bubble-gum Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Sorry but this is kinda long. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago. Basically I felt I was always falling behind her and especially my expectations(i kinda have these self-sabotage tendencies).. We still hooked up a couple times in the next months but after that, we started to drift apart and to follow our distinctive paths. Problem is that 2 months ago I started to really miss her and it began to really bother me the distance she would put between us. Eventually i figured out that she had met someone which she confirmed to me one night when we went out to grab a couple drinks (we got quite drunk actually). Unfortunately she said it to me exactly in the moment when we started to get more 'physical' with simple gestures like passing hands through the hair and hugging. She said she was feeling a sexual tension between us but she was with someone else so she had to put a brake. That just raised my obsession with her and I started to think even more about getting her back and trying to think what i could do to achieve that. Now the best part starts... After some paranoid thoughts (that turned out to be true), I discovered through common friends that the person she was with was one of my closest friends. To make it worse, i just had arrived from a 10-day trip vacation with that guy and he never, not even once, had the guts to say anything to my face (actually, he still has not said anything to me). Not only my ex was with someone else, i was betrayed by one of my best friends. At that point, i pledged that i would forget her and move on! All the guilt (and it was a lot) i felt from the bad things i had done during our relationship, faded away. Easy said and it was easily done. She also went on vacation and with her not around, was easy not to contact her or learn anything about her. I was feeling good! Until the day she arrives from her vacation. She looked up for me, she wanted to talk because she felt something was wrong. She started to cry because she didn't to hurt me like that and that a lot of people were treating her bad and that she didn't know who she could trust anymore. I said that it was her problem, her attitudes had its consequences. We ended up our conversation with a friendly chat, but nothing serious. The next days i start to think about her again... There was one day when we met up by accident and ended up having some drinks with our friends (our circle of friends is pretty much the same). Eventually we got really drunk and she ended up the night in my lap and i was passing my hands through her hair and face while she kissed them and bit (in a very sexual way) my fingers. After that, once again, i completely fell for her. In the days after we met a couple more times and almost every time we ended up talking for hours about our 'relationship'. I said to her everything i felt and how our relationship would be different this time. She admitted she had feelings for me, that she desired me but she was afraid to get hurt again and that she was with someone else and wouldn't break up with him impulsively. She even slept with me in my bed once. (nothing happened because i also don't want to make her become a cheater) This situation is making me crazy! During the day it's really hard to talk to her but at night when we have a couple of drinks her feelings start to pop up and she says all those things i want to hear. She's acting like this really rational person (that she never was! i was the rational one in our relationship, she was always the passionate and impulsive person) and when the alcohol hits her, the rationality disappears and her feelings show. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. What can i do? Am I barking at the wrong tree here? Thanks in advance.
ZhaoZilong5 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Though I have little empathy for dumpers, I'n going to say that she's stringing you along now. You laid your cards on the table, so she knows she has all of the power. Subconsciously or not, she's stringing you along. She slept in your bed? That's damn disrespectful to her BF. You already have your answer. She's not leaving her BF. She's getting sex from him and using you as an emotional crutch. Do what she did to you. Go NC or very LC and try to move on. If her relationship falls apart, then there's a better chance of reconciliation in the future if you let her live her life now. My question is...have you gotten yourself sorted out? If you two do reconcile, then the reasons for the original break-up will break you two up again unless they've been repaired.
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