kyle77 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Okay so I would like to make this thread to gather a collection of stories or advice that you may have about second chances and giving it another go with an ex. Lately I have been thinking to myself about really giving it another shot and I just want some advice or to hear some of your stories on this subject.... How do you know if it is worth getting back together? Stuff like this and personal stories on this would be greatly appreciated because I really like my ex but I by no means want to enter a relationship that will fizzle and die in a few months so how do you know when its the real deal? How do you know when its worth putting yourself out there and trying to get back together...
Chi townD Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Tough question, because everyone is different in what they want or expect from a boyfriend or girlfriend. Personally, I've never gotten back together with an Ex. Because, at the end of the relationship, someone usually ends up getting hurt. Some people find that hard to get around. Our Ex's are our Ex's for a reason.
steveblack Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Unless the breakup had nothing to do with the relationship, (which is probably a 1% chance) then you should not go back. Its broken now. The only way it could be fixed is if you both are different people (more mature etc.) I had a 3 year relationship stretched to 4 because we got back. We forced the last year and it was the worst decision of my life. The same problems over and over and over again. We didn't fix anything it just got worse. I would say the only way to get back is to start from scratch. Forgiving all mistakes made in the past.
Canadian731 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 The only way it will work is if you have fixed the issues that caused the break up. If you took the time to fix the faults that were in the relationship and in eachother as individuals. Give it a few months of NC to work on yourself, if you really want it back those are your best chances of making it work long term.
Floored Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 My ex and I had a brief breakup, so brief we didn't consider it one at the time, but we should have let it play out; we got back together after we both promised to work harder and contribute to the relationship- something she stopped doing months prior (out of boredom, played out by the fact that she wanted to go out without me), and something that I had stopped doing as well when I just couldn't make the gap for two people. I stopped because I wanted to show her how great the void was between us. After I made that decision to stop putting in the effort, it was over within a week of me pulling back, she didn't care to cross that void. Right up before our first break up, and then while she was begging to get back not long after, I had this feeling that I wanted her to 'get it out of her system' and that we could never last as a whole until she realized how good we had it; I had always hoped she'd just realize it from the inside and wouldn't need an outside perspective. What happened was I didn't want anyone else to get into her system, so defying what I should have done, I took her back the moment she showed up in person to my apartment in tears. It was one of the best weeks of our relationship since the 'good ol' days', followed by two months of the same stuff. She fell into the old habits of "he'll take care of me and I have the freedom to do what I want; this is my life and I'm going to live it; I just don't know what I want" and I fell back into "I just need to make it through this phase, she'll grow up and start meeting me halfway and we'll have beautiful babies and we'll conquer mountains together". The second time we broke up has been immensely more terrible than the first was, because the old wounds weren't closed, because my goals for the relationship were increased further than they were before, because I thought I had done finally done it, so I fell even harder the next time. Kyle, you're having a hard time accepting that it's actually over, and you're having some panicky feelings about getting her back. You have to honestly make it to a point where you accept that she's not for you so you can move on with your healing; yeah, the feelings of pain get more intense in later stages of grief, but leaving everything in queue instead of dealing with them will exhaust you emotionally before you start actually sorting your thoughts and memories so you can pick yourself up. Remember, you did try to get back together with your ex, and that fizzled within months. If you got back together again, you will repeat the cycle since you haven't actually dealt with the idea of being alone yet. It seems like the noble thing to do to keep holding that flame for her, but in reality, it is the unhealthy thing to do. 2
thavi Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I actually just got out of a relationship yesterday that was the second attempt with my ex. I had broken up with her the first time because she was being to clingy, too controlling, and too unwilling to change (up until i was breaking up with her at which time she said she would change for me however she wanted). We spent the next 8 months on different sides of the globe as I was on exchange, and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself after getting over the grief of breaking it off with her. I got back together with her when I returned. We met up, our old feelings came rushing back, we thought we could build a stronger relationship and had time to reflect on the things that went wrong the first time. For the most part it was good, she would give me more space, she didn't need to know where i was all the time, so it seemed like things were going well. However I could tell she wouldn't forgive me for breaking up with her the first time. I confronted her about this many times over the past 8 months, that she needs to move past that and put her trust in me and the relationship, allow herself to open up to it in order for it to work out, but she continually tried to protect herself by not putting herself fully into it. She eventually started wanting me to show her how committed i was to the relationship, promise to stay close to her after graduation, prove to her that I was thinking of marriage with her, all things that she had been doing building up to our previous break up. We had great times over the past 8 months and also bad times over the past 8 months, and she pleaded with me in the end telling me she would put her whole effort into it, she had been scared to show me her true self and her full love for me because she didn't want to be hurt, she would be perfect for me and had all these ideas and hopes and dreams for us in the future and she would do anything to see them come true. I am currently feeling really ****ty about breaking up with her for a second time, and wondering if I should give her a chance to show me those things like she said she would do last time i broke up, but I just need to keep telling myself that she has had plenty of chances and I have made it clear enough to her over the past 8 months and she has chosen to ignore it up until now. Its up to you in your own situation, but from my own experience so far I can say a few things. 1. If you get back together with your ex, make absolutely sure your past break up isn't going to get in the way of building a new relationship with all your heart. 2. You broke up for a reason the first time, so you better be sure you have both changed in the way you both wanted each other to. 3. I think there needs to be a stronger reason to get back together with your ex other than "maybe it will be different this time." Your feelings for your ex will not go away. I know I will continue to love my ex and that is what makes our second break up now so damn hard, but you should try to not let your emotions get the better of your better judgement. GL with your decision! I'll be trying to get through my own grief and questions of "what if"
Sheppy99 Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Both still having feelings for each other isn't enough to make it work a second time around. You both need to have a long mature discussion about why it didn't work, what were the reasons it didn't work and how things are going to be different in the future. Trying to do that without blaming the other person and causing a fight is tricky but if you can do it, you may have a chance cause that means you two know how to communicate half decently.
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