Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and we've had our differences here and there but we both really love each other, he's in a band that I'm really supportive of and he's super serious about it. On sunday my boyfriend played a show and told me he'd be back around 6pm, I had the whole day off so I was thinking of things we could do when he got home. Time went by and eventually he texted me telling me he'd be home around 8:30pm I was a bit irritated but was fine when I texted him. He finally texts me at 10pm still not home telling me he's sorry that it's taking so long, at this point I was kinda mad which I feel like I shouldn't have been since it's just a couple hours. But I texted him saying that "This was my only day off for 9 days and I wanted to spend it with you" and then texted him after that saying it's not his fault. Everything was going good he invited me over we talked did our usual thing but he got the impression from me that I wasn't as happy as I usually was, i blame this on me playfully playing around with him like I usually do but i guess he took it the wrong way. He eventually took a shower and after I followed him into his room and he started telling me how im not understanding about his band and that it's always getting in the way and how i make him feel like crap because of it. I tried to explain to him that I'm happy being around him no matter what we do and however long it is. As we were still talking he got a call from his crying friend saying how her and her bf just broke up which made it even harder for me to talk to him after. Since then he's given me the cold shoulder, he still invited me to come with him to watch our monday night tv show at a friends house. When i came over I felt like i wasn't even noticed, he didn't look at me or talk to me throughout the show, eventually it was over and I got a ride back to his house his friend included. I walked inside and when his friend went to use the restroom i felt it to be the best time to talk to him one on one, so I told him that I was going to leave and he just looked kinda sad at me and said "ok" and then I just said, "are you going to say something?" and he kissed me and said "see you" Which I'm confused about since he's been dodging all of my texts since monday, simple ones like "I love you" "I miss you" and ones such as "I'm afraid I'm losing you" I've finally decided to leave him alone for a bit but I'm still not sure what to do...I love him so much and I'm willing to fight for him. Notes to point out: -I trusted a former friend to keep our talk about my boyfriend issues between us and she decided on monday before my bf and I met up to watch our show to walk up to him at the grocery store and say "you need to fix things" which made him more angry at me i imagine since he replied he "did nothing wrong" which is true. -My bf and I have almost broke up once before because I was overly jealous of girls taking pictures with him and such at the time, he told me that he knows band will be continue to be a problem but he still wants me. He's also said a few times during this fight that I need to find someone with a more normal lifestyle which I obviously don't want. -There was no tension or anything before our fight that night he was saying how much he loved me even, and the day prior he was telling me how lucky he was to have me. So you can see why im so confused on how he feels... FYI: I don't want to break up with him, I love him too much. Advise please... Edited July 27, 2012 by Leneisa
ja123 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You're coming off as super needy, I'm sorry to say, and that can be a big turn off. Develop yourself, your life, your friends, and your interests. The added benefit of doing this will give you strength to handle whatever life throws at you, which could include being dumped. 2
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 yeah I can see that now. We don't get to see each other much though since he's always doing shows and stuff but I'm more than likely going to get dumped at this point. 1
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Is there anything I can do to fix this? Would leaving him alone help? 1
Chunky Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 This guy sounds like he lost interest in you a while ago and just isn't brave enough to tell you. Giving you quick answers like see you, tells me he can't be bothered to even talk to you when it's obvious that you're upset. People in bands get hit on all the time and are liked by a lot of girls. I think you need someone who can be there for you who will make you a priority in his life. You deserve to be happy and it looks like he doesn't want you anymore. Dump him and move on to a more stable relationship. 1
ItsOK Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I don't think wanting to spend time with your boyfriend on your only day off in 9 days is "super needy" at all. 1
Emilia Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I don't think you are being needy. I think he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore and sort of tried to have that conversation with you but it's when his friend called crying and he couldn't do it afterwards. I think he is hoping that you will quietly go away if he doesn't acknowledge your 'I love you' or 'I miss you' texts. I think he wants his freedom back. 3
madjac74 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You have to kind of chuckle when anyone over 25 honestly believes he's ever going to get any farther with his garage band than playing the local taverns or the County Fair. Someone sounds a little too self-important. You're not needy. You're just with an idiot who thinks the world revolves around himself. LOL...one day, he'll find out quite differently. You can do much better. Aim higher. I was looking and looking to see where she stated their ages but found nothing. I assumed they were young. However I don't know what's wrong with having dreams and putting all of yourself in to it regardless of your age. If she can't handle that his goals are just as important or possibly more important than her then she should move along. 5 months is not much time invested 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's over already, he just doesn't have the balls to tell you.
Leigh 87 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It's over already, he just doesn't have the balls to tell you. This^^^ Look, just because a guy is not that into you, it does not mean he thinks badly of you......... It does not mean he does not care at all.. He may think your a really nice person; a pretty girl, who he has enjoyed being around. He just is not that into you - or he would make more of an effort to see you. If a guy really loves you and is crazy about you, he will be with you just to sleep with you in bed and cuddle - if he knows he is busy flat chat, and has no days off, he would STILL feel a very strong need to cuddle you in bed at night, and if he has a car he would drive over and do just that. He liked you and your company, but he is not into you enough to take things to the next level. You being jealous and causing issues is making this even more obvious to him, and he has not been able to just straight out tell you how he feels. Your know your getting dumped, so why not get in there first and say to him something like " look, I know we are not working out, I will back off and if we are meant to be together, we will be. Good luck with your band". Loving him is not enough! You will NEVEr be truly happy with him, because he does not love you back! Not truly love you.... 1
all_hail_me Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I went through this with a moron in a band when I was 18/19. We went out 5 months, used eachother extensively then had an argument on the phone and he never talked to me again. Admittedly I'm a moron in a band and have been since I was 16, I can handle the ego because surprise, I have one too. I'll give you a tip - he's full of it. The "friend" who called up crying, I wouldn't be surprised if he has been holding out for her. You say you love him and you would do anything for him, but hun, after 5 months, that's far too early. 5 months is a walk in the park and he's gotten what he wanted and now believes he can get anything. Dust yourself off because believe me, they are PLENTY more fish in the sea. I thought after my last relationship it was all over, 6 years, by god, there are plenty of guys out there. The heartache is not worth it. Laugh about it now because you'll meet someone who won't be all like "you just don't understand" and "I'm in a band"... aye, you, me and the homeless guy on the corner are in a band!!! 1
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I just don't get why he kissed me after I told him "I feel like I'm losing you" I'm 20 and he's almost 20 so yes we're young but I know he really loved me before all this because he was telling me how happy he was that I was with him and how much he loved me the same day before he had that talk with me. When we first met he was barley in this band and now it's taken over, I don't want to lose him but it looks like everyone is right I already have...
Emilia Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 He's got his priorities wrong and who knows maybe he will be kicking himself later but that's no use I'm very sorry.
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Yeah I can see that...he's got a huge show coming up next week that I put in for at work to go to but from the looks of things I probably wont go. I really love him so this is very hard for me since I've already went through a hard break up before. I know at this point it's hopeless so ill probably text him tonight to meet me say what I need to say and just leave it at that. I'm losing more than just him at this point, most of his friends are my friends so now I won't ever get to see them since he's always around them. PS: some people are saying how I didn't support him and his band, I was very supportive worked the merch table for several shows, advertised his shows, and when he went on tour for 2 weeks left him alone and only texted him when he texted me.
stillafool Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 ]...I love him so much and I'm willing to fight for him. Hon, you shouldn't have to fight for him to keep him. Love should be given freely not fought for. He's also said a few times during this fight that I need to find someone with a more normal lifestyle which I obviously don't want. ^^^^This he has said a few times? Please listen to him.
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I know I should leave him, but somethings holding me back. I think it's the fact that were so close that it's tearing me up to even think about us not being together the worst thought I get is him being with someone else. I'm obviously stupidly in love and I can't break my feelings for him.
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 So he has not responded once in the 3 days? In the future, I'd say send a text...if it's ignored, try one more time. Then it's up to them. What are you going to do if he texts you and apologizes or something? I agree with the others, it sounds like this relationship is on its last leg. He is young, in a band, surrounded by girls...protect yourself--all of that is a recipe for disaster. Don't apologize to him, you did nothing wrong.
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Yeah I'll probably text him later, he won't text me and say sorry at this point it looks like it's not up to me anymore it's up to him. He's very good at hiding his emotions around others but when he thinks hard about it and is alone he will break down. I trust him so I know he wouldn't cheat on me but, his band has taken over it went from being about me and his band to just being about his band which he thinks I don't understand the importance of. I feel like I have messed up, if I wasn't so upset about him coming home late that night I wouldn't be in this position right now.
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Yeah I'll probably text him later, he won't text me and say sorry at this point it looks like it's not up to me anymore it's up to him. He's very good at hiding his emotions around others but when he thinks hard about it and is alone he will break down. I trust him so I know he wouldn't cheat on me but, his band has taken over it went from being about me and his band to just being about his band which he thinks I don't understand the importance of. I feel like I have messed up, if I wasn't so upset about him coming home late that night I wouldn't be in this position right now. You didn't mess up. Listen, one disagreement will not make or break an otherwise great relationship. He was 4 1/2 hrs late--you don't need to apologize for being upset about that. You didn't yell or scream at him, just told him you were disappointed. So please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. I don't think you should text him if he is not responding to you. If he can't deal with his feelings like an adult, you shouldn't want him anyway. You shouldn't be chasing him... 2
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 You didn't mess up. Listen, one disagreement will not make or break an otherwise great relationship. He was 4 1/2 hrs late--you don't need to apologize for being upset about that. You didn't yell or scream at him, just told him you were disappointed. So please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. I don't think you should text him if he is not responding to you. If he can't deal with his feelings like an adult, you shouldn't want him anyway. You shouldn't be chasing him... You're right..all I want is for him to stand in front of me and tell me to my face that he doesn't want to be with me and then say what I need to say. Honestly he probably wants time for just his band which is why I didn't text him last night but he took time out of his band stuff to talk to a fan so I obviously don't feel important anymore to him. As much as he told me how important I was one day prior to this and how much he loved me. I don't understand what's going on
stillafool Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You're right..all I want is for him to stand in front of me and tell me to my face that he doesn't want to be with me and then say what I need to say. Good luck with that one. 50 year old men won't even do that much less a 20 year old. Don't chase him if he wants you he will get in touch with you. Then tell him what's on your mind. 1
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Good luck with that one. 50 year old men won't even do that much less a 20 year old. Don't chase him if he wants you he will get in touch with you. Then tell him what's on your mind. Yeah I know, most men have a hard time dealing with conformation but it's honestly what I need to put my heart at ease.
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 You're right..all I want is for him to stand in front of me and tell me to my face that he doesn't want to be with me and then say what I need to say. Honestly he probably wants time for just his band which is why I didn't text him last night but he took time out of his band stuff to talk to a fan so I obviously don't feel important anymore to him. As much as he told me how important I was one day prior to this and how much he loved me. I don't understand what's going on Sorry to hear girl. We've all been there. My advice is to put this off for a few days. Maybe through the weekend. Don't contact him. If he contacts you, respond and see what happens. But let him come to you. If you reach Monday (or Sunday if you can't hold out that long) then call him when you know he should be free. If he doesn't answer, leave a voicemail that you haven't heard from him in X days and to please call you. No I miss you I love you...no emotional stuff...just straight to the point. 2
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Yeah I know, most men have a hard time dealing with conformation but it's honestly what I need to put my heart at ease. oops I meant confrontation it wouldn't let me edit it.
Author Leneisa Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Sorry to hear girl. We've all been there. My advice is to put this off for a few days. Maybe through the weekend. Don't contact him. If he contacts you, respond and see what happens. But let him come to you. If you reach Monday (or Sunday if you can't hold out that long) then call him when you know he should be free. If he doesn't answer, leave a voicemail that you haven't heard from him in X days and to please call you. No I miss you I love you...no emotional stuff...just straight to the point. I can try that but it's been so hard to not text him, I've tried to keep myself busy like going out with friends and such but I always find myself thinking about him on random times when still out with friends and then I get sad. I'll probably wait until Sunday or Monday to contact him since he's got band practice on sunday I probably wont do it then. Thanks for the advice I'm just so scared.
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