Saz Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 This is my first post on the site so hello everyone! – The truth is, I’m in a heartbreak situation that I feel unable to move myself on from. In July 2008 I met a beautiful man *SA and we fell in love SO quickly, it was so surreal, the kind of thing I never believed actually existed in real life…I had never felt this way before. It was magical. Like there was nobody in this world besides us, I felt like a different person. We were best friends as well as lovers and at that time I remember thinking I would rather die than be without him in my life (a bit over the top but I was totally intensely in love with this guy). Anyway, about a year and half into this relationship I began to feel a bit different. Not less in love with SA but slightly suffocated. I was young and it was the first serious relationship I’d ever had so I wasn’t used to seeing an end to the ‘honeymoon period’ and I felt confused. Everything became a bit routine and easy. I was also going through a lot of stress with college work at this particular time and I decided to ask him for a couple of weeks to clear my head. He was really upset and misunderstood it as me breaking up with him. It broke my heart seeing him like that at the thought of losing me but I assured him that it wasn’t the case and that I never intended to leave him and that’s WHY I wanted some time to myself And this is the part that I still can’t understand and it’s killing me still in 2012… That 2 weeks gave me a new perspective and I realised that I was being silly. I think perhaps having some time to concentrate on finishing my work and spending some time doing what I wanted on my own did me good. I went back to SA and he was acting very strange. He was distant. It had only been 2 weeks! It totally confused me... Until I found out that he had a new friend, *LU. SA and I lived in different cities so we had to commute to see each other you see, so we had to schedule our time together. In the weeks following the ‘break’ he was increasingly spending less time communicating with me and more time with LU. I could feel him slipping away and I knew what was happening. I would never wish that feeling upon anyone, it was horrific. Like having the air sucked out of your lungs. He was getting closer to someone else. He then broke up with me. But funnily enough this wasn’t the big heartbreak that I speak of, in fact, this was a release from the torture I had felt in seeing him drift away from me into the arms of someone else. Right (sorry about this huge post by the way) After this happened I went on a bit of a relationship roller coaster. I dated a few guys and broke it off before it got serious, had casual sex with near strangers, went out with guys I wasn't that interested in to feed my confidence.... It was all a mess. Now since July 2011 I’ve been in a relationship with another wonderful man *OL. When I met him I thought I'd finally gotten over SA. OL is amazing and I love him, but I still can’t get my head around what happened to me with SA, all this time later. It’s affecting my ability to trust OL in our long term relationship. I feel like I’m easily replacable. I keep feeling like it has gone away and then it comes back to haunt me. I dream about it at night. WHY? The thing I can’t understand is how in the space of 2 weeks, he could have found someone else. Had he been with her whilst he was with me? Had he been lying to me all along? How can I move on with my life and get closure
jgregory4614 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 No...I don't think he was lying to you. I think he was very upset about the break and he was able to find a way to cope with it. With him ignoring you I think he doesn't want to go through another break up. Its just his way of dealing with it. Now...you on the other hand needs to focus on the relationship hand an:love:d except the fact that you and are moving on to different paths in life. Good luck with everything! I hope this helped I lil. Love life!
nothuman Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I agree with the other person who posted. I don't think he was lying to you. I think you guys had something amazing and you being gone hurt him and that was almost his rebound type thing. I don't really know though, I can't help you out too much - I know exactly that feeling where they start to drift and you can easily sense the tension and distance. It's truly sickening to compare your lively conversations to cold, dry texting or whatever it is. In those cases I completely back off and let time run its course. Most of the time they end up running back. Obviously though you both have other people now. I think you'll continue thinking of SA for a while but it does help you have other distractions and the new people in your life because at least then you're not twiddling your thumbs and being completely tormented with nothing to think about but him. This is life, it's not fair. People come and go. It is hurtful but you learn. Not to put it on you in any way but if you have someone good, you hold on to them. Him getting so close to his new friend in such a short amount of time weirds me out and honestly that is his problem not yours.
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