Ani9000 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I posted my story earlier and I am almost on day 17 of no contact with my ex but does it really work? It's been over two weeks and I'm still hurting and he hasn't tried to contact me at all.
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 If he has no desire to be with you, no. NC does nothing. All he feels relief from being away from you. I'm three months virtually NC. Not one time has my ex tried contacting me. Good riddance!
AlexanderJames Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 If he has no desire to be with you, no. NC does nothing. All he feels relief from being away from you. I'm three months virtually NC. Not one time has my ex tried contacting me. Good riddance! Umm what? No Contact is the single best thing you can do going through a breakup. I'm guessing you are under the impression that NC is a means of making an ex come back to you? Well that definitely isnt the case. In any case, no matter what the circumstances of the breakup, no contact is the best thing you can do for yourself. Whether you want your ex to miss you and come back or you want to just move on for good disconnecting yourself from everything toxic allows you to recover with minimal stress and time. In my opinion NC should only be used if you want your ex out of your life for good. Sometimes they come back udring NC, thats just a bridge you have to cross when you get to it. But you cannot effectively go into NC with the intentions of bringing someone crawling back. Everyone knows that you canno't find hapiness in anything or anyone you have in your life unless you are happy with yourself. So going NC allows you to focus on YOU. Your problems, things you want to change about yourself. By being on your own without conflicting opinions from ex's or confusing actions to and from their part you're giving yourself the space to work through your feelings and emotions on your own and in your own time. You can make sense of your situation bit by bit and find hapiness in who you are without an ex stepping in unexpectedly and turning it all upside down on you. NC doesn't have to be forever. But while you get over the loss of a loved one I really can't reccomend anything more effective. You'll know when you reach a point that you can comfortably stop ignoring your ex and contact them. You might find when you reach this place that you chose not to talk to them anyway. This is when you should consider yourself not in NC anymore. Because you have moved on. Yes NC works. And when will you know if it's working? When you stop counting the days Just keep doing what you are doing and putting yourself first. It's hard and it might feel pointless at times, but I promise you're doing the right thing. Best of luck. 1
Canadian731 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 NC only works if you do it for the right reasons, if you are trying to use it to get your ex back, then no it won't do that. He may miss you, he may even call or text you to talk or something. But that is only temporary, he will feel rejection, like you don't want him anymore so basically it will make him feel just how you felt when he broke up with you. The only way for NC to be positive is to do it for yourself. I'm currently 2 months into a break up and 1 month into strict NC, at first it was initiated by her, but then I recovered and now it's for me. I have improved my life so much and have also had the time to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. So, if you want NC for you, then yes it will work. If the NC is to bring him back, it's highly doubtful and if it does end up working it will only be a temporary fix.
darkmoon Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 it works, i once read a posting, gist - excrete out the emotion in the john (sorry to any popcorn eaters) a great help, as is planning a new start, time to move on now xx
mike588 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 My ex. dumped me for her ex. 1 year ago in a very cruel way and I was a wreck. I went strict No Contact believing I'd NEVER hear from her again. Right at the 6 month mark she contacted me several times (emails) saying how sorry she was..how she regretted it..admitted how good I was to her and she thinks about me every day blah blah blah. Thanks to No Contact I was pretty much over her but I'll admit it did set me back hearing from her. There is NO guarantee that your ex. will contact you but it's the best thing YOU can do for yourself. Look at it like the relationship is over and move on with your life..do things that make you happy...spoil yourself...take care of yourself and DO NOT break No Contact!! Let your ex. wonder about you...how your doing..what your doing..disappear and become mysterious. No Contact is not a "ploy" to get your ex. back...it's to help YOU heal and move on and who know...you may hear from your ex. one day?
Author Ani9000 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I am trying to heal by using no contact but his stuff is still at the apartment and I'll have to break NC eventually right? I mean I want him to move out but why has he left it here for so long? It's been over two weeks. How am I supposed to heal when there are constant reminders if him around?
AlexanderJames Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Bag em all up and hide them away somewhere you cannot see them. Out of sight out of mind. Alternatively you can do what I did and just get all the stuff together and go put it by their front door. ( or wherever he's staying ) I gave all my ex's stuff to her dad while she was out.
Author Ani9000 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Thanks guys! Posting on here really helps! 3
Lisa_Lisa Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I'm doing the NC thing cause I wouldn't know what to say to him even if there was an opportunity to talk. It ended with me telling me him off about how I felt he treated me in the relationship. Since then he's deleted me from Facebook, which was our most major form of communication in our LDR. Then I saw him on MSN messenger not too long ago. He was connected all day long. I could have said something, but I just didn't know what. Then I started thinking there's no way he can't know that I'm also logged on. Maybe he's on just in case I wanted to talk to him. And he's giving me that chance cause we can't talk on FB. But that thinking got my nowhere. I chalked it up to him just being on and that's that. I don't expect him to ever come back to me. I don't expect him to ever talk to me again. If I hold out hope for him to contact it'll stop me from truly being happy.
Author Ani9000 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I agree! I don't even know what I would say to my ex. That's why not talking is easy right not and I have no urge to talk to him but I def miss having someone to come home to every night and talk to whenever I wanted.
AlexanderJames Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 On a different note you should consider yourself lucky you haven't heard from your ex. Everyone in nc should. Because you get the space you need (even though sometimes it's not the space we want) Since starting NC I haven't gone 3 days without hearing from my ex. Sometimes she messages me daily. Sometimes every other day. Trust me it's much harder to have someone messaging you when you're trying to move on and they know that. Sometimes I get pointless crap sent my way. Other times she remenisses about past memories. The fact that I've tried to get us back together two times now without success makes receiving so much attention and contact really f***ing annoying sometimes.
mike588 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I am trying to heal by using no contact but his stuff is still at the apartment and I'll have to break NC eventually right? I mean I want him to move out but why has he left it here for so long? It's been over two weeks. How am I supposed to heal when there are constant reminders if him around? Doesn't matter why he left his stuff there..it's over! Call/tell a friend/family member of his that he has a certian amount of time to get his stuff or it will be thrown out!! Maybe a friend/family member can come pick it up?? If you MUST contact him (don't) do it by text or email about his stuff. Calling him and hearing his voice will bring up all those feelings/emotions again and you'll be back at square one. If/when he does come to get it...DON'T be there! I know it's tough...we've all been there but I promise you it does and WILL get better!!!!!!!!!!
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