have tried to be helpful Edited July 28, 2012 by kaylan 3
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Not at all, but she has to understand that no one is promised anything. Holding out does not promise prince charming. Holding out also will not get any easier going forward, as some have mentioned. Now she may not feel rushed to get married or have kids, but no doubt she is looking for someone. She has to decide if she wants to continue chasing a guy that may never come, or test the waters and see what happens. Like I said, attraction sometimes is a slow burner. I had girls that, initially you could tell were just throwing me a bone and giving me an opportunity to prove my worth. It wasn't long before I had them clawing at me. Attraction isn't always going to be like the movies where a guy literally just makes eye contact with you from across the room and you just know. The media sells that fairytale but that's not often a reality. I think attraction works differently for people, some will indeed burn slowly in terms of attraction. Some need to fall hard, others are inbetween, others tend to fall for people they work with and so on and so forth. It's a gamble to take on someone who isn't who you want. Time flies and nothing changes in you for this person, what are you going to do? I wouldn't do it - but I'm happy being alone if that's the case. I can't speak for anyone else. I just wouldn't settle - I wouldn't complain either. I am not a homo and I don't date guys, but I can generate chemistry/connection with probably 50-60% of guys I talk to You got put forth the effort to connect with somebody instead of sitting there and judging them for every little "flaw" or except them to do 100% of the work in terms of generating chemistry If you make a man feel desired and comfortable, he will return the favor You can put forth all the effort in the world to connect with someone - if you don't want a relationship with them, all the connection and chemistry that you build up will be friendship based. That's why things like the FZ exist. I hear where you're coming from, but it's not as simple as that. As a man, you can probably be a more attractive individual, and so can women, but you can't make yourself like someone. I would temper your ...'improvements = women' ... perspective. As an older guy. Just to let you know. Improving yourself won't bring about desire from women in that kind of a way. The guys who think women just chase after $ and abs, they don't know what they're talking about. Look at Hokie. He's got GREAT education, background, and has a great body (allegedly). And he's a military guy. Women supposedly 'love' that. That took many years of hard work, and he still struggles. It's a wiser idea to change your expectations to fit the kind of person you are. I don't think I will ever temper my outlook on improvement. It's part of who I am. I also don't do it for the sole benefit of women - it's just a very possible side effect. And it helps that I look into each different nuance and attempt to home in on the details of where I'm not so good, and I improve it. Because I believe and feel like I can, so I usually do. I try to encourage others to do the same, because it can and does work for me. I don't know if anyone brought this up yet but we are talking about one women vs an entire city of men here. Are we to say she's in the right and the entire male population in her city is in the wrong? What are the sheer odds of that? With no disrespect to the OP because she seems like she's a cool chick and reading some of her other responses in other threads, seems like she has her suff together. But logically, objectively speaking here, maybe she should do some introspective analysis on her part? As I said, she hasn't met the entire population of men in her city, so she's ranting about who she has met so far. She will likely find someone she's looking for, it's a big city. I always advocate introspection, so I think she should do that and reconcile what it is she really wants, but eventually she will find it hard to change what it is if what she says she wants really resonates with her.
ptp Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Well of course, I agree, both men and women are equally prone to unrealistic expectations, but luckily I do not have a vested interest in these individuals. If they can't find someone because their standards are unrealistic, then they will die alone, and natural selection will have done its job. And that is why one should donate sperm. Just give natural selection a big F U. 1
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Grow the fudge up, some of you. Wanna know why your dating life sucks? Youre the common denominator Couldn't this, in theory, be addressed to the OP? 3
kaylan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 PS - As I always say, love doesnt happen with just anyone...it takes the right kind of person...and its super possible that OPs city doesnt have the right kind of guy for her. Doesnt mean she or the guys are doing anything terribly wrong. It just means love is sometimes hard to find because folks are so unique.
brahmabull117 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 PS - As I always say, love doesnt happen with just anyone...it takes the right kind of person...and its super possible that OPs city doesnt have the right kind of guy for her. Doesnt mean she or the guys are doing anything terribly wrong. It just means love is sometimes hard to find because folks are so unique. So she's out on a date with 10 guys and there is something wrong with all 10, but nothing wrong with her? The odds of that are astronomical. As usual, people here always want to blame somebody else for their problems. I swear, I'm like the only guy or girl here who wants to take responsibility for their own failures instead of blaming the world 1
Shaun-Dro Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Wow, some of the guys in this thread are truly pathetic. I live in NY, a suburb of NYC...and I grew up in NYC until I was 20 and still go there often....I dont see all the problems some of the dudes here are seeing. And Im just an average guy, with a cute smile, who stays in shape, and I dont have lots of cash either. Average dude all around and I just dont understand all the complaining and blaming of women sometimes. I have guy friends who do fine dating, and who get away with murder in some of their behavior. How in the world is the OP being too picky when all she wants is a partner who shes sexually attracted to and clicks with great personality wise? You need both things for a lasting and happy relationship. I dont see where OP is being pick at all. Yet I have to wade through responses from cry baby bitter dudes who are mad they cant find love or get laid and make assumptions about what the OP wants or how she used to conduct herself in the dating world. You guys do realize plenty of the dudes who fail in dating have similar problems, yet they wont have women telling them to date girls he doesnt find attractive or doesnt spark with. Whats wrong with wanting a spark? Whats wrong with wanting to find someone who makes you want no one else? What wrong with wanting to find a person who just fits so well with your personality and your sexuality? Its a common desire, and it leads to love. Grow the fudge up, some of you. Wanna know why your dating life sucks? Its not the women's fault. Youre the common denominator and I can assure you that your bad attitude bleeds over into your interactions with women. They can sense something is off...and when they do...well...sucks for you. This had been directed at the typical angry LS bunch. Luckily some of the guys here have tried to be helpful You're very protective of the female population. I wonder why? Anyway, to those who cant find love, aren't really looking for it because love takes a lot of hard work and dedication on both sides. People these days, well, in my opinion don't understand the true meaning of it. I think a lot of people are just looking for a quick fix. Their standards are above the norm and they refuse to look inside themselves for what it is that'll truly make them happy. Instead, most people look for the wrong in a person and not the right before disqualifying them. That's a poor start. 1
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 its super possible that OPs city doesnt have the right kind of guy for her. Super possible that an entire city of men doesn't have what it takes to please one individual woman? 2
mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Well of course, I agree, both men and women are equally prone to unrealistic expectations, but luckily I do not have a vested interest in these individuals. If they can't find someone because their standards are unrealistic, then they will die alone, and natural selection will have done its job. We have become picky BECAUSE of natural selection. We're attracted to men with good genes because it's what have helped humans survive through thousands of years. With great medical advances at our age, natural selection isn't necessarily choosing the best genes or traits, but the least educated, poor, "I don't know what condoms are" type of people. 1
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 We have become picky BECAUSE of natural selection. We're attracted to men with good genes because it's what have helped humans survive through thousands of years Let's all thank those exceptionally good looking men who have saved humanity. If it wasn't for their good looks, our species would be dead 3
iris219 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 So she's out on a date with 10 guys and there is something wrong with all 10, but nothing wrong with her? The odds of that are astronomical. As usual, people here always want to blame somebody else for their problems. I swear, I'm like the only guy or girl here who wants to take responsibility for their own failures instead of blaming the world Yes, it's possible. When you are over 30, what's left is mostly bottom of the barrel. As I’ve said before, there are a few great people left over 30, but the chances of meeting them are very low.
ptp Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Let's all thank those exceptionally good looking men who have saved humanity. If it wasn't for their good looks, our species would be dead Your welcome, I was just trying to do my part. 6
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 So she's out on a date with 10 guys and there is something wrong with all 10, but nothing wrong with her? It's not about anything being wrong with them, she just isn't attracted to them. There are 2 perfectly nice, decent girls I can think of whom I have had to reject because I wasn't attracted to them. 1
irc333 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Yes, it's possible. When you are over 30, what's left is mostly bottom of the barrel. As I’ve said before, there are a few great people left over 30, but the chances of meeting them are very low. Of the few left over that are at the bottom of the barrel, then what's that make her? 1
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Yes, it's possible. When you are over 30, what's left is mostly bottom of the barrel. As I’ve said before, there are a few great people left over 30, but the chances of meeting them are very low. A few pages back though, she mentioned some of these men fit what she's looking for on paper, but they just didn't make her giney tingle. So, you can't blame the men for having all the physical and personal qualities she looks for. It's more on her, and why, even though they have what she wants on paper, she still can't get serious with them.
kaylan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Couldn't this, in theory, be addressed to the OP? Im sorry, I must have missed the part where the OP blasted all men, the way bitter guys here are blasting all women. Oh wait, she hasnt done that. So she's out on a date with 10 guys and there is something wrong with all 10, but nothing wrong with her? The odds of that are astronomical. As usual, people here always want to blame somebody else for their problems. I swear, I'm like the only guy or girl here who wants to take responsibility for their own failures instead of blaming the world She never said something was wrong with all or many men. She has said she hasnt found the guy she clicks with on all the important levels yet, and shes sharing that frustration. She has said every guy has had something missing, not that theres something wrong with him. Sometimes people just dont click....and the big click that leads to love is rare dude. Anyone whos dated awhile can tell you that. Shes told us that either the guy is attractive to her sexually, but not personality wise...or vice versa. You need both...people want both...its not a biggie to want both. You're very protective of the female population. I wonder why? Anyway, to those who cant find love, aren't really looking for it because love takes a lot of hard work and dedication on both sides. People these days, well, in my opinion don't understand the true meaning of it. You are obviously another typical poster who only notices my posts when they are critical of his/her gender. Just two weeks ago a couple of female posters here accused me of always bashing women and sticking up for the guys. Actually I work both ways, its just people like you refuse to see that and only care about something when you feel its an attack on yourself. In actuality I stick up for common sense, and dont enjoy bitter sad sacks who bash an entire gender, male or female. But Im glad you realize love takes hard work and dedication...do you also realize love is rare and just cannot be found with anyone? Just because I date 100 women in a certain time span doesnt mean Ill fall in love with any of them, even if I am looking for it. People are so unique, and that can make love hard to find. I think a lot of people are just looking for a quick fix. Their standards are above the norm and they refuse to look inside themselves for what it is that'll truly make them happy. Instead, most people look for the wrong in a person and not the right before disqualifying them. That's a poor start. Um ok....OP doesnt seem to be doing that though, yet dudes in this thread are jumping down her throat. A quick fix would have been her staying with the "good enough" guy and stringing him along. Its better for both of them that she find something real. Shes even told us her standards, which arent high at all. And shes told us shes willing to overlook some things if she meets the right guy. Super possible that an entire city of men doesn't have what it takes to please one individual woman? Omg, you dont get it. People are highly unique and variable. Its possible that she needs a new area to run into that right guy FOR HER. You can meet someone you could fall in love with almost anywhere, but just because you can, doesnt guarantee that you will or that they exist where you are at the moment. 2
Cracker Jack Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Never understood why some people find it hard to believe that sometimes it's just tough to establish a genuine connection with someone. Nothing wrong with wanting someone you can click with on all cylinders. The last thing ES needs to do is get with someone she's not really feeling. I'm sure she'll find a good match soon enough. People are always trying to find a bad guy in topics like this, and that person doesn't exist at all. 2
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 A quick fix would have been her staying with the "good enough" guy and stringing him along. Its better for both of them that she find something real. Shes even told us her standards, which arent high at all. And shes told us shes willing to overlook some things if she meets the right guy. ^^^This Hypothetical: She takes people's advice and decides to adjust and she ends up dating someone she doesn't feel it for. ES then ends up in a relationship and she tries to put in the effort to build connection. A year or two down the line, and she still isn't that attracted to him. She's settling, and she isn't happy about it. What does she do then? Risk worth taking? Not really IMO.
snug.bunny Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 There are no datable men in my city that you're attracted to. ...Is how I read it. I feel ya. There had ever only been a very small amount quantity wise, of men I've been attracted to both physically + mentally + emotionally. I'd go on 1-2 dates, if it wasn't gelling then no go any further. So I know it had more to do with me versus the guy (it takes a lot for me to be "into" someone and I don't open up easily). I'm sure there were tons of men that were dateable, I just wasn't open to it/them.
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Omg, you dont get it. People are highly unique and variable. Its possible that she needs a new area to run into that right guy FOR HER. You can meet someone you could fall in love with almost anywhere, but just because you can, doesnt guarantee that you will or that they exist where you are at the moment. So, jumping ahead here; what is it you suggest she do? Move to a whole other city for the sole purpose of finding a mate? Suppose she has the same luck. Should she just move again? or... I mean, should she move anytime she doesn't find love? What exactly are you suggesting?
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 ^^^This Hypothetical: She takes people's advice and decides to adjust and she ends up dating someone she doesn't feel it for. ES then ends up in a relationship and she tries to put in the effort to build connection. A year or two down the line, and she still isn't that attracted to him. She's settling, and she isn't happy about it. What does she do then? Risk worth taking? Not really IMO. That's a pretty extreme example, dude. A year with someone you're not attracted to? Come on man.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 I just think we are getting to a point in our society where some people see every person in a relationship as settling. Being realistic for a men or a woman is not settling. 2
kaylan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 So, jumping ahead here; what is it you suggest she do? Move to a whole other city for the sole purpose of finding a mate? Suppose she has the same luck. Should she just move again? or... I mean, should she move anytime she doesn't find love? What exactly are you suggesting? Whats wrong with a move? People move for all sorts of reasons all the time. Just so happens that love is one of the greatest and understandable motivators in the whole world. Im not telling her to move more than once, but Im telling her a change in scenery does change your dating prospects a lot. I can tell you that just from moving out to the suburbs for college.
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 That's a pretty extreme example, dude. A year with someone you're not attracted to? Come on man. It is extreme, but you know what I mean. It's easy to say it's on her (and to an extent it is), but is it really her fault she isn't attracted to them?
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