mittk Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Me and my ex broke up a while ago but remained friends, or at least amicable. (Back then, she broke up saying she wasn't ready to commit. She is single now) It worked well for us -we get along great and have platonically hung out a few times since the breakup. I have been seeing other people, so I am happy with her being a friend. Up until recently, I was very happy with this arrangement. Now, however, I am growing increasingly more confused as to what to do. We hadn't hung out in a few months and a month/two ago my ex made contact saying she misses me and that we should get together. I agreed - in a friendly tone, not thinking too much about it. At the time, she was on holiday but said she'd be in touch when she got back. Well, she never got in touch after she got back to arrange going out. We did eventually speak - about everything else, apart from us hanging out, and we both enjoyed rekindling our communication. It struck me because I didn't expect to be reminded of how much I like talking to her. She initiated a few of the conversations. She again mentioned we should hang out soon, but never made the move to arrange something so it kind of just drifted away. Since then, we have been in a cycle of mentioning that we will hang out but it never actually happening. Eventually, a couple of weeks later, I got tired of these near-misses and bluntly (but very politely) suggested that it's time to try and make room in our schedules for a coffee, which she immediately agreed to. Now, this is where things start getting shifty. I tell her to pick a date. She picks a Sunday, then, an hour later, tells me she was just told she needs to go out of town the next day for the weekend, which would cover that Sunday. I joke that we are not meant to hang out, and she jokes back telling me that we will the day after she is back. I then say "fine, get in touch when you are back and we will arrange something for next week". She agrees to that. She texts me the first day she is out of town asking how I'm doing (I was surprised by that) but that's it. And as I expected/feared -- she got back four days ago and so far, zero word. Because of the power of Facebook, I know she went for dinner with some friends last night - so she is alive and kicking. Now, was it any other friend I would let it slide, but in this situation, I am confused and, frankly, somewhat annoyed. She isn't a close friend - in which case I would forgive and forget - she is an acquaintance whom I don't really see much, and yet it seems as though it's near impossible to get her to go out, despite the fact that she does communicate with me and even advocate us hanging out. Should I confront her about this? Addressing, for instance, the fact that it feels too hard trying to get her to commit to hanging out - as friends - and that I am frankly tired of communicating when we don't really ever meet. Or should I just be quiet and get on with my life? After all she did say she would be the one to get in touch. Knowing her, she will text me next week asking how I'm doing. We will casually chat for a while, and then there will be silence for another week or two, and the cycle will repeat itself. I'm getting tired of this. Now, of course she doesn't owe me anything, so she has no obligation to ever hang out, but why all this communication in vain? What should I do? What would you do? Am I overreacting? I guess I am frustrated because I do want to hang out with her...
ja123 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 She isn't just an aquaintance. You wouldn't confront an acquaintance, would you? You'd just move on. And it's no wonder you're confused. You're getting mixed messages, and you still have feelings for her. If she were to ask you to get back into a relationship with her, then I think you'd say, "Yes." Right? Perhaps you ought to consider inviting her for a coffee and make your feelings known. If she doesn't want to have a relationship with you, perhaps you ought to consider no contact so that you can truly move on.
Author mittk Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) I agree with moving on - I am trying to move on and I won't be contacting her anymore. The thing is, what do I do when she contacts me? Officially, we are still "friends" and I expect that, in a week or two, she will text me asking how I'm doing. I should be polite and respond but, frankly, I am tired of these abstract messages that go on for weeks or months. I can't ignore her and yet I want to know where we stand. What does she want? We text each other and is playing the friend card but she never wants to commit to hanging out. What is going on? It's just silly. Edited July 27, 2012 by mittk
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You just tell her "being friends really isn't working out for me. Sorry, I have to look out for myself. Good luck" and then you go no contact. Good luck!!
MarlyStar Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Officially, we are still "friends" and I expect that, in a week or two, she will text me asking how I'm doing. No, you aren't friends. She went out to dinner with her friends, remember? You are an ego booster.
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