Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 you missed my point or don't want to see my point. why do millions upon millions of ladies agree to first date sex? "it was a mistake but the guy was oh so charming and so good looking and said all the right things to make me feel at ease. i couldn't resist." gimme a break. i've given plenty of obese girls chances, but they haven't given me a chance. their just as picky as thin girls, much to my chagrin. ladies will see a few guys send obese girls packing and suddenly they'll surmise that all guys do it even when they see evidence to the contrary. ladies send me packing after short coffee dates because i'm just "meh" to them. Personally, I have never done that so I can't respond.
mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 ES, you are an attractive women, don't listen to these guys that want you to go for an ugly man beneath you. You won't be happy, not to mention the sex would be horrible. My advice to you is to get out more and do things you wouldn't normally do. It seems like you are only meeting men through OLD. In your other posts you said you are not very confident and I'm guessing not outgoing. You HAVE to change those first and be proactive if you want to meet a guy you like. I refuse to believe that OLD is the only way to meet men above 30 in any big city. You're doing something wrong here. 3
Lonely Ronin Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 O jesus, would you date someone you were not into? sure its my "personality" when they give me the whole you're nice, would make a great catch, great guy, great person, i'm sure you'll meet someone soon spiel over and over and over again. or the i like you but not in "that way". is it all a lie? 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 sure its my "personality" when they give me the whole you're nice, would make a great catch, great guy, great person, i'm sure you'll meet someone soon spiel over and over and over again. or the i like you but not in "that way". is it all a lie? That doesn't mean anything. It's a standard rejection line. Do you think that any girl is going to tell you that you are boring and that your personality sucks? 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 she's meeting guys but the disney thing isn't happening. if a guy isn't some a male model the sex must be horrible. i'm beneath her her and you and even the obese ladies i've had coffee with. sorry if i don't feel sorry for her. nobody feels sorry for me. Sure, must have a 6-pack
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 how am i supposed to know? no one's said my personality sucks but maybe all the ladies sending me packing are lying. i guess i'm boring because i don't generally make sexual moves within a mere ten minutes of meeting someone. Do you have many friends? Are you socially awkward? Do you have funny anecdotes to tell about your life and experiences? If you are getting first dates then it's not your looks. It's something about how you come across socially...and it's nothing to do with sex either.
mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 i don't have a 6 pack. being honest here? Do you think there is anything you can improve about yourself? Physically or personality wise?
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 i don't have a 6 pack. being honest here? Honest? I think you might be hailing from a particular place beginning with O. Do you live there? . Maybe you hate San Francisco, that's why the girls are not dating you.... I kid. Seriously, google's your friend, educate yourself, read social situations, and you won't be so clueless..
monkey00 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 How about the old 'you'll find happiness when you aren't looking for it' quote. Try that on for size OP
carhill Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 OP, I heard similar stories from my exW's friends from WA when we've visited. All the ones I knew were single and their ages ranged from mid-20's to 40's. I've got a picture of some of them surrounding me in my albums here. Not another man to be seen. If you truly feel there are no datable men, IMO then that mindset augments any realities supporting it. It 'closes' you. My advice is, if this assertion has traction with you, to take a month holiday and travel to a place where the differences will 'open' you to the potentials. For myself, this first happened when traveling to the CIS many years ago. Good luck. 2
ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 you don't know where i'm from and i don't have any idea what your agenda is. my city doesn't start with o. i'm liberal and like to visit saf fran though it's been awhile. i don't have any idea what you're talking about. Sure Last sentence stands - you work all the time, you need to cut some hours and do something else, some hobbies, something you like, skills you want to learn. You can get better at this.
Bristolius Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 i couldn work out every moment i'm not at work. i'm 33 and i don't have any idea how to change my personality. bowing out of this thread. it's a cruel world out there. no one gives a damn. You introduce your story by angrily criticizing someone. What do you expect to receive back in turn?
jobaba Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) ES, you are an attractive women, don't listen to these guys that want you to go for an ugly man beneath you. You won't be happy, not to mention the sex would be horrible. You're right. Just the other day, this pudgy girl with bad skin tried to hit on me. I told her she was too ugly and to go for someone in her own league. The nerve... Oh. That was your sister (or cousin, or friend)... I'm sorry. There's ugly on the outside and ugly on the INSIDE. You don't have to date someone you are not attracted to but you don't have to act like you're above them. Edited July 28, 2012 by jobaba
Fitz Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) Life is doesn't work like "Sex and the City" or "Pretty Woman" or whatever romantic fairy tale you can think of. So not everybody will ultimately find a happy relationship in their life. Because there are simply no guarantees in life -especially when it comes to dating. Yet OP, you sound like someone who has bought into the idea that you deserve to have a relationship with a specific kind of man. I believe it is this kind of expectant attitude that ultimately isolates and frustrates you. And it's the same trap that many women in NYC fall into. You're getting stuck in the downward spiral of holding out for more "cash and prizes" so to speak. You aren't impressed with door number 1, and you want to see what's behind door number 3... because you are convinced that you deserve more... Because you are convinced that you are starring in your own romance novel and that "Fabio" or whoever is on his way to save the day. Sure, we all "hold out" a little bit. But it's definitely a gamble and there comes a very real point when you may lose. And lose hard... At the end of the day, some people will have to choose between being content alone or being with someone who falls short of their expectations. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. But (frustratingly) as you age, the choice starts to make itself for you. And that won't necessarily make your life any happier or easier. Sure, run to a new city. But I'm more worried that you may have to move to a new planet or even a new galaxy in order to find a man. So perhaps you should re-evaluate your expectations? Edited July 28, 2012 by Fitz 1
mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 You're right. Just the other day, this pudgy girl with bad skin tried to hit on me. I told her she was too ugly and to go for someone in her own league. The nerve... Oh. That was your sister (or cousin, or friend)... I'm sorry. There's ugly on the outside and ugly on the INSIDE. You don't have to date someone you are not attracted to but you don't have to act like you're above them. By beneath I only meant physically, not as a person in general. Sorry if it sounded that way. Life is doesn't work like "Sex and the City" or "Pretty Woman" or whatever romantic fairy tale you can think of. So not everybody will ultimately find a happy relationship in their life. Because there are simply no guarantees in life -especially when it comes to dating. Yet OP, you sound like someone who has bought into the idea that you deserve to have a relationship with a specific kind of man. I believe it is this kind of expectant attitude that ultimately isolates and frustrates you. And it's the same trap that many women in NYC fall into. You're getting stuck in the downward spiral of holding out for more "cash and prizes" so to speak. You aren't impressed with door number 1, and you want to see what's behind door number 3... because you are convinced that you deserve more... Because you are convinced that you are starring in your own romance novel and that "Fabio" or whoever is on his way to save the day. Sure, we all "hold out" a little bit. But it's definitely a gamble and there comes a very real point when you may lose. And lose hard... At the end of the day, some people will have to choose between being content alone or being with someone who falls short of their expectations. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. But (frustratingly) as you age, the choice starts to make itself for you. And that won't necessarily make your life any happier or easier. Sure, run to a new city. But I'm more worried that you may have to move to a new planet or even a new galaxy in order to find a man. So perhaps you should re-evaluate your expectations? You DO realize that men are the same, right? Holding out for a bigger better deal by no means is restricted to women. In fact, I have heard waaaaay more men using the sentence "I'm not going to settle, I want it all" that I did women. Women are usually the ones who end up "settling" due to a lot of factors. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 Life is doesn't work like "Sex and the City" or "Pretty Woman" or whatever romantic fairy tale you can think of. So not everybody will ultimately find a happy relationship in their life. Because there are simply no guarantees in life -especially when it comes to dating. Yet OP, you sound like someone who has bought into the idea that you deserve to have a relationship with a specific kind of man. I believe it is this kind of expectant attitude that ultimately isolates and frustrates you. And it's the same trap that many women in NYC fall into. You're getting stuck in the downward spiral of holding out for more "cash and prizes" so to speak. You aren't impressed with door number 1, and you want to see what's behind door number 3... because you are convinced that you deserve more... Because you are convinced that you are starring in your own romance novel and that "Fabio" or whoever is on his way to save the day. Sure, we all "hold out" a little bit. But it's definitely a gamble and there comes a very real point when you may lose. And lose hard... At the end of the day, some people will have to choose between being content alone or being with someone who falls short of their expectations. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. But (frustratingly) as you age, the choice starts to make itself for you. And that won't necessarily make your life any happier or easier. Sure, run to a new city. But I'm more worried that you may have to move to a new planet or even a new galaxy in order to find a man. So perhaps you should re-evaluate your expectations? I disagree. I have some friends in their 40s and there are still men out there that want to date them. I can still hold out till I am that old and settle then if I chose to. At this point, I am just not prepared to settle.
jobaba Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 By beneath I only meant physically, not as a person in general. Sorry if it sounded that way. Yea, I know what you meant. IMO, that's a crappy mentality. I don't want to hang out with people who think they are better looking than me. Objectively, they might be, but that doesn't mean they have to espouse that mentality. If you liked a guy and he said, to his buddy, "I can't go out with Mezmerized. She's below me physically. The sex would be horrible." and you overheard it, what would you think of that man? Anyway, I'm not trying to change anybody's mentality. No sense. Should have just ignored the post. Carry on.
Fitz Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 You DO realize that men are the same, right? Holding out for a bigger better deal by no means is restricted to women. In fact, I have heard waaaaay more men using the sentence "I'm not going to settle, I want it all" that I did women. Women are usually the ones who end up "settling" due to a lot of factors. Sure, not every guy should wait around for a doe eyed 20 year old who can fit a size 2 dress and 34D bra. Yes, men can have unrealistic expectations too. I'm not sure who is more unrealistic, or who settles more -men or women. But I don't think it really matters here in this thread. Bottom Line: I think the OP has unrealistic expectations.
Easyguy14 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 OK, so there is a bit of confusion regarding the definition of spark. What you describe, I define as "chemistry".... and that is exactly what is lacking with all these men. So you get the concept. Would you date a woman that you don't feel that "spark" with, spark as defined by you? men are built differently. we dont care so much about the nagging things that women seem to care so much about. all we basically want is a young woman that's sweet, attractive, and fit. doesn't need the prettiest face, but does need to be fit and just not a nag always wanting attention. she needs to have a life. that should cut down on it. see how easy that is?
Shaun-Dro Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 It just means that men are less picky and basically any remotely attractive woman will do for them. What that also means is that women essentially are very replaceable to men (what a great feeling ). So men have no business in patting themselves on the back for seemingly being "less shallow" or "less picky" than women. No, you're not. Men DO go by looks first, after all. I doubt Chubby Chelsea would have have an easy time finding "love" anywhere. So when men complain, you really cannot take them seriously, because what they really complain about is that none of the HOT women gives them the tirme of the day, all the while they are ignoring the plain janes. Just because Sally with the long legs excites you as much as Betty with the nice azz or Tina with the big.....eyes () doesn't mean your dating approach makes you any better. What woman wants to feel replaceable? Chubby Chelsea hardly qualifies for a Plain Jane. Let's be serious.
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 men are built differently. we dont care so much about the nagging things that women seem to care so much about. all we basically want is a young woman that's sweet, attractive, and fit. doesn't need the prettiest face, but does need to be fit and just not a nag always wanting attention. she needs to have a life. that should cut down on it. see how easy that is? Well physically I definitely need a pretty face. And a nice body. Prefer curves in the right places but even if she's flat I'll give her a go if she has a pretty face. Personality wise I need what I call a "base personality". Simple traits I expect most decent human beings to have. I think some women have in their mind a concrete idea of what they want. Everything from looks to personality, if a guy doesn't fit that, there is "no spark", whereas, a guy is looking for any girl as long as they find her attractive and nice. They have general guidelines as to what they want but not concrete models built in their head. 1
Fitz Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 I disagree. I have some friends in their 40s and there are still men out there that want to date them. I can still hold out till I am that old and settle then if I chose to. At this point, I am just not prepared to settle. I think you are confusing my point, so let's be clear. Sure, a woman in her 40s can get dates. But that's not the point. The point is that the longer you hold out, the more you are going to miss out on opportunities. And as you age, you'll find yourself with less options than you have today. (The same is true for men, but it is especially true for women.) So if you think you're unhappy with your dating options now, then realize that the amount of options only gets worse as you get older. That doesn't mean you won't ever meet prince charming in your 40's. Sure, you might. And it doesn't mean that there aren't' attractive women in their 40's. Clearly, there are! But it does mean the odds are against you as you age. Especially for women. And I'm not trying to be mean by saying that. It's just life! You wanna hold out longer? Sure, go for it. But realize that you are not in a Carrie Bradshaw novel. And that not everyone is guaranteed a "happy ending" romance. 3
veggirl Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 men are built differently. we dont care so much about the nagging things that women seem to care so much about. all we basically want is a young woman that's sweet, attractive, and fit. doesn't need the prettiest face, but does need to be fit and just not a nag always wanting attention. she needs to have a life. that should cut down on it. see how easy that is? Well physically I definitely need a pretty face. And a nice body. Prefer curves in the right places but even if she's flat I'll give her a go if she has a pretty face. Personality wise I need what I call a "base personality". Simple traits I expect most decent human beings to have. I think some women have in their mind a concrete idea of what they want. Everything from looks to personality, if a guy doesn't fit that, there is "no spark", whereas, a guy is looking for any girl as long as they find her attractive and nice. They have general guidelines as to what they want but not concrete models built in their head. Exactly, you guys will date anyone who is pretty / good looking as long as she isn't a total hag personality wise. Why do you get mad at women who want more than just that in a partner? It does exist, plenty of women have more than just a good on paper guy. Or a guy who is sexy. Lots of women have both, hell I do! My BF is hot, attractive, smart, perfect on paper, and guess what, we have chemistry and "spark" and all that s.hit you guys freak out over a woman wanting because it is "mythical". It's not. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 28, 2012 Author Posted July 28, 2012 I think I have said it many times here: I love my own company. I am independent and I can be pretty content with my single life. I am not one of those people that can only be happy in a relationship. I am fully aware that I will more than likely not find what I am looking for. In betting terms, I am going for all or nothing. Many people settle because they are afraid of ending up with nothing. I am not one of those people, as weird as that makes me.
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