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He is completely ignoring me...I really want him back.

Swe3tAngel

By Swe3tAngel
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Swe3tAngel Member

Swe3tAngel

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Me and this guy met about a year and half ago..at first we were really great friends.. everyone was telling me that he likes me but I was playing it cool..until he asked me out on a date. From there on, I started liking him and we spent more time together. Finally we kissed and a while later I realized I really liked him for his personality and his ambition and eventually we slept together. (Both of us were virgins and we lost it to each other which i thought was very special).. we dated for a year.. at first we were great, but later on we started fighting a lot because i wanted a relationship and he wanted to take it slower and i was pushing it. he is a workaholic and i am the opposite. he was still making time for me and putting me first but i wanted more. (not his time, but his commitment).. his argument was that he wanted me to be independent and have my own life and work and be on the same level before we could even be together.. but at the same time we were together 24 7 and were like a real couple which was getting on my nerves. he did tell me he didn't love me when i told him i loved him because he couldnt love a dependent girl.. i failed to realize that i was clingy on him and though i gave him everything, he wanted my happiness and he thought he wasn't able to.. basically it was a really big huge misunderstanding and miscommunication. i kept telling me to let me move on if he didn't love me, but he kept fighting for me and i even changed my number but he found it and came to my house crying for me to stay and not leave.. he did that many times.. and i would of course give in.. he told me that he wud never leave and i could always count on him. however, after many arguments and physical and emotional distance.. one day he turned around and vented out to me how much ive hurt him and how he can't take it anymore and doesn't want to speak to me ever again. since then i've realized my mistakes and i kept trying to work things out.. but he has his mind set.. he wants nothing to do with me he completely ignores my calls texts emails. and yes, i did call 1000 times and i made all the mistakes you can think of because i was desperate to get him back.. now i am at a point where i really realized everything stupid i did and for letting him go.. i made stupid mistakes and could have avoided everything. and i did apologize but he's hurt and he even cried and told me he's so disappointed.. i don't know what to do.. is there any chance? what can i do to get him back? he's the love of my life :'(

Ruby65 Established Member

Ruby65

Posted
Posted

There's nothing you can DO at this point -- it's up to him to either change his mind on his own or not.

 

It's HIS decision to make, there's nothing you can do right now.

 

What you can do for yourself, though, is choose to leave him to his own thoughts with dignity and self-respect. That means no calling, no texting, avoiding places where he's likely to be, not talking about him to mutual friends..... basically remove yourself for a while and give him some space. Not out of anger, but out of respect for his decision.

 

If he felt you were too clingy and dependent, this is probably the best way to respond at this point -- in terms of how he sees you but also more importantly for yourself, to regain your sense of dignity and self-control.

 

Take this time away from him to focus on YOU and YOUR life, independent of this relationship. Do you think there was any truth in his criticisms of you? Do you have goals and interests aside from him? Now is a great time to focus on those -- and it's only going to make you seem more attractive to him as well.

 

Either way, whether this relationship is eventually rekindled or not, you are going to be FINE.

ToyWithMe812 Established Member

ToyWithMe812

Posted
Posted
Me and this guy met about a year and half ago..at first we were really great friends.. everyone was telling me that he likes me but I was playing it cool..until he asked me out on a date. From there on, I started liking him and we spent more time together. Finally we kissed and a while later I realized I really liked him for his personality and his ambition and eventually we slept together. (Both of us were virgins and we lost it to each other which i thought was very special).. we dated for a year.. at first we were great, but later on we started fighting a lot because i wanted a relationship and he wanted to take it slower and i was pushing it. he is a workaholic and i am the opposite. he was still making time for me and putting me first but i wanted more. (not his time, but his commitment).. his argument was that he wanted me to be independent and have my own life and work and be on the same level before we could even be together.. but at the same time we were together 24 7 and were like a real couple which was getting on my nerves. he did tell me he didn't love me when i told him i loved him because he couldnt love a dependent girl.. i failed to realize that i was clingy on him and though i gave him everything, he wanted my happiness and he thought he wasn't able to.. basically it was a really big huge misunderstanding and miscommunication. i kept telling me to let me move on if he didn't love me, but he kept fighting for me and i even changed my number but he found it and came to my house crying for me to stay and not leave.. he did that many times.. and i would of course give in.. he told me that he wud never leave and i could always count on him. however, after many arguments and physical and emotional distance.. one day he turned around and vented out to me how much ive hurt him and how he can't take it anymore and doesn't want to speak to me ever again. since then i've realized my mistakes and i kept trying to work things out.. but he has his mind set.. he wants nothing to do with me he completely ignores my calls texts emails. and yes, i did call 1000 times and i made all the mistakes you can think of because i was desperate to get him back.. now i am at a point where i really realized everything stupid i did and for letting him go.. i made stupid mistakes and could have avoided everything. and i did apologize but he's hurt and he even cried and told me he's so disappointed.. i don't know what to do.. is there any chance? what can i do to get him back? he's the love of my life :'(

 

Short answer, you pissed him off...Long answer, you pissed him off and he found somebody that wasn't complicated, I know it hurts, but it is the truth, that is where it is right now

ToyWithMe812 Established Member

ToyWithMe812

Posted
Posted
Me and this guy met about a year and half ago..at first we were really great friends.. everyone was telling me that he likes me but I was playing it cool..until he asked me out on a date. From there on, I started liking him and we spent more time together. Finally we kissed and a while later I realized I really liked him for his personality and his ambition and eventually we slept together. (Both of us were virgins and we lost it to each other which i thought was very special).. we dated for a year.. at first we were great, but later on we started fighting a lot because i wanted a relationship and he wanted to take it slower and i was pushing it. he is a workaholic and i am the opposite. he was still making time for me and putting me first but i wanted more. (not his time, but his commitment).. his argument was that he wanted me to be independent and have my own life and work and be on the same level before we could even be together.. but at the same time we were together 24 7 and were like a real couple which was getting on my nerves. he did tell me he didn't love me when i told him i loved him because he couldnt love a dependent girl.. i failed to realize that i was clingy on him and though i gave him everything, he wanted my happiness and he thought he wasn't able to.. basically it was a really big huge misunderstanding and miscommunication. i kept telling me to let me move on if he didn't love me, but he kept fighting for me and i even changed my number but he found it and came to my house crying for me to stay and not leave.. he did that many times.. and i would of course give in.. he told me that he wud never leave and i could always count on him. however, after many arguments and physical and emotional distance.. one day he turned around and vented out to me how much ive hurt him and how he can't take it anymore and doesn't want to speak to me ever again. since then i've realized my mistakes and i kept trying to work things out.. but he has his mind set.. he wants nothing to do with me he completely ignores my calls texts emails. and yes, i did call 1000 times and i made all the mistakes you can think of because i was desperate to get him back.. now i am at a point where i really realized everything stupid i did and for letting him go.. i made stupid mistakes and could have avoided everything. and i did apologize but he's hurt and he even cried and told me he's so disappointed.. i don't know what to do.. is there any chance? what can i do to get him back? he's the love of my life :'(

 

That is my first impression, either that or he doesnt deserve you...NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE....EVER

ItsOK New Member

ItsOK

Posted
Posted

Let him go, he sounds too selfish for anyone to put up with for as long as you did.

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

Posted
Posted (edited)
Me and this guy met about a year and half ago..at first we were really great friends.. everyone was telling me that he likes me but I was playing it cool..until he asked me out on a date. From there on, I started liking him and we spent more time together. Finally we kissed and a while later I realized I really liked him for his personality and his ambition and eventually we slept together. (Both of us were virgins and we lost it to each other which i thought was very special).. we dated for a year.. at first we were great, but later on we started fighting a lot because i wanted a relationship and he wanted to take it slower and i was pushing it. he is a workaholic and i am the opposite. he was still making time for me and putting me first but i wanted more. (not his time, but his commitment).. his argument was that he wanted me to be independent and have my own life and work and be on the same level before we could even be together.. but at the same time we were together 24 7 and were like a real couple which was getting on my nerves. he did tell me he didn't love me when i told him i loved him because he couldnt love a dependent girl.. i failed to realize that i was clingy on him and though i gave him everything, he wanted my happiness and he thought he wasn't able to.. basically it was a really big huge misunderstanding and miscommunication. i kept telling me to let me move on if he didn't love me, but he kept fighting for me and i even changed my number but he found it and came to my house crying for me to stay and not leave.. he did that many times.. and i would of course give in.. he told me that he wud never leave and i could always count on him. however, after many arguments and physical and emotional distance.. one day he turned around and vented out to me how much ive hurt him and how he can't take it anymore and doesn't want to speak to me ever again. since then i've realized my mistakes and i kept trying to work things out.. but he has his mind set.. he wants nothing to do with me he completely ignores my calls texts emails. and yes, i did call 1000 times and i made all the mistakes you can think of because i was desperate to get him back.. now i am at a point where i really realized everything stupid i did and for letting him go.. i made stupid mistakes and could have avoided everything. and i did apologize but he's hurt and he even cried and told me he's so disappointed.. i don't know what to do.. is there any chance? what can i do to get him back? he's the love of my life :'(

 

i'm not following, maybe u can elaborate on what u did to piss him off so much and tell u never to talk to him again?? u seem to be missing key pieces of info here. did u cheat on him? did u get really distant with him? (u mentioned after physical and emotional distance, what did that mean?). did u break up with him or something (u said u let him go...again, what do u mean b/c u didn't give any details of that). time to give some more detail.

 

 

edit: i guess i missed a few lines in there. that u made urself very distant and i assume that's what he was reacting to. but to me there still seems to be a lot of relevant/key pieces missing b/c u both seem to want eachother so much, yet clearly he got extremely hurt over something u did. i get the feeling there's something ur not telling us about why he told u he'd never talk to u agian. did u hook up or make out or date another guy?

Edited by Jono85
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Swe3tAngel Member

Swe3tAngel

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i'm not following, maybe u can elaborate on what u did to piss him off so much and tell u never to talk to him again?? u seem to be missing key pieces of info here. did u cheat on him? did u get really distant with him? (u mentioned after physical and emotional distance, what did that mean?). did u break up with him or something (u said u let him go...again, what do u mean b/c u didn't give any details of that). time to give some more detail.

 

 

edit: i guess i missed a few lines in there. that u made urself very distant and i assume that's what he was reacting to. but to me there still seems to be a lot of relevant/key pieces missing b/c u both seem to want eachother so much, yet clearly he got extremely hurt over something u did. i get the feeling there's something ur not telling us about why he told u he'd never talk to u agian. did u hook up or make out or date another guy?

 

 

No, I never once even looked at another guy. I've been as faithful to him as anyone could be. Ironically, we weren't even in a 'relationship'... we were doing everything a couple does, but we didn't have the name which was my main reason of fighting him and wanting to know.

 

when i say i pissed him, i mean by calling him a lot.. he works almost 24 7 so technically calling him at any point is 'a bad time' .. so it was a struggle.. because when i wud need him, or wanted to see him, or was sad about anything.. id try to get a hold of him but he was always working. sometimes he would leave his work and come to me physically.. and spent hours talking and then later would complain that he got behind his work and i shouldnt get in the middle of his work.. and id get mad because id tell him to go home and do the work but he wud stick around to talk to me.. it was his choices..

he lost 3 jobs because of this... and what he failed to understand/realize is that my complains and sadness was NOT knowing where we are headed, u kno? had he told me we are a couple and that he wanted me to be understanding of his schedule, id do it in a hearhbeat... but not knowing what's gna happen, i was getting frustrated because i would feel low being with him yet not being his gf.. and any time of the day was the wrong time to call him.. he'd be like.. if u call me once, il call u when i can... granted, he would always do his best to respond to me fast, he never ever neglected me or make me feel unimportant which is why i loved him so much, but the cause of us not talking right now is ... he thinks i will never understand and he says we're not compatible and wanted to be friends but i refused to be friends (for obvious reasons) and he was telling me that i was ruining his life even unintentionally by intruding in his life and he felt like he had to protect his life and tell me to stay away from it...

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Swe3tAngel Member

Swe3tAngel

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Short answer, you pissed him off...Long answer, you pissed him off and he found somebody that wasn't complicated, I know it hurts, but it is the truth, that is where it is right now

 

how do you know he found someone else???? i never said anything about another girl...

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Swe3tAngel Member

Swe3tAngel

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There's nothing you can DO at this point -- it's up to him to either change his mind on his own or not.

 

It's HIS decision to make, there's nothing you can do right now.

 

What you can do for yourself, though, is choose to leave him to his own thoughts with dignity and self-respect. That means no calling, no texting, avoiding places where he's likely to be, not talking about him to mutual friends..... basically remove yourself for a while and give him some space. Not out of anger, but out of respect for his decision.

 

If he felt you were too clingy and dependent, this is probably the best way to respond at this point -- in terms of how he sees you but also more importantly for yourself, to regain your sense of dignity and self-control.

 

Take this time away from him to focus on YOU and YOUR life, independent of this relationship. Do you think there was any truth in his criticisms of you? Do you have goals and interests aside from him? Now is a great time to focus on those -- and it's only going to make you seem more attractive to him as well.

 

Either way, whether this relationship is eventually rekindled or not, you are going to be FINE.

 

 

Very thoughtful advice. thank you... following it is the hard part..

 

i've never felt this insecure about anything in my life.. it's like ive lost myself and i cannot even get up in the mornings with the thought that i might never see him or talk to him ever again. had i been innocent in this, id cry and get over it.. but knowing that i had my share of faults in this and that im the reason that this happened, drives me crazy.. i even wrote an apology letter but he didn't respond to any of them..

 

it's like i know i should leave him alone and do me for a while... but i always find myself getting paranoid and picking up the fone and calling him 100 times.. :'( iit sucks to be like this. how do i stop myself from contacting him.. thats the hardest part

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

Posted
Posted
No, I never once even looked at another guy. I've been as faithful to him as anyone could be. Ironically, we weren't even in a 'relationship'... we were doing everything a couple does, but we didn't have the name which was my main reason of fighting him and wanting to know.

 

when i say i pissed him, i mean by calling him a lot.. he works almost 24 7 so technically calling him at any point is 'a bad time' .. so it was a struggle.. because when i wud need him, or wanted to see him, or was sad about anything.. id try to get a hold of him but he was always working. sometimes he would leave his work and come to me physically.. and spent hours talking and then later would complain that he got behind his work and i shouldnt get in the middle of his work.. and id get mad because id tell him to go home and do the work but he wud stick around to talk to me.. it was his choices..

he lost 3 jobs because of this... and what he failed to understand/realize is that my complains and sadness was NOT knowing where we are headed, u kno? had he told me we are a couple and that he wanted me to be understanding of his schedule, id do it in a hearhbeat... but not knowing what's gna happen, i was getting frustrated because i would feel low being with him yet not being his gf.. and any time of the day was the wrong time to call him.. he'd be like.. if u call me once, il call u when i can... granted, he would always do his best to respond to me fast, he never ever neglected me or make me feel unimportant which is why i loved him so much, but the cause of us not talking right now is ... he thinks i will never understand and he says we're not compatible and wanted to be friends but i refused to be friends (for obvious reasons) and he was telling me that i was ruining his life even unintentionally by intruding in his life and he felt like he had to protect his life and tell me to stay away from it...

 

k in THAT case then, stop all contact towards him. honestly, u deserve better. much better. don't feel guilty at all for how u acted, any girl would have felt insecure not having him commit like that. i know ur hurting and miss him and all that, but that will fade. he really isn't worth fighting for, trust me. NO GUY, will let a girl just walk out of their life like that unless they're not all that interested in them. so please, save yourself some time, and begin the healing process. one day you'll look back and laugh at the fact that you spent so much time pining for this guy who couldn't even commit to have you as his girlfriend. gl.

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Swe3tAngel Member

Swe3tAngel

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k in THAT case then, stop all contact towards him. honestly, u deserve better. much better. don't feel guilty at all for how u acted, any girl would have felt insecure not having him commit like that. i know ur hurting and miss him and all that, but that will fade. he really isn't worth fighting for, trust me. NO GUY, will let a girl just walk out of their life like that unless they're not all that interested in them. so please, save yourself some time, and begin the healing process. one day you'll look back and laugh at the fact that you spent so much time pining for this guy who couldn't even commit to have you as his girlfriend. gl.

 

Thank you! I agree.. enough is enough.. I deserve better..

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