Chunky Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Ive been posting here for a little while and I need some advice. I'm a recently divorced man from a marriage that lasted 25 years. I am 43 years old. I am now in a complicated relationship with a woman who has been divorced for 18 years. When my ex wife and I seperated, this woman was there for me as a friend. A while into the friendship, I noticed that she would stand really close to me or lean up against me if I was seated. She would touch me on the hand and things like that. Eventually we ended up holding hands and that led to hugging. 2 months ago I finally worked up the courage to kiss her. The next night we had sex. She has been a constant companion to me for months. She does nice things for me. Such as cleaning my house of cooking. She is a wonderful cook. She's even mowed my lawn. My son (who lives with my ex wife) comes to my house to do laundry. He'll bring my ex wife's laundry too. He begs me for money to help his mother out. I've loaned them things. She's dropped off my son at my house and is right in my driveway. These things anger my girlfriend. I told my girlfriend I would put a stop to these things but she's still angry. This affects our relationship. She's putting up walls and told me so. She thinks my ex wife and I will get back together. I told my girlfriend that I'm in love with her. She says I'm moving too fast for her and she wants me to slow down. For the past 2 days I haven't talked with her that much. She seems distant and aloof. I am afraid I will lose her. She's made it a point to see me daily and she's now hardly calling. She does have things to do to be fair. I am petrified of losing her. I love this woman. I'm afraid I scared her off and now she's going to leave me. I know I sound needy. I guess I am needy. I'm in a very fragile place right and my heart is heavy. Can anyone out there give me some advice? Please? Sorry this post is so long. Thank you.
Author Chunky Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 My girlfriend and I had a talk tonight about what's going on and everything is gonna be alright.
ja123 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I don't know how long you've been divorced, but it's a general good rule of thumb to be alone for a while after an LTR. In your case, it must be particularly difficult, as you've never been alone in your life, really, as you were married at 18. As for your GF's reaction to your son, and your ex being only in the driveway to drop him off, is unreasonable. She clearly has some deep-seated fears and abandonment issues. Then, it seems to me that she is retaliating by withdrawing her love. In addition, it seems odd to me that she would do all these care-taking things for you ... moving your lawn?!! What is the worst thing that could happen to you, if you lose her? Why not think about that? I think the fear of being alone is actually worse, than being alone you know. I've been there. 2
Author Chunky Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 That makes sense. I am afraid of being alone. I've been married for 25 years and the idea of being alone scares me. But I do love my girlfriend though. She talked with me and told me why she's been acting so peculiar. Now we seem to be getting along fine now. Thanks for your response.
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I had a fear of being alone as well after my divorce. I think it's pretty natural especially when you are older. It's also easy to fall for someone who is going to be there for you especially when she is taking care of you so well. It's called a rebound. Mine was not so good as yours. But regardless I think you need to take things slow and make time for yourself. Learn to happy with just you. Do things you might have never done when you were married. Most importantly enjoy time with your son. 3
NXS Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 My son (who lives with my ex wife) comes to my house to do laundry. He'll bring my ex wife's laundry too. He begs me for money to help his mother out. I've loaned them things. She's dropped off my son at my house and is right in my driveway. These things anger my girlfriend. I think this is your problem, there's no clear boundaries between you and your ex. She still has some kind of emotional control over you. Also your son begging you for money for your ex??? Seriously that would irritate me (as a man), never mind the new gf. Is your ex putting him up to this? Its sounds she's a real manipulator. Your new gf is probably seeing how easy you're being manipulated and losing respect for you. More clearly defined boundaries are your only way forward here.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I'm sensing a second marriage in the near future. Your girlfriend is giving too much she reallt needs to take a step back from being your replacement wife. You're technically leading her on by allowing her to ' mow your lawn'. Next thing you know, she'll be doing your laundry and moving in with you.
rocketman122 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Next thing you know, she'll be doing your laundry and moving in with you. Nothing wrong with that, but all in due time. its obvious she likes to help and cares for him. I used to help my GF all the time, even in the beginning. fixing things around the house. Because I cared for her and if I can do something nice for her then great. But moving in is too early.laundry and cooking..so what..no big deal. Chunky, the way I see it, this one is a keeper.
madjac74 Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 I still do nice things for my ex-wife, mostly just because she is my kids mom. Anyhoo I think he should definitely keep her in his life but he does need to be himself for awhile...even if he has to mow his own grass
Author Chunky Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Yeah, she was at my house while I was at a doctors appointment and when I got home she had mowed my lawn. I told her she didn't have to do it but she said she wanted to surprise me. My girlfriend is a really nice person and we get along great. Like I said she had some personal problems with her children that was bothering her. I know I need to take things slow so I'm going to from this point on. Thank you for all your replies, I really appreciate it.
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