noddingyes Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I feel foolish writing about this, but it's been hard to get off my mind so I thought writing would help calm the demons playing catch in my gut. We're in our 40s and my girl, who is beautiful, just got a new job at a company that lavishes perks on its employees. Good for her, right? I am happy about that. Now one of the departments is planning a weekend trip to Vegas to celebrate some milestone they just had and it looks like my girl will be invited to go along. She has said she gets along great with the guys and gals in this department. In the event it's relevant, I'll mention that we're in an LDR and only get to see each other for a few days every 3 months or so but we are very committed to each other, very much in love (have been for over 2 years) and have plans to be together. We each have children and a lot of common ground. So, these questions are for the ladies: If you were in a similar circumstance, what would the temptations be? How would you feel, if after a few drinks (my girl can get kind of friendly/flirty after a couple), someone came on to you? How would you react? I guess what I'm looking for is not so much would you cheat, but what would you be thinking in a situation like that? Even if no one "came on" to you and you were having a great time, how do lowered inhibitions affect how you would act towards a friendly guy or guys whom you were with or whom you meet and who are paying plenty of attention to you while out drinking and gambling? I don't want to ask my girl these questions because I don't want to come off like a jealous fool (as I likely am in this post); I just have some insecurities as we all do on some level and want to better understand the female point of view in this type of situation. Thanks in advance for your replies.
Snakechammah Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Personally, I have a strong will-power, and especially if I am in love with a guy (which is rare), no temptations in the universe may sway me... I am the fiercely loyal type, he'll have nothing to worry about. I could be in the jungles of Brazil or the snow alps in Switzerland, if I love my guy, my heart and mind will always be with him. That said, I don't think I could ever do Long-Distance for that long. I'm a physical person and it would drive us both nuts not being able to hanky-panky with the flesh! I don't know about your girlfriend. Everyone is different. I hope it's something you don't have to worry about too. Good luck! 1
Author noddingyes Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Thanks, Snakechammah. No; I don't think I have anything to worry about. I believe she is like you. As I mentioned I was just trying to get into the female mind a little, and your response is informative.
Radu Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Why don't you talk to her and ask her not to drink. After 2yrs together, with plans for marriage, and in a LDR, this is not a bad request to make to the partner who will spend 7 days in sin-city. And if she reacts bad ... well, you have your suspicions. Either way, communicating with her can't be done through this forum, best we can do is give personal experience and opinions [which are hardly neutral most of the times]. I personally would not want for her to put herself in a position where it could happen.
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Personally, I wouldn't go on a mixed-trip to Vegas if my partner couldn't come too. I don't think I'd be tempted to do anything bad if I did go, but I can't see myself going....
Woggle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I would not raise any issue about her going. If she is truly committed to you she will not cheat and if she does you will notice a big difference in how she acts towards you. All of a sudden you will not be so attractive to her. This is something her company offered and she wants to go so don't fuss.
nofool4u Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 If I were to be going to Vegas to party with people from my office, I'd be inviting my significant other to go along. These people know what Vegas is all about, and if it is their intention that only the employees are invited, they might as well send a letter to their spouses and partners that says, "we are going to Vegas, so suck it" They don't call it sin city for nothing. Unless it is a pure business trip, I always make sure my sig. other is welcome to come along.
nofool4u Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I would not raise any issue about her going. If she is truly committed to you she will not cheat and if she does you will notice a big difference in how she acts towards you. All of a sudden you will not be so attractive to her. This is something her company offered and she wants to go so don't fuss. Maybe he can arrange a trip to Vegas with the guys after she gets back?
pteromom Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I would flirt and have fun, but wouldn't cheat. Not cheating is about my own integrity and I wouldn't give that up for some fun on the side. Is there a reason you can't go too? Sounds like a lot of fun!
foralittlerespect Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I have a good time. Male attention is totally irrelevant. If some guy did come on to me, drunk or no, I'd completely trust myself to say no thanks politely (even impolitely if necessary!) My advice? Tell her to have a great time I have an ex who flipped out when I went to Vegas with FAMILY. Needless to say, his jealousy was horribly unattractive, and made me feel untrustworthy when I wasn't. Sounds like you're a great guy and you have a great gal. Don't worry
Author noddingyes Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Thank you all for your replies. It's good to see that most of you don't believe you would not think that just because you're away without your partner means there's any change in mindset when it comes to your relationship. As for spouses going too, I don't think that's part of the program. I gather it's a team-building type of trip. I'd love to fly out and meet her there; I'll ask if other SOs are going. But whether they are or are not, I do trust her which is why I didn't want to ask these questions of her - I don't want her to think I don't trust. I agree that is not an attractive quality. I was more interested in what other women's reaction to this situation would be. Everyone's different but it seems the women here believe that if they're in love, nothing changes when opportunities arise.
Radu Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Thank you all for your replies. It's good to see that most of you don't believe you would not think that just because you're away without your partner means there's any change in mindset when it comes to your relationship. As for spouses going too, I don't think that's part of the program. I gather it's a team-building type of trip. I'd love to fly out and meet her there; I'll ask if other SOs are going. But whether they are or are not, I do trust her which is why I didn't want to ask these questions of her - I don't want her to think I don't trust. I agree that is not an attractive quality. I was more interested in what other women's reaction to this situation would be. Everyone's different but it seems the women here believe that if they're in love, nothing changes when opportunities arise. Nothing binds ppl together better than a deep-dark secret. Sorry, had to say it. Team-building, you can do that in the mountains. Love is like a state of hypnosis for the person in love. However, do not underestimate the power of being egged on, or your perception of her mind ... you are in a LDR afterall, and guys are not as good as reading body language or social situations as women are.
nofool4u Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I would flirt and have fun, but wouldn't cheat. To some people, flirting, which is the signaling of sexual interest to someone else, is cheating. I sure don't want a woman that likes to make it known to other men that she is attracted to them.
Ami1uwant Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You are adults...you have to trust her. How is this any different than if you were married, living in the same house and she had to travel to Omaha for work? You need to trust her and trust her judgement.
It's Just Me Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Agreed. Trust her judgement. This is a work function, after all. I've been to a bazillion of those, with two-day sleepovers at the hotel. Even when I was single, no one ever ended up in my room.
GLDheart Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Silently call it a relationship test and send her out with your blessing.
KathyM Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I think now is a good time to establish some boundaries to protect your relationship. Tell her you trust her, and she has never given you reason not to trust her, but that every relationship needs some boundaries to protect it. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she didn't drink to the point where her self control might be compromised. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she would not get herself into any compromising situations while there, or flirt with anybody. Tell her you value your relationship with her and want to keep it safe. Then tell her to have a good time, call you when she gets there, and say you wish you could be with her there to enjoy the city with her. Make sure you call her every evening to tell her you love her. 1
Author noddingyes Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 The stuff we (I) worry about... Thanks again for all your replies. I realize so much of insecurity is in one's own head and not from the past actions of others. Why this sort of thing is bothersome comes from a multitude of sources but not from my girl; she's not given me any reason to think she would do anything to let me down. To file that thought to a fine point, while my girl and I were talking on Saturday she told me she found out spouses were invited and wanted to know if I could meet her in Vegas for that weekend. I did not bring it up, it was all her. And yes, I'm going. 3
pteromom Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 To some people, flirting, which is the signaling of sexual interest to someone else, is cheating. I sure don't want a woman that likes to make it known to other men that she is attracted to them. True. But someone who felt that way would not be a good fit for me, as I enjoy flirting. 1
pteromom Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 To file that thought to a fine point, while my girl and I were talking on Saturday she told me she found out spouses were invited and wanted to know if I could meet her in Vegas for that weekend. I did not bring it up, it was all her. And yes, I'm going. Great news! Have a wonderful time.
nofool4u Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 True. But someone who felt that way would not be a good fit for me, as I enjoy flirting. I don't know many men that would like their significant other letting other men know they want them, whether they act on it or not. Possibly commitment isn't a good fit for you? Maybe?
pteromom Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I don't know many men that would like their significant other letting other men know they want them, whether they act on it or not. Possibly commitment isn't a good fit for you? Maybe? No, I am very committed. I just enjoy flirting.
nofool4u Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Then I hope your man doesn't mind you letting other men know you have the hots for them:o Only kind of man that would not mind that is a man that simply doesn't care.....about anything.
pteromom Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Then I hope your man doesn't mind you letting other men know you have the hots for them:o Only kind of man that would not mind that is a man that simply doesn't care.....about anything. Or a man who is very secure in his relationship and himself, who isn't easily threatened. And flirting doesn't automatically equal having the hots for someone. I can flirt with anyone, whether I am attracted to them or not. It's just fun.
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